A/N: thanks so much for your lovely reviews! So sorry for the lateness of the update... getting the house ready for sale... yay... so I've been busy packing and all that fun. I'm a little worried of how you all will take this chapter as it might not have been what you were expecting... but it jumped at me when I started to write this.
Chapter 11
I don't know how long I've cried for... but I knew I couldn't just let things end there.
"What do you mean... it's complicated!? I thought emotions weren't involved in the Aura Bonds? How can my love for Ron return?"
So many questions... so much rage... hurt... disappointment, all rolled into one, it feels draining just sitting here.
Theo frowns, "Well, do you remember me telling you, that it was your Aura, that created your life with Draco? Where he possessed the qualities in Ron you admired?"
"Well, yes but-"
"Okay, well, it's also responsible for making you drawn to him, to want him, and now that you... have been as close as two people could be, um there's no reason for your connection anymore."
"Wait... what? How can something not involved with emotions at all, be responsible for... um, what happened?"
Really, we expressed our love for each other... how-
"It's your combined magic that made it happen." Theo shakes his head. "Your magic is what drove you toward him. Not emotions"
All air escapes my lungs and my heart stills. "What?"
"Listen, it's with my deepest sympathy of what is happening. I didn't come across this information until a few days ago... that what you think is emotions and love is not. It uh... never was"
I didn't believe him... I couldn't believe him!
"No, you're wrong! I... I do love him! And he loves me! We told each other as such! You even said that I was!"
"I know what I said, and it's with deep regret of what is happening, that I offer you my apologies. I had no idea that you... that your situation went as deep as it could. I... I expected to tell you before hand."
I'm starting to feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. "I don't believe you! You... you're lying to me!"
My throat's burning, and breath is coming out in broken gasps. He's lying!
"Hermione..."
He takes a hold of my shoulders and I immediately try to break free, "No, don't touch me!"
"Look, I understand-"
"You understand fuck all!"
My heart has picked up speed now, and my throat convulses. Tensing my fists over my knees, I tried my best to keep myself from vomiting everywhere. "You sit there, telling me what I feel isn't real... and further all, tell me to calm down-"
"Well you don't want to have a relapse, do you?!"
If it meant being with Draco again... of course I would. In a heartbeat.
I'm sorry Ron...
"I made a terrible mistake, I get that. You feel betrayed and hurt and... I understand that, Hermione, I do! But on the other hand, you were aware that your feelings with Draco were temporary, that Ron would come back in the picture... you knew that!"
"Fuck you and your 'told you so' gibberish!"
I tried really hard not to break down, but I could feel it. My chest is throbbing, wanting to release the pain in my heart. I was going to break up with Ron, to start a life... with Draco.
"I guess I deserved that. Didn't really take into account your feelings and I'm sorry"
I mesh my teeth together, stopping myself from losing my temper once again. It's times like these I really hate the Slytherins. He reminds me so much how they were like back at Hogwarts.
For a long while Theo doesn't say anything more, he just examined his clipboard, "Anyway um... there's... something else you need to know,"
"Well quite frankly, I don't care!" I sneer, completely disregarding my previous intention of keeping quiet, "I don't want to listen to anything else that comes out of your mouth! Honestly, you think whatever you have to say will help me in any way? You made me believe that Draco's the one for me! That our emotions...our dream life..."
I drop my gaze to the ground where my emotions took over. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and on to my hands. What I thought was real... ended up being nothing but a harsh slap in the face. Stinging every pore of my skin.
"It's all for nothing. It'll go away and Draco...will hate me"
"You will remember your dream, Hermione, you just... won't feel drawn to him like before. I'm sorry for this, Hermione, really I am. I hadn't expected you to... well..."
"That just goes to show how cruddy of a Healer you are!"
"I... can respect that," Theo sighs, "Listen-"
"Oh hell there's more?!" I don't know how much more of this I can take...
"Well yes, it's about your magic...once after the... connection ends, your magic will definitely decrease. You might even have to stay in bed for a couple of days... and take these potions..."
He scribbled away on his clipboard and tore it off.
