setting: episode 10 "Home"

Damnation

Chapter 38 - Goodbye?

"Mind telling me what the hell this was about?!" the hunter spat and approached Connor, who was still massaging his broken wrist and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, it's nice t'see ye, too" he answered, not feeling intimidated by his friend's sudden outburst at all.

"That was my brother you were 'bout to shoot, you asshole!" Daryl yelled and shoved his friend hard, ignoring the fact that it made the Irishman wince because he had touched his injured shoulder.

"And that was yer fucking brother who was about ta fucking steal shit from that family!" the blonde countered with an angry frown.

"That ain't any of your business!"

"Of course it was! Those people saved my ass out there when you were busy hopping through the woods with that abomination you call yer brother!"

Daryl looked at his friend in surprise and snorted.

"So this is what it's all 'bout."

"It ain't about anything but the fact that yer brother is a fucking asshole" Connor growled and knelt down to get the gun back, which he had dropped when Merle had attacked him. The Irishman let out a frustrated sigh when he noticed that it was broken, since the Spanish family had obviously run over it with their car on their way out. Fucking perfect. The Irishman took the gun and gave Daryl an angry look, then he made his way to the side of the bridge to throw the broken weapon in the river. The hunter just watched his friend for a moment, then he massaged the bridge of his nose with a tired sigh. He hated how they would start fighting right from the off, although they had found each other just a couple of minutes ago.

"Look, I went back for yah. We all did. Really. But when we got there you were already gone" the hunter muttered and made his way over to the side of the bridge so he could stand next to the Irishman, who was looking at the river for a bit.

"Yeah well, I obviously got out. Got a trophy fer that" he answered and waved with his bandaged hand.

Daryl eyed his friend head to toe. Connor wouldn't look at him, but it was obvious that there was something bugging him.

"What'd they do to you?" he asked after a moment and the Irishman snorted angrily.

"What do ye wanna hear? That they probed my fucking ass? Sorry ta disappoint."

The hunter frowned.

"No, how 'bout the truth?"

Connor didn't speak for a while and scratched his nose. Then he sighed and shrugged.

"Don't remember a fucking thing. Only that I broke my hand ta get out. And then...nothing. I don't know how I got back on the road, what happened, but then that family picked me up and took me with 'em."

The hunter frowned even more.

"And you told 'em yer name's Jacob?"

The Irishman chuckled and nodded.

"Jacob McGinty. At yer service."

Daryl didn't get to ask why because then Connor decided to look at him and started talking instead.

"So you 'n Merle, huh. Dixon brothers reunited."

The hunter snorted and leaned against the railing.

"Pretty much."

"How'd you get out? Rick?"

Daryl nodded, but wouldn't look at Connor then.

"Yeah" he muttered and the Irishman frowned.

"Where are they then? What are ye doing here anyway?"

The younger Dixon shrugged.

"Could ask yah the same thing, Jacob. Seriously, what even is that name."

His friend just looked at him for a while, then he shook his head with a snort.

"They kicked ye out, didn't they? Un-fucking-believable. Not that I blame 'em, I just had the pleasure t'meet the ass ye call yer brother, but seriously. Un-fucking-believable."

Daryl frowned angrily.

"They didn't kick me out. They asked me to go with 'em. But without Merle."

"And you seriously left with him? After everything ye've..."

"Oh don't get started on that shit. What the hell do you know. You don't know nothing" Daryl snapped and Connor raised both his eyebrows in disbelief.

"This is my brother we're talking 'bout. Of course I chose t'go with 'im. You out of all people should understand. You wouldn't have done anything different if this had been about your stupid brother" the hunter went on and Connor growled.

"No, cos it never would've come t'this. The group would've invited Murph with open arms cos he's not such a fucking cunt.
Did yer really forget about what he's done ta Maggie and Glenn?"

"Why do you think I went with him, man?!" Daryl yelled and Connor fell quiet.

The Irishman shook his head and looked down at the river again.

"Jesus fucking Christ" he muttered to himself and Daryl tried to stay calm.

