Important Author's note in the end

Tori

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
All I wanna do is find a way back into love

My body instantly relaxes with the heat. And we get in the shortest line, and I just can't take my eyes from him it's still too unreal. We get to our turn, and I ask for one ticket, since Beck already had his. And before I can get my wallet he hands the lady his credit card "you don't have to pay for me" I pledge, but it's too late.

He looks at me with his eyebrows raised, he always pays, no matter what I say. I rest my head on his shoulder waiting for the lady to print the ticket "Do you want a sleeping cabin?" The cashier asks, it's a four hour train ride, and he's too much of a gentlemen to ask for one...

"Yeah, sure" she looks up, and stares at both me and Beck rolling her eyes, and I smile awkwardly, she should be used to these things. She hands me back his credit card and the ticket, and hand it to him, walking towards the gate.

"a sleeping booth?" he asks, grinning, and I sit down at one of the cold, metal benches.

"don't be so smart" I tell him, and he raises his eyebrows "I just figured since it was your money, I should ask for the most expensive seat"

"is that so?" I nod, leaning closer and he kisses the tip of my nose, and hold booth his cheeks placing a quick kiss on his lips. He holds my hands bringing them down to my lap and I deepen the kiss for a few moments, right before I feel the pinch of anxiety.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom, real quick" I say, getting up and following the signs to it. I enter the first stall available, and breathe out, taking my time to think. This is happening, I'm going to Vancouver with Beck, and I booked a sleeping cabin oh my god! What if he thinks I'm fat, I gained a couple of pounds on the last few years and, oh no what if I suck in bed now? I mean Johnny was a terrible in it what if I'm influenced by him and...shit! I can't be nervous about this! I did just fine when I was a virgin, it won't suck now, not after all these years and not with him. It can't suck.

I go back and he's leaning against the wall, smiling as I come closer and I get instantly pulling in by him, as he kisses me again. Not that I'm complaining. Soon enough, the gates open and we get in line, making our way inside the train. I don't bother to look for the seats, going straight to the cabins hall, and I pick the first one that is empty and put the key in, unlocking the door and walking inside. I take a quick glance behind as he locks the door, and I feel as if my heart was going to jump out of chest.

I look at the single sofa bed and swallow, taking a deep breath before turning around. He runs his fingers through his hair, and takes a step forward in my direction, and I take one too reaching for his hand. He cups my cheek and I look up at his eyes, forgetting all the reasons I had to be nervous.

I open my mouth to speak, but I soon forget what I meant to say, pressing my lips hard against his, as I felt my blood getting warmer as he traced my neck with his mouth, and take off his jacket and throwing it anywhere but near us to find another one underneath it. Damn this cold fucking weather.

I think he gets my frustration because next that he does is zip down his hoodie, and I can't help but smirk at the thin shirt underneath it, finally the last layer. I take off my own jacket, then my sweater and finally my shirt, he grabs my arms pulling me towards him, and we both let out sights of relieve with the skin on skin contact. "I missed you so much"

I kick off my shoes, and cock my neck to the side as he trails kisses down, until he goes up again to my mouth, and I help him push his jeans down and all the off to the corner of the room. He says my name, and I wrap my legs around his torso, kissing every inch of his body I can reach. And all I want is more, and faster. He feels hot, so hot I can just...

He lies me down, and I grab him by his shoulders pulling him down to me, and somewhere in between gasps and moans and our names we're one. I pull his hair and he rolls his eyes with his open mouth and it's been so long since I've been with someone like this... Sex is great, it's always great, but with Beck it's a whole other experience, sex with him is an mind blowing, earth shattering experience.

I can feel the amazing tension building up in both of us, and as he pulls me up sitting us down when climax, and just like before at the exact same time. "Wow" He breathes out, and we're still wrapped around each other, my head resting on his shoulder and his on mine.

"I know" I rest my knees on either ends of the sofa bed, and his arms are under mine and onto my back pulling me closer. I kiss his shoulder, I could keep kissing him forever.