Closing my eyes I let more tears fall. I guess Pansy won't have to do anything to keep Draco to herself after all...
"And there's nothing.." my voice is soft and defeated before I face Theo. "Nothing can stop this from happening?"
Theo shook his head, "You slept with him. That's the Aura's goal... once it's achieved, the bond will end. It's why the bond is temporary. Not many people last long to resist the temptation..."
A bitter laugh passes my lips. Fan-friggin-tastic. I swipe the paper with my prescription on it from his grasp so hard, I swear I scratched him. Not that I am sorry about it.
"Tell me where he is!"
"Oh Hermione I don't-"
"Well I don't give a Hippogriff's carcass what you think! You go off and tell me all these things, say I have twelve hours left and expect me to what, just sit here and do nothing?! I'm going to see him! And you're going to tell me where he is!"
"Nothing good is going to come from it, Hermione. It'll just end it heart-break"
"My heart is already broken, Theo! Now you tell me where he is or so help me I will curse you!"
"Sleep with him again and the bond will end quicker, you don't want that do you?"
"Well if it's already a lost cause... why prolong it?"
Theo scoffs, "I can't believe... okay fine, what will happen when Draco asks you about your behaviour? Will you tell him the truth, or are you just going to have your way with him until he hates you?"
Shaking my head, "It seems like the logical reason, doesn't it? Why put myself through that emotional rollercoaster of a conversation. I much rather just... savor our time together."
"If there's one thing I know about Draco, it's that he hates secrets. But fine, if you're so confident, then by all means..." Theo points to the fireplace on the side of the room. "Just say, Ministry of Magic, Malfoy Office,"
"Ministry? Draco works in the Ministry? But I thought-"
Weird. I expected him to own his own company like he did in the dream.
"He doesn't have access to his Gringott's vault until he turns twenty-five, which is next year. So in the meantime, he's working in the Potions Branch of the Ministry."
"Oh..."
With several breaths. I go to the floo.
"Just... be careful, okay Hermione?"
I'll try, and with a flash of green flames, I make my way to Draco's place.
Four Hours Later...
Ministry of Magic, Draco's Office
"So, any chance you'll tell me why you felt the need to jump me in my office like an ill-fated mad woman?" Draco says, his fingers are moving up my naked back. My spine is tingling and my heart hammers away.
Unfortunately Draco had been in a meeting at the time of my arrival, so I spent most of my time just waiting for him in his office, where it wasn't until two and half hours passed had Draco finally grace me with his presence.
Draco had no doubt, been surprised to see me, and required quite a bit of coaxing before he finally got the message of what I wanted, but... I couldn't let the time we have left go to waste.
"Not that I'm complaining, really, definitely highlighted my boring afternoon, it's just, you've never been one to act so boldly about...sex. I must say, has me rather concerned..."
Closing my eyes to take a deep breath, I tried my hardest not to let my emotions take over as I tried my hardest to keep a straight face looking at Draco. I am comfortably lying on top of him, before deciding to push myself up to a sitting position so I can look at him properly. He brushes the hair from my shoulder. His eyes flash down to my chest and then back up to my eyes.
His words bring tears to my eyes, and in lieu of responding, I tilted my head and kissed him, rather hard on the mouth.
Just as it started it was over. Draco had already pushed me back, "Now you're really starting to worry me... what's wrong?"
For a moment, I just stare into his bright grey eyes, brushing away the fringe from his forehead. It's a little damp from our coupling.
"I just... I've missed you, these past three days,"
I then trace my fingers down the muscles of his chest, reveling in the odd twitch from him. "Is that such a crime?"
I give him my best playful smile. Which, judging from his expression, didn't turn out the way I hoped.
"You're a terrible liar, Hermione. I know you're hiding something."
I shake my head out of habit, "I'm not"
"Something happened to you, and I'm going to find out what it is, one way or another..."
His hand roams up my waist, tickling my skin. I reach down to entwine our fingers.
"As... enticing as that sounds, I am rather... famished."
