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Music:

Every breath you take – The Police

Mysterious ways – Bryan Adams

Crazy little thing called love – Queen

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Chapter 22: Seth – Change

Wow, I'm sixteen and I'm getting my drivers licence. It's a step towards being an adult, everybody says that. I feel like that too, but with all that's happened in my life, I think I'm a bit further ahead than most. And how can I not be.

Today's a good day, with the sun out for once. Jake's VW Rabbit is looking great, gleaming bright. He let me borrow his prized possession. I head to La Push, to the beach. It's not crowded yet, but people are coming down. Strolling along the sand my mind starts to wonder. I can't help it lately. To stop the nagging feeling things have changed. How? I'm trying to find out, but I can't find all the pieces to this puzzle. Sigh.

I know what the biggest, centre piece is, her face fills my head already. She's been in my life for a while now and I can't imagine it without her anymore. A few months back though, something big happened and that's when I started feeling different.

That's my second piece, no one else seems to see what I see, feel what I feel. She's seems the same, but yet she's not. I'm looking and checking her all the time, it drives the others crazy. So I try to do it discretely, when I'm alone in my head. Why am I the only one to notice, to get the feeling she's changed somehow.

Not in a bad way, she's really healthy and does everything she used to, so… Argh! How frustrating. I ran my fingers trough my hair without thinking. A new habit I picked up. Turning around I went back home, my old house, where me and my sister spend most mornings and nights together.

She's been taking classes to become a teacher. When school begins in a few weeks time, she'll be there too, as a teachers aid. Because she wants to explore what kind of teacher she going to be. She'll be helping out wherever it's needed. Our school is small so she's lucky there was a job-opening. The rest of the guys there weren't sure how they felt about that. I could handle it.

Walking in the door my stomach made itself known. I prepared some sandwiches and poured a big glass of juice. It was quiet, too quiet. I turned on the radio for some music. Sitting down and eating, normal, easy things, not requiring much effort. My mind drifted away once more. She appeared again, with a bright smile. I studied every part of her in my memory.

Was it her scent that changed? Maybe. My feeling had grown slowly over time, which made things harder. What if this big thing had major consequences in the long run? Nobody seemed worried, but me. I sighed and dumped my plate and glass in the sink. Stop this train of thought brain! Nothing is wrong, just leave it.

I went to my room and flopped down on the bed. A magazine was there to distract me. For a while. Until a certain song reminded me of her. She meant a lot to me. Her bright and kind personality. I liked her right away. Eyes big, catlike and sparkling. A soulful masterpiece.

Huh?! I shook my head. Where did that thought come from? Was it because we acted differently around each other? Not as easy going anymore. There was tension. I often watched her like a hawk. Did that bother her? Must be. Or not. What was it then? I threw my hands up at the ceiling. Please universe, some one, anybody, give me a sign, another puzzle-piece.

I got up and turned on the computer to play some games. They were simple, but kept me occupied. An hour later my sister walks in, just as I was headed for the bathroom. "Hey Seth, you're here, she called, what are you doing?" "Nothing much," I answered while I kept moving. I was in the doorway when she suddenly said; "You look taller, have you grown?" Huh? Where did that came from? I turned to face her. "Maybe Lee, I replied shrugging, so what?" She shrugged too; "No reason, I guess." Was it me that had changed perhaps, I wondered? Could that be? If so, I've looked at things the wrong way. This was not helping yet!

I let it go and called some of the guys to hang out. Being around other people was just what I needed. Until school started I was with somebody most of the time. It helped, I stopped my worrying, even when she was there too. Giving in to the flow of things was nice. To just experience this new adventure with her. It felt good, better. We were laughing again.

A relief, to be happy. Like before. No, happier. Smiling was normal to me. Others were noticing. Like Charlie, when I was having dinner with him and mom. I loved her special stew and I tried to eat slow, to really taste it. A hard thing to do, but I managed and couldn't stop the noises of contentment coming from my full mouth. "You seem very happy kid, Charlie commented, not just with the food, but in general." What's going on?"

I wasn't really expecting a question like that and chocked on a bite of food. A cough and thump on my chest fixed that. What was I supposed to say? After taking a deep breath I answered casually. "Nothing special, life's just good, that's all." I scraped the last spoonful off my plate. Charlie furrowed his eyebrows and mom studied my face. Damn, they weren't accepting my explanation. Quick, think of something!

"There's nothing bad happening lately and my head is full of positive thoughts, I quipped, what's not to smile about?" The chief relaxed and went on eating. Mom narrowed her eyes a second, but let me off the hook. Phew, I think I dodged some embarrassing questions there. Why adults, parents in particular, sometimes feel the need to play head-shrink, I'd never understand.

Suddenly, summer vacation was over. We were on our last evening. An hour until sunset. It had been a sun filled day, a beautiful ending to our full freedom. Yeah, sure, school wasn't that bad, I'd just wanted a little more time. Oh well. Brady, Collin, Matt, Zack and I were strolling along the beach. It was packed with visitors, soaking up the last rays of sunshine. Many were packing up to leave now however, the wind was getting stronger, making it chilly.

