South Park Requested One Shots Chapter 3:
I Hate Everything About You (Kyman):
This was a request by serendipityrain711. I hope you like this dipity!
Pairing: Kyman
Told In Cartman's POV
WARNING! Some minor sexual references and some offensive commentary ahead
Song: Three Days Grace- I Hate Everything About You
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
It's all his fault.
All his fucking fault!
I didn't choose for our relationship to end up this way! One moment I feel the hatred for him seething my soul like a thousand fiery coals, and the next... I'm having dirty fantasies about him in the shower.
So what does this make me? A fag? A queer? The younger equivelent of Big Gay Al?
All I know is that one day I can be making him get angry at my constant anti-semetic jew jokes, and the next, I can't stop imagining dirty things about that sneaky little jewrat.
I remember the countless times I've picked on him for being Jewish. Like the time I made up a fake monster just to spite his religion, or the time I almost started a second Holocaust in the town, or the time I made fun of him for being the only one who doesn't celebrate Christmas.
But you get the point. I don't just hate Jews, I hate everyone. I tease Stan for being a hippie, Kenny for being poor, and Butters because I think he's a little gay boy too.
But I guess that makes me hypocritical because I'm a bit gay myself.
Gay for him at least.
I don't even remember when I first began feeling this way.
It just happened.
It isn't fair. Fate can mess with you life and emotions and feelings, and outright screw you over.
And there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
I let my mind wander as I put on my red jacket and hat and walked to the front door.
"Mom! I'm going out!" I called.
"Okay hon, just be home in time for dinner." Mom called back.
I exited the house, slamming the door behind me. I made my way down the empty, cold streets, and without thinking, ended up standing in front of a familiar house.
His house.
I raised my hand and pounded on the door.
After maybe thirty seconds, the door opened and there stood him.
"What is it Cartman?" He asked me.
"Well Kahl." I drawled, smirking at him. "I figured that since no one else was available today, that we could shoot some hoops." I held out my arms which were holding the basketball I don't even recall bringing.
"Why can't you ask someone else?" Kyle said.
"Stan is hanging out with Wendy and Kenny got runover by an old guy driving a garrbage truck last night."
"That bastard. What about Butters?"
"The little fag is grounded."
"Stop calling Butters a fag, fatass."
"Shut up jew. Are we going to play ball or what?"
Kyle rolled his eyes and said "Fine. But only because I've got nothing better to do."
I smirked at him as he stepped out on the porch. "Hope you can handle defeat, jewrat." I teased him.
"In your dreams fat boy. " He fired back at me.
Of course I dream about you, Kyle.
"Oh yeah? We'll just see about that, won't we jew?" I challenged him.
"You're on fatass." He said.
We raced each other to the basketball court. I purposely fell behind so I could watch Kyle's little Jewish ass move. Yeah I know it's super gay of me, but I can't help myself. Besides, I'm not exactly a track star either.
Kyle spun the basketball on his finger and asked, "Ready to play?"
"You're on jew!" I shouted, lunging for the ball.
An hour or two later...
"In your face, you stupid jew! I won!" I gloated, doing a little dance on the court.
"Whatever." Kyle panted, rolling his eyes. "I'm exhausted. Let's take a break."
Kyle and I made our way over to a nearby bench and sat down.
"So how have you been?" I asked him.
Kyle shrugged. "Good I guess. I've been kinda lonely though lately."
"Why is that?"
"I just don't see Stan or Kenny as much anymore."
I rolled my eyes. "Figures. The hippie is probably screwing his girlfriend and poor boy is most likely getting drunk somewhere while chasing around girls he's looking to fuck."
Kyle chuckled. "Or guys."
I nodded in agreement. "Yeah he'd fuck anything."
Kyle laughed again. God, I love his laugh. "Even Butters, Craig, and Tweek have been busy lately."
"If by Butters being busy, you mean being grounded, then yes. And as for the other two... they're just so gay for each other they don't pay attention to anything or anyone else."
Kyle nodded. "Yeah that's true."
We sat there in silence for a few minutes, until he asked, "What about you?"
"What do you mean?" I questioned him.
"Anybody you've got your eyes on?" Kyle clarified.
I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
I shook my head. "No one really interests me."
Except for you.
"I just thought that by now you know... someone would catch your eye."
Someone has Kyle.
But I can't tell you.
I shrugged, avoiding his eyes. "I'm just not into dating and all that shit."
Unless it was you.
Kyle looked at my face, searching for a sign that I was lying. Luckily for me, I have gotten pretty good at lying.
I wish I didn't have to lie to you.
I wish that I could tell you how I really feel.
"If you say so Cartman."
We played another round. I beat him, again. We decided to go home after that, since it was getting kind of late.
"Jealous that I beat you?" I teased him when we got to his house."
"No." He rolled his eyes. It's cute when he does it. "You're just really immature... and stupid."
"Shut up you stupid jew."
"Whatever fatass." He turned and entered his house.
I smiled at the closed door.
I hate you, you fucking jewrat.
But I love you just the same.
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
Only when I stop to think
About you, I know
Only when you stop to think
About me, do you know
I hate everything about you
FIN
And there's kyman for serendipityrain711. I hope you like dipity, and the rest of you! I love you all you guys are awesome.
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-LittleMissFanGirl14