"Ok, I have to say this" I face him, and he looks really peaceful, I think I do too... "I know we're in kind of a compromising position but..." I breathe out, yes I am on the risk of being rejected while going to another country, yes it'll be the worst thing, worse than being away for three years, but I have to know. "They say true love only comes around once... Do you still love me?" I whisper, running my fingers through his hair, still consumed by him, about us, together.

"Who's they?" I can't help but laugh, and he does too, and if I'm lucky I know we haven't changed that much, maybe not at all... not when we're together."I never stopped loving you, not a minute, not a second" I lift my head and draw his lips back to mine, pushing him down to be on top of him, and I open my eyes from a brief second, and see that he's smiling; I whisper the words back to him, and he tells me them again, and between each kiss we confess our love again and again, and I know I'll never get tired of hearing these words again... They fill me up in such way that... I can't honestly put into words.

He's lying, faced down to the sofa-bed, his arms folded under his head, just looking at me. "I did some damage here" I tell him, tracing down my nail marks on his back, and then lying down on top him. He tries to look up, but I don't let him, playing with his hair and kissing the back of his neck.

"I don't mind..." His hair is almost as long as mine now, and I don't know why I like it so much, I think at this point I like anything that's on him. I kiss down his neck until reaching his face and eventually his mouth, and he manages to roll us around and I giggle in his mouth, trying not to fall from the small sofa bed.

"Ten minutes until the next arrival. Next Stop, Vancouver, British Colombia" I stop laughing to hear the announcement, and look down at him in excitement, and jump off the bed to get dressed. We pick up our clothes from the floor, and in a few seconds we are fully dressed and ready to go. I look out the window, and I can see the station getting closer and closer.

I feel his hands on my lower waste and turn around, and I gaze into his eyes, at the small bite marks I left on his neck that are beginning to fade, his hand cupping my cheek and the greatness that surrounds this whole situation. "Did I tell you I love you today?" He smiles, running his hand up to my messy hair.

"Nah...I don't think so" I press my lips against his shortly, and tell him I love him again, quickly falling in the same pattern from before; And if we weren't five minutes away from having to get out, by now our clothes would be back on the floor, and I wouldn't care to leave this train, ever.

"Smile" before I can react he snaps a picture "that was just perfect".

"I'm a mess" he puts the picture in his pocket, and he puts both his hands on my face, and I smile like an fool.

"You're beautiful" He gives me one more kiss before we get out of the cabin, our hands glued and I intend to keep them that way. It takes me a few seconds to get used to the light, after being inside for four hours with him I practically forgot that there even was a world outside.

I hold his hand tight, and we walk out into the even worse, cutting-cold wind and in seconds a bus arrives, and we run to it, sitting in the first two available seats next to each other."So, this is Vancouver" he shrugs, and I look around, it's amazing. So different from LA and Seattle, there are glass buildings everywhere and it feels like a cosmopolitan city. There are lots of oriental stores, mountains surrounding the city and mostly young people on the streets and I can already tell the nightlife here must be amazing, I can't even imagine how the city must look like on the summer.

"I like it already" the bus makes a couple of stops, and he gets up, leading us to the back door, and I see it 'Vancouver Arts and Film College'. We hop out, and stop in the middle of a square, the campus is empty, like you'd expect during Christmas, and it's a lot different than the Campus in University of Dramatic Arts in Cali too. For one thing there isn't any sun, and I can tell from the few people I saw on the streets they dress a lot differently, a lot more like Beck too.

"Ok so you just go there" He points at a building on my right. "Go to the left, room thirty four" I pull his scarf and give him a kiss, taking the key from his hand before he goes, and we both part our ways with a smile on our faces. And I walk as fast as I can inside the pleasantly warm building, the halls are completely empty.

Thirty three...thirty four...the door is half opened, and I can hear two people having an argument inside, should I go in and interrupt or just stand here like a creep?

