Garrus couldn't help feeling that Shepard's innocent smile at him was another one of those wordless lies told by lying humans who didn't much care that their lying was a bad lie. It got his cop instincts fired up immediately because they only smiled those kinds of smiles when everything was fait accompli and everything was beyond saving.

Shepard perked up when her mysterious asari dessert arrived.

It was... obscene.

Garrus' mandibles fluttered. Made out of ice, on a stick, propped upright on a stand, it was thin, blue, and looked almost like-

Spirits, Shepards picked it up and that shocking pink tongue of hers was out and sliding from base to tip and...

Garrus' own tongue went dry.

Shepard's eyes had dropped closed and she made a happy noise, mumbled something about it being so nice and cold, and slid it back and forth between her lips.

Something must be broken in Garrus' brain. He was incapable of higher motor function. He took no notice of the fact that a few other diners in the restaurant had noticed Shepard's performance and were staring also, mandibles going slack.

Just... watching her twirl that tongue over the tip, licking, sucking, molding her wet, dye-stained lips over the sides, down and back up and down and back up and-

Shepard opened her eyes.

Everybody else abruptly straightened and turned away, a few making rasp coughs.

Garrus couldn't move. She smiled at him again, all pretense of innocence dropped, and kept on molesting- EATING, spirits-

He couldn't help but thrum from the sight of it, from the perilous way she was keeping his gaze while stoking his sudden desire with every dip of her lips and run of her tongue.

Say something, say something- Um, no, I'm good with not saying anything as long as she keeps on doing that-

"...Garrus."

"... Ah?"

"I'm all sticky now. Means I need a bath."

"...Aaaahuh."

Obviously there was a sudden malfunction with his jaw. And both sets of vocal cords.

Shepard dispatched the rest of the popsicle with excruciating slowness.

"Time for you to find the nearest bathhouse, big guy. Don't make me wait on you helping with my back."

She put down the popsicle stick and went up to pay.

…

…

… !

Move. MOVE- some tinny part of his mind started to yell. ALL HANDS ON DECK! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL! WAKE. THE. FUCK. UP!

tbc