Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't care. Writing this for free.
AN: I put a poll on my profile about possible future fics... one of which I will start after I finish this one... or another one of my longfics at least.
Edit 13/03/16: I re-wrote part of the chapter. I got some help from Qinetiq, who helped be see why the previous chapter sucked, so I worked on getting a bit more humor. Incidentally, I included an extra, and make a promise of working on a much faster update on the next one as an apology.
Also, special thanks to AnFan-n-More who suggested the name for this chapter.
Chapter 8: doenapped.
As was stated at some point before, Harry was a man. Not a macho man, but a mainly man at heart… which is why he felt awkward when caught in the middle of a hug with eyebrow boy. After all, no matter how grandfathery the approach had been, he knew more than well that he must look like a bloody plush toy with all the cute fur and the big green ribbon.
If pissed Harry off, because it occurred to him that it was his new girly side, instead of his old empathetic side, which sent him to help out the crying kid… which is not to say he wouldn't have gone to care for the boy, but maybe he could have come up with a council that didn't involve him immersing himself into a talk about feelings and tears.
But back to the getting caught in the sissy moment, a further reason for feeling mortified was that, instead of ogling at the woman with the huge knockers in a dress that was little more than crisscrossed thread, he was more worried in figuring out if her color should be classified as grey or purple.
That, for sure, was a clear sign that he would have failed one of those "Gay tests" that he stumbled upon on the internet one memorable time his daughter tried to teach him how to work online banks, because she wanted a credit card, and he would be needing to have one so he could transfer the payment from his. He agreed to it right away, not because he wanted an account, but because it was a way to avoid going to the mall (at least the Muggle ones) when it came to shopping…
Funny thing is, every time he type something wrong (sometimes when he did write things right) nude women would pop on the searcher. How searching for "I can't pay my credit card" would lead him into a very graphic webpage about exotic pole dancers, was a mystery to him.
But back to the forest with the woman that had a distinctive lack of nipples. she was standing on a tree, eyebrow raised. Harry wriggled a bit, making eyebrow boy finally snap out of his crying. He also looked up to the woman, recognition lighting up his eyes. "Anko-san?"
...
"Anko-san?" Gai's crippled brat asked.
"Yoh, kid. Shouldn't you be resting at the hospital?" she inquired, not actually giving a damn that the kid escaped the hospital again. In fact she was sure she would do the exact same thing if the roles were revered... but that was neither here not now. "I see that you got yourself a new pet... I thought deer were a Nara thing," She wanted to know about why he was with Orochimaru's experiment, and figured making snarky comments was a good way as any to pry for information.
"She is not mine, she came to me a little bit ago. It clearly belongs to someone," he eyed the green ribbon "probably got lost... and it probably belongs to the Nara. Afer all, Anko-san, they are the only ones in the village who own deer." Every word he spoke was void of the exuberating energy he and his teacher were known for. It was weird to see Gai's mini me look so somber.
"Look, kid, I hate to break it to you, but you being here is not a good idea. There was an danger alarm triggered not long ago in the village. There is a chance Orochimaru is in town... and that your furry little friend has something to do with him." The kid eyed the lying animal, then looked back to her with a expression full of disbelief.
"What would a doe have anything to do with Orochimaru? I thought he was more of a snake-guy."
"Well, I got word from the Nara boy that it could be a spy... only one way to find out if that's true." With no more prompt, she tossed a shuriken to the downed doe. Lee, caught unarmed and completely by surprise, couldn't react in time to save the animal... then Gai's kid and the doe vanished with a pop of displaced air, then appeared five feet behind where they had been.
The crippled gennin looked ready to puke, arms still around the doe that continued to glare at her.
A Shunshin no Jutsu. A variation of the instant move technique Konoha shinobi used.
"See?" Anko pointed out, Lee let go of the quadruped. It stood in front of the gennin, in what she assumed was a defensive position. That green, doe-eyed glare was probably the most nonthreatening-looking thing she has ever seen.
Anko moved again, fast and focused, then punched the doe on the nose.
...
Harry felt stars dance in her eyes. There was anger bubbling in her little furry chest because he had seen the move with the clarity he saw a Snitch in the pit, could draw the trajectory... but her new body was unable to duck, muscle memory of his past as as duelist nonexistent. The-Boy-Who-Became-a-Doe was also in pain, death by being sucker-punched was a very lame way to go for a man known to have offed his first dark lord at fifteen months old.
To be fair, though, he was no longer a man.
Harry swaggered, stumbling forwards blinded more out of an old habit that real hope of achieving something. Needless to say, he was punched back to the ground.
Soon enough, Harry felt her body being picked up. "Where are you taking it, Anko-san?" eyebrow kid sounded saddened, but didn't try to stop the woman from taking her away.
"You are probably better not knowing it, kid, Anko declared ominously, then vanished in a swirl of leaves.
...
Meanwhile in an underground facility.
