Tori & Beck
"Over and over many setting suns
I have run, I have waited for the rain to come
When through that mist I see the shape of you
And I know, and I know that I'm in love with you
Though
I'm far away
I know I'll stay, I know I'll stay
Right there with you
And though
It might be too late
What would you say? What would you say?
What would you do?"
I can't stop smiling, I think it's physically impossible for me to do so, but for whatever reason it feels good. Good because I've been walking beside him for two blocks, my arm brushing against his and the temptation to get closer growing each time, it's him, he's beside me. And this is going nothing like the way I thought it'd go when we met again for the first time, if we met again. He looks down at me with the beautiful crocked smile, and his amazing eyes, talking about his YouTube channel, but I'm not really listening to his words, I'm listening to the way he talks, fascinated that even though we haven't seen each other in years he still looks like the Beck I fell in love with, the Beck I missed so much.
He opens the door to this bar/pub thing and I walk in. The place is dark, the walls are covered in posters and shirts signed by their respective artists and all of the people inside seem to be around our age, this place is very Beck. It's definitely not the type of thing you'd expect to find near a train station "Are you two going to be performing?" The lady behind the counter asks, and I look at him with a grin on my face, and I think that from all of the thing that didn't change over the years for me is the answer to that question, always a huge yes.
"We will" I raise my eyebrows, he's singing too? I bite my bottom lip as we walk over to a booth, and I sit down first, putting my feet over the other side, and he sits next to them. I guess that's appropriate, although I'd prefer if he was sitting next to me...
"How did you find this place?" I put my hands over the table and look at his clothes, he changed his style a bit, it's more clean, I don't know how to explain it, it feels more grown up, I guess we did grew up... but somehow I'm feeling like I'm seventeen all over again.
"Me and friends always come here when we come to Seattle, for whatever reason, it's a good place to play music" The waiter pours us some water, and he orders a beer, I ask for one too, I didn't know you could drink under the age of twenty one here. "So... Do you still keep in touch with anyone from High School?"
"Just Andre, we share a rented condo right outside campus" he raises his eyebrow, tilting his head forward "No, not like that! He's my roommate and totally in love with the same girl since freshmen year" he laughs, and I nod my head, checking my phone, two new messages from Johnny. "What about you?"
"No girlfriend and no apartment" No girlfriend, no girlfriend which means he's single, Beck, single! "I do have a dog...sort of" I rest my head on my hand to listen to him, sighting like an idiot "he lives at my Grandma's house, because we can't have pets in my dorm or live outside of it"
"You can go up the stage" the lady says, pointing at it in the back of the bar, and I look at him for reassurance, and he gets up waiting to walk with me.
I look at the stage and just now realize that there is a piano, a couple of guitars and even a violin available for whoever wants to use it, but since I don't know what we're going to sing I won't bother going to the piano. I sit down in one of the little wooden stools, and look at Beck that picked up one of the guitars "follow my lead" he says, and starts to play the chords. Chords that I'd recognize anywhere for a mile.
I begin to sing, and it feels like a lot, I can't describe it it's...
"And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight"
Instead of waiting for the choir he starts to sing from the beginning with me, and I lock my eyes with his, with a smile on my face as if this song wasn't even real. This is our song, and I almost forgot how beautiful the lyrics are, and how everyone here is just listening to yet another song, without knowing how much this all means to me...to us.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
He puts the guitar down, never breaking away from my gaze, and we ignore the applauds or tips in the hat walking right back to the table; I sit down at his side of the booth and pull him with me, I don't want to break away yet. I want him close, I need him close. I place my hand at the table next to his, and he takes a sip of his beer tea. "You got a tattoo" he says, holding my wrist slightly, and running his index finger over the scar that never faded away.
"Andre's girlfriend drew it for me" I tell him, as he looks closely "the branch is right on top of where the cut was, and the flowers are supposed to be what I gained from it, good things and all that shit" I can't help but think about how different I feel from when I finished singing this song that day in Sikowitz class, I don't feel like this is it, like there's nothing to look forward to. For the first time in a long time I actually feel alive.
I show him my right wrist in contrast with the left one, the tiny little scar left goes by unnoticed. And the tattoo on the left one helps me getting jobs, people don't really want to hire you when they learn you used to be a suicidal teenager, it's not exatly what you'd call good marketing.
His fingers stop tracing my scar, and when I think he's going to break away I intertwine my fingers with his, he holds my hand back, and as silly as holding hands sound, this is not silly at all. "I've missed you" I say shyly, hypnotized by the ways our hands are. They fit the exact same way they did three years ago, perfectly.
"I've been missing you too, a lot" That's exactly it, all these years, the weird feeling I always got that something wasn't in the right place; what made me hook up with so many guys trying to find that thing, the thing that made me feel like myself again, it was Beck. He's a the part of me that was missing.
I get closer to him on the seat, and I burry my head in his neck, letting go of his hand and bringing it to his chest. He strokes my hair, and I bring one of my hands up to his neck "Tor...", I love hearing him say my name, I love how he holds me and I love everything about this. I look up, and run my fingers on his hair
"Your hair is longer" I tell him, and he tucks some of mine behind my ear with a slight crooked smile, and I push myself against him even more so there is no space left.
"Yours is shorter" he tells me, his hand cupping my cheek and tracing down my face until reaching the back on my neck, and breathe in feeling his touch.
"Do you hate me? For leaving you like that?" He runs his thumb across my cheek and shut my eyes.
"I felt a lot of things" His hand traces back to my neck, and I look up to his eyes "But I could never hate you" I breathe in, there's too much tension in the air, that amazing anticipated tension that's just too good to break "did it work for you? Trying to leave high school behind, did it work?" I place my hand on top of his, and trail the one that was one his neck to his shoulder "leaving us behind?"
"It was a stupid idea wasn't it?" Three years without Beck, three years gone to waste.
"...the stupidest" I let go of whatever I had to say when he pulls me even closer. Our lips brush, and I take a deep breath before he captures my lips with his own, and I kiss him back again and again, bringing both my hands to his face wishing I didn't have to breathe and part our lips, even if it's just for a second. He kisses my cheek, and I push his hair back, and he brings my lips back to his. His tongue inside my mouth, he tastes like beer, coffee, and home. Beck is my home.
"Let's..." he begins to say, but I cut him off deepening the kiss again, and only pull when I feel like my lungs are about to explode in the need air, and he doesn't hesitate, I need to get three years back, all the time we were apart... I need that time with him. The world is right again, it's spinning and it's wonderful and it tastes like love, like I am good, I am fine, I'm happy.
"I know..." I whisper pulling away, people around us are starting to stare, and as much as I'd would like to ignore them and just keep doing what we're doing, forever, we should go...
Now that I think about it, it might be good that we leave. He puts a ten dollar bill on the table for the beer, and we get out feeling the freezing wind that doesn't seem to do much effect on him, but I haven't been this cold since Chattanooga. He puts his arm around my shoulders and we walk side by side along the gates to the train station laughing, I don't really know why we are doing so. Maybe because this is just too good to be true, and it feels real, oh so real.
I stop and stand in front of him, wrapping my arms around his torso and resting my head on his chest looking up, he's smiling truly smiling which is not something he does very often, at least he didn't used to... I can't believe I wasted three years "We should go to Vancouver, you can turn in your project and I don't have any plans so..."
"Really?" I nod, leading us inside the train station to by some tickets.
Hello guys! Hope you liked this one please review I'm sorry there was a delay on the chap I had some internet issues! Love all of you, thanks for reviewing my last chap,
- Kiribati