A/N: I want to take a minute to apologize to everyone who has been waiting for an update. It has been getting increasingly difficult to write at work, so that takes a lot of the writing time I used to having away from me. At the moment, I am only able to write at night after work and on the weekends. In addition to that, It Begins In Mystery is not the only thing I am working on right now, so my update schedule may not be as consistent as it has been in the past. Thank you all for your patience and interest in my stories. Hopefully a 10,000 word chapter will make up for how long it has taken me to get this written. Please enjoy!
I can tell I've reached my arms out too far before I have time to stop myself. My legs lift off the ground in a hurry, and the walls of the school gym spin, causing my vision to blur until my back forcefully comes into contact with the cold mat and I'm left staring up at the bright, fluorescent lights that buzz loudly above me.
"Mellark!" Coach Abernathy shouts seconds before he's looking down angrily at me. It's bad enough having to hear him grouse and complain during math class every day, but it's even worse now that he has taken over as wrestling coach and I have to hear him during practice too. "You need to get your head out of your ass and into practice! Tournaments are soon, and we can't have one of our best suddenly off his game."
"Sorry, Mr. Abernathy. It won't happen again," I say apologetically, picking myself up off the mat.
"Damn right it won't!" Coach Abernathy barks. "Go again! Remember the strategy we worked out last week. And it's Coach Abernathy during practices and matches."
"Right," I nod, rolling my eyes.
The temptation to call him an asshole under my breath is strong, but I wouldn't be the first to try it, and I am sure I wouldn't be the first he'd overhear. Detention is the last thing I need right now.
If he weren't such a good coach, I would question how he even landed this job in the first place, but he does seem to know what he's talking about. He has even come up with strategies and moves that my brother hadn't been familiar with. Some say he's the only reason we have a chance in these tournaments. Up until he took over, we've never even been contenders.
I set my feet and ready myself, determined to focus on pinning my opponent this time, but before Coach Abernathy can even blow his whistle, my mind has wandered once again to Katniss. I've never had trouble focusing on wrestling before, and I'm sure the change is noticeable.
Normally, as soon as I walk into this gym after school, wrestling is the only thing occupying my thoughts. Today, however, it's Katniss. She has not been acting like herself since I dropped her off at her car yesterday, and it's that and my worry over what it could possibly mean that infiltrates my mind.
Her texts last night were brief and nothing at all like what they usually are. After a handful of short replies, she sent a final text telling me that she was tired and was going to bed early. I didn't hear from her again until I caught up with her in math class this morning, and even then she was somewhere else entirely, so lost in thought that she continually asked me to repeat myself every time I said something to her. During lunch, she asked me to repeat myself three different times. Eventually I just stopped talking, too frustrated to even bother anymore.
I'm brought out of my thoughts quickly when my body is slammed against the mat for the second time in one practice. I clench my jaw angrily and exhale loudly through my nose, frustrated with myself for being unable to focus on wrestling because my mind is too clouded by thoughts of Katniss and my worries that I'll get a message from her at any time telling me we've been making a big mistake.
"DAMMIT, MELLARK!" Coach Abernathy's bellowing voice echoes through the gym, causing everyone to stop what they're doing and look in my direction. "Get up off the mat, go shower, and don't come back for another practice until you're ready to put in a little effort!"
I push myself off the mat and storm off toward the shower without saying a word, too afraid of what I may say in frustration to even chance opening my mouth.
The locker room is dark and quiet when I enter, giving me time to shower and dress in peace, free of the shouts of the rest of the wrestling team. I take my time, letting the warm water pelt my shoulders in hopes that the frustration I'm feeling because of Katniss and Coach Abernathy will lessen.
I don't even realize how much time I've wasted until I begin to hear the yelling and chattering of everyone else growing closer and closer, indicating that practice has finished and they're filing into the locker room to shower and change as well. I shut the water off quickly and wrap my towel around my waist, eager to get out of the way.
With my head down, I navigate through the crowd, hoping that nobody will try to talk to me. All I want to do is get dressed so I can get the hell out of here.
"Hey Mellark!" The sound of my friend Finnick's voice stops me in my tracks.
"Odair," I reply, sighing audibly.
"What was going on out there today, man?" Finnick asks. "You looked about as interested in wrestling as I am, and I know that isn't true."
Finnick is actually a swimmer. Up until the beginning of the current school year, he was the captain of the swim team, but that was before the school decided to get rid of the swimming program when budget cuts started. Now, to occupy himself, Finnick joined the wrestling team and spends more time making it known that he could care less about it than he does actually wrestling, but also refuses to quit. He says it keeps him out of trouble.
"Just some personal shit, but I don't want to talk about it, ok?" I say pleadingly.
"Alright, I can respect that," Finnick nods, slapping me on my bare shoulder. "Just make sure you leave that shit at home tomorrow, I don't want old man Abernathy's head to explode."
"Yeah." I attempt a laugh, but it falls flat. "I'll see what I can do."
Finnick lets me continue on toward my locker, and to my surprise, nobody else even bothers to look my way as I move through the crowded locker room.
When I pull my locker open, I spot my phone sitting on top of my clothes and grab for it. Even though I don't expect to have any message from Katniss, I have to check anyway.
My stomach drops when I see her name on the screen.
This is it. This is when she tells me that whatever is going on between us is over.
Against my better judgement, I open the text message right in the middle of the locker room where anyone can look over my shoulder and read the rejection themselves, but I can't wait until I'm out of here. I have to read it now.
"At the park. You should stop up after practice if you can."
It isn't what I was expecting, but the relief that floods my body is short lived. What if she wants to tell me in person that she wants to go back to what we were before we lost control? I refuse to allow myself to feel happiness when I may be facing yet another difficult conversation in just over a forty-eight hour period.
