Carson turned the corner out of his office, and neared the servant's hall with a sickly trepidation brewing deep within his stomach. He had seen his share of deaths during his long rein over Downton, each one so different from the last; from the announcement of the death of Patrick Crawley, the once future heir of Downton leaving the household uncertain of what was to become of Downton; to telling those who didn't already know that William had finally died, even though everyone was very much aware of his state of near death. And finally having to drag the staff out of bed out, after a already taxing day, to say that dear Lady Sybil had died of preeclampsia, after everyone being lead to believe that the birth had gone well.

He remembered how Thomas had ran out the room in near tears. Not often had he shown true emotions, but that was one of the rare times, and he feared it would be forever burnt into his memory.

Downton has seen far too many deaths in its time, for that the butler was sure, but even the knowledge that this wasn't the first time he had had to make this announcement, didn't make it any easier.

See Thomas was different. Far different from the other deaths; although he had been behaving himself these past few years, well, he was still Thomas. Thomas, nobody's favourite. Thomas, the one no one was quite sure how he had managed to stick around. Thomas, the one that didn't quite fit in. He was certain Thomas didn't actually have any friends, although he had built a few friendly bridges over recent years, he wouldn't necessarily call them friendships, more mutual understandings to co-exist in a pleasant manner. Apart from his friendship which O'Brien which thank God had started to deteriorate last year. He always thought she was a bad influence on him. So he had no friends. Actually no, that wasn't entirely true, he thought that him and James shared a friendship, until light of last nights previous events otherwise showed it to be nothing more than a sexual agreement. He was sure Mrs. Hughes would tell him off for thinking such things.

But what does he know? He's only the Butler. He obviously didn't know very much as to the Thomas state of health, what with him lying dead upstairs, waiting to be moved to the hospital, he thought with a grimace.

As he stood in the doorway, he silently applauded himself for holding his composer in a professional and stern manner through years of training and perfection. The sound of chairs scraping filled the air as everyone rose to their feet, expecting to be ushered down with a wave of the hand so their breakfast could continue. Today however was a different story. Carson cleared his throat and took a deep breath in, mentally preparing himself, because in all honesty, and Thomas being the character he was, he had no idea how they would react.

"I have some upsetting news to tell you all. Last night-" The butler felt his throat go tight as he swallowed uncomfortably. "-last night" he repeated, hardly believing what he was about to say, deep down wanting to stall for as long as possible just so it didn't have to be reality for a few more seconds. "Mr. Barrow-Mr Barrow…passed away" he said with a deep breath, allowing himself to mumble the last part just this once, waiting for the inevitable reaction.

Jimmy wallowed helplessly, much like he had last night, yet everyone was too rendered speechless and paralyzed by shock from the news they had just heard to react.

Daisy was the first to speak, holding a plate of toast.

"Passed away, you mean, like dead?" She asked incredulously.

"Yes, daisy, like dead" He said with another sigh.

The plate fell out of her hands and shattered against the ground with a large cracking noise but no one seemed to care.

It was probably only a few seconds, but it seemed to last for hours, as Jimmy's heart momentarily froze, and the world seemed to slow down as he watched people gasp and raise their hands to their mouths. There was something about the announcement which made everything seem so final. Thomas really was dead, wasn't he? No more pretending it was just a dream, everybody knew now.

His mind was flooded with unanswered questions, as he felt himself zone out, the words, the memories ringing in his ears again, as the conversation, and life continued without him.

"My word!" Anna exclaimed, eyes brimming with tears, as she clutched a hand to her chest "What would have caused such a thing Mr. Carson?"

"I'm afraid we don't know the answer to that question Anna" Mrs Hughes said gravely, appearing next to Carson.

"But he was in perfect health. He was just a young man!" Bates objected in disbelief.

O'Brien snorted under her breath and chimed in "I wouldn't go that far," before (for once) realising the inappropriateness of her actions and shrinking back into herself.

He had been her friend for nearly 10 years after all, until their scheming truce was broken off nearly a year ago when Thomas refused to participate in a scheme with her to get her newly recruited nephew Alfred promoted. She had hoped he would set some things up to make him look good, but at the time, he had finally reached the point where he was happy where he was; having just being promoted to under-butler, and was ready to grow up. Jimmy remembered the way Thomas had burst into his room jittering around in excitement as he exclaimed with his sentences running together as they poured out his mouth in a hurried flow. 'I got a promotion! Me! I'm going to be under-butler, I'm not really sure what one does, but Carson offered me the job, I didn't even have to grovel! I didn't even have to ask what was to happen with me now that Bates is back; he just gave it to me! Oh and after all that time I thought that I would have to leave and find a new job, this means I can stay with you!" Thomas said flinging his arms around a surprised, and slightly taken-aback-with-the-whole-speech, Jimmy, crushing his body against his into a tight embrace. Jimmy had thought at the time he was going to crush me. Jimmy smiled lightly at the fond memory as a tear rolled down his check. Nearly one year ago. 8 months ago to be exact. Jimmy had worked it out in his bedroom that morning after speaking with the doctor. That must have been about the time that Thomas had started to act odd around Christmas.

8 whole months of Thomas having a secret illness.

Jimmy screwed his face up, brow furrowing as he thought he heard a faint noise in the background, almost like a gentle calling. It was currently inaudible, the words sounding muffled, making no distinctive word, but as the voice increased he could have sworn he heard someone calling his name.

{Jimmy…Jimmy…Jimmy}

The voice continued to sound, and he shook his head, as if he could physically shake the idea out of his mind, cursing his imagination under his breath "bloody silly idea".

He felt consumed by guilt. Regardless of his face twisted in pain, the conversation still went on, because why should his feelings be any different to theirs? He was just his friend after all, not his spouse.

Wish I was his husband. Least then I could say my man had died! But no, I'm shoved in there with the rest of the group now mourning him! My mourning should be acknowledged as more important; he was my Thomas after all, not theirs!

Ha, it's funny how death makes people suddenly care.

"Well, actually, Dr. Clarkson told me this morning that that's not the case." Carson gave a heavy sigh. "Well, on another note, his Lordship said that you could all have the half day off, apart from Anna and Bates who just need to dress his lord and ladyship before they have their time off."

His face contorted as he remembered his conversation with Robert, the look of genuine shock and pain etched into his face.

"He's dead?" Robert said mouth agape.

"Well…I, I really don't know what to say to that…other than, I'm so sorry that this unfortunate incident had to happen. You know, I had rather come to like Thomas, sure, I heard he was a bit..erh…rough around the edges personality wise, but-Dare I say it, recent years made a man out of a boy-and I'd be a fool not to notice the change." The Lord said clutching his glass tightly, suddenly looking very distant. With a face conveying all the agony Carson was trying to hide, he gave a deep sigh, before taking a large swig of the whiskey in his hand.

"Well, I guess our life will just have to go on, as it always does" he said wincing as he thought of his poor dead Sybil, "But at least I will think of him as the man he became, not the man he once was, after all, it's how they were as a person in the present which really counts."

"Of course m'Lord, I to will do the same" Carson said giving a bow leaving the room.

He didn't have the heart to tell him about the 'other details' just right now.

"Be back by dinner." Carson bellowed, coming back to the situation at hand. "Oh and Mrs Patmore, his Lordship said he thinks a simple, cold meal would be best under the circumstances. You may all be dismissed." He said turning on his heel to walk away, but then spinning around sharply to say:

"Apart from James,"

Jimmy's head shot up, snapping him out of his trance .

"You will see me in my office at once."

Bugger.