As usual, Brady was checking out the girls, his eyes scanned the area. They ended up at the tree-line. He nudged Collin; "Look at that chick over there by herself, she looks hot, what's she doing?" We followed his lead. There was indeed a girl over there, sitting at the edge of the shadows. She wore clothes suited to the beach; a tank-top, shorts and sunglasses on her nose.

There was something familiar about her. Why wasn't she enjoying the sun with everybody else? Other guests didn't notice her. Our senses were sharper. She had long muscular legs, stretched out in front of her, while she leaned on her elbows. A relaxed pose. Her skin had a light tan. Coming closer the wind shifted a little, from behind us to the side. All of us stopped moving once we caught her scent.

"Hey boys, May greeted us with a wave, fancy meeting you here." A grin spread across her face. "And thanks for the compliment Brady." He blushed like crazy and rubbed the back of his head. "I didn't recognize you," he mumbled. She smiled wider. "Awh, that's alright, she chided, guess you weren't expecting a vampire, out here now." The last bit was whispered. "I wanted to get as close to a normal, sunny day at the beach as I could get, she added. "And watch a gorgeous sunset."

We had no reply to that and sat down next to her. I was on her left side, Zack on her right. The rest made a semi circle by dropping down in the light. This was nice, making small talk and watching people. As the sun disappeared, we decided to get up to go home. I was the last to make a move. My hand slipped a little when I pushed off. It brushed the side of May's hand.

The feeling wasn't at all what I expected. Where our skin made contact, it felt like tiny magnets pulled us closer for a second. She didn't seem as cold as I thought she would be either. We both pulled back in surprise. Our eyes locked for a brief moment. I blinked and she was gone. Huh? Turning my head I noticed her scent leading into the woods. I tried to follow her, but her trail ended at a tree.

What just happened? This was so strange. The guys called for me and I joined them, while looking over my shoulder several times. I lingered behind a bit, so they wouldn't question me. That night I had trouble sleeping. My head was reeling. The puzzle was back again. With more pieces. What did it all mean? Eventually I gave in to my heavy eyelids.

The next day I gave my lessons all my attention. And kept that up until Friday. During the lunch break I zoned out and thought of her again. I concluded that the thing on the beach was probably just a fluke. No need to overanalyse. After some time I became aware of somebody talking to me. "Yo, Seth, Brady called, hello, anybody home?" He poked me in the ribs and snapped his fingers in front of my face.

I turned my head towards him as I came back to reality. "Yeah, yeah, very funny," I replied, bumping him in the shoulder. "What were you thinking about so hard, he asked, is it a girl?" I rolled my eyes, Brady's choice subjects were sports and girls, always. Sigh. Not worth responding to. But he wasn't giving up.

"Ooh, is it Lily?" he chided, she's had her eye on you for three years now." She's nice, you like her too, right?" His eyes scanned the room. I stayed silent. Yes, Lily was nice, I had a bit of a crush on her before the whole wolf-deal. We hung out a couple of times, held hands, nothing more. Both too shy and feeling funny. Awkward kids. "Look, Brady said, she's ogling you now." I glanced in the same direction.

As our eyes met, she realised she had been caught. A blush crept up her face while she looked away quickly. She's lovely, one of a kind, but I wasn't attracted to her anymore. The bell rang and I got up. My interrogation wasn't over however. He walked with me down the hall. "Okay, he said, so it's not her, but who else is there?" Ugh, why was he so annoying? "Who says I was thinking about a girl?" I spat at him.

"Hey, easy, he replied, putting up his hands, I don't know." But I can't think of anything else which makes you zone out." Unless it's your sister maybe." I for one, am not to thrilled about having her here." I scowled at him and gritted my teeth. "You know she's not like that anymore," I said with a raised voice. "She's been in a good place for nearly eighteen months now."

That shut him up. It was a sensitive subject with me and he knew it. My anger was short lived and replaced with relief. No more questions. The rest of the day was smooth sailing. During the weekend however, I touched May again and the same thing happened. We weren't as shocked like before and so we carried on with what we were doing. I wondered though, was it because of her gift? Had it changed? Or was it me, reacting differently?

A week later, we connected a third time. I initiated it, sitting beside her once more. Gently my hand rested on top of hers for half a minute. I really examined the feelings I got. The sensations were strange and yet enjoyable. She didn't pull away and seemed to be testing things herself. Afterwards we gave each other tentative smiles. Where was this going? We weren't sure.

I decided to open up again, I'd be happier if I went with the flow. She did the same when she was 'flying'. Only to me, she showed all of her. Her mind was still her own you know. Shutting us out almost completely was a possibility. She learned a lot these past few months and didn't need us to return to her body anymore. Slowly she discovered the limits of this outer body experience. Her time was still limited to a few minutes per session. We became aware too, that her body needed protection, when it was left empty. The thought of some enemy damaging it severely scared me. Was it more fragile that way?

