A/N: thanks so much for reading and reviewing everyone! It makes me happy that you're enjoying it. I'm still packing stuff so I am sorry this update took longer to get up. Also, it's a little shorter than the other chapters but that's because I just couldn't fit anything else to flow with this section! :)
Chapter 12
My bond with Draco came to an official end, ten minutes ago. And it sucks. Just saying his name and my heart remains completely unaffected. I don't experience any butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Or tingling in my skin. I'm simply... platonic.
"Hermione?" Mum calls knocking on my door lightly. She's brought up food, but I didn't have it in me to eat anything. Rather, I don't even have the energy to lift my head.
"I brought you some supper,"
I say nothing and just watch her set the plate down on my dresser. I gaze at my ring right next to the lamp. My heart dances, and then the tears already start to pool in my eyes.
Mum takes a seat besides me, leaning over so she can rub my back. Slowly.
"Your Healer owled earlier... he wanted to check if you made it home all right."
I stifle my sob by burying my face into my pillows.
"According to him, you had quite the emotional afternoon..."
"Mum, don't..."
The least thing I want is to have another emotional row with my mother.
"I don't want to talk about it,"
She sighs and continues to rub my back. It's so soothing and comforting, my muscles go lax and I find myself extremely tired. Both physically and emotionally.
"But keeping it bottled up isn't good either,"
"Well it's not going to fix anything."
Not my heart. Not my emotions...nothing. I am going to forever be an emotionless being that walks about the world, envious to those who are able to keep the love of their lives until their dying day.
"Very well, but I would like for you to eat your dinner, before it gets cold." With a light pat on my rear, Mum gets up.
Exhaling my breath, I stare at the food and then back to the ring. For a moment, I felt the urge to put it back on. But I couldn't... I can't. I grab it and shove it into the dresser drawer.
Out of sight, out of mind.
A few days later...
I took it upon myself to finally get back to work. Or rather to distract myself so I don't end up weeping into a sobbing mess like I've done so many times already. However, I am starting to regret that very decision as it's been non-stop pestering about how I am feeling about the men in my life, most importantly, Draco, because of how I left things unfinished the last time. Well, actually it's just been Lavender.
"Now it's not just a coincidence" Lavender says, joining me and Parvati at the counter, "Seamus told me, you visited Malfoy at work!"
Parvati frowns at me. It seems she's still a little sour that I am not trying hard enough to get back with Ron. My heart does that funny jig at Ron's name, and I hate it. I hate this entire situation...
"Only to say goodbye," I say quickly, trying to busy myself by rearranging the potion bottles on the side counter. "It's not that much of a big deal,"
I heard the clicking of Lavender's heels for a second before she went to my side again, "Ah yes, shagging on a desk... quite the send off, I would say"
The sound coming from Parvati reminded me of a squeak-toy dogs like to play with.
My hands stop mid-motion before I round on her. How the hell did she find out? We warded the door and silenced the room...
Lavender is grinning like the Cheshire Cat, "Seamus tried to Floo call Malfoy you see, so you can just imagine the look on his face when he saw you rid-"
I smacked my hand over her mouth to silence her.
Floo? Bollocks. I completely forgot about that!
"Not another word Brown, or I will hex you so hard you will be spitting teeth!" I snarled the last word, digging my palm against her face harshly.
"So then it's true?" Parvati asks tentatively, "You really shagged Malfoy on a desk in his office?!"
Actually it was the sofa... it started off on the desk but... I find myself unaffected by the memory, rather I feel... ashamed and embarrassed. Ashamed of how I could betray my fian- uh Ron and embarrassed because someone saw us. Now with Lavender and Parvati knowing the information, it'll all be a matter of time before Ron finds out.
God I hope he doesn't.
What's happened with Draco and myself is over... there isn't any reason for me to even hint it at Ron. He will feel too betrayed and... well, for sure he won't want me after and Draco... well he's a write-off. He'll already have found his love back with Pansy, and not care what happens to me.
I'll forever be alone...
This distraction gave Lavender the strength to knock my hand from her mouth.
"Of course she did, can't you see she's blushing?! According to Seamus, Hermione here seemed rather aggressive. I say, you certainly earn the title lioness, without a doubt" she said with a wink.
"I don't want to talk about it," my voice has gone high. The fact of Seamus knowing that side of me, has me rather discouraged. I decide to take my thoughts elsewhere, by means of hiding away in the backroom, but Lavender stops me before I take one step.
