The slight beeps of the datapad as she typed in her notes.
The blowing of the wind.
The chirping of a flock of birds.
The rustling of the vegetation.
These were the sounds that fell upon the young Echani Knight's ears as she went about another day of studying over the ruins outside the Enclave. And they were not enough.
Something was missing. She did not know why she felt as she did or what it was she believed was not present. But something was not as is it was supposed to be.
The young girl turned to eye her only companion on those grassy slopes, who quietly sat where he had for the last few days on the nearby hill. Only this time, rather than simply lying upon the ground with his mind far from his responsibilities, he sat with one knee raised, gazing emptily upon the datapad that laid upon his limb.
Atris realized then that whatever it was that she felt was missing was because of him. He was… quiet, and not in the same way he usually was. This time was different, eerie, unnatural… The way he stared blankly, his half-opened eyes shifting from left to right as he slowly worked down the pages of the datapad she had given him this morning in preparation for helping her with the lesson's she was set to give later today. The absent expression that filled his face, which Atris had first thought reflected mere boredom, the young Knight saw now was the sign of exhaustion.
Kai was tired. Drained of strength by some anomaly or struggle that he was keeping to himself. And for one like the raven-haired Padawan, who was more vocal about his state of mind through the Force than most others, the lack of feeling he commonly radiated was evident to the clairvoyant Historian.
Something was bothering him…
That was what Atris found unsettling, and the fact that she did surprised her. As much as she disapproved of his overly emotional personality, she found that the absence of such bothered her even more. Had she grown used to it over the years? Like the pilot who lived everyday with the rumble of the hyperdrive, or the mechanic who surrounded himself continuously with the humming of machines. For such people, not hearing these sounds meant that something was amiss. And right, something did not sound right with Kai.
The hour was becoming late in the day and once again Atris found her appetite taking precedence over her ability to concentrate. Typing a final thought into her record before shutting it off, the young Historian proceeded to walk up to the satchel next to Lugo and remove her meal case, all the while he paid her no heed.
As per their earlier agreement, Atris took to sitting on the grass beside her Guardian. And still, he did not so much as shift his eyes to acknowledge her. Could he simply be that entrenched with her instructions? So much so that it left him with a grim expression of unease whilst his eyes seemed to stare beyond the datapad before them?
Taking a bite from a nutrient bar, Atris attempted to place her companion out of her mind. For all she needed to care, he was simply keeping his side of their bargain in remaining silent. It should matter not her that he was troubled…
…
…
… He was irresponsible, always intermingling in affairs that did not concern him… always causing trouble in his attempts to support others when he should be seeking to better improve his own position so as to actually get somewhere within the Order, instead of going on as an outcast of a Padawan with no prospect of being granted a Master…
He brought whatever misery infesting him upon himself…
…
…
…But if this continued, it would most likely cause her even further aggravation in her work, and she could not allow that to happen. Nor did she desire him preoccupied while he assisted her later today.
And also… she found it a little unsettling for him to be like this…
"You are letting yourself be distracted, Kai."
The Guardian looked over to the young Knight then, perhaps noticing her presence for the first time since she sat beside him. His expression remained unchanged in its passivity as he gazed upon her for a moment before turning back towards the datapad.
"Tell me what is troubling you."
Atris was not one who partook of subtle approaches in matters, ironically making her quite effective as a Historian and researcher, but Kai felt it also stripped her of what would be considered common social graces and consideration for the feelings of others.
"Do you really want to know, Atris?" Kai answered evenly, skeptical of his companion's intent. "Or am I simply being a nuisance to you?"
The young Knight regarded her subordinate evenly, studying his eyes as he looked back upon her. While they bared no anger or aggression, she could sense his accusation.
"I am being practical, Padawan," she responded in a calm tone. "I need you ready and alert, as will the students you are going to be tending. You are neither of those things right now, and that concerns me."
Practical… is that all she was? Is that all she ever was?
"Why did you become a Jedi?"
Atris stared blankly at the teenage boy, so caught off guard by the question. "What?"
"Why did you become a Jedi?"
Her voice felt stuck within her throat as her mind raced to find a response. The young Historian thought herself well-adept in handling unfamiliar situations with a calm outlook and a bit of reason, but this… this was intimate, personal, and beyond her experience or training to defend herself against.
Perhaps she would have recognized the pattern of uncertainty leading to aggression had it occurred in the presence of any other. With Kai though... she was never able to see things as clearly as she could with anyone else… Never able to feel as calm as she was with anyone else…
"You have no right to ask such a thing of me, Padawan."
