The Doctor's POV
"Hello, River," I call out.
"Hello, Sweetie," River replies.
I walk up to greet River and she pulls me into a kiss, but I retreat quickly, knowing I'll be faced with her expression of hurt and disappointment.
"Sorry, River, now's not a good time," I grumble before moving away to fiddle with the Tardis dashboard. Nothing of importance really, but I need it just to make myself look busy.
"Is this something to do with why you're parked in the middle of alleyway but not going anywhere?" River asks. I ignore her and continue to pull random levers.
"River!" Amy squeals from the doorway, then hurries forward to give her daughter a hug. Rory appears out of the Tardis corridors and also comes into the control room to see his daughter. River brightens when her parents remember her, and starts chatting to her parents about what she's been up to and her adventures lately, as well as comparing where our timelines are at the moment.
I am glad she has focused on talking to the Ponds. I still see her give me sidelong glances but as long as she isn't talking to me, I'll be fine. I just can't deal with the guilt of seeing her right now. I wander away from the control centre of the Tardis and into the corridors. The Tardis knows where I want to go, even if I don't. Before I know it, I'm facing Rose's old door. It is painted white with a delicate flower — a rose, of course — in the centre. I reach for the doorknob and slowly open the door. I am hit with a rush of vanilla and something that is completely Rose. I slowly look around the pink room. Her bed is messy and the pillows tossed around. Her makeup dresser is cluttered with knickknacks and her 21st century makeup; her built in closet is cluttered with clothes just thrown in and the door left partially open. The room just screams of someone who has left for just a moment and plans to be right back. Well, she did plan to come back.
The Tardis closes the door behind me as I slowly walk to the bed and sit on the right side. I look at the pictures frames cluttered on her bed side table. I pick up an old photo of the three of us: Rose, Jack and my ninth self. I chuckle at the picture. I of course did not look happy to be in the picture but I put up a smile for Rose anyway. We were at a festival on Nimu 7. There were all sorts of rides and alien sweets to try. It was one of the rare adventures where nothing unexpected happened. It was just a fun day out. I put the picture down and focused on the other one she had on her bedside. It was one of just me and her, at the 2012 Olympics. We were both smiling at the camera with the Olympic racing centre in the back. It seemed like we truly would be together forever back then. I smiled, the expression bittersweet.
We ran giggling like schoolgirls back into the Tardis. That was a good party, celebrating the end of the 2012 Olympics. We closed the door behind us as I directed the Tardis into the time vortex. We couldn't stop laughing. There was a jerk and we both stumbled to the floor. Rose landed on top of me. Our giggling stopped. We just stared at each other. I don't know what possessed me to kiss her at that moment, but I did. I didn't think about how she was human, how she would eventually leave. I just focused on her. I focused on this moment. To my shock she kissed back. I don't remember much of it, how we ended up in Rose's bedroom. I couldn't care less. I was so focused on her touch, on her kiss. Rose's lips moving down my chest snapped me back to reality.
"Rose, we….we really shouldn't," I stuttered, using all my focus to not pay attention to what her divine lips where doing.
"We shouldn't what, Doctor?" Rose teased, not stopping in her ministrations.
"Rose, we can't. You're human!" I quavered. My arguments were hardly sound. This wouldn't be the first alien copulation in the history of the universe and it certainly wouldn't be the last.
"And that's a problem because?"
"Oh bugger," I said as I lost myself and was selfish for a night. A night in bliss with Rose. Pretending to be what I always wanted us to be.
I shock myself out of the memories. Rose didn't even remember it. I woke up before her, scared to death of what we'd done. I quickly dressed her in one of her nightgowns and sneaked out the door to my own bedroom. I prayed that she didn't remember but it still broke my hearts when she apparently had and walked into the kitchen a couple hours later as if nothing had happened between us. After I lost Rose, I often wondered if telling her would have made a difference. Two weeks later and she was gone. Would telling her and maybe being with her change what happened that day? I run my hands though my hair in frustration and self angst. I think back to our moment on Bad Wolf beach.
"There's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey and the baby."
"You're not...?"
No. Could it? Rose would have been 5 weeks pregnant. But it was impossible for a human and a Time Lord to conceive. There were too many genetic differences. But, Rose wasn't completely human then…was she?
No. Rose told me her mum was pregnant. I run through the lists of names that Gwyn had mentioned. There is no brother of Rose. But then again, when I rewrote my timeline, everything reset. Then why did everyone in my tenth self remember? Why did Rose come back OUT of her timeline? My head started to run with bits and pieces of the puzzle. No, that wasn't it. When Amy remembered me all my other companions must have remembered too, since it brought me back from oblivion. There, one problem solved.
But Rose. She was special. Think, brain, think! 10 weeks, barely showing. Rose came back to her original universe carrying her daughter. She was in Cardiff in 1986. 19 years before she met me. Rose was 19 when she met me. Gwyn has visions and a brain on par with that of a Time Lord.
