As always a big thanks to my readers for liking this story and being patient with me and my beta. I will have you know Chapter 26 has already been sent to my beta.

And always thanks to my beta: Dragon Claymore. I'd have a lot more mistakes if it wasn't for you.

Chapter 25: Road to Recovery

Derek knew that Spencer's road to recovery would be a long one but he didn't expect it this hard. It's been a month since Spencer told Derek everything about his encounters with Gideon and he reported the shooting of Gideon to Hotch. The Director wanted to fire Reid for the shooting of a FBI agent but Strauss managed to talk him down to a two week suspension. Spencer was more than happy with that. It would give him time away from the bureau where he kept seeing Gideon.

The problem was now that Spencer was seeing Gideon everywhere, especially in his nightmares. He couldn't seem to go anywhere without seeing Gideon glaring at him. Derek was getting worried because whenever Spencer thought he saw Gideon, Spencer would immediately get into a submissive position and it was hard to get him out of it. And if that wasn't bad enough, there was the way Spencer was pulling away from everyone. He had always been averse to others touching him but now he wouldn't even really let Derek touch him. They still slept in the same bed at night so Derek could help Spencer pull out of his nightmares but that's as far as the touching went.

Spencer was packing up his bag to head to the empty house. He sighed. Last week just before the team had been called to Milwaukee, Derek and Dave helped him move out of his apartment and in with Derek. Now the team was in Milwaukee and he had been ordered to stay behind with Garcia. He wasn't looking forward to being in an empty apartment by himself.

"Ready?" Garcia asked softly. She was giving him a ride.

Spencer gave a quick nod and picked up his bag and followed Garcia to the elevator. The whole ride to Spencer and Derek's apartment was silent. As Garcia pulled up in front of the apartment, she cut the engine and turned to look at Spencer. She reached out a hand to touch his shoulder but then pulled it back.

"You're doing well, Spencer."

Spencer turned to her frowning, "Huh?"

"Considering what you've been through, you're doing well in your recovery."

Spencer snorted, "Yeah, right. I can barely stand to have Derek touch me let alone anyone else. Everywhere I look I see Gideon's face, and if I was doing well, I'd be out there with the team right now."

Garcia smiled, "Spencer, it's gonna take time and you are making progress. I mean other people would've quit their jobs and retreated into a shell, but not you. I feel like you've come a long way in just one month."

Spencer smiled, "Thanks Garcia."

He exited the car and waved as he headed into the apartment. He was greeted by Clooney and chuckled softly when Clooney licked his hand. Spencer set about making himself dinner and then went through his nightly routine of getting ready for bed. He sat on the couch curled up with a book and the television on for noise and ended up reading until he fell asleep.

{~CM~}

Derek opened the door quietly as he knew Spencer was probably asleep. He had hated leaving him alone these last few days, but he didn't have a choice. As he shut the door he noticed the television on and he frowned. Spencer usually never left the TV on. Derek shut off the television before he actually noticed his boyfriend asleep on the couch. He chuckled softly.

"Spencer? Hey, wake up baby."

Spencer moaned in his sleep and shifted on the couch. Derek bit his lip. He gently lifted Spencer into his arms hoping he didn't wake up and freak out, but Spencer never did. Derek brought him to the bedroom and laid him on the bed before removing his boyfriend's glasses and put them on the night stand and turned on the lamp. Derek quickly changed before sliding into bed next to Spencer. Spencer felt something warm beside him that didn't feel like Clooney and he started to panic until he heard Derek's voice.

"Shh, you're okay."

"Derek? You're home?" Spencer whispered opening his eyes.

Derek nodded, "Yeah, babe, I'm home."

"When?"

"Five minutes ago."

"Oh."

Derek chuckled and kissed him gently, "Go back to sleep baby."

Spencer nodded and closed his eyes.

{~CM~}

Spencer woke the next morning and found Derek in the kitchen making breakfast. He frowned, "What are you still doing here?"

Derek chuckled as he put a plate of waffles in front of his boyfriend, "its Saturday, Spence. Unless we have a case, we don't have to go in."

Spencer nodded, "Right," he answered as he started on his waffles.

Derek sat across from him and started to eat his own breakfast. After a minute Spencer put his fork down.

