Beck's POV

"You show up once in a blue moon but makes on hell of a show" He says, and Cat goes off to hug him; Tori holds my hand tighter and opens a huge smile, she's officially in the I'm in school mode "You're really talented Torrey"

I roll my eyes when he says her nickname, or just the way he says her name; I don't get it, and I don't like it. He takes a step forward pushing Cat away, and she runs off to the stage with Andre and Jade to play again "Thanks..." she let's go off my hand and crosses her arms "...I'm sorry about yesterday, I'm...I..." she sights and I put my arm around her shoulders

"How's it like working at an aquarium?" I ask, trying to avoid the awkward silence that was about to come "I have a fish tank"

"It's hard work but it pays off, y'all should come and visit tomorrow" I look up at Beck, and Cat appears from nowhere, I thought she was on stage but apparently another band already took over. "I might even let you feed the Otters" he smiles at Tori, and she looks away, I don't even know why this guy keeps trying.

"I'd love to go!" she laughs again, and hugs him, giving him a kiss on the cheek "What are you doing tonight?" he looks down at her, and frowns rolling his eyes. She should give Cat a chance, and forget about Tori, waste his time on a girl that is actually interested.

"Actually me and my friends are going to hang out at my place, if y'all want to come..."

"...Yes, yay!" she claps her hands and runs off to meet Jade and Andre next to a Folk band, that's setting up for their show. Another night with booze, drugs and suspicious Austin, this should be great for us, just great.

Tori's POV

"Torrey's friends these are my friends, Tanya, Dolph, Miguel and George" they wave and we introduce ourselves quickly, Tanya is really beautiful, tall and blonde with her hair on a high ponytail and bright pink nail polish, wearing a 'Save the Tennessee River' shirt and Miguel is short, even shorter than Austin and he has John Lennon glasses that make him look like a weird turtle. I wave and catch Austin's gaze, but he's not smiling or flirting, he's analyzing me and it's even more nerve wrecking.

Cat, as always, pulls out whatever her brother gave her to this trip, and everyone gets excited and I remind myself not to use any of it. Having to save your voice sucks, specially when you are constantly having mental breakdowns and I the need of any distraction, but no drugs Tori, no drugs.

I grab a bottle of beer from the fridge and Beck gets one for himself, they sit all over the living room, Robbie and Andre make sure to be near Tanya, and Jade puts loud, punk rock music on, and I can feel Austin staring at me again. I sit down at the same couch from the previous night, resting my head on Beck's neck, and he places his hand on my tight making Austin look away, thankfully. Everyone starts to talk about the aquarium, Robbie has dozens of questions for Tanya, but Dolph seems to answer all of them in her place, also, he has a weird voice, too high, and his laugh is just like that noise Dolphins make.

"I know!" Tanya exclaims, when she's finally able to speak due to Dolph's uncontrollable laughing, that makes Cat laugh too, and all that plus with the loud music makes it almost impossible to hear anything really, unless you scream "The snake heads are devastating the whole marine life in the Tennessee River!" Tanya says, and both Andre and Robbie come closer, nodding as if what she was saying was the most interesting thing in the world.

"I know that feel" Robbie says, blowing smoke rings and catching them with his mouth, and she giggles...she giggled at Robbie?

"Do you know what's fun?" Cat yells, and takes out two decks from her purse "Strip Poker!" She winks at Austin, and I roll my eyes, she's so into him even thought he shows no sign of liking her back, but knowing Cat, I know she's not going to give up on him.

"That's fun!" George agrees, clearing the table and getting the decks from her hand starting to draw the cards, strip poker would be fun...if I didn't have dozens of stiches in my arms and visible cuts everywhere. "Who's in?"

I look at Beck reaching for help, ok, how am I going to get out of this one? If I leave now they'll now I'm hiding something because I'm basically running away from everyone at any time possible, and they're all sober enough to remember it. They all get around the table, and look over at me and Beck, alone on the couch and I'm pretty sure they can see the conflicted look on my face "are you two in?" Austin asks, right before turning down the music just a bit and Jade raises an eyebrow, as she always does.

Beck gets up, alright I am just going to follow his lead, and offers me his hand "I think we..." he tilts his head towards the hallway and I raise my eyebrows nodding and looking at them, got it. I put my arm around his back, holding him tighter, and we walk slowly towards the other side of the room.

