Sorry if there are any (more than usual) mistakes in this, don't have time to go through it because it's 2,000 and it's 10.30 and ain't nobody got time for that. Also sorry if you feel that the characters are a little occ, it's kinda strange circumstances so.. yeah. also as the story progresses more characters are like getting involved with the plot and stuff so, theres also some flashbacks because at the time i couldnt show you the scenes with thomas in, so i'm doing it now where i think it's relevant. Next chapters going to be a longer flashback with Clarkson, because i've changed my mind and now I am going to go into what thomas died of but i'll do that properly next chapter. thank you to everyone on tumblr who helped me with deciding what illness he had. I had to look up stomach cancer for you so i hope your happy! I had to look at the wikipedia page with my hand over the half with the pictures D: Squeamish as hell (sorry this is long again)
Jimmy shifted uncomfortably on his feet as he stood in front of Mr. Carson's desk. He took a deep breath in, holding it as he felt his stomach twist with worry. Walking over to his desk, Carson heavily sat down and began shifting through the many papers which littered his desk.
"Now I'm sure you are aware that your actions were wrong, and that under normal circumstances you would be punished, fired even" The butler began, sorting the papers into an orderly pile and placing them at the corner of the desk.
"Yes Mr Carson" Jimmy gulped nervously, his palms starting to sweat, as he resisted the urge to wipe them on his trousers.
"But-" He continued, hardly able to believe that he was about to make such a statement.
"-myself and Mrs Hughes have come to the decision to let your part in this incident slip past, for the time being."
Jimmy's mouth hung agape for an iota of a second, before closing it, and trying to regain a more professional. He was so relieved he thought he might just burst, or do a dance, or kiss Carson.
On second thought maybe I wouldn't go that far.
"T-thank you Mr Carson" Jimmy stuttered out, hardly able to believe the reality of the situation.
The butler continued on as if nothing had been said, his pride feeling damaged at having to let such an indecency go by basically unpunished. Then again Mrs Hughes did point out that 'the death of a loved one is more than enough punishment', but if that was so, then surely they were all being punished?
"Seeing as the main element of the issue is now dead." Carson scolded himself for the bluntness of his words as he watched Jimmy take a sharp inhale at the word 'dead'.
Welcoming the distraction, Carson pulled open one of the draws to his desk and took out a small stack of letters tied together by a piece of rope. The sight of the bundle sent Jimmy into a state of déjà vu, as he recalled seeing them before.
"I believe Mr Barrow left this to you." Carson said, unknotting the string and brandishing one of the letters in front of the footman.
Jimmy took it tentatively with shaking hands, sliding it into his jacket pocket.
"thank you Mr Carson" Jimmy said, leaving the room after seeing the butlers nod, signalling him to leave.
Carson sat at his desk going through the order forms when a brief knock sounded at the door. Before he could even reply, Mr Barrow walked in and shut the door behind himself. The younger mans eyes darted around the room nervously, until finally coming to rest on his disapproving face.
He has no right barging in here like that, he's only under-butler, he doesn't run the house, decided which rules he will and will not follow, he's been slacking enough as it is recently.
Before the butler could voice his opinions, Thomas was walking towards the desk and holding out the stack for him to take.
He warily accepted it, immediately suspicious at seeing his name written on the letter at the top of the pile.
"What's this" Carson asked gruffly, exhausted from sorting papers all day, and in no mood for silly shenanigans and games. Thomas is too old for all that silly nonsense now.
Thomas ran his tongue over his lower lip tensely.
"May I request that you look after these in a safe place? It's just…I they can't be read yet…but they will need to be…soon" The under-butler requested incoherently, his voice full of apprehension.
What kind of daft game is this?
"And when, pray tell, would that time be?" Carson said, clearly not amused.
"erh.." the question seemed to take him off guard, as he paused a moment to think. Carson would normally be sceptical about such a change in character, but as he had been acting out of sorts for so long, and he was so tired, he decided that he still didn't particularly care what Thomas was up to, just as long as it didn't cause damage. They were still finding random broken things, damaged by guests and staff alike, months after the Christmas party; the house really didn't need any help from Thomas.
"You'll know when" the under-butler answered vaguely, before shakily bowing, and leaving the room.
With a deep sigh, Carson put the pile in his draw, and decided to not waste any thought over what it could be.
Strange child.
Carson stared down at the remaining letters sitting on top of the table, inspecting the different names: there was one for His Lordship, Mrs. Hughes, Dr Clarkson, and finally himself. Taking the paper into his hand and picking up his letter opener with the other, he began to open it and read.
Dear Mr Carson,
As I'm sure you are aware, by the time you read this I have unwillingly left the service of Downton Abbey. Through this letter I formally give you, albeit regrettably, my resignation from my position as Under-Butler.
Please know that it was my honour to work for you and this house, and I did appreciate my job, even if I didn't show it enough, and thought that it was a silly made up job, but I appreciated it all the same. Underneath it all I was grateful for my place here, maybe because I always knew that I was always so close to loosing it at all times if anyone ever found out about me, (and I'm sure at this time we can both finally admit to knowing to what I am referring to).
I'm sure you know, having got to the position you are at now, that you have to strive and work hard to get to where you want to be, otherwise you'll never succeed. I'm sorry that I went about doing this, trying to move up in the level of my job, in the wrong way. I knew my career was all I had, and all I could ever have, so I let my ambition lead me to do bad things, hurt people who didn't deserve to be hurt, and now I can see that those decisions probably weren't for the best and didn't help me advance, and some of them I regret.
