Beck
"Rule number one, is that you gotta have fun
But baby when you're done, you gotta be the first to run
Rule number two, just don't get attached to
Somebody you could lose
So le-le-let me tell you
This is how to be a heart breaker"
I get in my dorm, that due to the Holidays is silent and empty, except for a few students that don't have the money to travel, or simply hate Christmas like my roommate, Tyler, well he would travel like last year if his Mother had given him money to go to Kenya as he planned, but instead she cut him off and he turned into Grinch. A Grinch who have been blasting 'Imagine' by John Lennon for the past two days. I think my head will blow up if I listen to it one more time. "Dude check this out" He practically screams, and I turn off the music, making he look at me revolted "That's my Holiday song you tyrant!"
"You can listen to it with earplugs" I sit down at my bed, staring at the calendar, I don't hate Christmas in particular, but this time of the year is not exactly the best for me, for several reasons I'd rather not think of, and plus, every year my parents come, and every year they go sightseeing and there really isn't much to see in Vancouver. "I'm going to make a video about this, so people on YouTube can know how messed up you really are"
"I'm way ahead of you, our one million and two thousand subscribers already do know how I am, I vlogged about it yesterday" Out YouTube Channel is getting pretty big, I think he started making videos in his senior year of high school, but his views really went up after we started making videos together. He used to just rant about whatever was on his mind to the camera, but now that we actually know how to film and direct we make short videos and some comedy stuff, and before we realized it, it got pretty big, and YouTube started paying us. It's not what I imagined I'd do with my life, but then again, nothing goes the way you think it would. "whatever, I'm almost done with the project, look" He shows me an album full of pictures of burning Christmas decorations and one tree, each of them entitled with one word, including the one with a fake cotton Santa Claus falling from the roof with the word 'paradise' on it. "Paradise: a dead Santa Claus, just like John Lennon once said, Imagine no religion!" He eyes me, threatening to put the song back on but I take his laptop and put it away.
"That's all really interesting, but I still have five photos to take" I get back up, stretching my legs. This project is going to be the death of me "Why are even doing this project again?" I ask Tyler, and he rolls his eyes turning around to face me, snapping a picture of my annoyed expression.
"Because you need a B- to pass the semester, and I want to maintain my A+ on photography" I nod, putting all the stuff I need to get the pictures right, without using filters because Professor Cameron made it clear of what he wanted. Raw pictures, each of them representing all the words he put on the board which make a total of twelve, and I'm still at seven, not good since I have a day and a half to finish it.
"I still don't know how I'm going to portrait 'paradise' in Canada, the Santa was the best I came up with but I'm not feeling really good about it" He grunts, and I smirk at his comment. I am having as much difficulty as he is. The closest thing I have to paradise is a park, that's four hours from here, and it'll still only be pretty shot of a park, and that won't give me a B-. But then again, it'll get me out of the city for a few hours, avoiding family Christmas time.
"I'm heading to the pier to get four more photos, and then I'll only have paradise left" He gets up, grabbing his loyal Nikon to go with me "Seattle here I come..."
"Are you sure? it's a long way" I pick up a good book for the train ride, some cash and the best camera I own "I could just help you steal those decorations from the Bank and take snapshots of kids crying, realizing that Christmas is a stupid marketing strategy"
"You're sick dude" I nod my head looking at the amused smirk on his face. I press play to my phone voicemail, leaving it on speaker and begin to get the rest of my things.
"You have four new messages..." God, I'm really not in the mood for it today "...first new message: Hey Beck, it's Moonlight, we had so much fun on Saturday I was just..." I skip it, knowing how it will end, just like all the others, and play the next one.
"I know you said it would be a one night thing but we have such good chemistry! Oh, it's Kenley by the way, so I th..." I skip it again, and look at Tyler with his hands over his face and making sounds of pain.
"Beck, it's Laila! You forgot your wristband here" this one can actually be useful "so maybe I could give it back to you over dinn-" nope, false alarm.
"I'm Juliet from the..." I roll my eyes and delete all of them, putting one strap of my backpack on my shoulder, ready to go.
"Why won't you answer?!" He yells "Are you insane?" I eye him, three years sharing the room with the guy and he stills go nuts over the fact that I won't be with the same girl for over two weeks.
"They signed up for this" I tell him, I have a reputation and rumors spread and all of them are true, Beck Oliver is the guy who just wants to enjoy college without any commitment, and that couldn't be any more true.