I finish dressing as quickly as I can and run my fingers through my damp hair before I shove my phone in my pocket, grab my backpack, and jog out of the locker room in the direction of the school parking lot, ignoring the questions that are being shouted at me in response to my hurried exit.
Ten minutes later, I'm pulling into the parking lot of the park. I spot Katniss right away, propped against the front bumper of her car with her arms crossed over her chest watching Prim play with Buttercup in the grass. My feet seem to pound against the asphalt even louder than usual as I make my way toward her.
"Hey," I say almost cautiously when I reach her. I'm still not sure why she invited me here. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about what she'll say next.
"Hey," Katniss returns meekly, keeping her eyes straight ahead.
We stand against Katniss's car as silence quickly falls between us, staring straight ahead at Prim who appears to be in an entirely different world. She beams down at the orange cat and cradles him in her arms, just as she did the last time we were here. A light chuckle escapes my mouth at the sight of it.
"Aren't you afraid she's going to bring home fleas?" I ask. "That cat is kind of mangy."
At the sound of Katniss's laugh, I take a chance and glance in her direction. The smile I am met with sends a warmth through my body that I haven't felt in days, and it's only now that I realize how much I've missed it.
"I make her shower as soon as we get home," Katniss replies, setting her gaze back on Prim.
"Good thinking," I deadpan. "I can't believe he stays when she holds him like that. It's like he actually believes he belongs to Prim."
"I think he does belong to her at this point," Katniss says with a shrug. "I've never seen anyone else take care of him the way she does. I think she'd die for that cat."
When I've run out of things to say about Buttercup, the silence returns immediately and we are back to watching Prim who is now dangling a blade of grass in front of Buttercup's face. I'm surprised when the cat reaches his paws up to swipe at it. Prim's laughter echoes through the park, causing Katniss to shake her head.
"The only time I remember that she's just twelve years old is when she's playing with that cat," she says, breaking the silence.
Curious, I ask the question that has been on my mind since Saturday.
"Does she know what's going on?"
"Yes," Katniss sighs. "I don't know how. I never told her anything about us, but she knows. She was also quick to remind me that being unable to get a hold on my emotions and taking it out on you isn't very fair."
"What do you mean?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.
"After we got home from school she came into my room and started questioning me about you," Katniss starts. "It was like she knew that something was bothering me, even though I didn't say a word to her about any of it. It was her idea to come here and invite you. She's keeping herself occupied right now so we can talk."
I struggle to grab hold of what I'm feeling. On one hand, I'm grateful for Prim's perception and ability to convince Katniss to reach out to me, but on the other hand I'm hurt to learn that if it weren't for her, Katniss probably never would have taken the initiative to invite me here at all.
"Then we should probably start talking," I say, dispirited. "What was going on today?"
I watch Katniss's face contort as she struggles to find her words. Exhaling loudly, she finally turns to me.
"I know you told me not to say it, and I don't want to, but I can't stop thinking it," Katniss stammers.
"What?" I ask, urging her to continue.
"I still feel like we did something wrong, Peeta. Like we're still doing something wrong." Her tone is distressed. I'm brought back to our conversation yesterday and am suddenly overcome with guilt over not letting her talk about it then. Today could have been avoided if I had just let her talk to me, and if it weren't for Prim, who knows how long this could have gone on.
I sigh and run my hand through my hair, knowing that we won't be able to move past this unless we're honest with each other, even though the truth is that I didn't want to be honest yesterday.
"Well," I say reluctantly. "We did do something wrong." Katniss's eyes grow worried. I don't think she was expecting me to say that. She opens her mouth to speak, but put my hand up, cutting her off. I'm not finished. "We broke the trust of my parents and your mother, sometimes while she and your sister were right there in the same house. We shouldn't have done that."
"Yeah..." Katniss mutters, looking down at her feet.
"We got caught up and got ahead of ourselves, and that was wrong."
"I think we need to take a few steps back," Katniss suggests. "Start over again."
"I think so too," I agree, nodding. "That would be good for us."
Katniss looks up to check on Prim, then focuses her gaze on the trees in the distance before speaking again.
"I really do love how you make me feel when you touch me," she admits. "But maybe sometimes holding hands is all we need." She looks down and picks up my hand, quietly lacing our fingers together and squeezing tightly.
"And maybe a walk around the lake," I add, smiling at her. I push myself off the car and pull her toward me, gesturing for her to take a walk around the water with me.
The silence that falls between us this time is comfortable, and I can feel the tension in my body slowly melting away with each stroke Katniss's thumb makes across the top of my hand as we walk.
"Holding hands is nice," Katniss says, breaking the silence.
"It is," I admit, swinging our arms between us. "Taking a walk with you is nice."
"It is," Katniss says, mimicking my tone. "But that doesn't mean I don't want you to touch me anymore," Katniss blurts out. "It just doesn't have to always go there."
I roar with genuine laughter for the first time in days, shaking my head at Katniss's blunt approach.
"Good," I say between chuckles. "I was hoping not."
We move nearer to the water and sit down in the grass together, keeping our hands linked. With a quick glance at Prim, Katniss looks me in the eyes, her expression serious.
"Did you mean it when you said you thought we'd be good together? As more than friends?" She questions. "Because I think this is more than just fooling around now, isn't it?"
"I don't know," I say, attempting to sound nonchalant. "Do you want it to be?"
She doesn't answer right away. I stare at her, so fixated on the way her shoulders rise and fall with the labored breaths she is taking that I almost miss her nod of affirmation.
