Graduation
Beck's POV
On the first day of school after winter break, Tori and I didn't make it to the first class. Instead we were held by Helen, among with twenty other students. She asked us to perform on the graduation party, and gave us the rehearsals information. Ever since then, we've been rehearsing every day. It's not as tiring as it was for the play, but it's still work. I didn't want to be a part of it, since the show was supposed to be about school spirit and all that shit. But apparently, we had no choice. Asking us was just a formality. So we accepted that our afternoons wouldn't be spent in my RV, or her place, or with our friends. They would be spent in school, singing the same song over and over. I'm just glad I only had to do one thing. Tori and Andre on the other hand, had three songs and speeches to do. That's why I always tried to stay out of school activities.
So, here we are. Standing backstage, guitar in hand. Jade and Cat are performing on the stage, and we'll be the next ones to go up. Tori looks nervous, I don't know why. She always kills it on stage. At least I know she'll cheer up once she's up there. She's been miserable this past week, and I don't know what else to try. She cries all the time, and just... I don't know. The medicine isn't working as great I suppose.
"I'm nervous... " She tells me, and herself. I put my guitar down and take her hand, while sitting down. She sits on my lap, watching people walk around nonstop. The producers and stage managers look stressed out. Setting shows with too many performances are never easy. People are walking around like crazy, setting things up for Cat and Robbie to sing after us. But it's also kind of cool, I wish all that would distract her. "Cat and Jade sound great up there." I tell her, and she tries to smile.
"They always do."
"So do you." I kiss her on the cheek. "Don't be nervous. You know you're gonna be amazing up there."
I kiss her. I love kissing her. She kisses me back, but pulls away quickly. I try to get a smile out of her, but she doesn't correspond. I think she's too scared to do so. She's been scared of doing almost everything lately. We have a whole summer together, and all she can think about is college. When we'll be apart. Even if it's just for two or three weeks. I thought that by now, after seven months of being just as in love as we were on the first two weeks, she wouldn't be so worried anymore. That way I wouldn't worry either. But that seems to be impossible in our lives, there's always too much worrying...
"It's all over now," She lets out a sad sigh. "No more: 'I'll see you in school!'" I run my fingers through her hair, and rests her head on my shoulder.
I'm not happy to be apart from her next year, not at all. If I had it my way, we would live together in Vancouver. She would go to college there, and things would be much better. Or someone could invent a teletransporter, and we would both study where we wanted, and be back together by dinner. Unfortunately, that's not how life goes.
Tori's POV
Jade and Cat are singing on the stage, they sound great. Beck and I are up next, and I'm not nervous about that. That's probably the only thing in my entire life, that doesn't make me want to puke, or cut, or yell. I love singing with him, and I love hearing his voice. Even though we're in front of people, he always sounds like I'm the only one there. I love him, too much. That's why I'm nervous. I'm nervous that it'll go too fast, and that in a blink of an eye I'll be receiving my diploma. That I will wake up thousands of miles away from him, alone. I worry we won't make it, that I won't make it. That I'm bad for him.
Okay Tori, this is not the time to list all the things that make you anxious.
I kiss him, my hands cupping his cheek. He kisses me back, but it's not with passion or the urge to find a room as soon as possible. To me, this felt like a goodbye kiss. Like we didn't want to break apart, because we know what the future holds for us. He'll move to another country, and we won't be able to kiss like this again. But I know these thoughts probably only crossed my mind. To him, this was just another kiss. That gives me a little more comfort. I don't want him to feel like me. I'm suffering enough for both of us.
"I want you to think about this, when we are apart." He says to me. I press my forehead against his, with my eyes half closed. "Just because we're not in the same place, that doesn't mean that we are not together. It doesn't mean that I don't love you." I slightly kiss him. "I will always love you, Tor." He kisses me, and we lose track of time. We pull ways when Sinjin pokes my arm, saying it's time for us to go up there.
