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Music:

A Winter's tale – Queen

Feeling Good – Michael Bublé

This is where I belong – Brian Adams

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Chapter 12: May (Timmain) – New Home

It's been three weeks since I arrived here. And I'm over the moon. Mentally. Physically I'm as close as I can get right now. Sitting in the tallest tree on the highest mountain around here. The scenery is breathtaking, everything is covered in a thick layer of fresh snow. The moon is bright, almost full, illuminating it all beautifully. I want to howl with joy, but that would draw to much attention. So I just laugh for a minute.

I've learned a lot, it's been overwhelming. Really. The first two weeks I really needed my time to reflect, to process everything, to meditate. The main thing I knew now was; I'm different. In many ways. And I guess I've always been. I'm a loner, able to function just fine on my own. Only minding myself. Sure, I've had friends, a handful in my human life, I think. When I lived in Australia. Strangely enough my memory about them is hazy. I've probably spent more time with them, than with my own father. But him, I remember clearly. Maybe because he had such an impact on my life.

Because of him I was able to cope with my outdoor lifestyle. Also, I think I might've inherited my sense of smell from him. When he taught me about nature, all my senses were important, not just my eyesight. The loner, independent part is him too.

Though travelling is nice (he liked it), I wanted to have a home base. And when I discovered my Russian family pack, it kindled something inside me. A need for interaction, to care for more than just myself. Something I didn't know I wanted. Like a little flame it grew during that year. I had so much love to give and I gave it, to them, wholehearted.

It felt good, when everything was fine. But when it wasn't, it proved to be to intense. The day Boots died, it scared the hell out of me. The pain, the anger. That hunter, or poacher, I didn't know what happened to him. I left him there, in the snow, never saw him again.

When I reached that town, before I met Anoushka, I decided subconsciously to put up walls. To tread more slowly next time. Vampire emotions could get extreme quickly. My body didn't warn me anymore. No speeding heartbeat, no sweating, no craving more oxygen and no rush of adrenaline. I hated that!

A good thing I pushed that memory away while telling my story that first day. The images were easy to block, the feelings not so much. It was all still so fresh in my mind. Knowing now about Jasper's gift, I hope I didn't make him to uncomfortable. – Yeah, that's something new too, considering others. Gifted people. And so many of them.

Oh, well, back to my walls and the day I arrived in Forks, Washington. Wow, that was something else.

Right that moment, when I saw them on the field, those walls started to crumble. Especially because of Jake and the other wolves. The yearning desire to get to know them consumed every inch of me. And the vampires, all those different abilities, I wanted to know more, learn about my own.

Coming near them, even when Leah wanted to grab me, I was so exited. Then, inside the house, I felt at home instantly. Because of the people. I wasn't sure why, they lived in luxury, not my style at all. But the energy I felt from them, so inviting. From Carlisle in particular, his handshake said enough.

After that I really wanted to stay, certainly for more than a week. So I did everything I could to get them to like me. Rosalie thought I was a kiss-ass, she confessed that recently. And I'm sure it looked that way. But I wasn't going to let them walk all over me either. So I thought about the kids in my Tai Chi class, how I interacted with them. And about wolf behaviour too of course. I let things come to me as I went along. I think I got it right in the end. The best and most intense day was when I was allowed to stay.

First Bella's question, if I would try to heal somebody, with old scars. Even if I was sent away. Of course I would! Helping people was imbedded in me. It was easy to figure out, that the somebody was a Quileute. And I was eager to find out who it was. But before that, the pack meeting.

Seeing seventeen giant wolves together, I instantly reverted to the way I acted around my Russian family. When this irritated Sam, I switched back to a more human interaction. Though it was hard, his black wolf was so intimidating. I felt more at ease with Paul and Jared. When they approached me and I saw the look in Paul's eye. I knew he wasn't gonna hurt me, maybe just scrape his teeth across my neck.

But, was Sam going to see it that way? Apparently not. The three of us flinched and crumbled under his alpha timbre. Me being one of those three surprised everybody. Including myself. It was like a big loudspeaker was jammed against my chest, with the bass turned up high. Alexander's reprimanding growls and stance seemed real weak now, in comparison.

After that, with Edward translating and stuff, we could relax more. And they decided I could stay. I smiled and thanked them of course. Then Bella popped the question. So it was Sam's mate, his partner who had the scars. Wow! Would he allow me to try and heal her? He said he wasn't sure and I understood. Edward telling him about the stabbing helped. He'd leave it up to Emily.

