28/09/2012 - Friday

Tori

My head hurts, and I'm really nauseous. I don't have the courage to open my eyes yet, since I know they'll be heavy and tired. I roll to my back, and it only makes me feel worse, so I go back to my side. My arms hurt, and my knees do to. Fine, I guess I have to wake up.

I open my eyes. "Urghhhh." I grunt, as I slowly sit up. I'm not in my room?

Right! I'm not in my room… Beck took me home? Why did he take me home? I remember going down to Andre's basement, and the next thing I know I'm sitting down in his bathroom. How did I go from one place to another?

I'm in his bed, and I'm wearing a large, black t-shirt.

"Morning." I follow the sound, and find him in the couch. He's wearing plaid pajama bottoms and a grey shirt. He has a bowl, a spoon, and a book on his lap.

"Hi." I look down, realizing I'm not wearing pants either. At least I still have my bra on. I move over to the edge of the bed, and the entire room starts to move. I slowly move my head on his direction, and it already makes me even dizzier. "Could you bring me some water please? The room's moving and-"

"There you go." He gives a new bottle. I uncap it, and start drinking. I know that I feel bad mostly due to dehydration. "Should I call someone? Tell them you're here? I told Andre but I don't know about your parents."

"Andre's is enough." He'll make sure to tell Cat why I disappeared in the middle of the party. And my parents… They probably don't even notice I'm not there. "So, walk me through the night?"

He nods, and pulls a chair up to sit near me, and tells me I fell down and scraped my arm. I guess that explains why I have a completely new wound and have no recall of how I got it. He continues with me refusing to tell him my own address, and that he took me here. I'm glad I didn't throw up in his car, messing up his bathroom was bad enough.

"Thank you." I say, after he's done. He shrugs it off, and I finish the water. "Do you know if I brought my purse with me?"

He looks around, and gets back up. He walks inside the bathroom, and comes out with my small strap-on bag. The most important lesson I learned when drinking, I always carry a purse that's strapped to your body, losing them becomes way harder.

I take it from his hands, and slowly get up. "Do you mind if I use the bathroom?" I ask.

He chuckles. "Make yourself at home."

Beck

I eat the last bite off the re-heated Chinese food leftovers I had in the fridge, and put the empty box on the floor. She ate some of the food but claimed she would be nauseous if she ate too much, and I believe her.

It's been four hours since she woke, and we haven't stopped talking. After a while she decided to take up on the offer I made her a couple of days ago, and play 20 questions. I'm waiting for her to ask me the tenth question, and we are now reaching that point where the stupid questions are ending. I'm just waiting for her to break that wall.

"Okay." She says, and I turn my head back at her. "How much do you miss Canada?"

"Like Sikowitz would miss coconut juice." I kid, and she chuckles. "I don't miss the country, I miss my friends, and my Grandma."

"Grandma?" She smiles, and I nod. "Your turn."

"Let me think."

She moves closer to me on the couch, and I feel it again. The aching I felt two days ago before we made out. I've never felt this for anyone before, like I don't just want to be with her, I need to. And I know she feels it too, this is too strong to be one-sided.

"We need to talk." She says, moving even closer.

I swallow thick air, and look down at her lips. This is going to be tough. "I thought we were already talking."

I move closer too, and I can't look back up. She's inches away and I don't know if I can stay like this for long. "No…" She says, in a low tone of voice. "About this."

Our lips brush. And I don't think I can answer her, I don't think I can do anything but kiss her. We stay like this for what it feels like an eternity, lips parted and close enough to feel the other's presence, but too far to do something about it. I close my eyes.

I raise my hands up and place them on either sides of her face. I dig my fingers in her hair, and she breaks the almost non-existing space between us. I kiss her, really kiss her, and she grips my shoulders. This feels so effortless, so right.

I slide my hands down, and pull her closer. She sits on my lap, wrapping her legs around my torso. I look up at her, and she smiles. I kiss her again, and nothing has ever felt so good. She wraps her arms around my neck, and slightly pulls my hair. I deepen the kiss again.

"This." She says, breaking apart. I keep one of my hands firm against her lower back. "This is a problem." She lays her hands on my chest.

"Why?" Her hands slide up my neck. She stops talking, and kisses me again. This time I'm the one who pulls away. "You feel it too, don't you?"