Why did she make it a habit to call him Padawan whenever she could? Was it so uncomfortable for her to use his name? Or did she just detest him that much?
"You complicate things. You always have! Now to ask me such an irrelevant question… I do not know what troubles you, but I will not-"
"-It is not irrelevant to me," Kai interjected in a tone bordering on anger as he stared hard at the young woman. "You may not like me, Atris. You may think that I will be nothing more than another failure in the long line of failed Padawans that have wasted the Order's time… but right now, I've got a lot on my mind, and you may be the only person I feel I can speak to about this. So if you really desire to help this pathetic little Padawan, I'm sorry to say it will require you telling me something about yourself. If that's asking too much… then place it, and me, out of mind…"
With that, Kai slowly looked back towards the datapad in his hand, leaving Atris dumbfounded as she stared at him.
He had never spoken like that in front of her before… Never shown her how serious and empowered he could really be…
She looked away from him, baffled at what to say. Should she answer him? Why? It had nothing to do with him and he had no right to think otherwise! And…
…
Being a Jedi was what she was. It was all that she wanted to be. And… the reasons for that were not something she commonly thought upon in depth.
As Atris understood it, with most Force-Sensitive children the prospect of becoming a Jedi is not appealing compared to the sacrifice of having to leave their parents and loved ones. But for her…
For ten whole minutes, the silence between the pair of teenagers lingered on. Kai kept vigilant in his study of Atris' notes, which seemed more a review document for the young Guardian on basic teachings rather than directions on what to do. All the while, the Historian sat quietly next to him, nibbling here and there at her food, all the while her eyes remained downward, her thoughts wrestling with eachother, refusing to make a choice…
And then…
"You were a thief as a child, Kai…"
Lugo once again turned to look upon the Echani Knight, but now with eyes both attentive and a bit wide from being taken aback. He had not expected her to speak to him the rest of the outing, nor use his name in what was not an accusation filled tone. For once, she spoke to him evenly.
Atris' eyes remained still as they gazed down the slope of the hill. Her expression: melancholic and empty, appearing to be slightly pained by whatever thoughts she amused. If this was not a first for her to show such an expression, it was certainly a first for Kai to see it.
"I do not know what kind of life you lived in Coruscant's depths. But I remember where we found you… what you looked like…"
How much Kai wished she would forget that image of him. He wished everyone would forget it…
"So perhaps you understand what it means to have a life where you feel as though you have nothing worth living for… Where even death could sound like a favorable means of escape…"
What was she speaking of? The young Guardian strained to keep his face from twisting in disbelief and confusion, almost unable to believe that this was Atris who was speaking to him of emotions; something that were supposed to be insignificant to the Jedi, to her.
More so, she spoke of feelings he knew all too well from the thousands of time they had dominated his thoughts, consumed his days and nights with restless hours filled with emptiness, despair, and self-pity.
That sense of worthlessness, of not desiring to live… It was hard for Lugo to expect the pragmatic Echani Knight knew what it was like. But then again, how could he have known what to expect from her? She never spoke of herself - never made one single remark in his presence that identified her as an individual. Everything she said and did was always focused on her role as a Jedi.
"My father… was a politician. My mother: a socialite…" She spat her words in clear disdain and disgust. "Superficial liars who knew only wealth and glamour, and nothing of ideals, devotion, or purpose…"
Kai's reception of the Historian's words was perhaps not what she intended. Parents were an unfamiliar concept for the young Guardian, and one he had not thought upon as much as others might have expected him to have whilst growing up in the Coruscant Depths.
A child with parents was a rare finding in the dark alleys of that forgotten deluge of stone, metal and rot. After all, what self-respecting parent would willingly have raised their child in such a forsaken place?
Of course, in those rare times where Kai had thought upon the matter with more interest, his questions had been much like any other child who had not known their parents. Who were they? Where were they from? What did they look like? Were they good people? Was either of them still alive? If so, why would they have left him in such a place? What would they have named him?
Not to his surprise, Kai never received an answer for any of his questions.
Judging from her own reactions to the topic, perhaps having parents was not always as validating as the young Guardian often thought it was. "How did they feel about you joining the Jedi?"
"I am unsure. I didn't inform them of it."
Kai must have heard her wrong - Very wrong. "I beg your pardon?"
--
"My Lady! Please come back!"