"Yeah...maybe another time guys" I smile awkwardly and lead Beck inside the hall, hearing Jade's unnecessary comment 'jeez they're like bunnies' that I imagine was carried by an eye roll. At least they bought it, teen couple wanting to make out is actually the most believable option. I press him against the door, and he smiles, real true, Beck smile. And it's amazing to see him truly smile in the middle of all this mess, because he is my safe spot, and if he's happy...I think I just might have the strength to try and be happy with him.

He shrugs, and I bite my bottom lip hiding a smile, and he brushes some hair off my face and I stand on my tiptoes pressing my lips against his, twisting my hands on his shirt as he runs his hands down my lower back squeezing my ass slightly, and I open my mouth giving his tongue entrance. Letting my hands run up to his face, and his hair, and losing myself in him because I need it, and I deserve it.

"God, I love you so much" he whispers and shut my eyes, I could've lost him, if I Trina hadn't found him I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be kissing his lips...I'm glad that I didn't die...for once, I think I am.

I kiss him again and again and somehow we find our way to a bedroom, and we try to be as careful as we can not to screw up my stitches, settling by just kissing, it's best for now. The last thing I'd want is for them to break, and end up dying when I can actually see a silver lining, or worse, having to face all of my friends with bleeding arms.

His hands run up and down under my shirt, and I trail kisses down his neck, stopping at the collar of his shirt, his collarbones and going back up biting his bottom lip. I hate these stitches, because I don't want to stop, if anything, I want to keep going and never stop. I roll us around to be sitting on his lap, resting my elbows on his shoulder as he draws my lips back to his, we can do mostly kissing.

I start to hear some screaming and running. I pull away, to try and figure out what's going on "I WON!" Cat yells, and some more running.

"NO, CAT!" Someone yells back, but it's neither Andre, Robbie or Jade "COME BACK!" I shrug, and Beck smiles as I turn back to him, and I take my shirt off, that won't hurt. He kisses down my neck and throw my head back, shutting my eyes and when he goes back up and crash my lips on his, and he opens his mouth so I can deepen it, rolling us around again so he's on top.

I run my hand up his bare chest, and back down holding on to his belt "GUYS I WON!" I pull away as Cat bursts into the room laughing, I fold my arms under him, and Beck holds me tighter to help hiding them too "Look!"

She waves lots of clothes in the air, and I noticed that she's still has her skirt, shirt and socks on, the girl can play poker. "That's nice Cat" he tells her, and she still doesn't seems to realize in what position she got us in, because she enters the room...fuck, we should've locked the door "Cat, can you give us a second?"

"But I thought this was a guest room party?!"

"It'll be Cat" I tell her, and she throws all the clothes she was carrying on the corner "Just give us a minute and you can come back" she nods and as soon as she heads out we both get up, and I think I've never dressed as fast as I did just now. He waits for me by the door, and we go back into the living room, covered in smoke, empty bottles everywhere, this really weird Indie music playing and...Tanya is making out with Robbie?!

"BECK! DUDE!" Miguel shouts, he's in his green boxers, that makes me think he looks like a turtle even more, holding up a Wii remote "We need one more, are you in?" He looks at the wall and starts to laugh hysterically and I know Beck wants to play, but he won't leave my side unless I tell him it's fine for him to do so. I mean, what's worse that could happen, I don't see Austin anywhere to be found...

"Go, I'll be fine" I give him a little push, and he looks at me for reassurance, and I wave for him the go. I turn around and go over to the old piano, on the corner of the room, there are a few photos on top of it, all of them from Austin and his parents when he was little...it's a shame, if you have good parents like he did you shouldn't lose them.

I sit down at the piano, and play around with the notes "Do you play?" Austin sits down beside me, and hands me a bottle of beer. If I think before I talk, I won't mess up like last night, so there's in no need to freak out, just think straight.

"Yeah" I answer quickly and keep as short as I can, drawing my attention back to the piano.

"Today when I saw you up on the stage, you looked like Torrey" I look up at him, and he's string straight into my eyes "You looked happy..."

"I know" I am whole different self onstage, I am everything I wanted to be in real life, confident, happy and free "do I look like Torrey now?"

He nods, and takes a sip off his beer "You look like you're struggling, I just don't know what" I break away and look back at my fingers on the piano, then taking a sip off my own bottle "What happened?"

