Lucy didn't know exactly the word she was looking for to describe just how she had been feeling for the past six months, but she was in some way determined to figure it out. It drove her crazy that as a writer she couldn't even find the right word to describe how she felt.
She felt both bone crushing sadness and blood boiling anger, mix that all together with the soul crushing emptiness and you had what she had felt like for the past six months, the feeling that had begun when she had found out that not only was Natsu leaving her but so was Fairy Tail.
The worst part was the emptiness she felt like it was burrowed deep in her chest that left her gasping awake at night, grasping at her nightgown, trying to feel for the hole she swore she felt in her chest. It caused her sleepless nights and the feeling that she was stuck on an emotional roller-coaster that could change her emotions every five minutes.
It was horrible. She hated this feeling with every fiber of her being. She wanted to claw at her chest in desperate hope she could get rid of this loneliness. This loneliness that made her feel like she was sucked into a black hole. This loneliness that made her feel alienated and alone when in a room full of people. This loneliness that left her with a bitter and cold feeling that always rested at the bottom of her gut.
She wanted it all to stop, she needed to find something to blame for this feeling of utter hopelessness that left her wanting to climb into her bed and never come out.
In the end she knew what the root of this problem; it had all started when Natsu had left her alone. He left her with only a note that told her he'd be gone for a year, a year. Nothing but a small scrap of paper and a few sentences was enough to make her feel like her world was beginning to crumble around her.
At least if Fairy Tail had disbanded they could've stuck together. But here she was, all alone with this horrible feeling that clung to her like the plague.
She was beginning to find a word that might fit part of what she was feeling, longing. The longing to go back to the way things used to be. That even when things got tough she could count on someone being by her side with a smile on their face that would convince her everything was fine. Back to when her only worry was paying her rent on time. Back when this horrible feeling didn't cling to her.
When this one year was up she swore she would kick Natsu's ass into the sun and then maybe hug him, maybe depending on how she was feeling and what his excuse was for leaving her with only a note. But until then she knew she was stuck with this feeling that messed with her mind and left her feeling empty and maybe she would still have it even when he was back. She was beginning to think this feeling couldn't be solved by an apology and having her best friend back. It was slowly taking root in her entire being and she was beginning to think she would never get rid of it.