The voice of the screaming servant was all but a distant echo within the little girl's ears as she ran as fast as she could through the crowded streets, her expensive and primed clothes getting dirtied and torn as she pushed her way through the flowing herds of people who paid her no heed.
She could not accept it any longer! All her years as a child she had hung upon the faint hope that on some level they had truly cared for her, truly loved her. But she saw now that that hope was a lie. It was always a lie!
Today was to be a special day for the young child. Today she was going to see her mother again after so many months! How happy she had been because of it. Though she knew that it was simply another social event where the high-classes of the city would strut about their children like trophies, bragging about them like pet-owners showing off their well-groomed and disciplined animals, the little girl had not cared. The mere fact that her mother had wanted her there, that she would get to spend time with her, overweighed any sense of self-degradation she might have had.
It had been so long since she last heard from her mother. Even longer since her father had last made contact with her. And in that time the only company she knew was that of the servants and teachers that filled their massive, expensive home on some isolated corner of the planet.
Being waited on by people too afraid to get close to her, too afraid to talk to her like a person instead of like a noble and master…
And then not a week before now her mother had sent word to her, telling her to come to the social gathering where they would meet and spend the day together – the whole day!
She had prepared for the day like it was the most important one of her life: choosing her best dress, practicing her etiquette and social graces with renewed vigor, and all the time waiting with barely contained anticipation.
And then the day arrived, and she set out with her chauffer with precise punctuality. She had not known such happiness in such a long time…
But then, as they were on route to the rendezvous, the young child received a holovid message from her mother.
"The event has been cancelled," she said. "You do not need to come."
And with those words, all the happiness the child had felt was torn from her. Cancelled? After she had waited all these months to see her mother again, to be by her side, to talk to her… the event – the entire day was cancelled!?
It was not fair. It WAS NOT FAIR!!
Tears welted up within the little girl's eyes as she clasped her legs to her chest, burying her face in her knees. Her chauffer, apparently having heard the message as well, drove the enclosed speeder out of the skyway route and brought it to rest on a road between several towering skyscrapers, waiting for an opening in the route that would take them back in direction of the estate, never acknowledging for a second that he could hear the child in the seat behind him crying her eyes out.
Her mother's message went on for about a minute or so, though the little girl could not make any of it out over the sound of her own weeping. It was only at the end of the recording that the child heard her mother's final words to her.
"I don't need you anymore…"
…
…
"I don't need you anymore…" That was what she had said. That was what a mother had said to her own daughter. Her daughter that wanted to see her more than anything else…
Her mother did not need her…
The child's tears stopped then. Her legs fell back down limply to the speeder floor. Her eyes were red and dry, but remained opened wide as she stared blankly at the holo-emitter where her mother's image had stood a moment earlier.
She remained still and quiet, her breathing too faint for even her to hear…
Her mother did not need her…
Something inside the child… broke right then. It was not just that sense of hope that her parents actually cared for her. It was something more. She felt it shatter like glass, broken into millions of tiny pieces, and in its place, a hollow void…
She could not think. She could not comprehend anything; not even as she opened the side door and ran out of the speeder as fast as she could.
She had no idea where she was; no idea where she was going. She just needed to run as fast as she could, so fast that it hurt. Faces blurred by as she ran past them. She did not want them to see her. She did not want to see them.
She ran and ran and kept on running until the faces stopped appearing around her and her legs could no longer allow her to move so fast. Her feet were now blistered, her dress shoes not meant for such activity. She cared not, barely registering the pain as she limped over to rest on the side of some rundown building, attempting to catch her breath.
She had been running for so long that it was already getting dark. She took a moment to look about her, finding herself alone in the middle of what looked to be an abandoned part of a city. A cold breeze brushed by her, sending a deep chill through her worn and tired body.
She was now alone, with no way to contact anyone she knew, no way to stay warm, no food to satisfy her hunger, and no idea where she was.
Nobody needed her anymore, so what did it matter…
Ineloquently, the child collapsed down on the side of the building, once again pulling her legs into her chest and burying her face in her knees. Closing her eyes, she wanted to go to sleep.
Perhaps she would wake up and find that this whole day had been one long nightmare, that she was safely in her room at the estate and her mother had never said those things to her…
But the cold wind was too real to be a dream…
And so was the voice that soon followed.
"You're a hard one to catch up with, child…"
The girl's head popped up from her knees and her eyes immediately fell upon the robed female figure standing a respective distance away from her.
