- and I hope you believe me when I say that couldn't be further from the truth.

-E-

Sheppard beat aside some bushes along the path. "So how'd the visit go?"

"Better than yours, apparently." Not really an answer, but technically true.

Sheppard chuckled. "Well, every mission can't be this exciting. Camp's just up ahead."

The sun hung low in the sky. If Doctor Weir's estimates of the Daedalus' arrival were correct, the ship wouldn't arrive till well after nightfall blanketed the planet.

"Picked up a stray," Sheppard hollered as he pulled ahead, "Conveniently carrying supplies, food, blankets... I think we'll keep her."

Carson relieved her of the medical kit before she'd fully stepped into the makeshift camp and at Sheppard's direction, she set down the duffels filled with the supplies while Sheppard reported in to Doctor Weir. She ignored most of the conversation. Her part of the job was complete and now she finally had what she had truly wanted: respite.

The next few hours passed quietly. Most of the team slept as soon as night fell, though Sheppard and Ronon stayed up to chat in hushed tones while she patrolled the perimeter. The planet was quiet and the duty suited her just fine. It gave her time to collect herself; to not quite relax, but let her guard down a little because no one was watching her here. Not that they would have at Atlantis, but some might have asked questions. If not with their words, with their eyes.

She couldn't believe she'd broken down like that. Looking back she felt more than a little ashamed at her outpouring of emotion. She blew out an angry breath and flung her hair away from her face, more than a little agitated.

She still felt the urge to cry uncontrollably. Only a very thinly held together line was keeping her from falling apart completely.

Something hot stung the corner of her eyes and she wiped at the tears furiously. She would not cry.

Perhaps it had been a bad idea to visit her homeworld. She'd seen the footage from the MALP, felt the hollow void in the pit of her stomach echo dissolutely. A part of her had known that this was the expected outcome.

Walking through it wasn't something she should have done, and she was an idiot to think it would bring closure.

Instead, it exposed an old wound she hadn't realized existed.

"I'll take over from here," Sheppard appeared behind her, causing her to jump - something she hoped he didn't notice. "You go ahead and get some rest."

She was about to argue but he had a look about him that gave her pause. The steely set of his jaw, determination glinting in his eyes... he wouldn't take no for answer. Not wanting to look like a fool, she simply nodded and returned to the camp with every intention of getting some sleep herself.

The fire burned low to the ground, red embers with the occasional flash of flames. She padded softly to the supplies and retrieved a blanket, shoulders sagging with the weight of her gloomy mood.

"Hey," Ronon whispered, startling her. She'd thought he was asleep, and that was the second time someone had gotten the jump on her that night.

Eva eyed the open spot next to him and hesitated, unconsciously tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear. She had planned on tucking herself up next to one of the trees a couple meters away... and instead found her feet carrying her to sit next to him.

She spread the blanket out on the ground, but didn't immediately lay down. "Hey."

Silence stretched out between them as she studiously stared into the embers. Why she should suddenly feel embarrassed and ashamed... she wanted to ask him about Sateda and overcoming the intense feelings that were coursing through her, but didn't know how to broach the subject.

She wasn't good at talking.

All that aside, Ronon was probably the closest thing she had to a best friend at Atlantis and the person she should be able to open up to. But every time she shifted on her blanket, ready to speak, to say something - anything - her nerves fizzled out and her stomach congealed into a ball of lead, sinking her into the ground.

She closed her eyes and focused on her shaky breathing. Calm, focused breaths.

"First time I visited Sateda was hard." Ronon's voice was low, just loud enough to carry to her but not much farther. The words forced her into stillness. "It's not something you want to see, but know you have to. To know what happened because part of you held onto hope that maybe what you thought you saw wasn't real."

He shifted on his blanket, popping into her peripheral vision. For her part, Eva remained still as stone, as if an unseen force had bound her to the ground.

"It's not... easy, looking at the remains of your civilization, knowing that everyone you cared about is gone." She could feel his eyes on her but couldn't summon the courage to meet them. "Just because it affected you doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. That's something the Wraith can never take away."

Eva cleared her throat, still staring into the fire. Her voice was hoarse as she spoke. "It hurts."

"It does." Ronon was silent for a moment. "It gets better. It doesn't go away and sometimes it still hurts like it just happened. But you heal."

She finally met his eyes, unshed tears blurring the edges of her vision. His expression held no judgment, no scorn. Just... compassion. He wasn't there to tell her that what she was feeling was wrong or unjustified, or that it had been over twelve years and she was acting ridiculous.

"You know you've got friends here, right?" he asked her.

A tear slid hotly down her cheek and she silently fought against the small voice that insisted she was pathetic. Ronon's calm presence and understanding gave her strength. "I know."

He smiled at her.

-E-

AN: I thought I would have gotten this chapter out before PAX, but I was mistaken. For that, I apologize. Regular updating should resume now that I'm home and all caught up on everything I missed. (For the curious about PAX, I have more details on my blog which you can access via my profile. I'll simply state this now: it was a blast!)