Rose's daughter, Gwyneth Tyler. Father left before he knew Rose was pregnant. Gwyneth has the brain and intellect of a Time Lord. Rose's genetics changed drastically when she absorbed the heart of the Tardis.
I feel the penny drop in my head.
Gwyn is my daughter. I am her father.
~The Doctor's Daughter~
Normal POV
(Back to the Ponds)
"Where's he going?" River asks, watching as the Doctor walks away from them and deeper into the Tardis. When she arrived, she had thought that he was just about to take off onto his next adventure. She hadn't expected to see the Doctor depressed and stationary.
"Who knows?" Amy responds. She looks just as concerned over the Doctor's welfare as her daughter. "He's been a little bit moody lately since we ran into the daughter of an old companion of his." Amy shrugs. River looks shocked.
"Really? Which one? He's had so many…" River trails off. Thinking about which companion could have had such an impact on the Doctor. Only a few come to mind, and none of them ended with a happy send off.
"Rose Tyler. Apparently Rose and the Doctor were really close. But Rose's daughter doesn't seem to like the Doctor too much. I think it's hitting him pretty hard, since he cared a lot for her mother," Amy continues, oblivious to the impact of her words. To her, it's all past history, but River's heart skips a couple of times. Rose Tyler? Her stomach twists in knots. The Doctor truly loved Rose Tyler. She had learned a lot about Rose when she was with the Silence. Rose had healed him when he was traumatised by the role he played in the Time War. River wondered what life she could have lived with him if she had met the Doctor first, before Rose. Would he still have rejected most of her advances? He never was truly open with her. River often wondered, since they were on opposite timelines, if he was with her because that's what he thought he had to do, and because that's what her future self would tell his younger self.
"You met the daughter of Rose Tyler?" River inquires further. Rory nods his head, his first contribution to the discussion.
"Yeah, she's quite the character. We didn't mean to. We ran into her on one of our misguided adventures. It was purely accidental but here we are. It's been one mystery after another with her," Rory continues, moving to sit on the benches on the console landing. Amy sits beside him. River stays standing and starts resetting the Tardis dashboard, but she jumps back when the Tardis shocks her when her hands touch the console. She quickly pulled back her hands and held them together, taking a step back.
"River, is something wrong?" Amy asks, concerned as she watches River retreat from the console.
"It's fine. Nothing to worry about," River denies. She can't understand why the Tardis would shock her. She thought that the Tardis always favoured her, that the Tardis liked her. Why the sudden hostility now? River looks up when there are rushed footsteps running towards them. River watches as the Doctor pays the three of them no mind and hurries through the Tardis control room and out the main door. Amy and Rory quickly get up and rush to the door to follow him.
"Doctor, where are you going?" Amy shouts at him from the Tardis doorway.
"I have something I have to do alone! I'll be back!" the Doctor yells in response. Amy makes a move to follow him but she is stopped by, surprisingly, River's hand on her shoulder.
"River? Shouldn't we go after him?" Amy protests. River just shakes her head.
"I think this is something he'll talk about when he's ready. This…this is before us. We have no part in this story," River says, valiantly keeping her voice level even though her heart is breaking. River doesn't know Rose Tyler, but she knows of her, and if the Doctor has to make a choice, there is no doubt he will pick Rose over River. River had always known that, that he wasn't hers. Not truly hers. River just thought that this day wouldn't come in her lifetime. Suddenly she is wrapped in her mother's arms. She hadn't realised she is crying. Her heart is broken by the Doctor, but River knows he isn't to blame for any of this. But that doesn't lessen her pain.
~ The Doctor's Daughter ~
Gwyn's POV
I stumble into the doorway of my house, leaning onto my friend Clara for support. I feel really out of it, but nothing my Time Lord system can't flush out in an hour. I had met the girls at the club XOYO for a relatively small bachelorette party. There were a couple of my close co-workers and then of course, Martha and Donna, Tom's sister Emma, and my maid of honour, Clara. She guides me to my living room couch and lays me down.
"You sure did drink a lot tonight! It's a good thing we didn't have this on the night before the wedding. It would be horrible having a hangover then," Clara says, cheerful despite my condition. She didn't drink a lot, since she was in charge of getting me home, but it is late and she babbles when she's tired.
"I don't get hangovers," I mumble, shifting further into the sofa. I hear Clara chuckle as she places a blanket over me.
"I don't know what's going on but I'll be here for you, Gwyn," Clara whispers before leaving the house. I don't know when I fall asleep, but I am rudely awakened to loud banging on my door. I get up; my body has burned off most of the alcohol but I still feel a little tipsy. I stumble to the door and grumpily throw it open to see the Doctor standing there. He is dishevelled and sweating. What the Doctor is doing here, I have no idea. I quickly glance at the clock in our foyer and see that it's 1 am. I give him a puzzled look, waiting for him to find his words. If I had more energy, I could think of something sarcastic to say first, but I'm too tired to really think straight right now. The Doctor looks angry and hurt, and he stares me straight in the eyes.