He didn't want to fight with Connor, didn't want to be so angry again. He could feel how he was almost as tense as back on the farm, the incredible influence Merle already had on him again. He leaned against the railing and looked up at the sky for a moment, then he let out a sigh and tried to relax.

"So what 'bout you? You going back to the prison?"

"Ain't got no real reason to now, do I?"

Daryl turned his head and just looked at him, and then he saw the gentle smirk that crossed his friend's face.

"Jacob. That's my grandda's name. When I met those people and they asked my what my name is I thought that this would be a pretty good time fer a fresh start.
That MacManus fella ain't got no reason ta go back to the prison. Cos that one got lost in the woods."

Daryl just stared at his friend for a little while longer, and he could tell that something seriously fucked up must have happened to the blonde, judging by the look on his face. It made him both furious and upset because Connor was obviously keeping the truth from him, that he didn't know what had happened to his friend back at Woodbury that he was talking that much crap again. He sighed and looked at the trees.

"Well that's a shame then. Sure was annoying as hell, but I really liked that guy."

Silence.

"A lot, actually" Daryl went on and wanted to mentally slap himself.

He didn't want to look at the Irishman, and he felt incredibly awkward all of a sudden.
He hadn't meant it to sound like this, and he was pretty sure that his friend was going to embarrass the shit out of him in a second.
Connor chuckled and looked at him.

"Well, 'm sure he liked ye as well. But I'm also pretty sure that he wasn't fucking gay."

Daryl chuckled as well and shook his head with an awkward smirk.

"Shut up."

The Irishman was properly laughing now, which made the hunter angry.

"I said shut up" he repeated and Connor nudged his shoulder.

"Just messing with ye, man. Relax."

Although it was embarrassing and annoying the crap out of the younger Dixon, he still had to admit that he had missed Connor's teasing a lot.

"What's yer plan then?" he muttered, but couldn't hide the disappointment.

The blonde sighed and scratched the back of his head.

"I dunno. Maybe back t'Boston I guess. See what's going on there now. 's not like I have ta fear the walkers. Or further West. I've always wanted ta see the Grand Canyon and shit like that.
Kill some walkers Western style. Like Charlie Bronson."

"Huh" the hunter just answered and turned his head when he believed to hear Merle yell his name.

He couldn't see his brother, but he was sure that he was still waiting for him in the woods.

"You could come with us" he suddenly suggested, and didn't dare speak it out the way he meant it.

I need you to come with us.

Connor rubbed his face with another tired sigh and shook his head.

"No. Sorry, man" he said, and it was very obvious that the answer hurt him just as much as Daryl.

The Irishman stopped leaning against the bridge and put his hands on his hips, avoiding eye-contact.

"Just like I said. This is a pretty good time fer a fresh start."

Daryl just stared, so Connor kept going.

"It's just...too much shit's happened ta me here. I seriously need a fucking break. It got too hot fer me here. The thing with Woodbury, the immunity.. I think people should not know about that. I'm better off on my own. I know I've been away fer just one day, but... Well I gotta be honest with ye. I liked that a lot more. Especially after.."

He stopped talking and rubbed his injured shoulder, remembering his crazy morning in the woods, the hut, the thing with the walkers by the river.
He shook his head to forget the memories and nudged Daryl's shoulder.

"You got yer brother now, haven't ye? You don't need me anymore. I'd be in the way. Besides, I might just ended up killing him sooner or later because that fucker pisses me off like hell. We'd be constantly at our throats and it be either him or me in the end. Better stay away from all that. Maybe I find some trustworthy lab some day, maybe some day they can find a cure because of me. Would be stupid ta be sitting on my ass here" the Irishman said and chuckled to himself.

Daryl just looked at him for a little while longer, lips pressed together until he finally had the guts to talk.

"Right" was all he came up with, although he wanted something different.