"Same," I concur, smiling. I reach out to rub her shoulder, letting my hand snake up the side of her neck then stop so I can brush my thumb across her cheek. "I have for a while." Katniss nods as though she knows what I'm talking about, catching me by surprise.
"Same," Katniss repeats assuredly. "Too bad we messed up and I can't have my boyfriend over for dinner now."
Hearing Katniss call me her boyfriend sends a jolt of excitement through my body that is uncontrollable.
"Is that what you consider me?" I ask, still shocked. "Your boyfriend?"
"You don't?" Katniss asks nervously.
"No, I do.. I mean.." I stammer, trying to find the best way to approach this. "I just agree with what you said. This is more than just fooling around. I just wasn't sure that you were ready to put a label on what this is just yet."
"Well," Katniss says, taking a deep breath. "I'm ready when you are."
"I'm more than ready." The smile on my face is probably embarrassing, but I revel in this moment as long as I can before it's tamped out when I remember there's something else I need to talk to her about.
"I hate to ask, but I have to know," I say carefully. "How mad was your mother on Saturday?"
"She didn't sound mad, really," Katniss says with a shrug. "She sounded hollow, like she usually does." I can hear the anger rising in Katniss's voice already, and I begin to regret even asking. "Like she was going through the motions."
In the last few years, I've learned that the topic of Katniss's mother is a sensitive one for her. Normally, I wouldn't even ask about it, but since this is partly my fault, I felt like I had to.
"I'm not even sure that she truly cares if you come over. I think she said it because she felt like it was what she was supposed to say," Katniss explains, shaking her head and looking away from me. "You know I used to see the school counselor when I was in junior high, before you moved here?"
"No, I didn't know," I admit. "You never told me that."
"I started going to talk about my father, but most of the time we just ended up talking about her."
"What kind of things did you talk about?" I ask gently, silently appreciative that she's choosing to share this with me right now.
"Most of the time it was about how she could almost forget about her children at home, but go back to the place she and my father both worked at without issue. How she could take that same route that killed him every single day, but she couldn't seem to gather the strength to come in and say goodnight to her daughters. That was something she did every single night, but after my father died? Nothing."
"That must've hurt." I stop myself in fear that I sound uncaring and let Katniss continue.
"I just want my father back," Katniss says numbly. "I wish that things could be the way they were before he died."
"I know." I pull her hands into mine, willing her to look at me.
"And now I have to leave the house to even spend time with you," Katniss continues. "Like we committed a crime because we wanted to be together. I hate being there now. Some days even Prim isn't enough to get me to want to stay home."
"We'll see each other as often as possible, ok?" I promise.
"Ok," Katniss nods, giving me a sad smile.
"Summer is coming, that'll give us more time to make plans and go places. Maybe we can take a trip to the beach," I suggest.
"That'd be nice, I haven't been there in a long time."
"I've never been there," I say.
"You've never been to the beach?" Katniss asks, dumbfounded.
"What is this about the beach?" Prim's voice breaks in, forcing us to turn our heads in her direction.
"I was just telling Katniss that we should take a trip to the beach this summer. You could come along, too. We'll make a day of it," I explain.
"I can't swim, though," Prim says. "Dad never got to teach me like he taught Katniss."
"That's alright, I can't swim either," I assure her. "We can just spend the day making sand castles and eating junk food."
"So I have to swim alone?" Katniss asks, feigning annoyance.
"Maybe Prim and I can get some floaties to put on our arms," I smile.
"I like that idea," Prim says, nodding. She turns to walk away, but stops abruptly. "So you guys are ok then?"
"Yeah," Katniss smirks at her sister. "We're ok."
"I'm glad." Prim waves once, and heads off in the direction of Buttercup, leaving me and Katniss alone once more.
The sounds of yelling wakes me up from a deep sleep. This isn't unusual. I'm woken up by my parents fighting at least twice a week, but it doesn't get any less jarring. I attempt to drown out their shouts, but when I hear Katniss's name, I stop and listen.
"Peeta needs to know who's in control here. It's not him. TJ and Rye weren't allowed to have girls over, if you recall."
"This is different, Rhoda, and you know it."
"Oh, right, because Katniss had to be the first friend he made in a new town, and I let you talk me into letting her come over here because we had to move and uproot the family because of me. How many more times are you going to throw that in my face?!"
"You know if they're not having sex here they're going to find somewhere else to do it."
I can tell my father is trying hard to keep his voice even and not resort to shouting like my mother usually does, but he's failing fast.
"Then let them!"
My mother's words come out in a hiss, and I hear what I can only imagine is my father's hand slamming against the kitchen counter, his resolve finally worn down.
"You couldn't care less about what they're doing or if they're being safe, could you? All of this is because you want to remind everyone in this house that you make the rules! It has nothing to do with Peeta or Katniss."
"They broke our trust! And for who knows how long. I won't allow that girl in my house again. End of discussion! Now, if you'll let me leave this house so I can open up the bakery. Late, mind you, since you wanted to have this conversation again."
I don't hear my father's reply before my mother slams the front door so hard that it causes the house to shake around me.
What I just heard makes me angry all over again. I understand that I did wrong by my parents and I did break their trust. It's exactly what Katniss and I talked about a few days ago, but what my mother is doing has nothing to do with making sure I understand what I did wrong and that I learned my lesson and everything to do with her power trips. She's never around, and I'm sure she could care less what I do as long as it isn't under her roof. The only thing she cares about is making sure that it's clear that she calls the shots.
When I hear my phone vibrate next to me, I assume it's Rye texting to ask if I heard this week's battle. I'm surprised when I see Katniss's name on the screen.
"I miss you," her message reads.