Her eyes travel from my lips and meet my gaze. She nods, and her nose brushes against mine. "It's something I've never felt before."

"Me neither." I admit.

"It scares me." She closes her eyes, and I bring myself up, planting a kiss on her cheek. Then another one on the corner of her mouth.

"I know." And I do, because it scares me too.

This connection between us, it feels unreal. It feels like something I would have red in a book, and laughed at yet another cliché. It feels impossible.

Tori

I'm sitting on his bed, with my back turned to him. I shake my head, laughing to myself. This is so weird, so random, so… So good?

"What?" He asks, and I look back at him. He's lying down shirtless, with his phone in his hands. I spin around, and cross my legs. I look at him, and I just want to laugh even more. He smiles, confused. "What's so funny?"

"Us." I say. "Sikowitz has been putting us in plays together for three years…" I stop talking and laugh even more. "…it took us three years…" He starts laughing too, I don't if it's because he understands what I'm trying to say, or it's just because I'm laughing. "Maybe we're overthinking this." I say, once I'm finally able to control my laughter.

"I don't think we are." He says, with a lingering smile.

"Maybe it's just sexual compatibility."

He frowns, sitting up. "I don't think that's it."

I chuckle, realizing I might burst into laughter again. "This makes no sense."

"I think that's the point." He tells me, and I stay silent. Maybe he's right, or maybe we're overthinking everything. I guess the only way to find out is to wait, and see.

I get up and get my purse from the bathroom, finding my phone. The battery is almost dead, and I have fourty-four messages, plus The Slap notifications.

I ask to borrow his charger, and he points at the bottom of the couch. I walk over there, and sit down next to the plug. Oh no.

(37) Messages from: Cat Valentine

(5) Messages from: Andre H.

(2) Messages from: !Jade!

I start out with Cat, who's freaking out because I disappeared. Then she texts me saying she knows I went home with Beck, and that she's even more worried because I stopped answering her. Andre starts out inviting me to go to a barbecue today, at five. I check the time, it's four fifteen. The next four texts are the same as Cat's, trying to see if I answer. Jade's are just threats, and I hope she doesn't mean what she wrote.

If I know my friends well enough, I know some of them might be looking for me right now. I should call them, and let them know I'm fine.

Someone's knocking on the door.

"Toriiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" I hear, in a loud and high-pitched voice. "Toriiiiiii! Are you there?!"

Beck gets out of bed, and looks at me. "Should I open?" He asks, and I try to think this through.

"Maybe you should put on a shirt first." I warn him since the girl behind that door can go a little crazy over boys. "I'll open."

I on my way to the door, when I realize I'm wearing a short-sleeved shirt, and no bracelets. They're completely visible. No, no, no…

I look over at Beck, who's putting a plaid shirt on. "Give me your shirt!" I yell, and he rolls his eyes.

He takes the shirt off, and throws it to me. "I think you haven't sobered up yet." He says, and I ignore him. I put on the shirt as fast as I can, and open the door.

I'm instantly embraced by my tiny friend. "Cat!" I say, hugging her back.

"I was so worried! Why didn't you answer me?!" She's still hugging me, so I take a few steps back pulling her with me. The door closes behind her.

"I'm sorry." I say, and she finally lets me go.

She looks up at me with a smile, then glances over at her side. I follow her eyes, and find Beck looking for a new shirt.

"Tori!" She exclaims, and I clench her wrist hoping she'll understand that as a sign for her not to freak out. She widens her eyes, and looks at me sealing her lips. Thank god. "Are you coming to the barbecue? Robbie's right outside waiting for me to bring you."

"Yeah of course." My answer makes her jump and squeal. "Beck, do you want to come?"

He finishes buttoning up another plaid shirt, and looks at me doubtful. "Sure?"

I nod with a smile, and Cat pokes me in the arm. "Let's go!"

She heads out, and I hold the door open for him. "Is it cool if I come?" He asks, and I walk down the first step.

"It's Andre, he's down for anything." We walk to the patio, and I realize I'm still wearing his clothes. "Oh." I look back at Beck. "Would you mind driving us? I want to stop by my house, and change."

He smiles. "That's better, I don't know if that I trust Robbie's driving skills." He stares at the car, and I see Robbie take out his asthma puffer. I nod in agreement.

I let them know we're going in Beck's car, and we drive off shortly after them.