The child remained silent as the figure slowly stepped forward to allow a nearby wall light to illuminate her features. She was a young woman, no more than in her early twenties. With deep blue eyes, long hair of whitish-gray with robes of similar colorings, and shapely facial features, she was very beautiful. She looked down upon the child with those compassionate, blue eyes as she stood silently.
"Leave me be," the little girl commanded as she sat there upon the ground, her arms still hugging her legs. "I don't have any credits with me, so just go away."
"I didn't follow you in order to rob you, youngling," the robed woman explained calmly. "I happened to be passing by when I saw you running through the streets. I was worried that perhaps someone was after you."
"You can save your worries then, stranger. No one is after me." The little girl rested her head once again against her raised knees.
"I see," the woman nodded in acceptance, then arching an eyebrow at the child. "Then… why were you running so fast?"
"This is none of your concern!" The child yelled as her head shot back up. "Just go away!"
For a long moment, the women simply stood there, gazing back into the child's anger-ridden face with only a passive expression on her own. After several seconds past, the robed one nodded once again. "As you wish youngling, I'll leave you be as you desire. But I should warn you that it will get rather cold out here when night comes. Near freezing, I imagine…"
Her words did seem to reach the little girl for a moment, as her eyes turned downward as if in order to contemplate them. But then the child once again buried her head against her knees. "It doesn't matter."
"Really? Because I would think you wouldn't want to freeze to death out here." The woman quickly responded. "Do you not have anywhere else to go?"
"No," the child replied bluntly. As far as she was now concerned, it was the truth.
"Well… would you like to have someplace to go?"
The little girl looked back up then at the woman, who smiled softly back at her. Who was this person? And why was she bothering her?
"Just leave me alone," the child replied more softly this time, her voice weak and dry from all the crying she had done. "You need not concern yourself for one such as me. No one else does…"
"Sorry, but I cannot simply turn away," the woman responded in a more serious tone. "Jedi aren't meant to simply turn away when they see someone in trouble…"
"A Jedi?" The child echoed the name, now looking upon the woman with more focus in her eyes. "You are a Jedi?"
"You've heard of us, have you? Well, technically I'm just a Padawan, but I guess that I qualify for a Jedi still, yes."
Indeed, the child had heard of the Order. She knew of them as some sort of organization of scholars and warriors, but reserved for specific types of individual. Her mother had once told her that social circles in which Jedi attended were often the most sought after. Still, seeing this woman now, the youngling did not understand what all the fuss about them was.
"But besides that," the woman continued, "do you not have a home to return to, child?"
The little girl shook her head as she lowered her eyes. "I have no home now. I have no one to be with – no one who really needs me. I don't have anything… "
"Come now. I don't think that's true, young one," the woman calmly retorted.
Anger quickly filled the child at this woman, enraged that she would so naively negate what the youngling knew was certain. "What, then! What is it you think I have!?"
"Well…" the woman paused to think for a moment. "You're still young, child. And the galaxy is a big place. If you look hard enough, I believe you can find something out there worth having."
For a moment, the child simply stared back at the woman, thinking her either overly optimistic or severely delusional in her views. Still… her words did manage to bring a small sense of relief to the little girl – enough so to at least calm the anguish that stirred within her.
"And perhaps…" the woman continued, now speaking with an uncertain tone. "I might be able to help direct you in the proper direction."
The youngling's eyes became crooked with uncertainty. "What do you mean?"
"When I first saw you, child, I sensed…" The young woman paused again, hesitant to complete to finish what she desired to say. "I'm sorry. I do not think it is my place to say anything. But if you like, I can take you to someone who might be able to help you."
"Help me? To do what?"
"To find something worth having… That is what you want – isn't it?"
Again, the child found herself staring at the young woman, questioning the meaning behind her words and pondering if perhaps she truly meant them. Her expression, the compassion within her eyes, all spoke of her as someone who was trustworthy. And in the end, really, what did the child have to lose by taking her up on the offer?
The robed woman then slowly walked towards the youngling and, once in range, held out a hand for her to take. "At the very least, I can provide you with a better place to spend the night."
The child hesitated for only a moment longer, but eventually her hand rose to take the woman's palm. The Padawan smiled warmly at her as she helped the youth to her feet. "My name is Arren. Can you tell me yours?"
Opening her mouth to speak, the youngling's voice became stuck within her throat before being able to pronounce a single syllable.
If she told the woman her name… then her parents could use it to find her.
