Chapter XI - Owls Again

Draco was sitting in his dormitory, refusing to go to class. At the time, neglecting to meet Hermione in the Room of Requirement had seemed like the only option. Now however, he realized that the guilt he felt, nestling in the bottom of his stomach, was due to the fact that he had mishandled the situation with Hermione. It had been cruel of him to not show up at the Room without any reason why. She didn't deserve it, not after all that he had done to her in the past.

Last night he had been so worked up he hadn't been thinking clearly. He had gone to bed believing that he had been the selfless one; he had thought that he was protecting her by putting space between them. He realized now that he had just been too cowardly to admit to Hermione what the real story was, what his task was. If he told Hermione everything, she would undoubtedly hate him more than she already did. Draco had never felt as trapped as he did then, sitting on the edge of his bed.

All options seemed bleak. If he told Hermione what the real issue was, she would despise him. How could she not? Her best friend was Harry Potter. She herself was closely linked to the Order of the Phoenix and to Dumbledore. If Draco told her what was going on, she would surely misconstrue the situation and think that Draco had gone into this willingly.

On the other hand, if he never spoke to her again, she would hate him for leading her on. In either case, he lost her. Draco recalled painfully those hours they had spent in the Room of Requirement and wondered if he had ever been as happy as he had been then. It seemed cruelly ironic now that he had apologized for his actions throughout the years, apologized for treating her harshly then proceeded to stand her up the next night. In his anxious haze and depressed state he thought that he had made the right choice, but now it seemed that he had managed to wreck the only gloriously good thing he had.

It was so unjust— he was so frustrated at his family for their pure-blood mania and infatuation with the Dark Arts. His parents, Lucius and Narcissa had been the ones who had raised him and it had been they who had ingrained the ideas which Draco was now struggling internally with. None of it was true; Hermione was muggle born and she was just as gifted as any other wizard or witch. In fact, she was more talented than most. She was proof that muggle-borns were not inferior, nor that they did not belong in the wizarding world. He now saw that his parents, along with the Dark Lord and all his supporters, were highly prejudiced and that it was just as simple as that.

The root of all of his problems lay in the Malfoy's ties with Voldemort. If his family had never been supporters of the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters, then he would never have been in his current situation. He would never have been coerced into take on this task. Draco suddenly felt sick with anger; anger at himself, his family and his actions towards Hermione. Nothing seemed to be going right, and it was going to take a lot of work to turn his luck around.

Draco heard the door open and he pulled his head out of his hands to see that his friends, Blaise and Theo were standing in the doorway. Draco noted their confused and concerned expressions before they entered the room. Blaise sat on his bed, which was next to Draco's while Theo started rummaging through his trunk. Draco noticed Blaise's apprehensive glances at him and Draco said wearily,

"Come to have a concerned chat about my well-being, have you?"

Theo looked up at this, and then continued to search his trunk. Blaise however didn't waver and just said straightly,

"Draco, what's the matter with you? You've been acting strange for weeks now; you all but disappeared this weekend then missed Vector's class today."

Draco didn't say anything to this but merely sighed and rubbed his eyes with this hand. When he looked back up, Blaise was still there looking annoyingly quizzical. He didn't have the faintest idea where to begin, what to tell and what not to. He hadn't told a soul about his task given to him by the Dark Lord nor did he have any plan to. Blaise cut across his thoughts and said slowly,

"This is about that Granger girl isn't it? I rather thought that she was looking particularly put out today and kept looking over to your empty seat."

Draco's face must have given something away because Blaise looked smugly at him, having thought that he worked out Draco's woes. Deciding to play along with what Blaise thought, Draco said in a faked sepulchral tone,

"Oh alright fine. My absence from Arithmancy may have had to do with Granger."

Blaise grimaced. "And what, may I ask, did you do to screw things up this time?"

Draco looked affronted. "Why is it always a given that I'm the one that's done the screwing up?"

Blaise just gave him a look.

"Draco, you are quite thick sometimes. For starters, you're hiding in your room, being defensive and you look terrible. And I doubt that the noble prissy-pants Hermione Granger would have done anything too terrible, so that just leaves you."

Draco just stared at him, wondering if he would get away with hexing Blaise, but then thought better of it. Draco sighed yet again and said resentfully, "Fine, yes. I was the one doing the fucking up, happy?"

Blaise ignored this and just said, "Would you even tell me what you did if I asked?"

Just then Theo turned around and said, "Oh leave him alone Blaise. If I remember correctly you're not always the smoothest with women—remember Greengrass?"

Blaise shot a withering look at Theo and said sarcastically, "Thanks for reminding me".

Draco rubbed his eyes and fell back on the bed. This was the last thing he really needed now. Friends they might be, but they certainly knew how to irritate him beyond all reasonable measure. He threw his arm over his eyes and let all the air of his lungs in one exasperated breath.

He heard Theo and Blaise continue to bicker and joke around while Draco continued to mull over his thoughts from before. As he lay there he got more and more annoyed at his two roommates. In a swift motion, he got up off his bed, grabbed his bag and just stalked out of the dormitory leaving Theo and Blaise without another word.