"Mom I am not going back to Oregon to celebrate CHRISTMAS!" A guy screams, and a woman who I guess is his Mom tries to argue back, but he cuts her off by shutting his Laptop, that's my queue. I walk in, and the guy, a really tall, Asian dude is on the bed with a bunch of Christmas things all over it, and I think some of them are burned. "Hot girl in my room...?" he says confused, giving me up and down looks as I roll my eyes, college boys. "Hi, Beck's not here right now so..."

"I know" I look inside, and smile at how evident what side of the room is Beck's. For one thing, there's a dude on a bed but even if he wasn't there, I would be able to tell in a matter of seconds.

The furniture, like most dorms is the same for both of them. A single bed, small nightstand, a three story shelve and a desk all of it made of light wood, but each side of the room is the complete opposite of the other. Beck's roommate side is neat, his top two shelves have high tech cameras, and the bottom one has a huge Blue Ray collection, I don't recognize half of the movies in there. His desk has lots of Christmas decoration on it and some books about photography, and the wall on his side has a huge, framed poster of 'Lord of the Rings and The Return of the King'. Meanwhile, the other side is just a pile of weird and quirky stuff. The desk has his Laptop on it, a pile of random books next to it, an old camera and a hat. In his top shelve he has a Buda, another hat, a porcelain chicken and more books. The two bottom shelves have some CD's on it, this small tribal statue and a vintage radio player. His wall is all covered with weird signs and paintings, I recognize some of the from his RV, and I don't know why, but that makes me really happy. "He's going to turn in the project, told me to wait here" I shut the door behind me, and sit on Beck's bed. I love the way that sounds, Beck's bed. "I'm Tori"

The guys moves some stuff around his desk, and finally grabs a red sock with this really weird expression on his face. "I'm Tyler" he offers me his hand, and shakes it, a little to formal I think but I've been told people up state are a lot different then in LA. "You're definitely not from around here are you?"

"I'm from LA" guess I'm not the only one who finds something weird. He looks at me, and turns his head sideways, trying to figure out something about me "I went to high school with him"

"Hollywood Arts, fancy school" He gets a couple of blue rays and goes back to his bed "I went to Oregon finest ordinary public school, now, let me ask you this" He throws the blue rays aside and grabs a video camera setting it up on top of a tripod in a matter of seconds "do you enjoy Christmas?"

"Not at all"

"Can you tell me why?" I cross my legs, and look straight to the camera. I'm used to being filmed given that I have been having to do school films almost every week, I figure he's going to publish that on YouTube, on their channel. I should watch that, Beck through out his college years.

"Because the media gives you a fake idea of happiness, Christmas miracle and all that" I sight, not wanting to say too much "that's bullshit, life doesn't stop at the holydays, and some people might get a break from school and their jobs, but mortgage, taxes, mental illness... That stays, and it sucks just as much as any other day"

"Fantastic!" he exclaims shutting off the camera "I like you already, wha-" we hear a knock on the door, and Tyler rushes to it, and I get up, anxiously waiting "Dude, this girl is awesome" he whispers, loud enough for me to hear the excitement in his voice, which is a bit weird.

"Cool half" I say, indicating his side of the room and he grins, right before I put my hands on the back of his head and hold on to him, as he gives me a kiss. I still get the chills as if this was the first time in years... I don't think I'll ever stop missing him. I rest my head on his chest and he kisses my forehead.

"What's going on here?" For a second I almost forget we weren't alone. I open my eyes, Tyler's standing in front of us, leaning behind the closed door. "I'm seeing real signs of affection, would you care to explain?" He really is weird.

He rolls his eyes, and sits down at the bed, and I sit beside him putting my legs over his lap and resting my head on the side of his face, running my fingers on his neck. "Let me try, we're..." he begins to say, and I'm also curious to know what we are, because I have no clue. Long lost soul mates? No. The cheesy, High school stereotype? I hope not. "Tori is... I guess you'd say she's the one"

"You couldn't put it in better words" He rests his forehead on mine before I kiss him, and before Tyler puts the camera on us, making us stop.

"I hate to interrupt, but we have to film remember? We're doing daily vlogs for December, and you're one day late" He looks at Tyler, that couldn't be more serious and already setting up the camera to his side of the bed just like he did before. "There are two million people waiting"

"Yeah ok, do you want to appear?" He asks me, and I nod.