I started to feel closer to her. My feelings for her were changing. I admitted to myself that I no longer saw her as a sister. The things about her that were beautiful began to stand out. May knew about it all and seemed slightly uncomfortable. Sometimes she happily enjoyed my company, others times she avoided me. That hurt a little. I understood a little now how Jake had felt with Bella. Though I had no competition from another male. Was I still like a brother to her? We were different species, was that the point? I certainly didn't care about that part. Though I guess I should think about it.

That was hard however, because all I was seeing was a girl I loved. Yes, really. I never felt this way about anybody else. The times I made eye contact with her, I tried to get that across. Saying it out loud might scare her away. And I wondered if others realised what was going on. I was careful around Edward and Jasper. Not an easy feat. Would they be okay if we, somehow, became a couple? Far into the future?

A couple, entertaining that thought felt good. Could that be possible? I hoped so. Suddenly I realised she'd be my first girlfriend. Wow, a big thing. The question next was of course; was I her first boyfriend? Oh, no, probably not, she was eighteen after all. Or twenty four. Had she been in a relationship after becoming a vampire? She never talked about it. Hmm, I think not, living in the wild.

A spontaneous bonfire pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind. I was in charge of the music and needed to make a selection. It was nice, we gathered a big crowd and ate our fill. I felt drowsy as the light faded and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, the fire had shrunken to camp-out size and I seemed to be left alone. Why didn't they wake me?

Suddenly I became aware of another body across from me. May was still here. She was sitting back, leaning on her elbows, her eyes closed. I got up and walked over to her. There was no reaction, she must be meditating or something. Sitting down next to her I reached out and touched her hand. That feeling was there again. How to describe it better. It was like our bodies met half way and adapted to each other. Like a pool of hot water and another ice cold one merging.

She opened her eyes and looked at me. I brushed my thumb along her skin and lost myself a second in her eyes. They were soft and gentle. I'm unsure where it came from, but I blurted out what was inside of me. "I think I'm falling in love with you." I moved closer, craving more contact. "I know Seth, she said in a low voice, and my feelings for you have changed too." Her eyes flicked to our hands before she continued. "But I don't know if we should act upon them."

She was holding back. "Why not, I asked, you feel there's some connection, right?" I pleaded with my eyes. "Yes, she replied, I can't deny that, but we're opposites and in some ways, I'm dangerous to you." I shook my head. "You wouldn't hurt me." She sighed; "Not intentionally, no." I think I knew what she meant. "We just have to be careful," I said, moving my hand up her arm.

I knew what I was going to do, there were butterflies in my stomach, but I just wanted more. My hand had made it's way to the back of her neck and I played with her hair a bit. She didn't stop me, so I leaned in, cupping one side of her face with my other hand. Those sensations of merging intensified.

Slowly, I pressed my lips on hers and we kissed hesitantly. We moved together and gave in. Her hand went to my neck and she softly grabbed my hair. My mind went blank and I forgot where we were. This felt so good, so right. We let go simultaneously and I sucked in some much needed air. She smiled, not needing it herself. Wow! My first kiss and it wasn't even with a human. Hah! I didn't care.

But immediately I wondered, was I any good? I glanced at her shyly and saw her doing the same. My questions couldn't be helped. "Are you alright? "Was I wrong to do that?" She shook her head. "No, that was wonderful, she whispered, just how I imagined a first kiss to be." I stared at her. Was I hearing her right? "You… have never had a boyfriend?" "No," was her simple answer.

She averted her eyes and if she could've, she'd be blushing. "Can I be your first, boyfriend I mean?" I asked. "I don't know, she replied, I want to explore if we can be, yes." But I think father should test me some more first." I cocked an eyebrow, indicating a 'why?'. "I think you're right, she explained, I have changed physically and I wanted to know how." It may be affecting 'us'." She waved her hand between her and me.

I narrowed my eyes. Was she saying this was the result of just some chemical reaction? She noticed my reaction and responded. "Now, easy, I know that sounds wrong, but you have to wonder why our feelings have changed." I calmed down a bit. "It started after I phased with Leah the first time." Are we sure, we would be here if I hadn't?" I didn't know the answer, so I guess we should take a step back. We got up, held hands for a minute and reluctantly split up. Time to think.

Two days later I walked into the woods and prepared for patrol. Yes, we still did that, at least once a week. One could never be too careful. As I phased, I was immediately aware that Embry was already there. The images that filled his head made the hairs on my back stand up. A growl escaped me. He was lucky he wasn't close. "You kissed her!" I snarled at him. He came out of his daze. 'Yes, he shot back, so what, you have no claim on her!' I started running towards him. 'And she asked for it, he added. 'To know what it feels like.' I felt betrayed. 'Oh, come on, he said gently, it meant nothing, in fact it was weird.' Okay?'