Her parents… How quickly she found herself bearing hatred and revulsion for them. They were despicable to her now – creatures beneath her contempt. She now saw them for what they were, and the kind of person they were attempting to turn her into.
No… she would not let them find her. She would not let them use her ever again! And to achieve that end, she was willing to forsake all that tied her to them. Even her name…
Attempting to find a reply, the child raced through the list of other names she knew, hoping to quickly think of one that suited her well enough.
Jedi… Echani… Duros… Dora… Coruscant… Uscantro… Arcania… Arcana…Theo… Thea… Aeth… Telos… Tela… Tella…Taris… Rista… Sirta… Atris… Atris…
"Atris…" the young girl finally replied, "My name is Atris…"
"Atris, is it?" Arren echoed. "Well met, Atris. Before we go anywhere though, is there anyone you would like me to contact? Or perhaps anywhere else you would like to be taken?"
"No," the child responded in a flat monotone voice. "Just take me with you…"
--
The young Historian had continued to nibble at the entrees of her meal the whole time she had told the story to her attentive counterpart. And the whole time, Kai had listened with a look of disbelief upon his face.
The raven-haired Guardian was almost at a loss for words when the tale came to a close. A couple of years ago, he had learned that Atris was once from some high-class society by a passive comment made by Master Kavar when the boy had asked about her, but he had never imagined that her transcendence to becoming a Jedi was so… improper, as was his own…
More than that, the way she had told the tale was perturbing as well. Never once did she use the word 'I' or 'me' or any other identifier that would have made it clear that the child she had been speaking of was indeed her. She had disassociated herself from the image of a youngling who had once desired the love of her parents, and was in the end denied it.
Atris, like him, did not want others to look upon her as the person she no longer was.
"You asked me why I joined the Jedi, Kai," Atris remarked as she turned back to gaze upon the young Guardian, who quickly attempted to replace the unease on his face with a more melancholic appearance.
"Purpose, honor, and devotion," the Echani Knight listed off each point with pride and fervor, "Where else in the galaxy can you find a way of life that is as fulfilling in providing you with these three aspects? I know becoming a Jedi was likely just a means to escape from whatever life you once lived, Kai, but for me it has always been more than simply a sanctuary - more even than being a responsibility. It is a gift in every sense of the word, Padawan, and we must honor our commitment to what we have been given…"
And at last, she had answered Kai's original question.
The young Padawan had once asked Master Kavar why it was that all his teachers felt the need to give explanations with extensive monologues and parables rather than just direct answers, to which Kavar had replied that it was because there was a difference in knowing an answer and understanding it. And just now, Atris had made him understand the difference completely. She could have said that she had joined the Jedi because she had wanted more in life. But instead, she made Kai understand the why of it. And that had helped him immensely.
After what Master Quatra had told him yesterday, the young Guardian found himself doubting himself in a way as never before. Led by an overpowering instinct, driven by a bare need to survive – it made him wonder if perhaps every decision he had made up to this point of his life was the result of forces of which he had no control over, and that everything he now had because of it was as hollow as whatever desire and ambition he might have.
But Atris had shown him that there was another way to look at it. She showed him that there were things in life greater than the simple will to survive, and that such things are what the Jedi are truly about.
And he desired them… he realized this now without a doubt…
To desire such things as honor, purpose, and devotion: these were things that were not required by any need to help others or even to survive. So he knew beyond any doubt that they were his desires. His… and nothing else's…
Atris, having finished her meal, closed the container and placed it back in their pack, then proceeded to stand back up.
"I think we've wasted enough time telling stories now, Padawan. You should go ahead and eat you meal while you study over the…"
Atris paused as she turned about and finally got a good look at the young Guardian as he sat there silently on the grass.
Though he continued to stare off in the distance in front of him, he was smiling… It was an unusual smile, his lips stretching as broadly as they could, all the while chuckling to himself.
Even more noticeable to the clairvoyant Knight, the unnatural silence that she had felt earlier coming from Lugo was now replaced with a bright, warm glow. A stream of uplifting, positive emotions was now swirling about the Padawan, so polar to the aura he had been exhibiting but a few moments ago.
"Thank you, Atris," Kai said with cheer in his voice. He then immediately jumped to his feet, his persona quickly overshadowing the Echani girl's own as she had been standing less than a foot away from where he had been sitting.
Suddenly feeling a strong sense of anxiety, the young Historian immediately took a step back from her counterpart, bracing herself to defend against whatever impulsive action the green-eyed teenager would take next.
