"Scully, every chance we get we run. And I know why we run. I know why YOU run. I know what you are running FROM. But I am so god-damned tired of running. I've tried to suppress my feelings. I've tried to get over you. Hoping that one day I would enter our office and not fall to a thousand pieces when I see you. But it's like I'm taking five steps forward and ten steps back. The more I fight it, the worse it gets. I can't take one more day, one more sleepless night without you. I know you are afraid of our future, and I am afraid too. But I am even more afraid of where we will end up if we don't take this leap. It will tear us apart. It will tear ME apart."
"Mulder, please stop."
"No, Scully, no, I will not stop. This is it, Scully. This is me, baring my soul to you. If there is one thing I am sure of, it is my feelings for you. And I know the feelings are mutual. I see you looking at me, Scully. I feel your eyes on me, watching my every move when you think I don't notice. But I DO notice."
"Mulder..."
"I am not blind, Scully. And if I am not mistaken, your feelings for me are not as innocent as you'd like to make them out to be. Don't think I don't hear my name escape your lips when you sleep."
Scully gasped.
"And I know the tone in your voice when you say my name. It's the sound of longing. Of desire. So don't try to tell me you don't reciprocate my feelings. Don't try to tell me you don't fantasize about us in your dreams."
"Mulder, we can't."
"We cant what?"
"We can't let this happen. There will be no happy end for us."
"You can't honestly believe that! Tell me together we wouldn't be at our happiest. Tell me together we wouldn't be mind-blowing. I know I would give it my all. And I am fairly certain so would you."
"That's exactly the problem Mulder! If I give into this, into us, it will be with all my soul. Yes, things will probably be great in the beginning, but sooner or later things will change. I don't know how or why or when it will happen, but it WILL happen. You might find someone else, or you might just have had enough of 'us'. And if you leave me, it will break me. I will never be the same without you, having experienced who I can be WITH you. We would have to split, and I don't just mean as lovers. We would have to split as partners, as friends. And that is not a risk I am willing to take."
"I know I can't promise you a happy ever after. To be honest, I hardly ever seem to be able to catch a happy present. But all the wrongdoings, all the injustice, all the evil in this world, they all seem worth fighting when you're with me. BECAUSE you're with me. I would have given up long ago without you. I would have spiralled downward in self pity, further and further, until I wouldn't have been able to tell up from down. But YOU kept me from falling. You saved me, Scully. You always made me see the right way, chose the right path, and I don't think I can continue on without you. I NEED you, Scully. And I need ALL of you!"
A tear threatened to escape Scully's averted eyes. But she managed to hold it back.
"Mulder, I am sorry, but we just can't do this."
"Scully, please!"
The tear fell after all.
But Mulder's thumb was right there, there to catch it before it had even reached her cheekbone. He let his thumb linger, warm and soft against her cool face, and after a minute Scully's gaze returned to Mulder. And all the love, all the vulnerability, all the rawness she saw in his eyes made her heart constrict. Yes, she was afraid of them being together. Was afraid of getting hurt. But she realized that by rejecting him she probably hurt him just as much as she was afraid of getting hurt. And Mulder had already experienced so much pain. So much more than any human soul should ever experience. She just couldn't bare being another reason he hurt.
Scully hesitantly lifted her hand and put her thumb on Mulder's upper lip. She traced his Cupid's bow in one slow motion, feeling his hot breath on her hand. Mulder held her gaze steadily as she slightly leaned in, leaned in for a kiss that would change her world. A kiss that would change both of their worlds.