"Where do you live?" He asks, glancing at me. "And please don't say at the big house with the pretty trees."

"The big house with the pretty trees?" I question, and he smiles.

"When I asked your address yesterday, that's what you said." I smile, embarrassed.

I give him the proper directions, and it takes about twenty minutes for us to get there. He parks in the patio, and I hop off. "I'll be here in five… Ten, tops!"

He nods, and I rush inside. The living room is empty, but I can see food cooking in the oven. Since it's actual food and not frozen pizza, I know that my Dad's home. He cooks most of our meals, and he's pretty good at it. My Mom can cook desert, and she doesn't anymore because she says she doesn't want fat daughters. It always makes me cringe when she says that.

I walk upstairs and straight to my bedroom. I take a very quick shower without washing my hair, because that would take an extra hour. I tie my hair up in a ponytail so that it doesn't look so bad, and go inside my closet.

I skim through all my clothing. It's always hard to find dresses with long sleeves, and don't look too wintery. I shake my head, looking down at my bare legs. They are very small scars, which have almost completely faded away. It's the best place to cut, really high up on the thigh. No one sees it, and I can wear anything I want.

But it doesn't feel the same way as the wrist. Nowhere feels like the wrist.

I snap out of my thoughts once I see a seventies looking dress that's very short, but has long sleeves. It has a bright pattern so it won't be too suspicious, and it fits me well enough. I put it on, and find brown boots to go with it.

I sit down on my vanity, and do my makeup as quickly as I can, trying to conceal the dark circles and bags under my eyes. I look so tired and worn out that in a normal situation I would freak out that Beck saw me this way, of course once you see someone vomit not wearing makeup isn't a big deal.

I grab my purse, and walk out.

"Tori!" I meet my father on the stairs, he has a plate of food in his hands. "Hey, I just made vegetarian lasagna."

"It smells good." I say, and he smiles.

"Oh! Did your Mother tell you we booked our trip?"

"No, she didn't." They're going away again? Just last weekend they traveled upstate, and before that to Mexico. I have barely left Los Angeles.

"We're going to Aruba on December third, then we're going on a cruise to South America. We'll be back in January."

"December third?" I ask, trying to remember why that date sounds familiar.

"Yes, the same day your sister comes home."

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. "Okay." I say, and he walks past me.

I walk down to the living room, trying to sort out my thoughts.

Great, that's just what I needed. My sister home during Christmas, which means not only she's going to throw her usual parties, she'll also wanna throw one during the holidays. I can't stand it when she comes home! Everyday strangers are here, and she's always so critical and conceited.

I know you shouldn't hate your siblings, but Trina makes it really hard. REALLY fucking hard.

I go back to his car, and put a smile on my face. I don't want to think about her now. And how she's going to yell at me for no reason at all. And cry when her nail breaks, and invade my room to throw away all the clothes I have that she thinks are ugly.

"You ready?" He asks, and I tell him to go.

My house is really close to Andre's, I usually walk there two times a week to practice songs, and vice-versa. It's the greatest thing to live this close to your best friend, they're always at your reach when you need them.

"So, Cat, Robbie and Jade are going to be there." I tell him. "They're weird, but they're all good at heart." I say, and he shrugs.

"I'm on the theater club with all of them." He begins. "I think I know what to expect. Jade's going to try to intimidate me, Robbie is going to fight with Rex, Cat is going to be all over the place, and Andre's just gonna chill."

"I'm impressed."

He pretends to take a fake hat off with his left hand. "Thank you."

We get to the house, and as always his lawn is already completely clean. Andre always starts with the outside, and works his way to the backyard. I guess to keep the appearances, because since the neighbors don't complain about the noise, I don't think they would about his lawn either.

I ring the doorbell, and we hear his footsteps getting closer. "Hey! You are alive!" He says, pulling me in for a hug. I hug him back, and tight. Once we let go, he moves on to Beck. "Sup, man." He says, and they "man-hug" which I find funny. Why can't most guys hug like normal people?

We follow him inside the house, and find all of my friends in the living room. "Wasn't this a barbecue?" I ask, and he shrugs.

"I realized I didn't have any food." I glance at Beck, who let out a tiny gasp when hearing those words. I guess he takes his eating habits very seriously. "So we ordered pizza, it should be here in twenty minutes."