Fortunately Kai stopped upon standing up.
"Thank you so much," Lugo repeated once again, his smile not diminishing in the least. "You have no idea how much you have helped me. I have been fighting with this most of last night, and now… I don't know how to thank you…"
Atris' face twisted as she found herself at a loss. What was he thanking her for? All she did was explain to him her reasons for being a Jedi… which had no direct relevance to Kai himself. She didn't see any reason for him to be reacting as he was. "I… you're…"
The Knight cleared her throat as she attempted to regain her composure. "If you desire to thank me, Padawan, then it shall be by taking the responsibility I have trusted you with in all seriousness."
Kai's smile softened to a more reasonable disposition, but did not relinquish completely. He had not felt this… fulfilled and satisfied in a long time. "Don't worry, Atris. I already know my Peths and Qeks." He then held up the datapad she had given her, causing the young Historian to think that perhaps she had been a little unfair in her judgment of Lugo's scholarly aptitude, having included several files within the device that were meant for first-year Initiates. "And given the age range of the ones I'm to be assisting you with, I'm confident I am up to the task of being assistive."
A hint of sarcasm, but not as much as he commonly displayed. He was being serious, Atris realized, but he was also still being himself.
"Wait a sec…" Kai uttered, just noticing the position of the sun, and then checking the timepiece he kept in his robe pocket. "Ah, spacers! It's later than I thought. A nutrient bar will have to suffice. We need to get back to the Enclave."
Quickly throwing everything left out into the pack, Kai proceeded to place it on his back and started walking. It took him a second to realize that his companion was not moving at the same pace as him, and upon looking, he was surprised to find her still standing in the same spot she was a moment ago, her blank stare making it evident that she lost in thought.
"Atris?"
The Echani Jedi snapped back to reality, eyeing her counterpart with uncertainty filling her eyes. "I… left my scanner down near the ruins. Start back without me and proceed to our assigned congregation hall. I will be there shortly."
Kai eyed the young Knight for a moment. He sensed the sudden presence of anxiety within her. As unlike her as it might be, she was nervous about something.
Well, given that she would have to give a lecture in the next hour, Kai was not truly surprised. The idea of having to speak to a room full of people, even individuals younger than them, terrified the young Guardian.
"Alright. I'll see you back at the Enclave."
Lugo headed off, believing to leave the Echani to shake off her jitters.
And yes, the young Knight was afraid and confused, but not because of the lecture she would soon be giving. That, she was prepared for. And what she was prepared for, she did not fear.
This however, she was not prepared for…
As she walked down the side of the hill to retrieve her utensil, the Historian found her hand grasping at her chest. In that moment when Kai had gotten to his feet, and she had thought that he was going to…
What was this? It was like no sense of fear she had known before. Could it be possible that this sensation she was feeling was not truly fear, but something else?
Her body had gone tense…
Her senses were heightened…
And even now, her pulse was rapid…
It… had been important to her that she had helped Kai with what had been bothering him… and that he was appreciative of her… He was thankful to her. Thankful for her…
Why was that important to her? It – it wasn't! She just… was unsure of the overly emotional Padawan's intentions. That's all. This feeling could not mean anything else…
--
Meditating within the presence of others was a pet peeve for the prodigal Padawan. He found that students his age even when attempting to sit still and clear their minds were loud and distractive in terms of their presence within the Force.
And unfortunately for Revan, private meditation chambers were not a luxury mere students were afforded. Instead the auburn-haired youth was forced to seek solitude far from the Enclave; taking refuge in the remains of a ruined grove that lay secluded amongst Dantooine's rolling hills.
Sitting crossed-legged with his head lowered, Revan found the location proved adequate enough for his needs. Everything was quiet about him, allowing the humming of the Force to reach pique clarity within his mind. It hummed softly, like the sound of a soft wind blowing against his ears, yet within it he could hear so much more.
Nearly two leagues away to the North, a kathhound matron was tending to her newborn young. And through the Force, Revan sensed her instinctual motherly nature to tend to her child, as she took the softest meat of a downed prey and laid it before the infant. The scene and all its sensations caused the Padawan to smile to himself, more so for its irony than its heartwarming nature. For not far from where the kathhound babe feasted, the remains of the prey laid to rot, an animal no older than the infant predator was, with its mother's remains lying beside its own, currently being torn apart by the young kathhound's elders without prejudice.