Despite what I said last Monday about seeing each other as often as possible, outside of school, we haven't seen each other in a week. Wrestling has taken over a huge portion of my free time after school as we prep for tournaments, and on the days I do get done early, Katniss has been working. It's like there is always something preventing us from spending time together.
"Why aren't you sleeping?" I send in return.
"I just told you why. What about you? Why aren't you sleeping?"
"My parents were fighting. It woke me up."
"Oh. I'm sorry. Are you ok?"
"I'm fine. I'm used to it."
"Oh."
I've never really talked to Katniss about my parent's marriage, or lack of marriage, before. I imagine that she is at a loss for words right now, but before I get a chance to apologize for dumping that information on her, she sends another message.
"Meet me at the park."
"What? Right now?"
"Yeah. I want to show you something."
"What about the cop that patrols the area after dark?"
"Still have your bike?"
"Yes..."
"Meet me at the corner just before the park. By the stop sign."
I have to laugh at Katniss's eagerness to sneak out of the house before dawn. Before I get out of bed to get dressed, I can't resist asking a question.
"Does this still feel wrong?"
Katniss's reply comes in faster than I expected.
"No. I want to see my boyfriend. What's wrong with that?"
I smile down at my phone. She gets it now. I send my last message quickly and head for my closet.
"Nothing at all."
I move through my dark room as silently as possible, hoping my father doesn't realize that I'm awake at four in the morning. When the sound of the bathroom fan starts, I sneak quietly down the hallway and slip out the side door. It's still completely dark, but I'm just able to make out my bike in the open garage.
It has been a long time since Katniss and I have gone anywhere on our bikes, but the familiarity is still there as soon as I start pedaling in the direction of the park. The stop sign at the corner of the street used to be our meeting point, and I smile to myself when Katniss comes into view, perched on top of her bike, leaning against the stop sign while she keeps lookout for the cop that circles the block. She turns around and points a flashlight in my face when she hears my bike approaching.
"Careful with that thing!" I laugh, greeting her with a tender kiss. "Thank you for getting me out of my house."
"It sounded like you needed it," Katniss says, running the back of her hand across my cheek. "Are you sure you're ok?"
"I'm fine, I promise," I reply, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Great now, actually. Since I'm with you. What did you want to show me?"
"Oh, right!" Katniss says grabbing my hand. "Follow me on your bike."
She begins pedaling as soon as she drops my hand, and I follow behind her without question. It doesn't take long before Katniss is slowing down and pointing to an area of the sidewalk that looks more like a driveway that has been covered by the overgrowth of the woods.
"Here it is!" She whispers, just loud enough for me to hear. She disappears with her bike into a patch of bushes that is just a touch thinner than the rest, and I follow behind, hissing in pain when a branch whips back and smacks me in the arm.
"What is this?" I ask, confused.
"I found this place last year after I first got my license," Katniss explains. "As long as I've been coming here, I haven't seen anyone else in here, but I think I may have been an old path from back when people used to hike in these woods."
I take in my surroundings and notice the paved path underneath us. It's just barely wide enough to fit a car, and surrounded by dirt and trees. It is clear that this used to be some sort of path that is no longer used by anyone.
"You've been hiding this from me for almost a year?" I ask, bewildered.
"Sorry," Katniss says, shrugging apologetically. "Sometimes I just needed a place to be alone to think. Somewhere that nobody else seemed to know or care about."
"What did you come here to think about?" I ask.
"Sometimes my parents, sometimes Prim, but mostly you."
"You thought about me?" I continue to question. Katniss nods, confirming that for all the times I sat around alone thinking about her, she was probably here thinking about me.
"Usually it was about what it would take to get you to realize how I felt about you," Katniss confesses, looking away from me in embarrassment.
"That's funny," I laugh, bringing Katniss's gaze back to me. "Because most of the time I thought about you, it was about how sure I was that you felt nothing for me at all."
"That is pretty funny," Katniss agrees, but she's shaking her head at me, a bemused expression painted across her face. "You really had no idea?"
"Not really," I shrug. "Was I supposed to know?"
"Well, I tried to give you signals," Katniss says. "You're usually so good at noticing stuff like that."
"I definitely think I missed those." Katniss looks away, as though she is embarrassed to learn that her attempts to get my attention went unnoticed. I can't let her think that. I may not have picked up on her signals, but I definitely noticed her. "But maybe that's because I was too busy trying not to kiss you."
"Really?" Katniss asks.
"Really," I confirm. "A lot of the time, when you'd talk, I'd focus so hard on your lips and think about how badly I wanted to kiss you that I didn't hear what you said, but I couldn't tell you that. At least I didn't think I could."
"You could have," Katniss murmurs, grabbing my head with both of her hands and pressing her lips to mine. The kiss is gentle and unhurried, but still holds the same hunger as the frantic, secret kisses we've been sharing these last few weeks.
I pull back and look into Katniss's eyes and am met with a look of contentment. It's a far cry from the nervous, sad expression that plagued her a week ago. Pleased, I smile warmly and run the back of my hand across her cheek.
"Your birthday is soon," I say. "We should do something."
"Like a date?" Katniss asks, a smile spreading across her face.
"Yeah, like a date," I affirm. "Maybe dinner? Where would you want to go?"
"What about here?" Katniss suggests.
"Here?" I repeat.
"That way it can be just us."
"Alright," I say reluctantly, thinking things over. "What's your favorite food?"
"I don't know," Katniss shrugs. "I like subs a lot."
"Subs?" I ask dryly. "You want to eat subs on your birthday?"
"What did you think I was going to say sushi or some gourmet shit?" Katniss scoffs. "I like subs."
"Alright," I laugh, relieved to see that Katniss seems to be returning to her old self. "If the birthday girl wants subs, we will get subs. I can pick them up after school and meet you here. Sound alright?"