"I'm just not very sure of what to do"

"You basically talk about whatever you want" Tyler explains, pressing record and sitting beside Beck and I.

"Hello people from the world, this is day..." Tyler points at the air "twenty four of December Daily Vlogs and I'm thrilled to see all of you again" Beck rolls his eyes, probably at the way Tyler said that "If you hadn't noticed yet we have a special guess today, Tori say hi"

"Hello...?"

"I love that they way you said hello was like 'why am I saying hi to nobody'" I chuckle at Beck's comment, and now Tyler is the one to rolls his eyes.

"If any of you are wondering, our dear mister Beck Oliver apparently found the one, and just five hours before Christmas, is that what they called a miracle?"

"No, not a miracle, much less a Christmas one" I tell him, and we go on talking for another twenty minutes. This actually pretty cool, their job is basically talking and being who they are. He told me they do other stuff, some comedy videos and other things but I have to watch it to understand, I just know that their job is a lot cooler than mine.

Beck

"Somewhere in her smile she knows

That I don't need no other lover

Something in her style that shows me

I don't want to leave her now

You know I believe and how"

Tyler is doing the last edits to video we just made so that we can upload it before Christmas, I love my job, but I just met the love of my life after three years the only thing I want to do is kiss her, and hold her, and do nothing but be with her.

"What are we going to do?" She begins, but gets distracted picking up a book, and looks at the cover, smiling "you bought another copy..."

She hands me it, 'The Perks of Being A Wallflower' new edition with the movie cover, I hate it, but I couldn't find the original one anywhere "I had you, since you never gave back the old one" I look through the pages, I haven't read this in years, I just like to have it in my shelf, like an old friend. I put it in my nightstand, and she sits back in the bed.

"But I'm serious now, what are going to do?" I run my fingers through my hair, and she looks at me trying to find an answer.

"We're only going to be apart for one semester, after that college ends and we can do whatever we want" I take her hand, rubbing my thumb on her palm "We're not teenagers anymore, the only thing holding us back is college..."

"I don't mean to be rude" Tyler begins, and I get up taking her hand "but I have to finish the set list for the party, and your love... shit... thing... is kind of ruining the mood for me" She rolls her eyes and sights, and I love the way she does that. I get up and she follows as I take her hand into mine.

"We should be going anyways, did you upload the video?"

"It's going right now" I nod at him, and walk towards the door.

"Bye Tyler" she says, walking out of the room and he glances at her, mouthing the words 'this is a good one'. It is, it really is.

"So, where to?" I look at the time, oh crap,I should be at Moose's to check on Woody...

"I have to go feed my dog, and then my Grandma's for dinner, but she always makes enough food for two more people since I take leftovers for Tyler and I"

"The leftovers boy" She wraps her arms around me and she tightens her grip when we go out in the cold "do we take the bus?"

"The subway, it's faster and we don't have to wait out in the cold"

"I like that" we walk half a block until we get to the first station, and we make our way to the gate "So, your Grandma...does she hate me?"

"what? why would she hate you?" I put my arm around her waist, and stand in front of her, kissing her cheek. I honestly think it's impossible for me to get tired of kissing her "why would anyone hate you?"

"I'm serious, does she think I'm bad for you?" the train arrives before I can give her an answer, and walk inside, sitting down in the corner, next to a guy asleep.

"She'll love you, because I love you, she might be my Dad's mother but she's nothing like him" she rests her head on my shoulder, and again it's the perfect fit, and I can still smell her shampoo and it's just so good to be like this again. "This is our stop"

"already?" the time can fly by when you're this happy, it's a trick of the mind, because when your said it feels like it stops, but I don't think I'll ever feel sad enough to feel that again "this is a nice neighborhood"

"Yeah, my friend Moose it's kind of a big deal in Hockey" we get to the building, and the doorman with the white gloves opens it, and I greet him as usual, but this time instead of the usual, judgy frown he gives me he nods his head surprised. I ring the doorbell, and I hear Woody running up to the door seconds before he starts to bark.