I apologise to have left your service unannounced, but I didn't want to disturb work and life with my evitable fatal outcome sooner than I had to.
Yours sincerely,
Mr Barrow
Carson stared down at the paper blankly, before folding it back up and placing it in the draw. He would never admit it, but he felt his eyes well up slightly at the truthfulness of the words before him, yet at the same time feeling a slight tinge of annoyance to the younger man's audacity to sign his death note Mr Barrow, and only say he regretted some of his decisions. Carson expected the ones he didn't feel to bad about might just include a certain crippled valet.
Meanwhile
Jimmy sat on the edge of his post-sex-and-death bed, rocking gently backwards and forwards, cradling the letter in his hands, resting upon his lap. He found the echoes of sound to be even louder than normal, ricocheting off the walls and filling his ears. He screwed his eyes shut in hope that maybe he could tune the sound out, but it was no good, the noise only grew more and more intense. He was desperate to know what the letter held, yet at the same time, dreading it. He was well aware that he and Thomas left things on a bad note, and he panicked at the thought that the contents may have an angry tone. He knew Thomas was mad at him, but seeing it in writing would be so much more real, solid proof that he had been an arse and that Thomas hated him.
I don't blame him for hating me.
Tearing the letter open with agitation, his heart beating wildly in his chest, he tore the paper out the envelope, nearly ripping it in the process as he unfolded the page.
Dear Jimmy,
I hope you get this letter safely and I hope that it is indeed you reading it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything you must be feeling right now. I'm sorry for everything that happened between us before my death. I'm even sorry for the behaviour I, in many ways, caused you to take. I had no idea my secrecy would evoke such emotions from you, it hurt so much to see you behave the way you behaved, but you didn't know, and I didn't want you to either. I only wanted to save you from the heartbreak whilst I was still alive; I wanted to prolong our happy moments together. I can see now that my plan didn't work, funny it's not the first time one of my schemes have gone wrong (I only told you the lighter-hearted of my plots, if you're feeling guilty, go ask O'Brien to tell you the serious stuff, then you won't feel so bad!)
I'm sorry I never got the chance to say goodbye, I'm also sorry I never got to tell you the truth, but maybe this letter will make up for it a little bit. Who knows, maybe we'll get to have that conversation in another life? Or am I being too philosophical for you again? Death does strange things for a man, I'll tell you that. You know I never considered myself a religious man, nor do I now I suppose, but maybe, just maybe, there's something more than just this, just life? Well at least I hope so otherwise I'm going to spend the rest of eternity 6 ft under! Ha!
Too soon?
In the end the doctor says that its cancer I'm dying of, or I suppose from your point of view it's now died of, but I wouldn't worry yourself with it all, its happened now and there's not really much you can do about it. I don't want you to be sad, nor do I want you to worry.
Please try and move on from this as best you can, I know it's going to be hard, but be strong for me, eh?
Never forget that I love you (no matter how much of an arse you've been I still care and forgive you, the things I do for love!) And try not to cause too much death and destruction whilst I'm gone!
Until we met again Mr Kent,
Goodbye,
Thomas xx
PS
I left you something to try and put some of the romance back into the relationship! But you'll have to find it! I'll give you a clue; the first thing is under something, and hidden from view, but on the top of that, it's an item surrounded by taboo, an item where we used to get into, and you would pursue…
I'm sorry did I make I just make the letter cheap?
Laughing, Jimmy placed the page by his side on the bed, despite the feeling of tears building up in his eyes.
God I miss Thomas!
Standing up, he thought about the riddle, which didn't take much thought as soon as he looked at the object he just got up off of.
The bed. God Thomas is-was-a classy man. Only he would write a beautiful letter, than included a riddle referring to sex!
Lifting up the mattress, Jimmy found another letter, but this one was smaller, and coloured a light lilacy colour. Obviously part of a women's writing set.
He stole an envelope and paper. What did I say, classy man. Actually I think he'd probably prefer gentleman.
Jimmy gave a small sniff as he bent down to pick it up, dropping the mattress to let it flop back down as he plonked himself down onto it.
Upon looking at the paper inside it didn't take Jimmy long to realise that it was a poem.
"Sentimental sod" Jimmy muttered with a faint smile as he began to read.
My love,
Please understand,
Death cannot part us,
For we are eternal.
Our love will go on,
Long after life has passed us,
Because only love can break the bond,
That holds us together,
Tethers us by the heart,
I assure you,
That the rope that holds us together is strong,
And my affection will go on.
Remember that death is not the end of the journey,
It's merely a change on life's tracks.
A sequel to the story of ones life,
The next chapter in the book of existence.
The soul lives on,
Long after the body has deceased.
And the hindrances we faced did not kill our love,
In many ways,
The overcoming of them made our love stronger.
I know it's hard to tell right now but,
But the questions never answered in life,
Will be made clear in death,
Until then you will have to wait,
But please don't worry my love.
After all,
We are two souls sharing the same destiny,
Yet taking separate paths to get there.
This is not the end,
I promise you we'll meet again,
When our paths cross,
And your life ends,
We shall be as one again.
But until then,
Farewell, my sweet.
"Trust him to be bloody romantic even beyond the grave!" Jimmy laughed, his voice wobbly and uneven as he broke down in tears. But for the first time yet, these tears were not filled with guilt and regret, it was the cry you would give when a family member dies under usual circumstances, untainted by any other feeling or emotion other than loss.
For the first time yet his tears were just simply…tears.