He didn't want that bastard to go. Not after everything. Connor had a point, but he wanted it to work. He needed it to work. But for months now the Irishman had kept talking about that, and if he really liked that more... Daryl clenched his fists in what felt like protest but kept his mouth shut. He wasn't the begging type. He had been begging him before, but only because he didn't want to be alone back then. But Connor was right. He had Merle now. A year ago he had been perfectly fine without that Irish bastard, he tried to remind himself, tried to think of the time when it had just been him and Merle before. But somehow that didn't make it any better. Connor looked like there was an entirely different conversation going on in his mind as well, like he was secretly waiting for him to say something, change his mind, but Daryl wouldn't say anything. He was too angry. The blonde nodded awkwardly, seemingly irritated by his reaction.

"Right" he said as well and for a while there was silence between them.

Then they could hear it again, how Merle kept yelling Daryl's name and threw insults at him all the way through the woods.
The younger Dixon turned his head to look in his brother's direction.

"Right. Better get going, then."

Connor nodded.

"Right."

Daryl looked at him once more, then he offered him a hand.

"Watch your ass out there."

"Yeah you, too, brother" Connor answered and took the hand enthusiastically.

Just like any time the Irishman used the hand to pull his friend closer, into a hug. He patted his back a couple of times and already wanted to let go because he knew that Daryl hated this sort of thing, but was surprised when it was suddenly the hunter who held on to him and didn't want to let go of him just yet. And fuck, how painful was that. He wanted to leave but he also didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay with the man but he also didn't want to share him, didn't want to break his heart because he was pretty sure he would end up murdering Merle Dixon sooner or later. Out of jealousy or maybe because of the fact that the bastard really was a criminal fucked up asshole, meaning simply because he deserved it. And the most important reason of them all: he didn't want to leave Daryl because he looked like Murphy, because this would be the last bit of himself which he would leave behind. That face he had loved all his life, even after his brother's death. This was the last part of his life he was saying goodbye to now: His twin and his best friend. And maybe this was the right thing to do. Daryl had told him to let go after all.

"Right" he said again and patted Daryl's back once more, then the hunter let go of him just as abruptly as he had wrapped his arms around him.

The younger Dixon turned around and left without a word, and when Connor was already about to leave as well Daryl suddenly turned around again.

"Wait" he said and Connor looked at him in surprise, expecting it to be the part where his friend would start begging him to stay and make the decision to leave even harder. The hunter made his way back to the blonde and threw his backpack over his shoulder so he could search it, then he pulled a gun out, and Connor widened his eyes in surprise. Right, he had forgotten all about that one.

"Here" Daryl said and handed him the gun.

The Irishman just looked at it, the Beretta that had once belonged to him before he had given it to Daryl back on the farm. Connor looked up with a frown.

"Don't ye need that?"

The younger Dixon snorted and put it in his hand.

"Still got my crossbow, right?" he muttered and put his bag back on. He then searched his trouser pockets.

"And I found this when we went looking for yah" he said and pulled the rosary out.

Connor couldn't hold back the surprised gasp that escaped his mouth.

"My rosary" he said and Daryl nodded.

"Figured you'd want that back" he said and gave it to his friend as well.

Connor took it and moved his fingers over the wooden surface of the cross, and there he could see them, the tiny letters that were engraved on the back side.

CM.

Jesus fucking Christ.

It felt like a blow to his heart and for a second he didn't know how to breathe. He had thought that he had lost it back in the woods or in Woodbury.
But here it was. In his hands.

"Thanks. Shit, I thought I lost it."

"Yeah, looks like yah didn't. Anyway. Merle's waiting. Gotta go" Daryl muttered because he just needed to get the hell out of this place. He didn't want to endure the whole sentimental crap, didn't want to feel a damn thing, didn't want the Irishman to see that he was absolutely heartbroken.

" What the hell was that about? Shit you doing, pointing that thing at me?" Merle snapped at him as they made their way through the woods.

Daryl was having the lead, he had never stopped walking ever since he had left the bridge. He was upset, no furious because of Connor's stupid decision, and he was just as pissed at Merle right now. He just needed a break from all the shit that had happened today, and the fact that his brother was giving him a hard time now didn't exactly help.

"He was just trying t'protect them. And they were scared, man."

" That leprechaun deserved a bullet to his head. And those people, they were rude is what they were. Rude and they owed us a token of gratitude."