But not everybody understood. Embry disrespected his brother by voicing it. I couldn't let that slide! So I called him out on it. Dropped the bomb there! They didn't know they were brothers, well not for sure. That still amazed me a bit. Scent was very important, to regular wolves at least. It tells them a lot. Who's friendly, who's not. Who to choose as a mate. Where to find food, prey. They used their nose all day. Guess it proved werewolves were more human than wolf. And of course they were, spending only a few hours a day as wolves. Most of the time they were in their human forms. I wasn't used to that yet a the time.

After I explained things, we went back to the house, my new home. It felt good, thinking that. We finished preparing for the two birthday parties. Even part of the garden was going to be used. A big, heated tent housed part of the food and drinks. There was a mountain of that! With seventeen hungry wolves coming and four humans, we needed it all. Before the party started though, Sam called to set up Emily's healing. It was quick, a good sign. They trusted me enough. We talked about who were going to be there. I felt happy and a little nervous.

Then I saw her, my eyes were instantly drawn to her. So beautiful and warm. Her kindness radiated from her like a little sun. Sam and the guys surrounded her protectively. Respect shone from their faces. And Sam's love for her, his Emily, was evident. I couldn't help myself staring and saying the words. Jake and Leah reprimanded me, making me tone it down. I felt so honoured, I would do my very best to make her shine brighter. Emily wasn't phased by my touch. Instantly, when I felt those raw ridges, I went to work.

It wasn't easy, activating the regenerating process in her cells. This wound was so old, her body hadn't worked on it in a long time. When I finished healing her face, I realized Sam's help was going to speed things up. Make it easier. I wasn't sure how long we would've been there, without him. And I would need to hunt sooner, if I did it on my own. Also, I was curious if, what I said to Seth that first day, was going to work for real. I was combining the two parts of my gift. Never done that before. But it did work, so well. When his energy flowed thru me, I got a boost, it felt so wonderful.

Reaching her hand, which was near her abdomen, I felt a real blockage. She'd been under quite some stress. I peeked at Sam quickly, he was focused on Emily's face, staring, his thoughts seemed miles away. And she was looking at him. Letting his wrist go real slow, until I wasn't touching it by a hair, I quickly passed my left hand over her belly. Luckily neither one noticed me doing this. Now I was really done, satisfied. I'd done it, helped a conscious, good person! By letting me do this, they helped me learn about my gift. So much. I was grateful.

Taking my hands back, Sam noticed I was finished. But he couldn't take his eyes off of her. The mix of emotions radiating of them made me smile. So happy, so in love, staring in wonder, amazed, hardly believing it was real. What happened to her, how she got the scars, I didn't know. But Sam had been there when it happened, I was sure of that. It didn't matter, anymore. They thanked me of course, but I didn't need it. Doing what you can, always, was an obligation, in my eyes. What's a gift like this worth, if you didn't use it, as much as possible. And I thanked them back, for teaching me about myself, for the experience.

Sam still wanted to reward me, in some way. So I got more freedom, to roam around.

The party, talking about being overwhelmed! Everyone in Sam's pack introduced themselves. I quickly registered which name and human face belonged to which wolf. The one that looked like Boots, was Matt. Somehow knowing his real face made it easier to let that go. It wasn't fair to him, comparing him like that.

I talked to the nine youngest most of the evening. They bombarded me with questions. Jared and Paul intervened several times. The twins, I had a lot in common with them, with their interest in animals. Danny drew a picture of me, he's really talented. He knew where I got my name from too. He liked it. They all deemed it to be pretty cool. But oh, I got a nickname fast before, which everybody was using now too.

I was impressed by Oliver, who was very intelligent. He had an excellent memory too. The boys would turn to him if they couldn't remember something. They didn't pick on him, he was a valued member. His mental strength meant he outsmarted them regularly. Zack and Matt, they collided often, or so I was being told.

When that was mentioned, the conversation went to the pro's and cons of being a werewolf. Losing control was definitely a con. It was quiet when they realized that. Endangering others was something they often forgot to think about. It was easier giving in. Immediately I offered my help. They were reluctant. Hmm, Tai Chi might work better than meditating. Keeping their attention would be key. So I told them they could attack me. In their human form of course. That it would be a form of self defence.

