The announcer introduces us to the crowd. Matt and Jessica get a slightly louder applause. I'm pretty sure we would have gotten the better applause had Matt left his shirt on….and had he not swung it around his head as if he were on MTV spring break.
Maybe I should have done that…
The crew hands Beckett and Jessica dry erase boards.
"First question" the announcer says, "Wives, what would you say is the most annoying thing that your husband does? Wives write it down on your dry erase boards. Husbands, no peeking."
I can hear the markers squeak across the boards while the girls scribble their answers.
The announcer holds the microphone up to Matt, "Getting nervous, man?"
Matt smiles and winks at the audience, "I got this."
The crowd cheers grow louder and louder until the announcer hands the microphone to me. By the time the microphone is by my face the crowd is just staring at me.
"How about you sir?" the announcer says.
Sir? Why does he get to be 'man' and I'm 'sir.' I try to match his charm with a wink at the audience. Unfortunately, I've never been the most coordinated winker. So my attempt at a wink looks more like twitch or blink when one eye doesn't get the memo.
"I'm ready." I say.
I think I hear one person clapping. Maybe two people. Nope, just one person with two hands.
When the girls put the boards face down in their laps the competition begins.
"Husband #1," the announcer says to Matt, "Tell me, what would your wife say is the most annoying thing that you do?"
"Uh, that's a tough one," he says, "I'm not really sure. We really cherish every moment we have together."
Cue eye roll.
"But if I had to choose one thing" he says, "It would probably be that I love her too much."
What!? That is not an answer. Can we all agree that is not an answer? But the audience eats it up. I think even Beckett lets out an "Awww."
"Okay, wife number one," the announcer says, "Did you write that he loves you too much?"
The wife puts on a goofy smile and flips over her board. Of course it says, "Loves me too much."
The audience goes crazy and the announcer has to wait until they settle down to give me a chance to speak.
"Okay, Husband #2," the announcer says, "what did your wife say is the most annoying thing that you do?"
Oh crap I hadn't even thought about that.
"Uh," I say, "She doesn't like it when I chew too loudly?"
"Are you asking us?" The announcer says.
"No, no. That's my answer. It annoys her when I chew too loudly."
The audience doesn't applaud. Not even my one person this time.
"Okay," he says, "Wife #2, what did you say is the most annoying thing he does."
Beckett flips over her board. On it she wrote, "Do I have to pick just one?"
Clever. But incorrect.
"That puts Matt and Jessica in the lead! You too are really in sync!"
It gets worse from get the next question right too.
"Husband #2, we still need an answer." The announcer says to me.
"I'm sorry could you repeat the question?" I say.
"Where was the first place you and your wife made whoopee?"
"Wow, that's another tough one." I say.
"Is it?" the announcer says.
The audience laughs and I can feel my face turning hot.
"It's just that we've made whoopee so many time since then it's hard to keep track." I say.
Beckett buries her face in her hands. She's never going to want to go on a cruise with me ever again.
"But our first time I believe was at my apartment."
"You're sure?" the announcer says.
"Yes we definitely made sweet whoopee for the first time at my apartment."
Beckett flips over her board and the announcer practically yells her answer.
"In the back seat of a cop car!" he says, "How could you not remember that?"
"Oh," I say turning red, "That time. Now I remember. My apartment was the first time we did…something else."
Matt just shakes his head at me.
"Ok. That puts Matt and Jessica in the lead two to zero. But we've got a surprise for you all. The last question is for triple points. Get this question and you win all access passes to the crew bar. For this last one we're going to have the husbands write down their answers.
They hand me the board and the marker.
"Ok husbands. For the win, what would your wife say is her favorite flower?"
We write down our answers and Jessica goes first.
"Matt knows my favorite flowers are tulips." she says.
Matt's smile fades and he flips over his board, "I put roses."
"Roses?" Jessica says. "Those make me itch."
"I thought you liked them!" he says.
"Wife #2," the announcer says to Beckett, "Get this right and you and your husband get all access passes to the crew bar. What did your husband say is your favorite flower?"
Beckett looks at me, "We don't really have flowers too much at our house."
"Still need an answer," the announcer says.
"But if I had to pick I'd say my favorite flowers are irises."
I flip over my board to reveal in big black letters, "The Iris."
The crowd cheers. This time multiple people. I think I even get a smile out of Beckett.
"Impressive!" The announcer states.
"She keeps them on her desk." I say, "At home, she keeps them on her desk at home."
"That makes Kate and Rick our champions." the announcer yells. "Give her a smooch for the photographer!"
Kate grabs the tickets and takes me by the arm, "After we get a few drinks."