"They didn't owe us nothing" Daryl growled and kept walking, but Merle wouldn't leave him alone.

"Yeah, you helping people out of the goodness of your heart? Even though you might die doing it? Is that something your Sheriff Rick taught you?
Did that Irish freak brainwash you and make you do shit like that?"

Daryl finally had enough and stopped walking.
He hated how Merle wouldn't stop annoying the crap out of him, hated how that bastard was still bringing up the asshole that had just left him.

"There was a baby!" he spat and turned around to look at his brother.

"Yeah see, that ain't about that drooling meat ball, I'm talking 'bout how you sided with that pansy-assed mick and pointed your thing at me, your own brother, although he was the one pointing his water pistol at me! This is about you acting all weird because of that leprechaun, plottin against me, going back for him but not me..."

"Man, I went back for you! You weren't there. I didn't cut off your hand, neither. You did that!" Daryl yelled because he was finally fed up with the whole accusations.

He didn't understand why Merle wouldn't stop bringing that up all the time, making it look like it was his fault although he had absolutely no freaking idea how much he had suffered for the past couple of months because of that.

"Way before they locked you up on that roof! You asked for it" he reminded his brother and Merle looked at him in disbelief.

He chuckled slowly and shook his head.

"You know- you know what's funny to me? You and your little group are like this now. Right? I bet you a penny and a fiddle of gold that you never told them that we were planing on robbing that camp blind."

Daryl just stared at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

"It didn't happen."

Merle snorted.

"Yeah, it didn't cause I wasn't there to help you."

This made the hunter even more furious.

"What, like when we were kids, huh? Who left who then? You wanna know the truth, jackass? I sided with that pansy-assed leprechaun cos he's been a better brother to me in just a couple of months than you were all your life!"

"What?" Merle yelled and gave him a death glare.

"Huh? Is that why I lost my hand?!"

And Daryl started yelling, too.

"You lost your hand cause you're a simple-minded piece of shit!"

He tried to walk away from his brother, but then Merle was already on him. He grabbed him hard by the back of his shirt and both shoved and pulled at the same time. Daryl let out a terrified gasp because he feared punches and lost his balance right then and there. He fell to the ground, his shirt tearing right along his collar. He could feel the sudden cool breeze on his back and tensed, desperately trying to hide his back from his brother, but it was already too late. Merle let go of him and Daryl turned his head to look at him for a second. His brother was staring at him with wide eyes, and the younger Dixon quickly put his backpack on to cover the scars and the tattoo on his back.

"What the...what the hell's this?" Merle asked in shock and Daryl turned his head for a second to look at him.

He was surprised that his brother didn't look angry because of the silly tattoo Connor had put on his back.
No, it looked like Merle was absolutely shocked by what he saw, and it was obvious that he wasn't seeing the tattoo but the scars underneath it.

"It's nothing. Just a stupid tattoo" he growled and grabbed his crossbow and arrows.

"I ain't talking about..I'm talking about, I...I didn't know he was..." Merle stuttered and it was now really obvious that he was indeed talking about the scars that covered his entire body.

And Daryl could no longer hold his emotions back. Tears rushed over him because of the painful memories, how he had gotten the scars. Then there were the tears because he was back to this endless painful crap again. The beating, the fighting, the insults, the fear. And then the tears finally came, the tears he had fought back on the bridge because his best friend, that stupid selfish asshole, had just left him alone with his brother. Connor, that stupid asshole who had marked his back and would now never finish it because he was gone.

"Yeah, he did. He did the same to you. That's why you left first" he answered, his voice thick with emotion.

That's why everyone always leaves me, he thought and awkwardly tried to get his things back together.
He still didn't look at Merle, because he didn't know what to expect. Another bunch of punches or real emotions. He didn't want to see neither.

"I had to, man. I would have kill..."