They were intrigued. Sam, Jared and Paul stepped in, they were against that idea. In their human form the boys were no match for a vampire. I vowed they wouldn't get hurt. But then I offered to let them practice on each other. And of course they could join us. Whenever. Sam gave the okay to that suggestion. I think he was sceptical about them actually learning something like that. They got bored quick. Like all boys their age. I chided the three of them that they, as leaders, should set an example. The looks on their faces! A chuckle escaped me, I couldn't help it. Neither could some of the boys.

It was fun, getting to know them. Confidant Brady, sweet Collin, we all had a good time. And then there was Charlie. I saw him at the hospital. Instantly, there was something familiar about him. Carlisle explained he was Bella's father. He knew we were different, but was kept in the dark about the whole truth. For his own safety. Also, he himself was adamant, he didn't want to know.

Surrounded by so many supernatural people, he didn't feel at ease. Sue, Leah and Seth's mother, stayed near him, which helped a lot. I was introduced to them as the newest member of the Cullen family. That felt really good, more so than I expected. When we shook hands, it wasn't awkward at all. We relaxed quick and smiled at each other. Like we were old friends, that just hadn't seen one and other in a long time.

Everyone felt relieved about that. They were good people and they belonged to our family. Yeah, I was thinking it already, 'our family'. Kim, Jared's girl, was feeling shy and didn't speak to me, at first. But when Sam and Emily joined us, she of course noticed the scars being gone (almost). Jared prepared her for it, but seeing it for real, up close, was quite a shock. She didn't interact with the Cullens much and therefore wasn't aware of us having gifts. I just let her stare before she came over to me and carefully voiced her admiration. To her, I couldn't dismiss my gift as nothing special. So, I explained how I got it, about what I'd done in my human life. That helped her relax and she told me about her hobbies; music, dancing and scrap-booking.

When it was time for the wolves and company to go home, it was a little later than planned. They decided to combine forces, the two packs. The nine youngsters plus Seth would get to sleep, while the rest went patrolling that night. Seth protested, he was fifteen now, the same age Jared and Paul started on full duty right away. He felt he earned more credit. He wasn't a kid anymore!

But his mother was very convincing and ultimately in charge. He reluctantly submitted. Jake said he'd give him an extra shift some other time. He and Sam talked about working together some more. With boundaries being dismissed, teams could cover the whole area. From Forks up to the Canadian border. I offered to join them that night, to get to know the territory, after I meditated. They agreed.

Everything was so beautiful. With so many different animals. I loved the woods, and the beach, I got real close to it. But, I've decided not to go near La Push uninvited, I'd keep a two mile perimeter. Luckily I was invited a week ago, to Jake's birthday. The weather was nice enough for a bonfire. It had been dry for several days, which was quite something for this area. The wind was just a gentle breeze. Of course it was still cloudy.

Most of the Cullens didn't come. I wasn't entirely sure why. But I shrugged it off. Bella and Nessie did join me. Coming there to that little community was indescribable. Immediately memories of my fathers home flooded my mind. The wooden houses, the atmosphere, the people. Sure the climate was the opposite, instead of hot, dry and dusty, it was cold, wet and lush. But everything else, wow!

Then, I met Billy, Jake's dad. The alpha in him was so clear, I couldn't help but bow a little as I shook his hand. That handshake by the way, told me a lot, his health wasn't the best. I felt bad, not being able to do much for him. Such a strong spirit, in such a weakened body, unable to walk. I vowed to myself to explore my gift, maybe I could train myself. I'd need a lot of energy to unblock such an imbalanced frame.

Sitting with him a while, he asked me lot about my past. His eyes inquisitive, not sure what to make of me. Rachel and Emily came over too. The topic went to my healing quick. Billy allowed me to massage his feet. There are many pressure points on the bottom of them, connected to other parts of the body. I focused on activating the pancreas, the organ producing insulin. Hopefully it would ease his diabetes.

All in all it was a glorious day. I even went swimming, caught a few fish for the barbeque. Ehm, okay, that wasn't to smart, it was a spur of the moment thing. My clothes were soaking wet. The boys called me out on it, bad move! I walked in right between them and shook myself like dog (or wolf). Getting them all splashed. They jumped away protesting and laughing. I laughed too, like a wolf of course, copying their bark and lolling tongue. That caused a string of chuckles and giggles to erupt. And a shoving match.