The band joins us this time, and Beck doesn't sing, just plays the guitar and glances at me occasionally. I spend the whole song looking at him, but it doesn't feel the same way. Maybe it's because I'm singing alone, or because we're in front of this crowd. Or because everything seems to be wrong lately. It even doesn't feel like it's our song, only words. Everything about today feels wrong, and I know why. I've always known why. I just... I don't think I was ready to admit it until now.
I can't do this.
We end the song, and he kisses me on the cheek before leaving. I get up from the stool, and watch him sit on the front row. I stay up there for the rest of the show, as people come and go. Andre is there by my side too, with a bittersweet smile on his face. Cat comes up the stage, and it's just the three of us now. The music starts to play, and I sing for the last time at Hollywood Arts.
"Here's to never winning first place
Here's to crying on your birthday
Here's to all the bad first dates
Here's to every single heartbreak
Here's to raining on your own parade
Here's to showing up anyway
Here's to us
Here's to us"
People are giving us a standing ovation, and some of the students are crying. Others are hugging each other, and I can't cope. I'm just doing what I memorized. I finish the song, and go back to my place. All of the seniors are now lined up, and Helen starts to talk. I don't understand the words she's saying. Before I know it, I'm holding my diploma and throwing my hat in the air. I hug Robbie and Jade, and then I'm lost in the middle of the crowd. I can't seem to find Beck anywhere, and even if I do... School's over. I can't put off the inevitable anymore, we only have the summer. Then he'll be 1078.65 miles away.
1078.65 miles away.
1078.65 miles away..
1078.65 miles away...
1078.65 miles away...
1078.65 miles away...
One summer is not enough time. It'll never be enough time. There's no point.
"Tor!" I look behind me, and find Beck. He takes my hand. "Where have you been?" I free my hand from his, and he takes a step forward... I can't do this anymore. If I keep seeing him it'll just be harder. I hold his forearm, and pull him back to me. I kiss him hard, and deep. I run my fingers through his hair, and breathe in capturing his scent. We're being pushed by the crowd, which presses us against each other even more, He runs his hand to my lower back, pulling me closer, and closer. As long as I see him, I know I won't be strong enough to let hi go. I can't be selfish.
"...I love you." I whisper in his ear, and he smiles.
I love that smile... I love him, so much. Opposing thoughts are running through my mind. I'm so selfish... I shouldn't put my needs over his! Drag him down, just because I'm all fucked up. I briefly kiss him again, one last time. I break his grip, and before he can say my name I run away. I find my Mom, smoking cigarettes on the parking lot. I tell her to take me home. I might feel dead from now on, but at least he'll get a chance on doing anything without having to handle... Me. Yeah... Think about it Tori, you were bound to do it some time... For once you're only going down alone. I might be all of the bad things, but I'm not selfilsh. Not anymore.
Chatanooga
"Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That, baby, you're the best
I've got that summertime, summertime sadness"
"Now ain't it a good thing to see you here again!" Austin is leaning against his car. He's wearing dark jeans, and a fleece shirt. His hair is recently cut, and his smile is as big as Texas. In an ordinary day, I would be glad to see that smile. He iradiates happiness, always has. Not today though. Today I want rain, and tears. I want all that is dark, surrounding me. But I can't let myself go just yet.
"Thank you for picking me up." I tell him, smiling. He rushes over to me and picks up my suitcase, putting it in the trunk.
"This kinda feels like old times, doesn't it?"
"It does." I lie. Nothing about todays feels like the past. I'm not amazed, or swoon off my feet by Austin. I don't want to spend my summer with him, and I don't want to be in Chattanooga. I just want... I can't suffer anymore, I have to forget about Beck. I have to forget about what I'm leaving behind. I need to get back to my feet, and maybe this is the place to do it.
They say that the first step to get over someone, is to find someone new. What's better than a sexy, blond, country boy to do that?