"Oh yes you will. I thought it was a bit strange for Malfoy to use a Glamour Charm last week, but now I see, it was all just an aid in your little affair!" Lavender giggled, "And here we thought Ron was the centre of your universe! So please enlighten us, just how long has this affair been going on? And why call it off now? Can't imagine he would be bad in bed..."
"Oh stop it, Lavender, can't you see this is upsetting her?!" Parvati interchanged positions with Lavender, so she was now before me, "Not all of us are slags to their husbands!"
"Excuse me," Lavender retorted, "I am not cheating on Seamus!"
"Well you seem rather delighted of the idea," Parvati sneers with a roll of her eyes, "How else am I supposed to think?"
"Because it's Malfoy you daft idiot!" Lavender put her hands on her hips, "You know, the one the tabloids dub as 'The Unattainable?' Honestly she's quite easily the most envied girl in the whole wizarding world!"
Whoa... what?
Parvati furrowed her brows, "I thought you stopped your subscription to Witch Weekly!"
"I did, but with a title like that, I couldn't just pass it up!"
Lavender looks to me, "Malfoy's never dated anyone. Like never. Twenty-three years of age and he's never had a date, much less a girlfriend! He actually said, and I quote, 'they are not worth my time'"
Parvati snorted, "Sounds quite arrogant if you ask me, and besides since when are you all a flutter about this? I thought you hated him for the way he treated you last week?"
"But what about Pansy?" I find myself saying, "She's... always seen hanging around him."
Lavender waved her finger, "Well you are always hanging around Harry are you not? It's the same thing. They are just friends. Malfoy confirmed it himself. Although the girl still remains hopeful!" she says in a sing-song type of tone, "That also was in the article. You're not, so... no need to worry about that!"
I find myself internally groaning, that's because we never went out in public...
"Anyway, you would be off your bloody rocker to give Malfoy up. If he's finally opened up to the dating world, I say go for it!"
"She's engaged to Ron, you twat! She can't just go off and claim Malfoy for herself!"
"I'm right here you know!"
Both of them face me, Lavender's cheeks are lightly pinked. Just then a customer walks up to the counter, "'Scuse me, can I have some help with these potions over here?"
Parvati tugs Lavender's arm, "Hop to it Brown, potions are your expertise after all!"
Lavender narrows her eyes and then stalks off with the customer.
"Honestly that girl..." Parvati groans, "She drives me crazy. Can't imagine how Seamus copes with it. Speaking of coping..."
She touches my arm and I find myself tense up.
"I can't imagine what's going through your head right now..."
"A lot of things," I murmur, dismissing her. I wait for her to ask why and how it even happened in the first place. But she doesn't, rather, she says something completely out of the blue.
"Did you want to take your break then?"
"You're not going to ask why this happened?" I sigh before I face Parvati. As much as she detests the idea of cheating on your husband, she was very much into gossip as much as Lavender.
She hesitated for a moment, checking to see Lavender's progress with the customer before returning back to me.
"Well Dean did mention something about Ron who said something about your...um fascination with Malfoy"
I snort this time. I can see why she didn't want to use the actual word Ron said, which was obsession... it makes me sound like a bloody stalker.
"I just thought... well, I didn't think anything of it, much like everyone else had. That uh, it would pass..."
Well it has... and now I am starting to feel a tear in my eye. Now I really need to clear my head.
"Right you know, I think I will take my break now"
"Oh Hermione you know I didn't mean-"
"Just... stop okay? I've heard enough,"
I step away from Parvati, grabbed my beaded bag and coat, and then strolled out without a backward glance.
The damp air fills my lungs as I take a deep breath. It's going to rain soon. I like the rain. It gives me a sense of calmness. Cleansing away of all bad emotions that has enraptured my heart before the inevitable storm ahead.
"Hermione?"
I turn around to see Harry.
"Oh wow is it good to see you out and about. Neville said something about you visiting him at the Ministry the other day"
"He... did?"
Strange, had Neville kept my interaction with Draco a secret? And made it himself instead?
"Yeah, we're just sorry we missed you! Ron could've used the cheering up, Seamus..."
My body tenses at hearing his name. "Well it's a bit of a funny story, if you care to have a listen. I don't know, maybe take a walk or something? Or wait, are you busy?"
