Author's Note: I'm sorry that I haven't responded to the reviews of the last chapter, I had really bad week. But I appreciate every single review! Thanks so much! Please continue to review because it makes me happy. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders

Chapter Ten

Reality

Soda managed to have a pretty normal afternoon at work. He stayed away from the garage since he couldn't do much in there and hung out with Two-Bit inside the store. At one point a couple of Socs came by and Two-Bit insisted on doing the fill up even though it wasn't the same Socs that had harassed Soda. As much as Soda didn't like feeling like everyone was being so careful around him, he knew that it was better to avoid the Socs at least for now. His brand new temper just couldn't handle it yet. He settled for leaning against the counter in the store and glaring out the window.

The next day was Saturday. Soda decided to stay at home that day. He was feeling tired and wasn't really up for avoiding the Socs again. He was trying to ease back into normal life. Or at least what would now be normal.

Darry went off to work early that day so Pony and Soda spent the afternoon together. It was a quiet day. Pony talked endlessly and they played poker through a lot of the afternoon. Pony was able to give Soda a run for his money because he had played a lot with Two-Bit and Steve while Soda was gone.

"Wow, you're getting good," Soda said as Pony beat him a third hand in a row. "Good thing we're not playing for actual money. I'm a little out of practice."

Pony laughed as he pulled the pile of chips toward him. "I've figured out there's a lot of strategy that goes into poker," he said.

"That's why you are the smart one," Soda chuckled. He paused as Pony gathered up the cards and started shuffling. "You still doing good in school, kid?"

"Yeah," Pony said with a shrug. "Darry made sure my grades stayed up. I had a lot of time to study too."

Soda nodded. "You're gonna go far, you know that Pony?"

Pony gave him a funny look. "What do you mean?"

"Just promise me something," Soda went on. "Promise me you'll work hard to go to college."

"Yeah, I promise," Pony said easily as he began to deal the cards. It was not the first time that the brothers had discussed Pony going to college.

"I mean it," Soda said seriously. "With your brains… it would be such a waste if you got drafted…"

"Oh," Pony said, realization dawning on him. He looked up at his brother. "Yeah, Soda. I'll do everything I can to get into college. Maybe Darry will be able to get into college too after I turn eighteen." They both knew it was a long shot. But Soda felt comforted by the idea of both his brothers being able to avoid being drafted.

Later that night Pony was in his room working on homework while Darry sat in the living room on the couch reading the newspaper and Soda was lounging in the recliner dozing off every few minutes. Soda suddenly jerked up and Darry look over at him questioningly before the front door opened and Steve walked in. Darry had noticed that Soda was very aware of small noises that the rest of them tended to overlook, especially while he was tired and falling asleep.

"Hey," Steve said, looking troubled. "Darry, could you come with me a sec?"

"What's up?" Darry asked, putting his newspaper down.

Steve glanced at Soda nervously before focusing back on Darry. "I just need some help lifting something," he said vaguely.

Darry knew that was not what he needed, but he decided to just go with him and find out what was going on. "I'll be right back," he told Soda as he stood up and followed Steve back outside. They walked down the front path and started heading down the street. "Where are we going?" Darry asked.

"Just down to the lot," Steve said. "I mean, he's fine but I don't think we can really leave him there all night…"

"Who?" Darry asked, now completely confused.

"Two-Bit," Steve said as they approached the vacant lot at the end of the block.

Darry immediately spotted the dark figure laying sprawled on the hard ground. He hurried over and as he approached the thick smell of alcohol met his nose. "What happened?" Darry asked.

"I've never seen him drink so much before," Steve said, sounding worried. "He's been pounding them back all day, even at work."

"Why didn't you want to say that in front of Soda?" Darry asked as he leaned down over Two-Bit, checking to see that he was still breathing steadily.

Steve sighed. "He was talking earlier," he said. "And the things he was saying…"

Darry looked up at Steve curiously. "What kind of things?"

Two-Bit stirred as if on cue and started mumbling. Darry leaned closer to try and hear what he was saying. "No… I'm no sold…"

"He was saying he was no soldier," Steve translated.

Darry went cold. "He… he wasn't…" he couldn't even bring himself to finish his thought. Two-Bit had always been the most likely of them to be drafted. Had it finally happened?

"Kinda sounds that way, don't it?" Steve said flatly. "I got no clue though. He hasn't been very coherent all day."

Darry refused to believe it until he heard for certain. "Well, we better get him up to the house."

"What about Soda?" Steve asked. "He shouldn't hear Two-Bit's rambling. He was saying some real bad stuff earlier, what if he triggers Soda?"

"Well lock him in the bathroom or something," Darry said.

"Someone will eventually have to use the bathroom," Steve pointed out.

Darry rolled his eyes. "Let's just get him up to the house," he said. "Soda was already starting to nod off in the recliner. He'll probably go to bed soon anyway. He's always so tired…"

Darry and Steve worked together holding Two-Bit between them with one of his arms over each of their shoulders and started trudging back toward the house.

"Guess you really did need help lifting something," Darry laughed as they approached the walkway to the house. Darry looked up and saw a figure standing on the porch.

"Is he okay?" Soda asked, his voice sounding strained.

"Yeah, just one too many drinks," Darry assured him as they stumbled up the steps to the porch. They shuffled into the house and immediately took Two-Bit back into the bathroom and hunched him over the toilet.

"Kill… I don' wanna…" Two-Bit mumbled. He was cut off as he heaved and vomited into the toilet.