"I don't understand you" we head out, walking to the bus stop "you could have any girl you want, and you choose the unending chase of meaningless hookups and being called 'Beck the lonely boy'" I didn't know people still called me that... I'm not lonely, I'm single.
Tyler doesn't know about Tori, none of it, I don't really feel like sharing and trying to explain the craziness that was my senior year. High School is behind me, I never think about Hollywood Arts, I never think about the horrible LA weather, and I most definitely never think about the annoying Northridge girls. But Tori... She wasn't a high school girlfriend, that wasn't what we had. As much as I'd love to believe that it was, and move on, I know I'd be lying to myself if I did. But I've come to the terms that life doesn't work out the way you want it to, and that I'm just going to have to be with someone that isn't going to be as perfect as she was.
Soon we're on the bus, and once we get to the pier we each go our ways to try and get the damn pictures right, and after what it seemed to be endless hours of bad pictures I managed to get four of them, just in time to have a coffee before I go. I snap another picture and walk back to the coffee shop down at the pier, as always at this time of the year the streets are empty, except for unfortunate tourists that wander around with extremely inappropriate clothes for this weather, trying to do basic sightseeing when its ten degrees outside.
I sit down in a table near the window, and look at the Polaroid pictures I just shot, winter is the best season for photography, the sun isn't up and everything is white and grey, amazing. "Hey handsome"
"Hi Lucy" she pours coffee in the mug placed in front on me, I take a sip "Still struggling with the Professor Cameron's project?"
"It's bad" she laughs, and I take another sip already half way through, and Tyler enters the shop spotting me and sitting down. He greets Lucy but she quickly turns back to me "Maybe you could help me out?" and there she goes again.
"I would..." I run my fingers through my hair, why does she keep doing this to herself? We've known each other for almost three years and never once, I led her to believe that I wanted to date her, not even a one night stand. And yet she keeps inviting me to study and I decline every single time "but I'm...busy...with a …"
"...right" she nods, pouring Tyler some coffee and heading to the next table. And I drink half a cup in one sip.
"Dude, she's hot, she's cool and she's totally into you" I stay silent, and look at my pictures spread around the table, gathering them up before someone spills coffee all over them. I got all the pictures I wanted, it was actually easier than I thought it'd be. I hope I have the same surprise in Seattle, a couple of shots and a B- "seriously look at her, amazing figure, those blonde curls...and her name is Lucy, great name"
I roll my eyes, zipping up my backpack "If you're so into her, why don't you ask her out?"
"You know what?" he nods his head, trying to encourage himself. I'd ask out Lucy, superficially she's the perfect match for me, same taste in movies, music, she even dresses similarly, that's why we became such good friends at first, that's until she started liking me, and going on and on about how good a serious commitment could work if two people are really good friends first. And I realized and if anything were to happen between us I'd just break her heart "I will" He gets up, leaving the table, and I put some change on top of it to cover both our beverages, it doesn't take long for him to come back with a confused look "she said she doesn't like Asians..."
I chuckle at his comment "I'm sorry my Vietnamese friend" we get up, and he starts to murmur something about being born in Portland, not actually Asian. Right before I head out she calls my name, just like she always does.
"Nice photos" she waves and I shrug with a sympathetic smile. She majors in photography, and both of us know that my pictures aren't good enough for her to compliment; But I'll just pretend she wasn't flirting, and be polite.
"Well I'm going to turn in my project since I'm done and officially on winter break" he stops at the bus stop, and grabs his camera, I'd film with him, but I have to take the subway to my Grandmother's house.
Vancouver is the same, the neighborhood is the same, and the memory of Trina's phone call is just as fresh as my memory of having coffee with Tyler ten minutes ago. And it's not the best feeling in the world to think about that, or her, it's pathetic really, three years later and I'm still hiding and ignoring old feelings. There are some periods of time that she doesn't pop into my head, sure. But not during Christmas, that now is a synonym to hell; hell because I was stupid teenager and when she told me to let us go, I did.
"Woody is making a mess!" My Grandma opens the front door pulling me inside the house "Your Dad doesn't want to be near him so I had to put the poor dog in the kitchen" she gives me hug and I spot my parents in the living room, waiting to talk to me. They arrived a couple of hours ago, and as much as I love them, I'm really not up for the 'how's college' questionnaires'.
"Beck, honey!" My Mom hugs me tight, and kisses my cheek with a huge smile on her face "I've missed you! Calling once a week would be nice you know?"