Katniss nods, satisfied with the decision.
"Should be an interesting first date," she jokes. Suddenly, she looks up to the sky and puts her hand in the air, palm up. "It's starting to rain," she says, sadly. "We should probably go."
"Yeah," I sigh. "Thanks for showing me this place."
I lean in and press a quick goodbye kiss to her lips before we both turn our bikes around and leave our new hiding place just as the sky opens up and rain begins to pour down on us as we go our separate ways, back to our homes.
The rain only seems to get harder as I pedal my bike through the streets as quickly as I can. It doesn't keep the rain from soaking through my clothing, chilling me to the bone.
Even though my father's car isn't in the driveway when I finally make it back home, I still find myself slipping through the front door quietly and pull my soaked shoes off of my feet, dropping them on the tile floor.
I pad up the hallway as fast as possible, but stop abruptly when I hear Rye laughing in the kitchen.
"You're a mess," he chuckles, shaking his head at me. He leans against the counter, a bowl of cereal in one hand while he stuffs a spoonful of Frosted Flakes into his mouth with the other. "Were you with Katniss?"
"I'm cold, I want to go shower," I say icily, narrowing my eyes at him and scowling.
"Hey, don't take this out on me," he says defensively. "I kept your little secret. It was you that couldn't keep it yourself. Just how loud were you being that day, anyway?"
"Shut up!" I bark, clenching my fists at my sides. I don't need to be reminded of my mistakes right now, not when I'm struggling desperately to keep hold on the good feelings that came as a result of my time with Katniss. Between the rain, having to come back home, and now Rye's ribbing, I'm losing my grip on those good feelings very quickly.
"What's going on with you, Peeta?" Rye asks, his voice laced with both anger and concern. "I saw you fucking up at wrestling practice the other day."
"I had other things on my mind," I say shortly, trying to turn to leave the kitchen.
"Katniss things," Rye says, stopping me in my tracks. "Look, I know you're angry, but don't take this out on us, Peeta. Dad is actually trying to convince mom that it's ok for your girlfriend to come over, even after you were busted fucking around. I was never allowed to have girls over, so stop acting like the pampered little shit that you are."
"I'm not pampered," I hiss.
"Maybe not, but dad definitely caters to you," Rye says bitterly.
"Yeah, well maybe if you and TJ..." I stop short, in no mood to have this same old argument again. "You know what? Forget it," I say, throwing my hands up. "I'm not having this conversation with you right now. I need to go get ready for school."
Rye shrugs and drains the milk from his cereal bowl, dropping it into the sink before reaching for his book bag on the floor and hoisting it over his shoulder.
"Just cut dad some slack, alright?" Rye adds as he makes for the side door. "And mop the floor before you leave. You made a huge puddle." Without another word he turns and leaves.
Maybe part of what Rye was saying was right. I should cut my father some slack. It's not his fault that this is happening - it's mine. The more I think, the more I realize that Rye has every right to be bitter that Katniss was even allowed here in the first place. The only way he and my oldest brother TJ were able to see girlfriends was by doing the same thing Katniss and I are doing now, but that's beside the point, because I know my mother forbidding any of us from having girls over isn't because she's a caring parent who wants the best for us.
The clap of thunder that blasts through my open window calls my attention to the fact that it's still wide open from when I was asleep. Rain water drips from the windowsill and onto the carpet, soaking the area.
"Shit!" I curse under my breath, running to my closet and grabbing a towel. As I make my way across the bedroom, I glance at my clock, realizing quickly that I'm going to be late for school no matter how quickly I get ready.
How could a morning that was made so much better by Katniss get ruined so quickly? The brief period of relief that I felt when I was with her was short lived, and now I'm back to reality where finding time to see her outside of school has become more difficult than I anticipated.
The only thing I have to look forward to is the knowledge that in three days, Katniss and I will get to spend time together on her birthday.
What I didn't expect, though, was that it would rain for those next three days and threaten to ruin our plans.
The storms were relentless, with torrential downpours that barely let up and periods of thunder that were so loud it rattled the windows. This morning, I was certain that Katniss and I would have to change our date plans, but it finally stopping around lunch time. Even though the sun still hasn't been able to break through the clouds, at least things can proceed as planned.
"Thank God it finally stopped," Katniss says, stepping off the curb as we leave school for the day. "I thought we were going to have to build an ark."
"Yes, finally," I reply, relieved. "So I'll meet you at the park in an hour?"
"Yeah, I just have to go to the junior high to pick up Prim and get her dinner, then I'll be there," Katniss smiles. "Are you sure you don't want to go to wrestling practice first? I could just come back here and we could go to the park together after it's over."
"No," I shake my head. "It's just practice, I won't be missed. Besides, I have stuff to do before the park." I smile at her teasingly.
"No presents!" She warns, pointing her finger at my chest. "I already told you I don't want a present."
"No presents," I repeat, nodding in understanding. We part with a chaste kiss and I move to my car quickly and duck in, speeding off toward the store before anyone on the wrestling team has a chance to come looking for me.
An hour later, I pull my car into the small, hidden space Katniss showed me the other day, cringing when branches fly back against the sides. Katniss is already here, but all I can see is the back of her head from where she sits perched on the hood of her car.
When I exit my car, grocery bags in hand, I step right into the mud that surrounds the small path. My foot sinks in, and I have to pull it out carefully, hoping my shoe doesn't get stuck in the process. It's impossible to avoid it with our cars parked on the path. There is just enough room for the car and nothing else. It wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't just rained for three straight days, but if the only thing I have to worry about today is a little bit of mud, I'll take it.