"Ah yes, how could I forget? I distinctively remember a similar situation sometime last week about this very thing... of course I don't recall the view being nearly as appealing as this one,"
Blush rises to my cheeks, "Stop it,"
Draco flashes me a grin before he props himself up on to his elbows. "Sure I can't change your mind?" was all he said before bringing me over to him so he could kiss me. His hand roaming up my back to hold me close, but I couldn't... not now. I grip his shoulders and push him back. I hear him laugh and the ache in my heart returns.
"All right love, we'll have ourselves a late lunch then"
I'm surprised he insisted we dine in the food court of the Ministry. I for sure expected he would have the food brought up to his office! Especially with how things left off... but I'm just worried about seeing Ron or Harry...
"It's fine," he said squeezing my hand, "Weasel and Company are out on their practice mission so they won't see you..."
Hearing his words made me sad.
"I'm not ashamed of you,"
"I know, they are the ones that need to accept us." He kisses my cheek and then leaves to get our food.
Us. The word is like a dagger in the heart. Sharp. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this man, but come eight hours from now... everything will be back to the way it was. Where Ron's the man my heart desires...
Where Pansy will be Draco's...
Tears well my eyes, and I cover my shame with my hands.
How am I supposed to do this? How can I... ruin his dreams of us? To destroy the hope in his heart that some day we will be together forever. It only makes sense to just have my way with him until the end...
"Hermione, is that you?"
Picking up my head I turn over to see Neville.
"Blimey, is it good to see you!"
I have to agree. Seeing a face besides my parents or Ron or Harry is quite comforting.
"The same to you. Luna told me all about your Herbology position! You start this September, right?"
Neville smirked, "Yes it's a bit exciting to go back to Hogwarts. I'll be the youngest and newest Professor..."
He gave a look around before sitting down in what will be Draco's seat.
"But Ron didn't mention anything about you coming down."
"Oh... um... I'm not here with Ron,"
Neville looks genuinely surprised of this information, then again, almost everyone I talk to is. At times like these, I feel like a broken record.
"No?"
I glance over to see Draco at the food station, "Um... I'm just meeting with...a friend," except Draco will be anything but a friend by tomorrow. I turn back to face Neville, only to see he followed my gaze.
Shoot.
"Malfoy?"
Unlike Harry, Neville doesn't seem put off by this, rather, he looks amused.
"Now how about that? And here I thought my friendship with Daphne Greengrass was odd,"
"Daphne Greengrass?"
Neville nodded and grinned, "Yeah you should hear the stuff she goes on about Pansy." He rolled his eyes, "That girl, will never change. But Daphne's good. She'll be the Arithmancy Professor starting September too,"
"Is that right?"
"Yeah I'm a bit surprised you didn't become a Professor yourself, Hermione, what with the grades you achieved and everything"
"Oh I know, but I always fancied working a little shop too,"
"With Parvati and Lavender right? You lot work for some beauty line..."
"Uh yes, that's correct. Although I haven't been there since I woke up."
"Right, you don't want to rush anything, or you'll end up being worse off than you started"
I smile to Neville pleasantly, not wanting to dampen his high spirits, despite the inner turmoil I am feeling...
Someone clears their throat and both Neville and I turn to see Draco had arrived with our food, glaring at Neville.
"Or right, you want your seat back," Neville grins, getting up.
"Anyway, it's good to see you out and about, Hermione. Swing by my department sometime" He pats my shoulder and then greets Draco with a firm nod, "Malfoy,"
Neville walks on and I turn my gaze to Draco.
"He accepts us already?" he says, giving me my meal.
"Apparently he's friends with Daphne, so he sees no reason to give any judgement."
"Is that right? Well brilliant, that's one less person to worry about,"
My lips twitched from his words. He won't feel that way after the day's over... that's for sure. My chest clenches at the idea, and to save myself being overcome by my emotion, I decided to eat.
I took a few bites before I felt a light kick against my shin, drawing my attention back to him.
"You're making that face again... Longbottom didn't... upset you did he?"
"Oh God no, it's..." dropping my gaze to my plate, I start to draw lazy circles with my fork. "Nothing like that..."
"Then what is it?"
Taking a few more minutes, I debated on what exactly I should tell him... my conversation with Pansy popped into my head.