"Well actually... that sounds perfect."
After my stroll with Harry, and a lot of laughs. Who knew Seamus was so clumsy?
We approach the steps and then Harry pulls me back before I let myself back in.
"Say um Hermione? Would you care to join us for dinner tonight?"
"With you and Ginny?"
"And Ron"
Ron... I don't think I can look at him straight in the face without thinking about calling it quits on our relationship.
"Look I know it's scary, but... you said Malfoy wasn't a problem anymore right?"
"Well yes but-"
"So then what's the hold up? You already gave him a promise letter and well, why prolong it? Just rip off the ol' Band-Aid and just do it!"
I take a deep breath, weighing my options. Yes it would be nice to get back into the groove of things, spending more time with them and the other Gryffindors, but... if I do that, then I would have come to accept that... Ron is the one for me.
Then again, declining would only create more havoc on our already awkward relationship...
"Okay. I'll go"
Harry's eyebrows shot right up. "Seriously?"
Was he really expecting me to decline?
"Positive" I murmur weakly.
"Brilliant!"
Harry bids me a farewell at the doorstep and I walk in, ten minutes behind schedule.
Oops.
Almost immediately, I'm bombarded with Lavender. Swell.
"Ah, Hermione you're back! And there's someone here for you!" She grins in that sing-song voice again.
Don't tell me Ron heard about me being here... I don't think I can handle that conversation right now.
"Malfoy!" She squealed from my lack of response. "He just walked into the store about two minutes before you did just now!" Lavender jumps up and down on her spot, "He has no idea you work here, so really, you should go over and say hi, he's just over by the hair stuff,"
"Lavender..."
Is she honestly playing match-maker? Had she not heard Parvati say that I'm engaged to Ron?
"What?" She asks innocently.
I side-step from her grasp, "I'm engaged, I can't just-"
"Oh for Merlin's sake. I didn't say to snog him! I said go over and say hello!"
I felt Lavender's nails bite into my shoulder as she shoves me forward. I nearly lost my footing from her unexpected strength. Lavender squeals and then strolls off to the other aisle.
Here I am, unable to speak. I just stand here, staring at him as he inspects the hair products. Does he know I'm here? Judging from his expression, I'm guessing not. I always pictured to see what our... day after conversation would be like. Well, in this case, days after conversation...
"Hello Draco,"
His head turns right over to me and I find myself stepping back a few steps when he tries to bridge the gap.
"Her-uh Granger?"
Admittedly, I am sad he chose to call me by my surname, but I guess I can't really blame him. His heart... no longer belongs to me.
"Um... is there anything in particular, you're looking for?"
"Why would you-wait, you work here?" He asks me incredulously.
His lips twitch and he tilts his head to the side, brushing the hair from his eyes in the process. I watch his eyes sweep over me before returning to my face. My heart does a lurch. Bollocks. I thought he no longer had this effect on me? That my body grew to accept the fact that he's no longer apart of my life? He takes the few steps to close the gap between us.
"Um... yes?"
His eyes... they are so expressive. It has me feeling rather strange. Awkward even. But I blame that on Lavender. I fold my arms under my chest, where for the mere second Draco's drawn to the movement, and I find myself unfolding my arms and instead clasp them together to deter his attention to my chest.
There is no sense in lying, as I am sure Lavender will just tell him anyway.
"Yes I work here."
He regards me for a moment, before looking around the place.
"Must say, I never would've guessed that. I mean, you don't seem the type."
Well I wouldn't have guessed a potion company either, but... that happened.
"I thought to try something different from what's expected of me, actually."
Draco nods in understanding, "Well that makes sense"
Well fall into an uncomfortable silence. He goes to speak again, but stops himself before the first word passes his lips. His smile falters, and his eyes slide over to the side. What could he have seen? Slowly, I turn around to see Lavender trying her hardest to deter Ron from entering the shop.
"Lavender I know she's here, Harry told me!"
Figures. Nothing is ever sacred between those two. Heck even Ginny can be rather nosy. I'm starting to regret agreeing to that dinner...
"And I told you, Ronald she is busy with a customer at the moment she will talk to you when she's done!"
"I gather that's my cue to leave," Draco sighs, shoving his hands into his pockets. Actually I wanted to prolong my interaction with Ron as long as possible. Besides, Draco and I are still at our awkward stage and... I just hate that sort of thing.