He opens the car door for me. Beck pops into my mind, doing the same. He goes around the car, to get to his side. I picture Beck's truck. Everything is Beck, and it's torture. I shut the door and turn on the radio, I don't recognize the song. I just know I don't like it, Beck had great taste in music. I have to get him out of my head. Austin turns down the volume, and takes off.
"I thought you were spending summer in LA, getting cast in some big play or somethin'." I nod my head, brushing off the fake smile from my face. "How long are you staying for?"
"I don't know. As long as I need." He smiles again, how can he smile so much?
We spend the rest of the ride in silent. I pretend to fall asleep, as he hums to the song on the radio. When we finally arrive at the condo, I'm open my eyes. "Home sweet home." I can't help but agree with him. It's nice to know that I'll be living with my Dad, not my Mom. It is also probably the only nice thing about this situation.
He picks up my luggage, and I get out of the car. Earl's waiting, with the door open. He widens his eyes as he sees me. "Miss Vega! What a pleasure to see you again." We shake hands, and Austin waits for me at the elevator door. "You're so much taller than the last time I saw you!"
"I'm wearing heels today, Earl." He looks down, and shrugs with an easy smile. "Have a nice day." I tell him, before meeting Austin at the elevator. We go up, and stop at the hall between both our doors. It's awkward, and I don't know what to say.
"Thank you, for picking me up." He puts my luggage down, next to the door. "Maybe we could do something later?"
"I'll be home all day today, All you gotta do is knock." I smile, and ring the bell. My Dad opens the door, and smiles. He rolls my bag in, and shuts the door behind us.
"Tori, sweetheart." I get in, and take a look at the living room. My Dad got rid of all the furniture, and changed the color of the walls. He even changed the fridge! It's like my mother never set a foot here. The apartment looks like a big mane cave. He has a pool table, and brown leather couches in front of a big screen TV. A Hockey game is on, they're focusing on a player called 'Moose'. "I was really surprised when you called me this morning! I'm so glad you decide to use the ticket I gave you." I smile. "I thought you wanted to spend the summer with B-"
The smile fades away.
"We broke up." I tell him, before he says his name out loud. I don't want to hear it, I want to end this summer without even knowing whose name that is. He gives me a concerned look. "I'm fine, don't worry about Dad." I give him a kiss on the cheek, and walk inside the hall. I try to see if he changed the rooms. Not so much as the living room. Trina's and mine remained the same, except everything's inside boxes now. I go inside the guest room.
As I look inside I think coming here wasn't such a good idea after all. He left the guest room untouched. Which means the bed is the same as the one I slept in with Beck. Where he sang to me... Where I felt dead and alive at the same time... I miss him so much. How am I supposed to forget everything that happened between us? How can I move on?
I can't be here.
I leave the room, and promise myself never to walk inside there again. I go to my room, and take out a change of clothes. I take a quick shower, washing away LA from my skin. I take the clothes I was wearing before, my graduation outfit, and throw it away. I find clothes that are too basic to have any memories attached to them. Normal jeans, and a black shirt. I have had them for years, and they are nothing special. Just what I need. I do my makeup, and blow-dry my hair. I don't look amazing, but I don't need to.
I head out, and tell my father I'm going out for a walk. He makes an 'okay' sign, without turning away from the TV. I leave the apartment, and stand on the hall for a few seconds. I debate whether or not I should do what I came here to. Taking a breath, I knock on the door across the hall. A few seconds later, he opens up shirtless. "Why Hello Tor-"
Before he finishes my nickname, I kiss him. His lips are soft, and moist. I still remember it's shape and curve from when I was fifteen. He pulls away, confused. "Hold on... What about that hipster kid?"
I'm glad he didn't say his name. I'm glad his shirtless. I'm glad I'm doing this. "We're not together anymore." I tell him, pressing my palm against his chest. I push him inside his apartment, and shut the door behind me. "What are you going to do about it?"
PLEASE REVIEW!