"I'm sorry, I've been really busy Mom" I move on to my Dad, that also gives me a hug but quickly sits back down at the couch, reaching for his cup of tea.
"So, how's college?" he asks, in perfect timing for me to tell them I can't stay. I'm just glad that he gave up on the girl talk after my first semester on freshmen year, when I discovered the wonders of even more desperate and easy girls looking for meaningless sex than in high school, and never once brought a girl over.
"The same..." My Grandma hands me a box of cookies as she does every Christmas for me to give to Tyler, she always tries her best to make him love the Holydays, which is good for me because I get to eat the cookies too "but I do have to run, I have a photography project to finish and I'm heading to Seattle to do so"
"Seattle?!" My Mom shoots me a look in a'please-don't-leave-me-alone-here' way and I kind of feel bad for it, because from all the people I miss she's right on top. But I really need to turn the project in by tomorrow night tops, and the closest I have to paradise here is that damn park in Seattle with the most amazing view.
"I really need to go" I give my Mom a kiss, heading to the kitchen, to get Woody that starts to bark and run around when seeing me. I have his leash in hand, and put it on him to take him to Moose's like I do every time my Dad's around. He's terrified of the dog, just because he's a Rottweiler, but I swear he's the sweetest dog in the world, I think he'd loose a fight to a Chihuahua. "I'm leaving Woody at Moose's!" I yell before going on the street "You love staying with Moose don't you boy?" I pet his head, and he licks my hand right before getting distracted by a running squirrel, and trying to go after him, if it moves he wants to play with.
I walk five blocks until getting to his condo. The doorman opens the gate and gives me a judgy frown, he does that to me because he doesn't like me, he already said so once, because I 'like to party way too much'. He rings to Moose's apartment to let him know I'm going upstairs. I push the Penthouse button, and in seconds I'm inside his apartment. Its still amazes me how Moose went from a High School student to a millionaire hokey player and still managed to have the same, lame decoration. "Woody! Come here buddy!"
"Are you sure you can stay with him?" I sit down at the couch, and put my feet over the table that is shaped just like the Canada flag. He is too busy rolling around with him to hear me "Moose!"
"What?!" he gets up suddenly, and Woody steals his shoe, running around the living room "Yeah, no problem, I love it when he stays here" he opens the minibar under the table and opens a beer "do want one?"
"No thanks man, I gotta run" I get up, pet Woody goodbye and as I'm about to leave his girlfriend, Mila, gets out of the bathroom telling me to hold the door, she's a nice girl, to this day I don't know how she got Moose to settle down but she did, and my Grandma finally stopped saying he was the bad influence, and accepted the fact that he wasn't the reason for me to be like this, or as she likes to call a 'ladies men', always carried with an eye roll.
After one book and three cokes later I finally arrive at Seattle, getting on the first bus to that park just to taking a freaking photo, my family must really think I'm nuts. I stand near the door and a couple of stops later I'm at in the center of the city, with amazing trees and great architecture, and it's the perfect scenario, and I'm glad I got this project on the winter; This area is the exact spot where the most luxurious weddings and parties happen, and they take more than half of the park, and somehow they always happen when I go out of my way to come, fortunately, not today.
I'm just going to use the desperate move I developed in freshmen year, and snap ten photos randomly, because at least one of them will be decent. I take them quickly, and sit down at the cold bench to look at what it turned out .The first one is crap, just like the second and third, the fourth is nice, but nice for a C maybe a C+ not a B-. The fifth would be perfect, perfect lighting and all that, except for these two girls... No... Is it...
I look up, my heart pounding so fast I think that the people around me might hear it, I walk fast, leaving all the bad pictures behind me holding just the one, and as I get closer I see that it's true. She's here, and she's smiling and slowly walking in my direction "Beck...?" I pull her into a hug, lifting her slightly from the ground, shutting my eyes just for a brief moment; She feels the same, she smells the same, and she's real, and I don't really know what to do.
I think we've been hugging for more time that we should have, but I only think that because her sister and Mom are staring, I pull away, even though I don't want to. What should I say? What should I do? Wow, where did insecure Beck come all of a sudden?
And just like that she asks me why I am here in a friendly way, smiling and looking up at me. Every time I look at her it feels like I'm seventeen again, like the day I realized I was going to love her a lot more than I had planned. God, she looks so beautiful...
Please, Please, please review! I love you,
- Kiribati