Darry glanced over his shoulder to see where Soda was and was surprised to see that the living room was empty. "Stay with him," Darry told Steve as he walked back out and glanced out the window, seeing Soda's figure still standing on the porch. He walked back outside and saw that Soda was leaning back against the house, a lit cigarette in his mouth. As he pulled the stick away from him mouth, blowing out smoke, Darry noticed that his hand was trembling. "You okay?"

Soda nodded vaguely, but he still looked tense. Just then a car backfired down the street and Soda almost toppled over as he jerked away from gunfire that wasn't there. Reacting purely on instinct Darry rushed over to keep him from falling. Since getting home Soda had done everything in his power to be as independent as possible, but tonight as Darry grabbed his shoulders in an attempt to steady him Soda dropped his cane and clutched to his older brother like a drowning man would clutch to a flotation device.

"They carried me," Soda suddenly gasped. "For hours they carried me."

"What?" Darry asked, unsure what Soda was talking about. "Who carried you?"

"The grenade went off, sent me flying." Soda was now trembling. "We were so far from base, I shouldn't have made it. But my platoon, they carried me all the way back." Suddenly Soda was crying. "Others didn't make it… why did I?"

Darry wrapped his arms around Soda as his brother hung on to him to keep from falling down. Darry was shocked. Soda hadn't said anything about anything that had happened while he had been deployed, let along how he had been injured. But as bits and pieces of the story came tumbling out of his brother's mouth, Darry felt himself go cold. It all sounded so terrifying. He didn't realize how close they had come to losing Soda for good.

"Because we need you, Soda," Darry said quietly. "You made it because me and Pony needed you to come home. Two-Bit and Steve needed you to come home. We've already lost so much. We wouldn't have survived losing you."

The weight of the truth of that statement hung heavily in the air. Soda had always held them together. After he had been drafted there had been an emptiness not only between Darry and Pony, but shared by Two-Bit and Steve as well. On one level they were closer together as they supported each other, but on another level they were miles apart.

During several dark nights over the course of Soda's deployment Darry had dared to imagine what it would be like if Soda didn't return home. He knew that it would have been too much for Steve to handle. He would have snapped and done something rash and drastic much like Dally had after Johnny died, though hopefully less fatally flawed. He could imagine Pony falling back into the fog that had almost consumed him after Johnny and Dally's deaths, but this time Soda wouldn't be there to help pull him out of it. He couldn't even begin to fathom Two-Bit's reaction. And Darry would be left trying to keep everyone from falling off the deep end, unable to deal with his own feelings of devastation.

Would they have gone on living? Of course. Darry would have made sure of that as he took care of everyone else, as always. Would it have been easy? No. In fact the more people that they lost the more difficult it was for them to handle it. That isn't something you ever got used to. That fact was made abundantly clear by Soda himself, as he was clearly reacting to his fellow soldiers who had not made it home.

"I don't know what we would do without you, little buddy," Darry mumbled, squeezing Soda closer to him. Then he pulled back and made to brush hair away from Soda's face like he used to do, but of course his hair was too short for that now.

"Thanks Darry," Soda said, wiping away tears.

"Here, hang on," Darry said, indicating the porch rail. Soda held on to the rail so that Darry to get Soda's cane for him.

"Everything okay out here?" came Steve's voice as he stuck his head out the door.

"Fine," Darry said with a shrug. "Two-Bit okay?"

"Yeah, he passed out again though," Steve said. "We might want to try to move him to the couch, he's kind of blocking the toilet. I mean you could always just step outside, but I think there might be a law against that."

Suddenly Soda cracked a grin. "I'll move him," he volunteered.

Darry and Steve both cracked up while Soda continued to grin at them. It gave Darry so much hope when these little glimpses of Soda's old self showed through. Sure they were random, but it was proof that the brother he had once known was still in there.

They went back inside and Darry and Steve managed to drag Two-Bit back into the living room and dumped him on the couch.

"What happened?" Darry looked up to see that Pony had come out of his room.

"Oh, Two-Bit's just passed out drunk," Darry said casually.

"It's getting pretty late," Soda said. "I think I'm going to head to bed."

"Sure, night, little buddy," Darry said. He waited until he heard Soda's door close before he turned back to Steve. "Did Two-Bit say anything else?"

"Yeah, he was a little more aware after he puked," Steve said. "He hasn't been drafted. It's just… seeing Soda and how much he's struggling to have a normal life even though he survived…" He shrugged.

Darry nodded knowingly. Before Soda had been drafted it had been easy to simply pretend that anything that happened outside of their town simply didn't exist in their world. It was easy to pretend that even when people talked about the war and the draft it was something that was just too distant affect life in their Oklahoma town. Seeing Soda was an undeniable reminder of reality.

"Soda is afraid one of us will get drafted," Pony said quietly. They looked at him. "This afternoon he made me promise to get into college so I wouldn't get drafted."

"Yeah, he mentioned something like that to me too the other day," Darry said.

The three were quiet for several minutes; the only noise was a light snoring coming from Two-Bit.

"I'm just gonna crash here too if you guys don't mind," Steve said finally.

"Sure," Darry said. "Though it seems like the couch is already taken. I can get you a pillow and blanket if you want to sleep on the floor though."

"I can just sleep in the recliner," Steve said with a shrug.

"I'll still grab you a pillow and a blanket just in case," Darry said with a shrug.

It had turned into quite an eventful evening. Darry could only hope that what he had told Soda the other day when he expressed his fears of someone else he knew getting drafted held true. Lightening had already struck their group once. Hopefully it wouldn't happen again.