"Did you get Prim all situated? I ask, walking carefully on the lip of the path in attempts to avoid the mud, but my foot slips off and I land right back in it anyway.
"Yeah," Katniss says, cringing when she looks down at my feet. "Sorry about your shoes. I should have warned you it was all mud here after it rains."
"It's fine. Your feet don't look much better," I observe, laughing at her mud covered sneakers. "You could have brought Prim, you know."
The truth is, I'm glad that Prim didn't come, but part of me still feels guilty that she's at home alone right now while Katniss and I spend time together here. The look Katniss gives me as she shakes her head tells me that she doesn't want Prim here either, today. Her hand comes up quickly and fists my t-shirt, pulling me in for a deep kiss, welcoming my tongue after I drag it along her bottom lip.
If we don't stop now, we will go too far, too soon. Reluctantly, I pull away before I begin to unravel, determined to bring the focus back on dinner.
"Are you hungry?" I whisper against Katniss's lips.
"Mmhmm." Katniss leans in and rests her forehead against mine. "Where did you get the subs from?"
I smile widely and give Katniss one last peck on her lips before I move away and place the grocery bags on the hood of her car.
"Well, I did something a little different," I begin. "Instead of just going to Subway or something, I went to the grocery store and bought stuff so we could make our own subs."
"No you did not," Katniss says in disbelief, laughing as she peers inside one of the bags.
"I did! That bag has the lunchmeat," I explain, pushing her hand away when she goes for another bag. "That one is for later, you can't see what's in there yet."
"I told you no presents, Peeta," Katniss admonishes.
"It's not really a present," I say, smirking. "It's for both of us, but let's eat first. Those ribs they served in the lunchroom today were fucking disgusting and I'm starving."
I hop up on the hood of Katniss's car and wait for her to join me, chuckling to myself at the suspicious look she gives me before she settles in next to me.
"Now you're going to have me wondering what's in that bag the whole time we're eating," Katniss says, irritated.
"Good," I say. "Everything is exactly as it should be. Now, what do you want on your sub? Turkey? Cheese? Ham? Mayo? You name it, I got you covered." I shove a third bag toward her that is full of small packets of condiments.
"Where the hell did you get these?" Katniss laughs.
"Stole them from the bakery," I shrug. "They have them available to people who order those bagel sandwiches my dad always talks about at the dinner table."
In the end, Katniss stuffs her sub full of both ham and buffalo turkey, provolone cheese, and finishes it off with a packet of mayo. I do the same, but add horseradish instead of mayo. We stay on the hood of Katniss's car and eat our subs in a comfortable silence. Even with all of the mud and awkward positions we have to sit in to make sure our food doesn't slide off the car, I know this is better than any restaurant we could have gone to. I just hope Katniss feels the same way.
I observe Katniss silently after she pops the last bite of sub into her mouth and wait, hoping she'll offer some sort of sign that she is enjoying herself. When she doesn't, I clear my throat to get her attention.
"How was your sub? I ask, nervously, suddenly wondering if I've done enough to make the day special for her. "If you didn't like it, there's still time to go somewhere..."
"No," Katniss shakes her head. "I loved it. Thank you for doing this." She reaches her hand up and begins to play with her father's necklace, and for the first time I feel like I have the nerve to ask her about it.
"So what is that on your necklace, exactly?" I question, squinting in attempts to get a good look at the pendant around her neck.
It's round and appears to have tree branches nestled inside. From three of the branches is a small stone that dangles.
"The stones are me, my mother, and Prim's birthstones," Katniss explains, allowing me to get a closer look. "I bought it for my father when I was eight years old." She laughs a little to herself. "It's only now that I see that it isn't the most masculine necklace out there, but even so, he wore it every single day. It was his good luck charm, he said." She falls silent and looks down at the pendent, clutching in in her fist. "The one time he didn't wear it was the day he died."
"I'm sorry, Katniss," I say, swallowing hard.
"It's ok," Katniss says, tucking the necklace back into her shirt. "Now I keep it on as my good luck charm."
"How has that been working for you?" I ask.
"Not so bad," Katniss smiles. "My sister is healthy, happy, and smarter than I'll ever be. My mother.. well, she could use a little extra luck, but she keeps food on the table. And I met this really great guy a few years ago."
"Really?" I scoot in closer and wrap my arm around her, holding her tight. "Tell me about him."
"Well, he's really funny and very sweet, even if he likes to pretend like he is some big shot jock wrestler," Katniss says. "He's also the best homework partner I've ever had, I think. There's just one problem, though."
"What's that?" I ask, nerves pooling in the pit of my stomach.
"He gets hard ons watching big cats have sex," Katniss says, bursting into laughter.
"That's not even a little bit fair!" I bark, unable to hold my laughter any longer. "That had nothing to do with the cats and you know it."
"Do I?" Katniss mutters.
"You do now," I admit. "It was because of you, Katniss. I just thought you'd be mad at me if I told you that then."
"But you thought it was ok to let me think lions turn you on?" She chuckles.
"It seems silly now," I admit. "But at that moment I was mortified."
"I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't tell me. I really need to work on sending out signals better." Katniss apologize. "Can I tell you a secret, though?"
"Of course you can," I smile, waiting to hear what she's going to tell me next.
"Well you know how we used to always sit on your living room floor and do our homework at the coffee table?"
"Yeah..."
"If I positioned my foot just right and sat on it, it would rub against me perfectly when I moved. It felt good, but I never could figure out how to get from that point, to telling you I'd rather it be your fingers I felt between my legs." Katniss's cheeks are stained red with her admission. "So if its any consolation, I understand why you weren't able to tell me."
"You... did that?" I ask, mouth agape. I stare at her silently and wait for her to laugh and tell me she was kidding, but she holds my stare and doesn't crack a smile once.
