A/N: I've come to realize that I make a lot of gay jokes towards Sirius and Remus. No clue why. I just see Sirius as the kind of person who, while being perfectly straight, would flirt with anything that moved just for the fun of it, thus, in my head, jokes are made. I apologize if it offends anyone.

Lilly couldn't believe what she was seeing/hearing. Potter was casually talking to some girl (Lily could only see the girl's back, but it was undoubtedly some tramp. No girl with morals wore their skirt that short…though she had to begrudgingly admit, the girl had the legs for it…), leaning against the wall next to her in what was a decidedly flirtatious manner.

"Sooo," he said in a laid back, charming voice that Lily did not find attractive at all, "We going to Hogsmead together next weekend?"

Lily didn't hear the girl's answer, but from the smile on James's—Potter's! She meant Potter's!—face, it was definitely a yes. Lily's gut clenched in response, but she stubbornly ignored it; what did she care if Potter got himself a date? It just meant he wouldn't be pinning after her for once. This was a good thing, a thing to be celebrated! In fact, she'd go wish the happy couple congradu-freakin-lations right now!

The closer she got, the more her eyes narrowed. Stupid slim, tan bimbo with her two short skirt and nice legs, and silky looking raven hair.

"Well, Potter, I see you've finally—SIRIUS!?"

Both teens had turned at her approach. Lily didn't know what she'd expected the girl to look like, but she had most certainly not expected it to be Sirius bloody Black in an effin skirt!

"Oh, hi Evans!" James greeted, nonplussed.

"Yo," Sirius said with a nod.

"Wh-what are you doing i-in a bloody skirt!" the read-head sputtered.

"Enacting some perverse fantasy of Remus's. My little Moon-pie likes things kinky," he winked.

Her face flushed. "B-B-But! Your legs! You shaved your bloody legs!"

"He likes them really kinky."

Lily spun on her heel, practically sprinting away, trying not to imagine how kinky the shy prefect liked things. At least the unwanted image helped to cancel out the mortification she felt over being jealous of bloody Sirius Black in a skirt going on a date with James Potter. Wait…. Oh sweet Merlin, that sentence was so wrong in so many ways.

James looked over at Sirius with a frown. "Why didn't you just tell her that you lost a Quidditch bet?"

"Please. It's waaay less embarrassing to have people think I'm Moony's sex-toy than to have them think I'm Quidditch-stupid."

(Author's note—Prompt: 'Lily gets jealous when James dates another girl' by Bibliophilist. Probably not what was expected by this, but Sirius in a skirt was—for some unhealthy reason—what immediately came to mind when I read it…)

Remus shook his head sadly, watching James nervously approach Lily. "He doesn't honestly think that she's going to magically say yes after all these years, does he?"

"Well we do go to a magical school…"

"Sirius! You know what I mean," Remus laughed.

"Right I do mate. Hell would freeze over before those two hooked up."

James gulped nervously, running a hand through his hair then abruptly dropping it—Lily didn't like his sexy-hair-messing-up-ness. "So, um, Evans…want to go out to Hogsmead with me?"

Lily sighed. James really had become less of a prat over the years…and he did look awfully cute when he actually showed he was nervous.. "…Okay."

"Now look, I know you keep rejecting me, but damn woman! Just give a wizard a chance!"

"James, I said okay."

"Seriously! One chance! One bloody chance is all I ask! Just one, freaking, bloody, little—"

"DAMN IT POTTER! I BLOODY SAID 'OKAY!' LISTEN FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!"

"…Oh…well then…"

"Meet you in the Common Room at noon?"

"Yes..yes, good, quite…"

Lily calmly walked off, leaving a dazed, face-splitting grin adorned James behind.

Sirius and Remus looked on in shock, jaws dropped. "…Well," Sirius said slowly, standing up, "I better go to Hell and reset their thermostat."

(Authors note— Prompt: 'go to hell and reset their thermostat' by Elinor Nightshade. I think I took the obvious approach with this one, but it was a brilliant line :) )

The Marauders groaned as James went through his closet for the millionth time.

"All your clothes look the same mate," Sirius sighed, bored from the lack of activity.

"I know, but I have to have the perfect outfit for this date! I mean, it Evans—err, I mean Lily!"

Peter nodded his sympathies, while Sirius muttered darkly about James being 'a bloody woman with miniscule, baby bits.'

Remus wasn't normally one to stroke James's ego, but he was getting tired of dodging the projectile clothing flying form Prongs's closet. "James. How attractive are you?"

"Very. I'm the epitome of dashingness. You're smart, you should know this Moony."

"So then, won't you look good in anything?"

James paused in his frantic closet-mutilating. "..You're right, I will.. I, James Potter, have always been, and always will be, hot as hell!"

Peter and Remus both nodded in affirmation, preferring an ego-inflated James, to a clothing-panicked James.

"Soooo," Sirius drawled, "we're all in agreement that Prongsie is 'hot as hell?'"

At the three nods, he lazily hoped off his bed. "Well, better go turn hell's thermostat down some more. Can't make a liar out of the Marauders."

Remus frowned. "Didn't use already use that line less than an hour ago?"

"It's just that bloody brilliant Moony. That. Bloody. Brilliant."

The door shut.

"…..Where do you think he really went?" Peter asked timidly.

"…Well, it may not be Hell," James said in a sagely voice, "but wherever Sirius Black goes, it's definitely not holy."