"What is the meaning of thi-"
Carson bellowed, with the gasps and murmurs of his fellow Downton staff, most likely crowded round the door way, adding to the already bad situation present.
"Jimmy! What on earth do you think your doing on top of Mr. Barrow? And where are your clothes-" Carson demanded.
"I shoulda realised all along when you twos started getting overly friendly! After all the comments about barmaids...you're a filthy queer just like him!"
"Alfred! That's enough of that thank you I think it's already perfectly clear to all of us what's going on" Carson huffed, eyebrows raised so high they were nearly hovering above his head in mid air. Soon to be in need to resuscitating, his disgust for the current event lay apparent on his face; hatred and repulse seeping out of every frown line and wrinkle plastered across his shocked, and soon to be catatonic face.
After ushering the spectators out, only to have them all linger eavesdropping in the corridor; he turned around firmly closing the door behind him, before turning to face the emotional wreckage on the bed.
"James, Mr. Barrow, what is the meaning of this?" Carson said in revulsion, his face turning red with rage.
It was all too much. Jimmy tried to say something, anything, in response, but all that came out was an unidentifiable whining sound.
Carson marched over to the bed.
"James, answer my question now, wait-" Carson stopped and furrowed his brows in disbelief "-James, is Mr. Barrow asleep, are you doing these acts-in Mr. Barrows sleep?"
"He's dead!" The footman wailed, somehow finding the strength to reply.
The butler stumbled backwards, awestruck with the blonde's response.
"He can't be! Well I-I…Are you sure?-I mean I always knew that your kind were vigorous creatures of sex-but…You killed him!"
"What? No! No Mr. Carson-I-I don't know what happened" Jimmy squalled in defence.
"Get up!" The older man ordered, grapping Jimmy by the arm and yanking him onto the floor, his legs giving way, as he collapsed into a crumbled heap.
"Stand up now. We'll call for the doctor in the morning, and get this whole sorry fiasco out of the way, quickly and quietly. Pick him up by his wrists and help me carry him into his own bed, God knows he can't stay here the night. We'll discus your position tomorrow."
Shooing everyone out of the hall, they lumbered the body out of the room, until reaching Thomas' door.
Letting go of the former-under-butler, Carson leaned the corpse against Jimmy, who clung to him with all his strength, the tears still streaming down his cheek, as the butler fumbled with the knob to open the door.
Deciding he was done assisting, Carson directed the younger man to the bed, where he dropped the body, exhaustedly.
The butler turned around upon hearing a voice behind him.
"Mr. Carson? The girls keep hearing loud noises from the men's corridor...is everything alright?" Mrs. Hughes questioned through the door to the bedroom.
Turning back to face Jimmy, Carson demanded with a scowl "You Mr. Kent and Mr. Barrow…" Carson regretted his words as he gave a wince towards Thomas body sprawled across the bed, "…Well just you then…better have a jolly good explanation and be ready to conduct yourself in a suitable manner in the morning!"
Without a second glance back, he walked away adding:
"I'm going to bed James; I suggest you do the same. I'll give the announcement of the tragic event tomorrow, and I suggest you keep your part in all this quiet."
And with that he stormed out the room, leaving jimmy once again alone in the dark with his pain and abandonment.
Jimmy had no intention of leaving the room. He wobbled over to the gaslight and lamp, lighting them with trembling hands; illuminating the room in a mysterious glow, as he feel to his knees in the centre, back resting against the metal frame of the bed.
Maybe I did kill him. Oh god, I shouldn't have been so rough with him, then he never would have hit his head and…
The now heavy gush of tears made his vision blurry. He wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands before bringing them to rest against his temples.
He looked around the room which held the entire contents of Thomas' life, it was still no tidier. The desk was still a bomb site of papers and letters, many now making their way onto the floor. A certain object caught his eye and he stumbled to his feet to inspect it closer. The cardboard box he never got round to finding out what used to be inside. He brought his quivering hands towards it, slowing taking it in his grasp. The opened the lid to peer inside. Bottles.
Carefully Jimmy took one out and inspected it in his hand; the bottle was just over half full and appeared to be a medicine container of pills. Inside the confines of the box there appeared to be a few more jars similar to the one he was holding. There was a small white label on the front which Jimmy assumed was the name of the medication. A tear escaped his face and landed on the paper attached to the glass, causing the ink to run.
Suddenly, realisation dawned on him as he dropped the bottle, which shattered by his feet.
This was his secret?
Thomas had been dying all along.
Jimmy felt his heart break as he realised all those months where Thomas didn't seem himself, all those conversations where he wouldn't say what was wrong, all that time where he didn't try hard enough to ask how Thomas really was, for fear of breaking the peace. All that time Thomas was dying, all that time and jimmy wasn't there by his side, emotionally helping him through the struggles of illness. All that time, suffering alone in the dark. Asking no support, no kind regards, requesting no extra love or special care from anybody. Probably thinking admitting his pain would make him a hindrance. Thomas was so brave, and most of all, thoughtful in his hour of weakness, not wanting to negatively impact the lives of those around him.
This thought merely made the guilt worse.
If he could cast all his woe aside, he admired how he had been able to do all that, with all fear he must have felt.
"The only reason for any action anyone ever does is because they are either acting out of love or fear."
Now he knew that Thomas had been acting out of both and all the time putting a brave face on. The man he once knew was always putting a face on, hiding real emotions from the world with a permanent wall around his heart, constantly shielding himself; most likely through fear.
Jimmy knew now that it was time to follow Thomas' actions and words and do the same, or at least try to put a brave face on. And as much as it hurt, it was finally time to properly say goodbye and give him the send off he deserved, not giving anyone the privilege of seeing his true pain in the process.
Jimmy crawled over to the bed, and rested his head on the mattress, looking at the other man. Bizarrely he looked rather peaceful; perhaps the most relaxed he had looked in months.
Jimmy reached a hand up to stroke the hair which had fallen across his face and into his eyes.
"You were brave Mr. Barrow, very brave"
As he sat staring at him, he cast his mind back to all those months where he had been alone in the dark with Thomas, but this time was different. This time, although they were alone together, Jimmy was the one who was ultimately alone, for Thomas was dead.
Meanwhile
Thumping down the stairs, Mr. Carson, with Mrs. Hughes in tow, eventually came to a stop outside his office. Ushering her in, he began to talk before the door had even been closed.
"On goings!" Carson exclaimed angrily heading towards his office chair.
"And they didn't even stop...what ever kind of sick activities they were doing with me, and everyone else, looking in!"
"I've never been so disgusted by a situation in my life! They dare to perform sodomy under my roof, and then that boy having the audacity to not even bother to stop whatever revolting displays of affection he was showing, and not even face me! If it was out of fear I would be less angry, but it's not its out of...out of...Oh I don't even know what it was out of!"
"Mr. Carson, you're getting your self all in a state, and you haven't even properly addressed the matter" the housekeeper spoke softly.
"I suppose you're right Mrs. Hughes. I will speak about the matter after breakfast with James-but after what I've seen, I have a good mind to fire him on the spot!"