"It didn't help at all, really," she says with a shrug. "I'd still have to go home and finish myself off with my fingers, but I always hoped you'd notice.. somehow."
"It's not as easy to tell when a girl is horny," I remind her, thinking back to all those afternoons sitting around the coffee table with her. "Wait! Is that why you were always squirming when we worked?"
"Yeah," Katniss laughs. "And you always told me to stop because it made you nervous."
"Shit. If I had known that's why you were squirming..." I stop, unsure of what to say next.
Rather than saying anything more, I tilt her head up and meet her lips, running my tongue between them until she opens her mouth and our tongues meet. As I secure her bottom lip between my teeth and bite down, my hand travels the the front of her shirt and kneads her breast through the fabric, eliciting a muffled moan from Katniss that encourages me to keep going.
Moving my hand over, I begin unbuttoning her shirt slowly, breaking the kiss to look up at her as I work, searching for signs that I'm moving too quickly. When I reach the last button, I smooth my hand up her stomach, lingering when I reach the skin between her breasts.
"Is this ok?" I ask, running the pads of my fingers up and down the soft flesh.
"Yes," Katniss breathes, grabbing hold of my hand and guiding my fingers over the front clasp of her bra. I take the hint and bring my free hand up to help open the front of her bra.
As soon as the tension on the bra is release and the sides fall free, I dip my head down and kiss a trail from the center of her chest and over the swell of her breast until my mouth finds her nipple and I take it into my mouth, nipping at it with my teeth.
"I've missed this," Katniss moans, arching her back and grabbing onto the hair at the back of my head, running her fingers through it fervently.
She groans in protest when I pull my mouth away from her nipple, but it dies in her throat when I begin to lick a line up her throat and cover her mouth with my own, teasing her with a deep kiss.
"You like your nipples teased?" I breathe, pressing lighter kisses to the corners of her mouth. Now that our feelings for each other are out in the open, I'm not afraid of scaring her away anymore, and I'm anxious to see how she responds to all of the things I've been wanting to say to her. She nods hurriedly and tries to push my head back down so I can continue, but I resist. "I want to show you what I got for us, now."
Katniss drops her hands to my shoulders and looks up into my eyes searchingly.
"What is it?" she asks.
"Hang on," I say, running my thumb over her bottom lip. "I need you to do something for me, first." I snake my hand down between us and swirl my finger around her nipple before pinching it. "Take off your clothes, and go lie down in the backseat of your car."
I help Katniss slide off the hood of her car and watch her make her way toward her backseat, laughing when she curses at her feet getting stuck in the mud. I follow behind her shortly after and notice Katniss's clothes discarded on the floor of her car, muddy shoes and all.
"You're quick," I say, smirking when my eyes land on her naked form in front of me. "And beautiful."
"Shut up," Katniss says, embarrassed.
I shrug and drop down to my knees, ignoring the cold sensation of the mud as it begins to saturate my jeans almost instantly. I grab her ankles and pull her closer to me, throwing her legs over my shoulders and begin to kiss her calves, working my way up between her thighs.
Sliding my hand up her stomach, I stop when I find her nipple again. Katniss arches up, pushing herself into my hand eagerly as I begin to roll the hardened nub between my fingers, listening to the different sounds she makes when I squeeze it.
The further my mouth moves across the inside of Katniss's thighs, the more she squirms underneath me, anticipating the moment when I finally reach her center.
"You're extra eager today," I observe, looking up at her and smiling. "Did you miss this?"
"Yes," Katniss nods, reaching out to caress my cheek.
"What did you miss?" I ask.
"How you seem to know exactly where to touch me. And when," Katniss answers, gasping when my fingers slip between her folds to graze her clit lightly. "Just like that," she breathes, still writhing underneath me.
After working her for several minutes, showering the insides of her thighs with kisses while my fingers tease her clit, I move down and slip my fingers through her wetness and pull away. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the small bottle of lube I bought at the store earlier and hope that she's ready for what I want to try.
"Is that what you got for us?" Katniss asks, looking at the bottle.
"It's a little different than the one you've used on me," I explain, popping the top open and drizzling a small amount of the liquid onto the tips of my fingers, making sure they're fully coated. "Just lie back and let yourself to stay relaxed," I murmur, reaching up to rub her thigh with my free hand.
Slowly, I begin to push two fingers into Katniss's center. Between the lube and how wet she already is, I am able to slide them in fairly easily, stopping only once to make sure she's not uncomfortable.
"How does this feel?" I ask.
"Better than it usually does," Katniss says.
"What about now?" I curl my fingers and graze the tips against the top of Katniss's walls. She sucks in a sharp breath and grinds against the palm of my hand.
"Even better," she whimpers. "And warm."
"That's the lube," I say, chuckling. "I bought the warming kind."
"I like it," Katniss replies, smiling down at me. "Keep going."
Silently, I move my head back down between her legs and continue to kiss her thighs while beginning to work up a slow rhythm with my fingers. Pushing them in, then pulling back while curling my fingers up, making sure that my fingers stroke her upper wall every time I pull back.
Katniss's hands tangle in my hair when my mouth finally covers her clit. The gentle sucking, along with my finger's ministrations have her producing deep gasps that start from low within her stomach, replacing the soft mewls that she was making earlier. I use her noises as guidance, sucking harder on her nerve and pushing in with my fingers more firmly.
I ignore the chill that is running through my body from kneeling in the cold mud and circle my tongue around Katniss's nerve, continuing to pump my fingers in and out of her. My hair is wrapped so tightly around her fingers, that the force she is using to keep my head in place begins to hurt, and I have to work extra hard not to try to break free when she tightens her grip again.