The older Dixon didn't speak on because right then a fist connected with his jaw. A second later he was thrown to the ground and grabbed by his shirt. Daryl turned around in surprise when he heard how his brother let out another awkward grunt because of a punch, and when he saw who was on top of his brother he widened his eyes in surprise. Connor was there, hovering over Merle, his healthy hand raining down on the man just a couple of times more until he finally pressed his left lower arm to his throat and pointed his finger at him.

"Alright. You listen t'me, you piece of shit. If I see you punch him, just fucking touch him ever again, then I swear t'fucking god, I'll rip your other hand off with my bare fucking hands and break your jaw" he snarled like a furious wild animal and moved so close to Merle's face that the older Dixon was left no choice but look at him.

"Is that understood?"

Merle just glared at him, mouth and nose bloody because of the punches.
When he didn't answer fast enough Connor buried his fist in his face again, and he was so brutal that Daryl finally knew how to talk again.

"Let him go!"

"Is that understood?!" Connor yelled in Merle's face, blue eyes gleaming with nothing but hatred and disgust.

He looked insane like that, to a point where even the older Dixon looked a bit intimidated.

"Go to hell" he grunted and the Irishman narrowed his eyes.

"I take that as a yes" he snarled back and shoved the older Dixon away. He got back up and pointed his finger at him again.

"One wrong move. One. Fucking. Wrong move" he warned him, his face telling him that he was far from joking.

The blonde finally turned around to look at Daryl, who was still kneeling in the dirt and stared at his beat up brother in shock.
Connor approached his friend and tried to place a hand on his shoulder to help him back up, but then it was the hunter who snapped.

"Don't you fucking touch me" he spat and gave his friend the most hostile and terrifying look he had ever given him in his life.

Daryl got up on his own and headed for the woods.

"Daryl!" Connor called after him and watched him leave in surprise as Merle got up as well.

"Where you going?!"

The hunter turned his head and glared at the two men who were staring at him, and he still could hardly hold back the tears because everything was so fucking messed up right now. He had never wanted it to be like this, hated to be in the middle of something as nasty of this. So he decided to do the only other thing he could do. He couldn't have Connor and Merle, he didn't want to leave either of them, so the only thing that was left was to leave them both. Head back to the group, where no one would start killing each other over him.

"Back where I belong!" he yelled back.

Connor just stared at him in surprise, Merle looked at him with a pained expression.

"I can't go with you. I tried to kill that black bitch. Damn near killed the Chinese kid."

"He's Korean" Connor retorted and both Dixons gave him a death glare.

"You shut up!" Merle yelled and Connor snorted but didn't say anything.

The younger Dixon didn't pay any attention to his friend, he was staring straight at his brother instead.

"You know, I may be the one walking away, but you're the one that's leaving – again" he said and just kept staring and Merle, and when his brother wouldn't say anything he started walking.

For a second it were just Connor and Merle, staring right at each other. Hatred written all over their faces, eyes challenging. Then the Irishman snorted gently and shook his head. Truth be told, he knew that he had been overreacting a bit, that he may have caused this whole mess between the Dixon brothers. But when he had seen how Merle had wrestled his friend to the ground, shirt ripping and the freaking scars on his back he had just seen red. Because then he was no longer Daryl's friend but Murphy's big brother, and no one abused his brother when he was close by. He had wanted to leave at first, but now he no longer could. Daryl needed to be protected from that bastard, because he was pretty sure that Merle was going to follow him anyway.

He hadn't even made it off the bridge after Daryl had turned his back on him. As soon as he had touched his beloved old weapon again, and as soon as he had felt the rosary around his neck he had known how completely fucking stupid the whole Jacob McGinty idea had been. Because he wasn't Jacob fucking McGinty, the rosary and the gun told him that he was Connor fucking MacManus. Murphy MacManus' twin brother, and Daryl Dixon's best friend. He had remembered how his friend had clung to him during that hug, how he had made it very clear that he didn't want him to leave. And he didn't even have to say anything. Connor had followed Daryl back inside the woods, and as soon as he had seen Merle on him like that he had known that he had made the right call.

Connor turned his head only to see that Daryl was still walking away , and after giving Merle another threatening and challenging look he finally followed the hunter.
A couple of seconds he could hear footsteps right behind him.