I move on to greet all of my friends, and Beck follows me. For a second they're all in silence, but it doesn't take more than a few seconds for them to continue their previous conversation.

We sit down at the available couch, and Robbie walks over to us. He starts talking to Beck about some technical stage stuff that I don't understand. I get back up, and tell him I'm going to get some water.

Once I reach the kitchen I find Andre washing the counters. "Can I help?"

"Don't you want to be with Beck?" He asks, and I go over to the sink, to put away the clean plates.

"Robbie has him right now." He nods, knowing those are never short conversations.

I start putting things in place. "So… You and Beck, huh?" I smile. I can't not smile. "What's going on there?"

"We made out a couple of days ago." I say, and he widens his eyes.

"What?!" He stops scrubbing the counter for a second, looking at me with widen eyes. "Baby girl, why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug. "I was still processing it myself."

He nods, going back to cleaning. "And last night? Did you…"

Andre is the only one of my friends who knows I'm a virgin. Robbie and Jade think I did it with my last "boyfriend" – if you can even call him that. Cat thinks I slept with the one before that. I don't know why I lie about it, I guess it's just another thing I don't want to have to worry about explaining. Jade's the only one who still hasn't had sex either in our group, and she carries herself in such a threatening way that no one would question it. I on the other hand am not threatening at all, and know the three of them I'm a virgin would be yet another thing on my plate.

It's stupid that high school kids put so much value in sex, and that knowing if someone is or isn't a virgin has so much importance. It's such a stupid little thing, and even so it can change the way people look at you.

But Andre's not asking because of that, he's asking because he worries. And I love him for that. He's like family, not my family but what someone would expect from one.

"We didn't." I say. "I threw up for hours, and then I passed out on his bed."

"Sex can cure a hangover." He chuckles, and I playfully shake my head with disapproval. "And this morning, you two just talked?"

I smile deviously, and shrug. He laughs.

"You think he might be the one?"

I know that by the one he also doesn't mean 'love'.

"It's been a day." I tell him, and he stops washing the counter again, and waits for the real answer. "If it lasts more than a week, yeah."

"He's not gonna pull a Ryder." I look down, staring at the shiny floor. He must have cleaned them today. "I've talked to Beck before, he's a cool guy."

I don't want to think about Ryder. It's not because I still have feelings for him but it hurts, when people treat you that bad, it sticks with you and carries on forever.

"I hope so." I say, and he dries his hands to give me a hug.

I pull away, and find Beck leaning against the kitchen door frame. His hair's over his face, and he has his arms crossed. He's really hot, I don't know how I brushed it off before.

"Hm… Tor?"

Did he call me 'Tor'? I like it.

"Robbie's suffocating you?" I ask, and he nods.

"Give him beer, he'll shut right up." Andre says, and Beck nods as if he was making a mental note.

The dishes go back to being cleaned, and I walk towards the boy who all of a sudden irresistible to me. I stop in front of him, and he reaches for my hand. My heart races.

I lead him out of the kitchen and into the hall. The smell of weed is strong, and I can hear my friends laughing. I look over at Beck. I don't want to go back to the living room right now.

I turn to him, and grip his shirt, pulling him to me as I back into the wall. He kisses me.

Deep. Deeper.

I break away and look up at him with a smile. "C'mon."

I pull him inside the bathroom, and kick the door shut. He draws himself back to me, and I pull up his shirt. I can tell he's surprised, but doesn't hesitate. I look up at him, and he smiles before kissing me again. I take off my own shirt. I wrap my arms around his neck, and go back to his lips.

I hear footstep and humming, and slightly pull away. "What?" He asks, and I chuckle. "What is it?" He insists with a smile.

The footsteps stop, and someone turns the doorknob. I put my arm over the door, and keep them from opening it. Beck slides on the wall and stands behind the door, so I can let go. He's nodding his head looking down at me.

"Damn!" Andre says from across the door. "I just cleaned that bathroom!" He complains, and both Beck and I laugh.

I hear his footsteps getting lower, and disappear. I feel his hands slide down and stop in my hips, he pulls me towards him, and we kiss.

I pull away, and look up at him. He leans in but doesn't kiss, I lean forward and he pulls back. I pull him by his shoulders, my body aching for his. The fact that I'm in Andre's bathroom is easily forgotten.

I drop to my knees.