Author's Note: I am up way later than I should be to finish this chapter for you guys, haha. So please don't forget to leave a review! I'm not so sure about this chapter, it's kinda a filler in order to get to the part. Let me know what you think!

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Helpless

Soda felt tired. Not just sleepy, but like a weight of exhaustion was crushing him. He rolled over, feeling too tired to even open his eyes but still unable to fall back into unconsciousness. It was a very uncomfortable feeling, not being awake but not being asleep either. Soda wondered vaguely is there was something wrong with him.

He was aware of time passing, but he wasn't sure how much had passed when he felt the bed dip down with the weight of another person.

"Soda?"

The voice was small, unsure. It took several moments for Soda to realize that it was Pony speaking. He slowly rolled back over in the direction on his voice and with a large effort he managed to squint his eyes open. He peered through the blurry scene, blinking several times before things began to become clearer.

"Pony?" he mumbled. He rubbed his eyes, feeling disoriented. "Time is it?"

"It's almost nine," Pony said, looking down at him with concern.

"Shouldn't you be at school?" Soda asked, confused. What day was it?

"No, it's nine at night," Pony clarified slowly, nodding toward the window. Soda turned slightly to look and saw that it was dark out. "You slept all day…"

"I didn't sleep much last night," Soda mumbled, rolling back over. Suddenly his stomach growled. He realized he hadn't eaten anything all day. He was starved. With an effort he pushed himself up into a sitting position, still feeling heavy and disoriented with sleep. He almost started pushing himself out of bed before he remembered what he was missing. "Where's my cane?" he asked, glancing around.

Pony bent down and picked up the cane from where it lay strewn on the floor and handed it to him. He tried to ignore his brother's worried looks as he clamored out of bed, leaning heavily on the cane.

As he hobbled out of the room he could sense Pony following close behind. He passed through the living room, spotting Darry sitting in the armchair, glancing up at him over his paper with the same worried expression that Pony had. Soda sighed to himself. He wished they wouldn't watch him like that; it made him feel like some freak on display.

As he wandered into the kitchen he found that there was a stew on the stove with the burners on low to keep it warm. He dished out as much as he could into a bowl, filling it almost to the brim and fully intending to go back for seconds after he had finished. It was a task moving the bowl from the counter to the table with one hand while gripping his cane and he ended up spilling a little bit but didn't make too much of a mess. He slid into the chair and began to hungrily scarf down the stew.

"Hungry?" Darry had walked into the kitchen and was sitting down in the chair next to him. Soda simply nodded. "Did you each lunch today?"

Soda considered lying. He knew that Darry wouldn't be thrilled with him skipping meals. But somehow he just couldn't bring himself to do it, not after everything Darry had done for him. Slowly he shook his head. "No, I was asleep," he said. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

Darry nodded, but he still looked troubled. They were quiet for a minute as Soda continued to eat.

"If you were so tired… why did you need sleeping pills?" Darry finally asked slowly.

Soda paused with his spoon halfway to his mouth, startled by Darry's question. A moment later her remembered himself and ate another bite as he thought over his answer.

He placed his spoon down in the bowl and looked up at Darry tiredly. "I found them when I was looking for aspirin," he said quietly. When he had returned from the hospital not only was his leg still aching but he had a pounding headache. It wasn't like when he had hit his head, it was more of a tension headache, radiating out from behind his eyes. "I… I just wanted to sleep, Darry. I didn't want to think about… about anything. I didn't want to have nightmares. I just wanted to sleep."

Darry sighed, looking at him sympathetically. "Soda, it ain't healthy to knock yourself out like that during the daytime," he said slowly.

Soda rested his head to one side in his hand while his elbow rested on the table. "I guess I didn't think it through," he admitted. "I just… wanted to sleep." He knew that it made no sense. Hell he hardly understood why he had done it. Something had just come over him. All the memories had overwhelmed him. He just didn't want to feel anymore.

Darry frowned. He reached out and put a comforting hand on Soda's arm. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there with you this morning," he said. "But if you really needed me this afternoon you coulda called. I woulda come home to stay with you."

"You can't keep the memories away, Darry," Soda said quietly.

"I know," Darry said. "But I don't think it's about keeping the memories away. It's more about… accepting them."

Soda shook his head lightly. Darry didn't understand. He couldn't. It was just too painful. The only thing he could do is try and keep the pain at bay. "It's not that simple," he said flatly, dropping his gaze to look down at his food. Suddenly he didn't have much of an appetite anymore.