"It's been a month."

Derek nodded, "Yeah, I know, baby and you're doing well."

Spencer shook his head, "No, Derek, it's been a month and you haven't touched me."

"Baby, you don't want me to touch you, you freak out every time I do."

Spencer sighed, "I want you to touch me, Derek. I want you make love to me. I want you to hold me."

Derek put his fork down and wiped his face, "And I will, Spence, soon."

Spencer sighed and went back to his breakfast. Derek frowned. He hated the broken look on Spencer's face, but he knew they couldn't have sex just yet. Technically, Spencer's body has healed but his psyche was still in pieces, scattered over the floor... it would take a lot of time and work to gather them up and put them back together... and even then, once pieced back together, the cracks would never fade. Spencer finished his breakfast and took his dishes to the sink and began washing them out. Derek did the same. He offered Spencer a small smile.

"Want to watch a movie?"

Spencer shrugged, "Sure."

Derek and Spencer sat on the couch and Derek flipped the channels searching for a movie on TV. He finally settled on The Fifth Element. He put the remote down and leaned back on the couch. Spencer curled into his side and Derek carefully placed his arm around his boyfriend's waist. They sat in silence watching the movie when Spencer looked up and very gently and softly placed a kiss to Derek's cheek. Derek chuckled softly and stroked Spencer's hair. Spencer kissed Derek's cheek again but this time closer to his mouth. Derek frowned and turned and Spencer molded their lips together.

Spencer climbed into Derek's lap, the movie forgotten and deepened the kiss. Derek moaned softly. Spencer gripped the hem of Derek's shirt and lifted it up and off before doing the same with his own shirt. Derek didn't think much of it as they used to kiss like this, until Spencer fumbled with the button on his jeans.

Derek pulled his mouth away, "Spence, stop."

Spencer shook his head, "Take them off, Derek. Please."

Derek shook his head, "No, Spencer."

Spencer bent down and kissed him hard on the mouth, "Please, Derek. I need you."

Derek sighed and pulled away, "No. Spencer, I want our first time to be special not because you have something to prove."

Spencer sighed and grabbed his shirt and put it back on before slumping against the couch. Derek stroked his cheek.

"Spencer, look at me."

Spencer did.

Derek smiled, "I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. You have no idea how bad I want you right now, but Spencer, we can't. You're already doing great with your recovery."

Spencer shook his head, "How will I really know I'm doing okay or recovering if I can't have sex?"

Derek chuckled, "Baby, you don't need sex to prove that you've recovered. You're letting me touch you, you were able to allow Garcia to give you a ride home, and you've stopped jumping into a submissive position so much. I'd think you were slowly getting better."

Spencer sighed, "I wanna have sex."

Derek chuckled, "I know, baby and I do too, but not yet. I promise, soon, but not now."

Spencer sighed, but nodded and curled back against Derek.

{~CM~}

That afternoon while Spencer took a nap Derek sat on the couch with his laptop open. Clooney jumped on the couch and put his head in his lap. Derek chuckled softly and scratched his head.

"I'm planning a trip for Spencer," Derek explained.

He knew they couldn't go far in case they got called away for a case, but he wanted to take Spencer somewhere away from here just for a few days. He decided to go to Virginia Beach after checking out the different attractions there. After booking the hotel and a couple of reservations, he closed out and decided to check his email before shutting down his laptop. There was an email from his mother asking how he was and how work was and if he had found someone special yet, which had Derek laughing. He typed up a response to his mother.

"Derek?" Spencer asked softly as he came into the living room.

Derek looked up, "Hey, babe, what's up? You okay?"

Spencer nodded as he came over to the couch and sat down next to Clooney, "What are you doing?"

"E-mailing Mama. Clooney, move," he said pushing his dog off the couch so Spencer could move closer.

"Oh."

Derek shut down the laptop and looked at Spencer, "What do you say we take a trip?"

"We can't, work."

"Not like a big trip but maybe like a three day weekend in Virginia Beach? Would you like that?"

Spencer nodded, "Sure."

Derek nodded, "Good, because everything is already arranged. Let's go."

"Now?" Spencer asked.

Derek nodded, "Yup, now."

Spencer shrugged and nodded and the two got ready and left the apartment.

TBC...