Danzo and Orochimaru stood on opposite sides of an underground bridge. They had already finished exchanging pleasantries, veiled jabs about the past, and settled the misunderstanding about it being Orochimaru's fault that the Konoha Shinobi were in high alert by the presence of a giant serpent -which nobody had truly seen, but some claimed to anyways.
"There is much to be gained if we work together once more," Danzo declared, his sole un-patched eye fixed on Orochimaru's yellow ones.
"That might be the case. But first, I want to see proof that you can, indeed, fix my arms," Orochimaru bartered.
With a head nod, Danzo summoned one of his agents, who brought a vial puke-colored substance. "This one is a prototype, a promising sample, one that my agents are working to show more permanent results." Danzo walked, then pressed the syringe to one of his lifeless arms. Upon getting the substance on his body, the fingers twitched, then Orochimaru prompty felt his arms working again. For a few seconds, then they went back to being useless and unfeeling.
"Impressive," Orochimaru declared, seeing the brief moments of mobility "Now I suppose you are going to ask me some proof of my investigations in return."
Danzo nodded, "Of course," Danzo agreed, then added.
"What if I don't know what what experiment you want me to reveal?" Orochimaru asked flatly, not giving away how true that statement was.
"We both know you do. And I will be giving you the research notes of the serum when you give me the ones I want. My agents have been working on the sample I gave you for a really long time, and some of the ingredients are quite hard to come by. Even for a man of your resources it would be impossible to replicate without that knowledge."
And in that venue the two men continued trying to one-up the other. When they (Danzo, Orochimaru and Kabuto) would eventually part ways, the Sannin would have his genius assistant to check his blood and try to dig the serum to dissect the components. It was an advantage that Danzo was unaware of how talented Kabuto really was, so his assistant did manage to isolate the substance. While it would probably take a while, Orochimaru was positive he would be getting some useful data out of it.
As for his deal with Danzo... there would be a snowy day in Suna before he would trust the old War Hawk again. Needless to say he walked away from Konoha with his creepily devoted assistant as soon as the Root kid Danzo sent to show them the way out left them alone for the night.
For once, Orochimaru would be the one to get the last laugh against Danzo...
Incidentally, Orochimaru was glad that the crazy idea of turning himself into a giant, white, mutant snake might not be necessary anymore.
...
Nara Shikaku looked lazily towards the white-haired man dismounting a giant frog. Jiraia of the Sanin was always a drag to deal with, even when it didn't involve the lengthy list of complaints from the female ninjas that were sent on his way every time the man peeped into the bath. As things stood, the research team had been working on and off on a permanent ninjutsu to prevent anyone from taking a peep from outside the bathhouse, and permanent, deadly traps had been put in ever tree surrounding the female baths.
The accidents from unsuspecting kids playing ninja on the area were something Shikaku entirely blamed on the man in front of him.
But never mind Shikaku's personal feelings, Jiraia of the Sanin was a very efficient -if unorthodox- ninja. So he made a status report.
To Be Continued
…
Extra: Doe duties
Shikamaru looked at his parents with a lazy expression, unhappy that they would put him in charge of all baby deer, cutting time from his already taxing schedule. He needed to be training for the Chunnin examns, not learning how to bottle feed the animals of the compound.
"Why do I need to do it now?" Shikamaru stalled his duty.
"Shikamaru, when I was about your age I had already experienced how to take tabs on a the offspring of the deer my father had too care off. And I understand you are busy with the chunnin exams, but being in those exams means you should be mature enough to take part on your clan duties," Shikaku gave him a rare stern look, "I know I can trust you with this one. No Nara has ever failed to balance their duties to the village and to the herd."
"Mendokusei," Shikamaru drawled, this was going to be such a fastidious thing to get stuck doing.
Shikamaru took out a notepad and some writing utensils and went out to check on the babies. Each doe that had birthed had found a safe spot to keep their babies, which meant he had to look all over for each and every single one of the 6 that had fawns in a different hidden location.
Fortunately, the familiarity of the forest that was his backyard cut his job for him.
The first week there was little to be noted, the babies were healthy, fur still with white splotches, no injuries, no infections… then came the second week and he noticed an odd one in the herd. A small doe, one that grew thin instead of chubby and barely grew. He noticed the mother didn't stay close to the little doe, which had odd-colored eyes and a bald spot in a shape of a thunderbolt.
The next morning, as Shikamaru followed the instructions of a care manual for underweight foals, he decided to keep his new duties secret from the female of his team. After all, the baby doe fitted that what he knew women considered as cute, and the least he needed was Ino to come to his home lured by her innate motherly instincts, then waste her day nagging him about leaving his poor mother taking care of all the house chores.
He also didn't know if he would ever live down the fact that he spent his free time wearing an apron and bottle-feeding babies.
.
AN: I know it's not a great chapter, but inspiration was low... really low. In fact I didn't have the inspiration for a name of the chapter (though I didn't think that was an excuse to keep you from waiting any longer).
Can you toss me suggestions for the name of this chapter? Random words with 'doe' (fake ones count) in them are appreciated too, because I don't have a clue of what to call the next one which might or might not include Inoichi trying to dig stuff out of a doe's mind.