"Calm down boy, it's just the doorbell!" Mila says with a puppy voice, opening the door "Moose already fed him" she says, as he jumps on me waving his tail.

"Oww he's so cute" Tor says, petting his head before we come in "Are you Moose?" she looks at Mila, then at me completely confused.

"No!" she laughs "I'm his girlfriend, Mila" she gives Tori a kiss on both cheeks and walks inside the hall "Moose, Beck's here!"

"Dude what's your problem?!" it's the first thing he says coming out of the hall, right before he throws Woody's ball at me "YOUR GRANDMA CALLED, FOUR TIMES, don't you have a cellphone or something?"

I take it out of my pocket... "batteries died" I tell him and he wipes off some sweat of his forehead "Tor, this is Moose, Moose this is Tori"

"Hi" she says, and he looks at me, then at Tori, and back at me, and he starts to laugh. He walks up to her and takes her hand, shaking it, still kind of laughing.

"It is really good to meet you" he nods his head, and Woody brings me the ball, I throw it at him. "does your Grandma know?"

"Not yet"

"Go tell the old lady!" He yells, and I hold Tori's hand before we head out again, stopping by the door. "don't worry about Woody I have everything under control just..." he points at us "pick him up when you can, tomorrow, three days from now...take your time" he shuts the door without saying goodbye.

"He seemed happy" she says, as we get in "little weird thought" I grin, and again, the doorman opens the door with the same nod "what's with the hockey décor?"

I laugh at her comment, because it's exactly what I think, and she's the first one that doesn't get it either "He has a obsession". She talks all the way to my Grandma's street, and her voice is sweet and calm, a bit shaky but it's beautiful, everything she says it's beautiful to me.

Vancouver is the same, the neighborhood is the same, and the memory of Trina's phone call is just as fresh as my memory of having coffee with Tyler earlier today. I stop in front of my Grandma's house, still in the street, and it's already dark but I can picture everything from that day, how the sun got in my eyes and I how I just wanted to drop dead right in this spot. "want to hear something really sad?"

She stands in front of me, waiting for me to talk. "This is the exact spot I was when Trina called, telling me you were in the hospital" it takes time for her to absorb what I said. She looks around, bites her bottom lip and pulls me into a hug. "I'm so happy right now Tor" I admit, and she holds me closer and harder.

And suddenly she burst into tears."I'm sorry I..." I try to make her look at me, but she won't give in, so I do the only thing I can, and hold her close "I just never thought I'd see you again, and be with you and..." She finally looks up, and I wipe the tears before the freeze out in her face "I just missed you so much and I'm so happy and..." she kisses me, and she keeps kissing me until we're out of breath.

She straightens herself up, and we walk up to the door, she rings the bell. "Where have you been?!" she slaps my arm, and pulls me in to a hug afterwards "I've been worrying sic..." she stops talking, and I can tell she noticed I'm not alone.

"Hello" I step aside, and let Tori come inside, and I think for the first time in her life, my Grandma is in a loss for words "I'm Tori"

For a few seconds the three of us just stand there, right before they hug "it's so good that you're here". A weight drops from my back, even though I was ninety nine percent sure she'd love Tori, I needed to see it for myself "I'll just put another plate at the table" she holds Tori's hand and leads her to the kitchen with a smile on her face.

I walk to the living room, and my Mom gets up "Finally! It's a long way to Seattle isn't it?" I grin at my Mom, and my Dad analyzes my face "Next time, take me with you" I hear my Grandma laughing, good.

"what happened to you?" I look back at my Dad, who has his hand on his chin as if he was trying to solve a mystery "Why do you look like you just won the lottery?"

I start to hear footsteps coming from the kitchen, and I turn around to see my Grandma with a plate of cookies, and Tori by her side. I smile, and both my parents get up.

"Tori?"

I hope you like this one, this story will probably have five more chapters or so :( PLEASE REVIEW! Check out the poll on my profile and MY NEW STORY IRREPLEACEBLE! love you all,

- Kiribati