"Pansy."
He shifts closer to me, "Pansy? When did you see her?"
"This morning... um, ran into her before my meeting with Ginny," it wasn't necessarily a lie... but it is the safer option.
I took a few bites and turned my gaze away from him.
"And what happened? What did she do?"
"Oh the usual..." I tried to sound as causal as possible, "Demand that I keep away from you, because you are hers and hers alone."
Draco rolled his eyes, and I would've smiled myself, save for the... emptiness I feel at the moment.
"She even expressed changing your wards so I wouldn't Apparate as I pleased. Not that I ever would... my arm still is healing. I can't Apparate for another few weeks or so,"
"She... what? Changing my wards? Are you serious?!"
"It was her plan... not sure if she succeeded or not,"
"She won't." He says finishing up his own meal, "No one can change them but me,"
Well that's comforting.
"But I don't think that's it."
He reaches over and places his hand on top of mine. I glanced over to the wall clock, we've been here for almost thirty minutes.
"Draco..."
"You keep looking over to the time, do you have somewhere you need to go?"
I finish up my food, "No... not really," brushing off my hands I get up to throw out the trash. I can sense Draco is right behind me.
"Hermione?"
My body grows stiff from his voice. Don't think... don't think.
"Don't think? What's going on? What aren't you telling me?"
And then... a tear escapes my eye. I had to shy away so he couldn't see it.
"Are you... are you crying?"
Bugger he did see it. I blame myself for not keeping a calm composure around him.
"Of course not," I brush his hand away and then turn to face him properly, "Just have something in my eye"
"Yeah, a tear..." he said cupping the side of my face, brushing away the tear that somehow glued itself to one spot on my cheek. His expression hardens as he regards me cautiously.
"I don't get it, did I say something to upset you?"
My heart rams against my ribs fiercely, to the point where I think he can hear it. Hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end at the sudden brush of cool air. The words are right on the tip of my tongue, but as I stare into his grey eyes, I find myself mute. So I communicate the only way I can at this moment, and shake my head back and forth, ever so slowly.
"I need to go,"
It's easier this way... it's better this way.
I get a few steps away before Draco stops me once again, "What? No you don't. I can't leave you like this..."
I'm mindful of the many onlookers around us. Draco notices as well and silently nods, "Right, let's go back to my office then."
I resist his pull, "No, Draco... just... let me go"
"And why would I do that? You... you're acting really off, and I know for a fact, that's never a good thing. What I don't get, is why don't you trust me enough to tell me?"
"I..." and my words falter there. It's too much... I can't do this.
"Bloody hell," he says more to himself than me, he grips my hand hard and I find myself being pulled once again. My legs carry me on their own. It wasn't until I heard the harsh lock of the door and the wisp of wind of the ward, did I realize I'm back in Draco's office, with Draco facing me.
"All right, we're alone now... you mind telling me what's wrong? Are you leaving?"
I couldn't stand anymore. I couldn't breathe. I just... lost the will to stand and collapsed right into his chest. He... he smells so good. Strong and spicy. God I'm going to miss this so bloody much.
"I don't want to leave... I don't want us to end,"
My grip tightens and I bury my head further into him.
"Whoa, hang on... end?"
With great effort on his part, he pulls me away to look at me, "What-?"
I kissed him, much like the first time I when he walked through the door. Strongly, and deeply, like any moment he'll disappear from me. I start to fiddle with the buttons of his shirt. The tears start to resurface. There's no way to avoid this now.
He shackles my wrists with his fingers and removes my hands from his chest. I struggle for a moment, before he breaks off the kiss and steps backward.
"Stop,"
"I don't want to," my heart jumps harshly, that my chest shifts. "I... I need you again" I try to get close to him, but Draco straightens his arms to keep me at bay.
"Not until you tell me what's wrong,"
His eyes are wide and glossy, like he's actually afraid of me.
Exhaling a rough breath, I lick away the odd tear that slid to the line of my lips, I can taste the salt. I really wanted to go without telling him anything like I promised, but looking at him now and feeling the way I do, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm not a coward, or hurtful and cruel, no, I'm brave. I can do this.
