Which is why I want to apologize.

-E-

Small puffs of dust followed Eva and Lorne as they descended a staircase that hadn't seen the rough soles of boots in years. The MALP hadn't done the planet justice.

Sarif Sur was dead.

Seeing the images through the MALP and visiting her world, able to touch things she'd only seen or dreamed about previously really hit home the undeniability that the soul of her civilization was gone. Everything her people had been, erased. Merely a footnote in someone else's history book. She realized she'd held onto hope that maybe, just maybe, not everyone had been culled or killed.

That hope seemed foolish now, broken against the cold slap reality dealt her.

She excused herself from Lorne and entered the nearest building. It had once been someone's home. She didn't know whose. It was broken just like everything else, empty like everything else.

As soon as the door shut behind her, she broke down, tears falling upon cheeks as she slid against the rough stone wall. She scrubbed at them angrily, frustrated at herself for letting her emotions overrule her, regardless of whether or not they had merit.

The hollow void in the pit of her stomach expanded and threatened to overwhelm her. She felt lost, truly lost, in the silence of her dead world. She was drowning in the sea of silence and couldn't seem to come up for air.

A sob escaped her lips. The sound was foreign to her and surprised her with its desperation, its anguish. She couldn't control the sadness rolling over her. She leaned against the wall for support, knees digging into the rough floor.

Six hours spent walking through her city, looking for the smallest sign that maybe someone had survived, after paying a visit to the temple. She'd said a few words at the base of the pillars in memory of her father. Her family. Then her world.

She was suddenly grateful she didn't have time to see her city. She didn't think she could stand it right now. These had been her people, in the truest sense of the word. Her family had governed them, protected them. The silence rang with the echoes of the fallen.

The door scraped open and she furiously wiped at her cheeks, twisting away from Lorne as his shadow fell across her. She didn't want him to see her like this. Not weak and vulnerable, crying uncontrollably like a baby. But she couldn't seem to stop.

She didn't really know Lorne, know who he was. Frankly, she only trusted one person to see her when she wasn't at her best, and even then, she wouldn't want him to see her like this. Partially because she respected him a great deal and didn't want him to think she'd break down at the drop of a hat, and partially because she thought that seeing her like this would remind him of what he'd lost. He'd lost just as much as her.

Then they'd commiserate together into puddles of uselessness.

Her heart burned and shuddered under the weight of loss long since forgotten and newly remembered.

Stepping amongst the ruins of Sarif Sur solidified the fact that there was nothing left.

At Atlantis, she'd begun to open up, to let herself feel and form attachments to people. Now she was plagued by survivor's guilt, because she'd been taken and survived while the others had perished. She bitterly cursed the injustice.

Lorne kneeled in front of her and wordlessly wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She stiffened at the gentleness of his touch. Here was a man who didn't know her, but like so many others at Atlantis, displayed an inordinate amount of generosity and care. Her mind didn't know what to make of it. Whether she should be hissing that she didn't deserve his sympathy because she hadn't done anything special, or because of the fact that she'd been found in such a compromising position.

He produced a small fold of cloth and handed it to her so she could wipe the tears of her face once her crying subsided.

The hurt was still there, raw and newly discovered. Demanding as it clawed the void in her heart. But she was spent, energy depleted. Pain surged through her with every beat of her heart.

He helped her to feet. She couldn't meet his eyes.

"Sarif Sur was a beautiful civilization," he murmured quietly. "You can see it in the architecture."

She looked at him. His expression was honest and sincere. "It was," she replied wistfully. She stared out the broken remains of the window. "Can you believe I wanted to be an architect? I loved buildings. Old, new, didn't matter." She handed him the small, tear-stained cloth back, an apologetic smile on her lips because of the ruined state. "I'm... sorry. It just... hit me."

"I think you handled it better than I would have," he admitted. "You and Ronon, I have no idea how you do it."

"Do what?"

"Carry on."

She slipped out the door and he followed her back onto the street. She didn't carry on so much as survive. "I never really had time to think about it until now."

All the buildings around her showed signs of deterioration. Some blasted from the war that must have occurred following the Wraith incursion, the rest simply from mother nature. Trees had crept into the streets, distorting the bricks. Branches flowed through houses, uncaring about the damage they caused.

As they reached the ring, she took one last chance to stare out over the home that had once been hers. The sun burned low in the sky. She closed her eyes as Major Lorne dialed Atlantis and transmitted his IDC, listening to soft whisper of the breeze as it streaked through her hair.

In her heart, she said goodbye.

When she opened her eyes, Major Lorne was waiting for her by the ring.

"Ready to go home?" he asked.

Home. Atlantis was her new home now. "Yes."

-E-

AN: In case anyone missed it from the last chapter (I updated the AN late :-/) the events of the previous chapter, this chapter, and the next happen concurrently to 'Phantoms.'