He made his way out of the Slytherin common room and began walking around the dungeon corridors. He usually went to Potions with the rest of the Slytherins but not today, he thought to himself. He knew that he shouldn't be so irritated with his friends, and that he was really just irritated with himself.

His free period was almost over. He checked his watch. Ten minutes before class with Sluggy. Instead of waiting at the door he decided to walk around the corridors until it was time to go in. Draco knew that he would have to go to Potions—not just because Slughorn might give him a detention if he didn't, but because Hermione would be there. As much as he wanted to say that he was absolutely sorry, which he was, he knew that it would be nearly impossible to try to get her on her own to do the apologizing. Draco knew that he didn't have it in him to shout an apology at her during breakfast while she was at the Gryffindor table, so he would have to get her on her own to do it. He didn't like the idea very much, he was never the one for apologizing or being humble but this was different and he wanted to do it. Draco knew that she'd probably be with Potter and Weasley, and the prospect of getting her own her own with them around was bleak. He figured he'd just have to see how things went.

Draco made his way back to the Potions room. It wasn't time yet and Theo and Blaise were lined up with the rest of the students. Draco noted that the Gryffindors weren't there yet which Draco was glad of. He walked over to his friends and slumped against the wall.

"Calmed down have you?"

Draco opened his eyes and saw Blaise looking slightly exasperated at him.

"I haven't decided," Draco said indifferently.

"Look," Blaise leaned in and said quietly, "You could just stop acting like an idiot and apologize for whatever you've done."

Draco didn't have time to reply because the door swung open and the class began to file inside for their Double Potions lesson. He took his usual seat and quickly glanced over to the Gryffindor table to see if Hermione was there, which she was. Draco could see her profile and she was determinately staring right at Slughorn, and nowhere else. She did indeed look a bit tense, and he could see faint circles under her eyes. A fresh wave of guilt washed over him and he looked away. He couldn't concentrate on anything Slughorn was saying and it didn't seem important to him anyway. Draco didn't pay the slightest attention to the potion that he was making.

Draco looked over at Hermione whenever he thought he could steal a glace. The moments they shared in the Room of Requirement seemed forever ago. He couldn't help staring at her and at those times Theo had prodded him on the arm, whispering things like 'Get a grip' to him. Draco couldn't help but stare at her however. When she was concentrating particularly hard, she had a habit of biting her bottom lip ever so slightly. He remembered kissing those lips and remembered running his hands through her hair. She was just so perfect. He recalled what he had whispered to her while they had been together. 'It's always been you, Hermione… always, know that.' He hadn't really known why he said it then but now it seemed pretty clear.

Draco's Draught of Peace wasn't the serene shade of alabaster as Potter's was at the end of the lesson but that didn't matter. All that really mattered was getting to Hermione. When the bell rang at the end of the lesson, she quickly shot out of the room before Potter and Weasley even got up out of their seats. Draco quickly shoved Advanced Potion Making back into his bag and followed Hermione out of the hazy Potions classroom. He saw her round a corner at the end of the hallway and ran to catch up with her, his bag still over his shoulder. Hermione looked over her shoulder when she heard him coming. She sped up and didn't look over her shoulder again. He called her name, loudly enough for her to hear it but she didn't turn around at the sound of his voice. Draco caught up with her and lightly reached out to touch her arm.

"Hermione, I need to talk to you."

All she did was yank her arm out of his touch and gave him a withering look before running up the stairs to the Great Hall. Draco could hear the rest of the class coming near now. He stopped and made his way back down the corridor, past the other students and walked briskly back towards his common room.

Draco tried to get Hermione on her own to talk to him whenever the chance presented itself during that week. It didn't work however as Hermione really didn't want to talk to him. Draco didn't know what to do—he really wanted to say what had been burning inside him since that first potions class but he never had more than a minute before Hermione would storm away giving him a filthy look. The week passed in a dull blur and Theo and Blaise gave up trying to get him out of his perpetual sulk.

It was now Thursday evening. Draco, Blaise and Theo were sitting in the common room in their usual corner by the great glass windows. Draco wasn't paying much attention to the match which occupied his friends' attentions but morosely staring into the green murky depths of the lake. Just as Theo's queen dragged off one of Blaise's knights, Theo looked over at Draco and said,

"I take it that you still haven't talked to her?"

Draco gave a curt nod.

"Well, why don't you write her a letter then? Get it all out on paper."

Draco looked at him in surprise. Well now it seems obvious, Draco thought as he made his way up to the Owlery. He ascended the familiar steps with the letter clutched in his hand addressed to Hermione. He hoped that he would be able to catch her off guard if she was in her dormitory rather than in the Great Hall. Draco called down one of the school owls and tied his letter addressed to Hermione on its leg. Draco didn't want to use his own owl, for after all Hermione might recognize it. After telling the owl where to go, Draco sat on the ledge overlooking the grounds, watching the trees sway gently in the cool night breeze.

10-13-12:

New chapter soon my lovelies! (tomorrow?) Regardless, review please! Nothing makes me happier apart from homemade guacamole.