I have to do this. For both our sakes.
"Our bond... is breaking" much like my voice is now.
"What bond?"
My heart is now in my throat, vibrating the skin of my neck, and my chest aches. "Aura... our Aura Bond, you know... it helps you hear me? It's ending..."
"Well why the tears, love? I thought you would be relieved that I couldn't hear what you were thinking! I mean-"
I release a sob, "No, don't... there's something else." I swallow the hiccough threatening to escape and stare at his lips, "It's magic. That magic is what..."
God this is excruciating. Like my heart got tossed off to a pit of hungry Theastrals. Could it be the bond? Is it further breaking now that we've had sex again? Oh God Theo warned me about this, didn't he? I take a few sharp breaths through my nose.
He brushes away more tears from my face, "What magic?"
"The Aura Magic..." I feel a sharp stab this time. "Ow. It... it brought us together... not... our feelings... that was all a lie."
For a long moment Draco doesn't say anything. He just stares at me like I'm... lost and speaking nonsense...
If only that were the truth.
"And now... now it'll all soon be over... in a matter of hours"
"Hours? Is that why you kept checking the time? We... there's a time limit?!"
Sniffling noisily, I grip even harder on his shirt, "Once it's over... everything will go back... to the way it was before. We... we will go our separate ways..."
He doesn't fight me off this time as I shrugged the material off his shoulders.
"Just like that? What, with no recollection of anything?!"
"Oh... we will, we just... won't feel anything about it. You know, like dismiss it."
It makes me ill to know I will do such a thing. To believe that Ron-
Ugh. I find myself hating Theo even more. It was like waking up from the coma all over again. Everyone telling me that Draco isn't the person I should love... that my emotions...changed.
"How long? You said we have... no time. So tell me, Hermione. When will this... end?"
I check the wall clock. Sniffling and shaking with sobs, "Soon"
"How soon is soon?"
I said the first number that popped into my head, "One hour,"
"One hour?! Bloody hell that... that's not much time at all."
"Now do you get why I wanted to leave? I... I... can't deal with this."
"You... you were going to leave without telling me?" he sounds broken and sad.
I turn away from his gaze, "Well it wouldn't be easy... but I... I-"
Draco dropped his head, "Considered it all the same?"
**flashback**
"I can't believe... okay fine, what will happen when Draco asks you about your behaviour? Will you tell him the truth, or are you just going to have your way with him until he hates you?"
"It seems like the logical reason, doesn't it? Why put myself through that emotional rollercoaster of a conversation. I much rather just... savor our time together."
"If there's one thing I know about Draco, it's that he hates secrets. But fine, if you're so confident, then by all means..."
**end**
I shake my head of my thoughts, and turn my gaze away, "Yes,"
Draco chews on his lip and then turns his back to me. "Really? You were just going to have me and then leave me with no regard to my feelings whatsoever?"
He hates me now... I can sense it, the bond... it's ending.
I grabbed his arm to force him back to face me. "If only for a moment, Draco. But I realized, quickly it wouldn't be the way to end things. You deserved to know. Even though nothing can stop it from happening."
He doesn't say anything though.
"I'm sorry..." I placed my hand upon his chest, just above his heart. It's beating ever so quickly, "I didn't mean to hurt you,"
"Well I... get your reason and everything, or at least I think I do. I just...don't agree with it..." he takes a hold of the hand over his heart.
We stand like this for a while, just basking in each other's presence, before I feel the tears falling once again.
"I... suppose this is goodbye then?"
He uses his other hand, and brushes back a strand of my hair, "I will find a way to get back to you... I promise"
He leans in and kisses me softly and sweetly before he pulls back.
"I'll hold you to that,"
With a heavy heart, I... step back into the Floo and teleport myself back to Diagon Alley.
It wasn't until I found comfort of my own home, did I bawl my eyes out.
Crying over the love I just lost.
E/N: Icky icky, saddness, how I hate thee. I'm sorry. I promise there will be happier times ahead! Also I feel I should say, Hermione lied about the time reminaing of the bond to spare herself the pain.