I scan through the living room, thinking everything through. Should I answer him? I know he can keep a secret, but how can I answer if I myself am not sure of what happened?

He wanted to be with me just to get an A...what a jerk. Why is it that the hot guys are always messed up and troubled? Ryder Daniels, the ultimate asshole. I can't believe I actually thought he liked me, the hot senior that hooks up with every girl in the school wanted me. Why would I be an exception? I'm just another one, just like in everything else I do.

Sure, it was nice to sing and humiliate him tonight but that won't actually make a difference, because I am still the fool who fell for it. "The world is right again!" Trina announces walking in the living room, god, I really don't need this right now. "He wouldn't date you if he wasn't going to get something from it I mean, why would he choose you?"

She keeps on talking, I really shouldn't be listening to all of this...she's so fucked up, why does she feel the need to make me feel like shit every fucking day?! I get, and leave her talking to herself going over to my room, locking my door breathing heavily, everything is fine, Trina's just full of shit.

I sit down in my bed, and play around with a pink eraser on my nightstand, with this feeling that something bad is going to happen. I don't really know why but I can feel it, and I can't stand it... I start to bite my nails, but that doesn't really does it for me, oh god, what is this feeling? I can't stay here I need to get out, I need to find somewhere else to stay, far from all of this.

I throw the eraser aside, and get up shaking from all the energy that built up, bad energy and I'm freaking out and I don't know why, and everything is spinning. I sit down at the floor, tears pouring down my face and the feeling of dizziness starts to go away; I look down at my hands, and I notice my arm is completely scratched...what did I do? Why did I do that?

My breathing starts to fasten again, and I can't catch my breath because there is too much air, and I'm dizzy and all of those weird feeling come back and...I want to stop! Everyday I feel like this and nothing works, I can't seem to find peace, or any control of my body! I have to find a way out!

I scratch my arm like I was doing before, when it seemed to work, but it doesn't do it for me this time, I need more...I have to control it I'm... The sharpener. This is crazy Tori. You can't do that, that's what shitty girls with shitty lives do and you're life is great, there's not need for you to go that far.

Then why am I holding the single blade in my hand?

Fuck! Fuck! Why is this even happening to me? Why me god, why me? I don't deserve this I...What did I do to have all this shit happening to me, one after the other, Jade always being a cunt to me, Danny and Cat and Trina and...And I didn't need any of this! I didn't sign of for this shit! I put the blade on my nightstand, and I take my pants off, and my shirt off and I'm still hot, and cold at the same time.

I'm not going to cut, I am not going to cu, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, I am not going to cut, shit.

I lie back down in my bed, and stare at the wet blade...with my blood...I'm done, so fucking done. I always imagine what went through a persons mind when they started cutting, and why they did that. I'm not an expert, one cut is hardly enough to classify me as a 'cutter', but if you ask me what was going through my mind I can't give you an answer, because I feel like shit. Because I gave in to the temptation of cutting and I am the ultimate failure, I'm shit and I'm done.

"I already told you, life Austin" he puts down the bottle, and turns to face me, but I keep starting at the piano "I take things harder than other people do"

"Every teenager feels like that" I roll my eyes, ignorance, the fake illusion created by people to make parents feel good about themselves. The concept that every teen is sad and lonely, and that whenever we have a crisis, or do drugs or fail in school it's because 'They're just teenagers'. And that's bullshit, because I have a real issue, and if what I have is just some Teen crisis than half of the teenage population would be dead by now, because not everyone is as lucky as I am to have Beck by their side. "We all go through the 'why am I here' crisis"

I stop playing at look at him, I can't sit here and listen to him say these things without saying anything back "You might say that" I tell him, and he gives me a small smile, and I look down at my wrists "But let me ask you this" I breathe in deeply, and roll up the sleeves of my shirt, exposing the stiches and the smaller cuts "Is this just something that every teen does too?"

A/N: Hi guys, hope you liked this one. I wanted to thank Carolinemcnerie for the amazing review, also I'd like to thank CrystalWatersXo and Miss Pretty Girl for reviewing every chapter I really appreciate it, specially when it's a constructive review :) Thanks so much! And please, guys, it takes thirty seconds or less to leave any review, just so I know weather you are enjoying it or not, please leave one. Love all of you, I hope you have an awesome week,

- Kiribati