I've laughed and smiled a lot since my arrival. People are probably starting to wonder if a grin is my standard expression. Like chiselled into my face. It isn't, but hey I'm not complaining.

Getting back to right now. Me in the tree, on the mountain, just stopped laughing. Hearing big hearts approaching, more than expected. It was going to be light soon. I jumped down and ran towards them. Just before I reached the seven pups, I went back up a tree. When I saw them, I called, not to loud.

"Hey you lot, what are you doing here?" School starts in a few hours." They looked up, wagging their tails. Matt yapped; "tracking you". - Several days ago I played a guessing game, as they were trying to communicate in their wolf form. These two words I got right. – I replied: "Again? You shouldn't." Does Sam know you're here?" Oliver nodded. I sighed. Then they all disappeared to phase back.

Matt emerged first. He was starting to show leadership skills. Good thing he stopped messing about with Zack. "You owe us a trick," Matt said. "We want to climb like Spiderman," Lucas added. We were at that stage. The first few days they were eager to learn Tai Chi. They liked testing each other. But it got harder for them to focus. So I started bargaining; they do the new exercise, I teach them a neat trick.

"Yes, I said, I owe you a trick, but I never said when I would teach you." I think now's a bad time." Seven pair of eyes started to plead with me. Lips started to pout. I rolled my eyes. "Alright, let's make it quick," I stated, giving in. We chose a few trees and I started to explain. How to spread their fingers. How to press into the wood. How to do the same with their toes.

It wasn't easy, they couldn't lock their joints and freeze their muscles like I could. Lucas managed to get up to ten feet before falling down. Explaining that to them, they felt disappointed. "Find a training centre, I suggested, there are special walls with different levels." You'll also be on a safety line." They grumbled at that last bit. I countered that; "I know, wolves are tough. "But you can still break bones." – They weren't impressed. –

"Have you ever broken one?" I asked. Now they were silent. Scowling at them I said: "let me tell you, it hurts!" A lot!" Even when you heal fast." – As a kid I fell out of a tree once, broke my arm. "If you don't believe me, I added, ask Jake or one of the others." I'd heard about the newborn battle. They settled down. Except Matt. I grabbed his hand in a flash.

"I can break a finger, I threatened, if you want to know what feels like right now." His eyes got big and he backed away, pulling his hand from mine. "I thought so", I said calmly. He relaxed, knowing I was only kidding. Suddenly, from far away, I caught a familiar sound and scent. Very faint, but it immediately sparked my imagination.

"What?!" twins Adam and Will whispered. They knew that look in my eye. They gathered around me. "You remember that trick with the heartbeat I taught you?" I asked in a low voice. They al nodded. It was something the twins could already do. With a breathing technique I taught them, they could all let their hearts fall in sink with each other. Like there was only one big heart beating, instead of seven (to nine). They were in awe when it happened. Feeling so connected.

"Go do that now!" I whispered. They sprinted away to become wolves again. Then they formed a circle around me, tails together, almost brushing against me. I waited until they were ready. Wow, in the almost silent night, I was still impressed. "Get ready, I tell them, to run." I'm going to trick Emmet." They shifted uneasily and excited. Losing focus a second, before regaining it. "I'm gonna roar, I warn them softly, don't startle." They nod as one. Then I roar, growl, bellow like an angry grizzly. I hear something coming. "Emmet, stop! Rose yells. "You promised May!" But it falls on def ears. He storms at us eagerly. They boys dash off. And I drop him to the ground with my arm.

He stares up at me in surprise. Rose skids to a halt a few feet away. She rolls her eyes and sighs. I grin and tsk-tsk him with my finger. "Uh, Uh, I reprimand him, you promised." And, I add, did you really think there was a grizzly out and about, now?" He smiles guiltily and gets up, dusting the snow of his clothes.

The boys reappear slowly, smiling with their tongues hanging out. Emmet glares at them, but then drops his shoulders. "You got me, he sighs, all of you." Neat trick though." Happily the boys bump each others shoulders and wag their tails. Rose takes Emmet's arm and says: "Come on, our stroll is ruined, let's go home." I agree and tell the seven pups to do the same.

It's quiet during our walk back. Each of us smiles on occasion. Thinking about funny things, like the grizzly-trick just now. I feel a song coming on. I start humming 'I'm walking on sunshine.' Rose and Emmet look at me strange. But they can't help getting caught up too. Emmet hums along and Rose softly sings. She has a nice voice.