"I'm not trying to say that it is," Darry clarified. "Just… don't shut us out, okay Sodapop? You were finally doing so much better." Soda made a face at that statement and Darry seemed to quickly realized that it was the wrong thing to say. "I just mean-"

"Sorry," Soda cut him off. He pushed himself away from the table and clamored to his feet, clutching his cane in one hand. "I'm still tired. I'm gonna go lay down."

As Soda limped through the living room he noticed Pony sitting on the couch, trying to act like he hadn't been listening to every word being said in the kitchen. He felt like there was a weight was pulling down on him. Like there was a fog hanging over him. He figured maybe some of the medicine was still in his system. He had taken four instead of just two after all. Something that he wasn't about to tell Darry. He didn't want to disappoint him even more.

He reentered Pony's room, which was now his room again as well. Things were starting to get back to normal. But at the same time everything was so far from normal because he was not who he was before. He had changed during his time overseas, fighting for his life. Maybe he had changed for good.

Even though he had slept all day and he had not been awake for very long, as he fell back into bed he could already feel himself start to drift off. He glanced at the bedside table, but of course the pills were gone. Darry must have taken them. All he wanted to do was not think… all he wanted to do was forget…

XxXxX

Pony stood in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at Darry sitting at the kitchen table, his shoulders hunched. Clearly the conversation with Soda had not gone well.

"Is he okay?" Pony spoke up. He had watched Soda limp back to the bedroom a few minutes before and he thought it was really strange that he was already going back to bed.

Darry glanced back at him before looking back down at the table. Then he suddenly stood, grabbing Soda's half-eaten bowl of stew and clearing it from the table. He poured the remaining stew back into the pot on the stove and clicked off the burner. Then he went to work washing the bowl in the sink, spending more time than he needed to on the task.

"Darry?" Pony prompted after a few minutes.

"I dunno, Pony," Darry said, defeat in his voice.

Pony took a deep breath, hit hard by the fact that Superman was at a loss. "So what do we do?" he asked carefully.

Darry sighed heavily. He moved back to the stove and took the pot, moving to the icebox to save it for later. "I duuno," he repeated. "Maybe we should get him some help…"

"Send him to a doctor?" Pony asked, incredulous. "If he won't even talk to us you really think he's gonna talk to some stranger?"

Darry slammed the door to the icebox shut and whirled around to face him. "Well I'm out of ideas!" he snapped. "I don't know what to do. I can't fix this, I can't even begin to understand what he's been through! I can fix the damn porch railing but I have no idea how to fix my own brother." Pony watched Darry fall heavily back into his chair at the kitchen table, leaning on his elbows. "He's angry, then he's depressed, then he's even more angry and then he's even more depressed," he mumbled. "I don't know what to do…"

Pony was taken aback by Darry's sudden outburst. Darry had kept his cool so well through all of this. He had been able to keep the rest of them together. If Darry fell apart, none of them had a chance. Carefully Pony approached him, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder. For several minutes they just stayed like that, neither one knowing what to say.

"We just… we feel too much," Pony said quietly. "Soda has always had strong emotions. What he feels, he feels powerfully. That's how he is. We can't tell him he can't feel what he's feelin'."

Darry nodded in agreement. "I came up with the idea for the punching bag because of that," he said. "It's not that he shouldn't feel angry. It's that he should and he should also have an outlet. But what kind of healthy outlet is there for this?"

Pony was quiet, wracking his brain for answers and feeling frustrated when he came up with none. He suddenly thought back to just after Dally and Johnny had died two years ago. He had fallen into a deep depression after that. How had he coped? He had used writing his theme as an outlet. Unfortunately Soda was never much of a writer. Even writing home to his brothers while he was deployed had been a struggle for him.

Darry pushed himself away from the table and slowly stood up. "We should head to bed," he said flatly. "You got school and I got work in the morning."

"But what about Soda?" Pony asked quietly.

Darry sighed. "I'll call Steve and Two-Bit in the morning," he said. "Have them come check up on him."

Pony nodded, knowing that it was the best that they could do. They both wandered down the hall, splitting off into their own rooms without a work. As Pony quietly closed the door behind him he studied Soda's still form. He felt so lost, wishing like hell that he knew how to help him brother like his brother had helped him so many times. How many times had Soda kept him from falling apart? Why couldn't he do the same?

Quickly he changed for bed and then carefully climbed over Soda to get to his side of the bed. Soda didn't move. Pony watched him for a minute, listening to his light breathing in the dark. Then he wiggled closer to him, putting an arm over him like he used to do for him.

We'll figure something out, Soda, Pony thought to himself. We're not gonna give up on you…