"No, stop!" I said, before he could take one more step. I can feel the warmth of his body through his robes. God, the last time we were this close... I take a big step back and bow my head. I can see him gauging my reaction through the tops of my eyes and I find myself blushing for the first time today.
"It's basic human nature, Granger," he sighs, "There's nothing to feel ashamed of,"
Except there is. I cheated on Ron. I blatantly hurt a man who loves me for no reason but my confused heart.
I swallow the hard lump in my throat before I meet his gaze. He is so close I can see the details in his iris'. A bright ice-grey with tiny, and I mean tiny specs of blue. Like bread crumbs.
And now... I find myself doing the exact same thing with Draco...
But it's not possible. The magic broke our connection there couldn't be any lingering emotions. None at all.
"Hermione!" Ron roars, and I can hear his footfalls fastly approaching. Draco pulls his arm from my grasp and then strolls off in the opposite side of the aisle before Ron could find us.
"Hello Ron."
"Ha, I knew you weren't helping a customer!"
No... Draco would never be just a customer to me.
"I can't stay long or else Kingsley will have my head, but bloody hell, is it good to see you. I cannot get over how sorry for being such a jealous prick"
"How lovely worded, Ronald,"
"Well it's true! Anyway Harry told me the news! Dinner's gonna be a blast, just you wait!"
He pulls me right into a hug and for the first time since I woke up I welcome his scent. It's... lemony and... minty and... not pleasant at all.
After a relatively long afternoon at the shop, Lavender finally let me leave. If not for the expense of telling her what happened with Draco and if I kissed him or not. I find myself rolling my eyes even now of the idea.
Sure there been a moment between us, but my heart... I couldn't. I can't. It's not right or fair to Ron.
I am home and getting ready for the dinner when Mum walks in. Nothing fancy Harry said, and because it's raining, I go with black trousers and a plaid dress shirt.
"Are you going out?"
"I'm having dinner with Harry and Ginny, actually"
"Not Ron?"
I shake my head, "Mum you know my situation, it's too soon for me to do anything with Ron..." although I am, I don't want to get her hopes up. Especially when Draco's face keeps popping up.
She walks over to me and hugs me, "Oh I'm sorry dear, it does get easier, you'll see."
Whatever you say... Mum.
I am the first to arrive and the hostess shows me to my table. Way off in the back and right next to...
Draco?
God, he looks just as miserable as I feel, but for an entirely different reason, I'm sure. I'm quick to hide my face before I sit down, my back to Draco so he doesn't see me. Thankfully he's already finished eating and paid for, so I hope he leaves before the rest of the party gets here.
I take a long sip of the water given to me.
"So... bottom line is simple, you want to pursue her?"
I chew my lip to stop myself from gasping. That's Theo's voice. So... Theo's with him, but wait... did Theo say pursue? He wants to pursue me?
Draco... wants... me?
Still?
How can that be?
"Even when you have no idea where she lives?"
"I know her place of employment, that's all I need,"
"Perhaps, but how about the fact that she's in love with Ron? That could serve as quite the problem for you, mate."
Not if I tell him I cheated on him... I look back to see if anyone else has arrived yet. Thankfully no one has.
"Well I can't just sit by and accept that things are over either. I'll just start fresh with her, I mean she doesn't hate me, her emotions for me are just misplaced, you said as much."
"True, but-"
"But nothing. This is my emotions we're dealing with here, Theo! I'm sure if you were in my situation you wouldn't let the girl you love just slip away! I'm going to get her back by any means necessary, with or without your help!"
I nearly choked on my water at his words. Love? He... loves me? I thought his emotions would return to normal after the bond ended?
Had I been misinformed? Does this mean he actually feels... something or me? That he... really does... love me?
Now all of a sudden, his parting words make more sense to me.
"I will find a way to get back to you. I promise"
I Promise.
I quickly rack my brain for the answers, only to come up empty. I find nothing, but conversations of my emotions and my bond with him. It was always about me.
Me! Me! Me!
Never him...
No body else says anything as they get up to leave.
Bugger, I've been too lost in my thoughts to know if anything else happened.
Double bugger.
Ron has arrived, and has Harry and Ginny along side with him.
With a crooked smile, he strolls his way over.
Ugh, this is gonna be a long night.
E/N: yeah... I realized when rereading I never really explained his emotions... :P well here we have it! Hope it wasn't so confusing.