One group of animals killing another in order to survive and prosper…
Far to the East, a young boy and his little sister were playing tag as they ran about their home, their father currently locked away in a dark office, his mind filled with paranoid thoughts and someone named Matale.
To the West, Revan sensed the green-eyed Padawan traversing his way back to the Enclave. Even from such a distance, the prodigal student could sense Kai's uplifted spirit, his feelings of fulfillment and self-assurance.
Something must have happened since last night, Revan realized, as this was a much different portrayal of the young Guardian than how he was then.
Allowing his senses to traverse even farther in that direction, Revan deduced the reason for Kai's sudden change in demeanor as his gaze fell upon his Echani companion. Something had come over her as well. He felt the Knight's piqued emotions, her anxiousness, and the warmth in her chest, all born from a longing that she was attempting to deny and disregard completely with sheer force of will.
It was sadly amusing for the prodigal student to observe: the way she childishly struggled against her feelings, seeking to detach her self from them. Was it so hard for her to admit that she cared for Lugo? That he meant more to her than simply being her Guardian and assistant? Were such feelings so wrong in the eyes of the Order, or were they simply wrong for her?
She was a teenage drama waiting to unfold, Revan mused, or perhaps a tearful tragedy about to crumble into pieces.
Amusingly enough, Revan doubted that any of this was directly related to Kai's unique abilities. No, this was the result of a cold, wounded heart beginning to feel warmth in the presence of companionship. And she was afraid of what that could mean…
Revan's attention suddenly shifted away from the far-off pair and turned southward as he sensed the disturbance caused by a slowly approaching individual, not fifty yards away from where he meditated. Whoever it was, they had managed to hide their presence from the prodigal student up until now, using the same technique that Revan had used when he had spied upon the Council. Whoever it was, they must have known what he had done. And as the deep hums of the hoverpad reached the Padawan's ears, Revan could honestly say he was not that surprised. Respectively, the student stood up and turned about to greet his superior.
"Are your eyes once again gazing where they do not belong, young Padawan," Master Vandar calmly and playfully asked as he approached.
The teenage boy smiled slightly. "I thought perhaps a few leagues away would be enough to satisfy Master Quatra's restriction upon me."
The elderly alien fell silent as he came up to the young human. And for a long moment, he simply stayed there, looking at him with knowing eyes.
There were not many Masters who could say that they were capable of making the prodigal student feel a sense of humility. In a respective tone, the youth went on to explain him self. "I meant no harm in my intentions, Master Vandar."
"It's not your intentions that concern me, young one, merely your actions," Vandar clarified.
"Ah," Revan looked away for a moment, taking to a sense of awkwardness. "You mean all things considered…"
The Padawan turned his brown eyes once again to the West. "You think perhaps his influence has reached me as well…"
"I suspect it has reached all of us to an extent, whether to his benefit or not. Master Quatra, in particular, seems adamant in defending his place among us rather then discerning the nature of his abilities."
"Well, she is a teacher, after all. It would be unlike her to think ill of her students. And it is not as if he has done anything truly threatening."
"Aside from stealing from your abilities…"
…
…
Revan's body became stiff, his eyes fell still, and even his lungs hesitated to draw breath. His deception had been discovered, and all the consequences of it, for both Kai and himself, were possibly about to unfold.
Consequences aside, the prodigal student had to ask a question first as he turned back towards the elderly Master. "How did you know?"
"There maybe events in the galaxy that can be waved off as luck or coincidence, young Revan, but for someone like Lugo to succeed at such a dangerous Force ability, the reasons cannot be something so dismissive... Reasons that I have been aware of for some time…"
"You knew of this?"
"More or less…" Vandar choked back his voice for a long moment, seemingly hesitant to continue onward. "There… was an incident several years past on Coruscant involving the brutal deaths of three underdwellers…"
"The Alleyway Massacre, yes, I heard of it while I was stationed on the planet," Revan comment indifferently, "what does that have to do…"
Assisted by the hard stare the Jedi Master was giving him, the prodigal student's mind made the connection.
"I… Master Vandar… are you serious?" Revan's face twisted a bit, though more in surprise than shock.