"We need to talk, Gwyn," he says, voice serious. My heart starts to beat faster. Does he know? Did he figure it out? I open the door more to let him in. I am still in my dancing clothes; my hair is done up into a loose ponytail and my black halter dress is wrinkled from lying on the couch. He storms past me without a glance, straight into the living room. I steel my nerves and go to face him head on. I set my face into a neutral expression and stiffen my posture.
"WHY DIDN"T YOU TELL ME?" the Doctor roars when I face him fully. I stand my ground.
"Cause I didn't want you to know!" I shout back. Just like him to come barging into my house and start shouting at me.
"What? So I didn't deserve to know that you're MY DAUGHTER? That I had a child?" the Doctor rants as he begins pacing back and forth in the living room.
"You didn't need to know! I don't care if you helped create me! IT MEANS NOTHING IF YOU WEREN'T THERE!" I rage at him, the dam finally breaking. Years of tension, anger and resentment flow to the surface as I face my father. I've faced the Doctor before, but never in this capacity, and I'm not sure that I like it.
"I would have been there!" I don't doubt the sincerity of his words, but he's nearly two decades late to be apologising. He stops pacing and faces me again. The anger is still there, but now he looks more sad than angry.
"If I had known you and Rose were here, I wouldn't have thought twice about rushing here and being with you. I would have loved to have been there when Rose disappeared. I would have loved to be your father." The Doctor's voice softens as he reaches towards me. I slap his hand away.
"But you weren't. Mom would tell me these amazing stories of you. I use to believe in them. I would sit in my room and pray that you'd find us. Every year on my birthday I would wish for the same thing. That you would find us and take us away. I wished for you to come back to us, to kiss me goodnight, and hear about my day and show me the universe like you did mom. As I got older the reason for the wish changed. Then I saw how sad you made Mom by not being there. She would cry herself to sleep when you weren't there. Two times a year. On the day, you left her, and the day she met you. It was only two times a year but for those two days, no matter what I did I could never get her to smile and she cried all night. That's when I started wishing you would come back so Mom would stop crying." I sobbed.
I felt the warm tears fall down my face and the mascara and eyeliner start to come off because of tears. All my bottled emotions suddenly burst open. Years of taking the pain and the anger and locking them up in a closet in my mind, now it's like the locks had broken and the words kept tumbling out. Things, I had never told anyone about.
"Then I turned twelve and my mum was gone! AND IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT! SHE WAS TAKEN BECAUSE YOU MADE SO MANY ENEMIES! I stopped wishing for you to come back that day. I wanted you dead! I hated you! I realised then and there that you weren't the amazing man my mom had talked about. You promised her an adventure, and then you dumped her on a beach, alone and pregnant and IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE!" I break down and collapse onto my knees, shaking for lack of breath. At this point we both are crying.
"You have every right to hate me…" the Doctor says softly. I continue looking at the ground, my entire body trembling.
"You're right, too. I'm not this amazing man people think I am. I didn't try to find her. The things that brought you and your mother here was, complicated. I didn't even think of the possibility that Rose would be back. There is nothing I can do to make that pain go away, I may not have been there then, but I want to be here for you now," the Doctor pleads. I stubbornly keep my head low, refusing to give him the comfort of looking him in the eye. I'm not sure I can look at him and keep my cold composure.
"Did you even try to find her?" I ask, my head still low. The Doctor draws in a sharp breath.
"No," he sighs at last.
"You didn't want to give up that free life of yours, did you?" I snap, jerking my head up to face him although I don't think I can stand up yet.
"That's not true! I love her! If I had any choice in the matter, I would have stayed with her forever," the Doctor assures me. My instincts says he's telling the truth. But I can't bring myself to believe in him. He's been nothing but a dark fairy tale in my head. Everything that ever went wrong was his fault. I rub my eyes in a futile effort to clean off my smeared make up and wipe away my tears.
"I wish that you had died with the rest of your planet! You bring pain and suffering to everyone you come into contact with," I sniffle. "You are the reason Mum was always so sad! You are the reason I can't have my mother beside me on my wedding day! YOU ABANDONED HER! YOU ABANDONED ME! I hate you! I hate you SO MUCH! I WISH YOU WOULD JUST DIE AND LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE!" I rage at him.
"Just go away," I hiss, drained of anything else to say. I feel the Doctor move to touch my shoulder and I shy away from him and block his hand. I glance up and he looks so hurt, so broken, so defeated. The mighty Doctor, brought down by a few harsh words. His eyes are as red and swollen as I'm sure mine are. I drop my gaze. Knots are twisting in my stomach for all the cruel things I just said to him. We wait in silence for a long minute.
"Please, just go away. Leave me alone. Please." I wipe my tears and turn away from him. Slowly his heavy footsteps head toward the front door. When I hear the soft click of the latch, I allow myself to curl up into a ball against the wall of the living room. I start to bawl even harder now that no one's there to hear. I scream and cry my heart out. It feels like the pain in my chest won't go away. I just want this all to stop. I want to run and catch up to him and apologise. I want this guilt and anger to go away. I want the pain in my heart to stop. And more than anything, I want my mother back for my wedding day.