"Peeta," Katniss gasps, crossing her ankles behind my head to secure me in place even more. "I'm so close, Peeta. Don't stop."
Her words, and the sound of my name on her lips gives me the resolve to keep going despite the pain in my head and uncomfortable chill that is taking over my body.
More determined than ever, I take Katniss's clit into my mouth and suck while swirling my tongue around it at the same time. I begin to press on her upper wall harder with the tips of my fingers, and it's not long before I feel her legs lock around me as her hips lift from the seat. Her walls pulse around my fingers forcefully when her orgasm claims her.
She pulls my head away from her as her spasms continue and I watch in awesome as her body girates, almost as if it's beyond her control.
"Shit," Katniss says, laughing as she struggles to catch her breath. "How did you figure out how to make that feel good when I couldn't?"
"A lot of reading on the internet," I reply honestly. "I've been wanting to try it for a while now."
Katniss removes her legs from my shoulders and sits up, cradling my head against her chest.
"You're shivering," she says.
"It's kind of cold in this mud," I admit, sheepishly.
"Get out of the mud then and get in here with me!" Katniss bellows, pulling my head from her chest and forcing me to look at her.
"I'll get your car all dirty," I say.
"I don't care," Katniss shrugs. "I'm going to dirty it when I drive home, anyway. Get in here with me."
I crawl into the backseat with her and she curls up next to me, resting her head on my shoulder and sighing contentedly.
"So, how was your birthday?" I ask.
"Way better than last year," Katniss says. She leans up and kisses me, smiling when she pulls away. "Thank you. You look like you enjoyed yourself, too." She reaches down and cups the front of my jeans, squeezing once before trying to undo them.
"No, Katniss." I grab her hand, halting her movement. "It's your birthday, and that was for you. You don't have to do anything in return."
"But what if I want to?" She asks.
As difficult as it is to refuse, I don't want to take any of the attention off of her today.
"It'll just make next time even better," I explain. "I just want today to be for you, ok?"
"Ok," Katniss nods, planting a kiss on my neck. "I bet that warming lube will feel good on you, too."
"I bet it will," I say, groaning at the thought of it.
"Don't use it without, ok?" Katniss asks.
I nod in agreement, pulling her even closer to me.
"Happy Birthday, Katniss," I say, kissing the top of her head.
A few minutes pass, and I almost start to think Katniss is asleep until she begins to stir, lifting her head up to look at me.
"I don't want to go home," she says sadly.
"Either do I," I sigh, knowing that no matter how badly we don't want to leave this place tonight, we're going to have to - soon.
When I get home a little while later, I leave my muddy shoes at the door and begin to walk toward my bedroom in large strides.
"Dinner is soon," my father says as I pass him.
"Not hungry," I reply, quickly.
"Peeta, wait!" My dad calls. I stop and turn, waiting for him to speak. "You're filthy."
"I was at the park," I say shortly, but remember my conversation with Rye earlier this week. "It's all mud there from all the rain," I explain further.
"Did you get to see Katniss today?" My father asks. He sounds genuinely concerned, and there's a look on his face that is almost hopeful that I'll say yes.
"Yes," I say. "It's her birthday today."
"Oh," my father says, the tension palpable. He looks down at my muddy clothes again and clears his throat. "Well tell her I said Happy Birthday." I start to move in the direction of my bedroom but stop when my father's arm grabs my shoulder.
"What, dad?" I ask, my anger rising. "I'm cold and I'm tired, can I just go get changed?"
"In a minute, but I feel like I have to say this since your mother doesn't seem to care," he starts. The bitterness in his voice shocks me. "Are you two being safe? Are you protected?"
"Dad," I grouse. My father looks at me seriously, and I know I have to answer. "We have condoms."
"Good," my father says awkwardly. "Alright, go get dressed. I'll keep a plate of food for you in the microwave in case you get hungry later."
"Thanks dad," I reply, grateful that he's letting me go so quickly. Finally, I head to my room to gather fresh clothes before heading to the bathroom.
I peel off my muddy clothes in a hurry and wash myself off quickly in the shower. The warm water relaxes me more than I thought it would, and I can feel my eyelids getting heavy. As soon as I fall into bed, I doze off as soon as my head hits the pillow.
I'm disoriented when I wake up. Glancing at my phone, I notice that it's after one in the morning, and there are three texts from Katniss. I have to read them three times before the sleep has cleared from my brain enough that I can understand them.
"Thank you again for a nice afternoon."
"Did you figure out the math homework yet?"
"Nevermind. I got it."
I completely forgot about homework. I hop off my bed in a hurry and rifle through my book bag, but my binder is nowhere to be found. I must have been in such a hurry to leave school before anyone on the wrestling team came looking for me, that I forgot to take grab my binder with all of my homework in it.
Quickly, I text Katniss back to explain what happened. I hope she doesn't think I was ignoring her.
"I am so sorry. I fell asleep as soon as I got home and just woke up. I forgot all of my homework in my locker, so I won't get any of it done. Glad you figured it out, though."
When my phone goes off less than a minute later, I know instantly that Katniss was probably waiting for me to answer.
"You can copy my answers down in the morning, that'll at least take care of math and keep Mr. Abernathy from blowing a gasket."
Mr. Abernathy. Shit. With or without homework he was going to blow a gasket as soon as he saw me anyway because of the way I skipped wrestling practice without even so much as a bad excuse.
"Thank you :)"
"Hey, you did the same for me once, right?"
The anxiety of knowing I have to walk into school in the morning without any homework weighs heavily on my shoulders. I certainly won't be sleeping any more tonight. After several more texts, I tell Katniss to get some rest and let her go, wishing more than ever that she were here with me.