"We were all disturbed by the incident, to say the least," the elderly Jedi continued. "We later came to the congressional conclusion that Kai's actions during that incident were solely caused by the… excessive nature of his abilities…"
"Congressional conclusion," Revan echoed, confused for a moment by Vandar's choice of words. It quickly dawned on him the reason for them. "You found something that proved otherwise…"
"We did not suspect otherwise, but yes," Vandar humbly corrected. "Master Kavar had requested the coronary reports for the three underdwellers while Lugo was still undergoing recuperative treatments. In comparing the reports to Kai's medical charts, he made a… disturbing discovery: that the laceration and stab wounds that Kai had suffered-"
"-were identical to the ones he inflicted upon them," Revan finished for the Master.
"Albeit they proved not as immediately fatal upon him as they were upon the three aliens," Vandar added. "But yes, Lugo had taken the knowledge one of the underdwellers had concerning blade combat and turned it against them."
Revan could not help just weakly laugh and shake his had in expressing his amazement by what he was being told, all the while rubbing at the bruises that covered the lower part of his chest. "Unbelievable… he really is a thief, isn't he?"
"Not by choice. He has no knowledge of his abilities."
"I see. So Master Kavar is aware of this. What of Master Quatra?"
"No, nor do any of the other Masters. The danger he represents would be too great in their eyes to risk allowing him to remain among us. He would be exiled without ever knowing the reason why."
"And that would be unfair, wouldn't it," the auburn-haired teenager added whimsically. "Not to imply a weakness on your part, Master Vandar, but do you wonder if perhaps your decisions concerning him are due to his ability to influence others?"
"Do you?" Vandar asked in return with a knowing smile. "With this distance now separating you from him, do you find yourself questioning or even scrutinizing the actions you have taken on his behalf?"
The brown-eyed youth looked away for a moment in contemplation. It was not within Revan's nature to second-guess his decisions. There had never been a reason to before. Was there reason to now?
"Have you done anything that you later questioned, Padawan," Vandar added, "Have you found yourself setting aside your reasoning, or stretching the limits of the justification behind your actions, for his sake?"
For his sake? Had Revan truly done anything for Kai's sake? The entire incident with Bandon, their duel, his intervention involving Reiko Vynn, and even interjecting the Council: could the reasons behind his actions not have been as self-motivated as he thought?
"I suppose I have gone out of my way to help him. But as for him manipulating me on some unseen level… I do not believe it."
"Oh? And why do you not believe it?"
Revan answered whilst looking back upon the Jedi Master with uncommonly sincere eyes. "Because he has nothing to offer me... just as I have nothing to offer him: strength, ability, conviction, or otherwise… Besides… even if we did, I get the sense he's as incorrigible as I am…"
A couple of amused chuckles escaped from behind the little green alien's weak smile. "A sound observation… but flawed in its conclusion."
The prodigal student furrowed in uncertainty. "Meaning…?"
"You and Lugo, Revan - in many ways you are strikingly similar." Vandar explained. "Will and focus, strength and conviction: you both share these qualities in one form or another. However there was one aspect of both of you that I find you are fiercely in opposition – completely separate of the Force yet perhaps just as important - and I have yet to determine which of you is the stronger for it."
Revan had studied under the tutelage of several Jedi Masters in the decade or more he had lived amongst the Order. Always there were lessons, techniques, and lifetimes of history for him to learn. And with most of the Masters, that was all they ever had to offer the auburn-haired Padawan.
There were not but two teachers who had ever offered him something more; two teachers whom had his genuine respect and admiration for above all others. And one was Master Vandar: the eldest Master of the Order, who understood more from the several lifetimes he had devoted to the ways of the Jedi than Revan knew he could ever hope to learn, who never said or did anything without reason, and who knew how to spark the prodigal student's intrigue. "And what aspect would that be?"
The elderly Master knowingly smiled as he turned about and started to leave. "If you desire to know, then you will have to continue to watch him, Padawan. And perhaps, if you look closely enough, you will see what it is I saw when I first found him. If you choose to continue observing him, however, make sure to do so in accordance with Master Quatra's wishes. She's concerned enough as it is with Lugo's situation."
The little green alien continued onward back towards the Enclave, quickly becoming but a discoloration at the edge of Revan's sight, leaving him in contemplation.
The raven-haired Guardian was interesting, yes, but Revan had come to the conclusion that there was nothing more really for him to obtain by continuing to observe that one anymore than he already had, having intended his acts of securing Lugo's place within the Order as a final mark of gratitude for enduring his interference.
But if Master Vandar was correct, then perhaps there was something more for Revan to gain here.
And Master Vandar was rarely ever wrong.
Respectively, P and Q in Aurebesh, the intergalactic Basic Alphabet. Look it up on www.starwars. if you'd like to learn it!