Now they can see the tears in our eyes

But we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts

Well maybe that's a pain we can't hide

Cause everybody knows that we're both torn apart

Why do we hurt each other

Why do we push love away

-Boys 2 Men Water Runs Dry

Chapter 15: Conflicted

I had to tell him. I didn't want to, but I had to.

I had already let Harry in deep. Too deep. I had allowed him to take a look into my mind and see exactly who I was, what my life entailed, what was to become of me. Things that I wasn't planning on ever letting him know.

I thought that my relationship with Dean would overshadow everything I felt for Harry. Dean was the best. He was caring, he was sweet, he was honest. He was the perfect gentleman, always there for me when I needed him. Any girl would be lucky to have him.

But he just wasn't Harry. And I felt really bad that i still cared for Harry the way I did. Even more actually because I now knew that he had feelings for me as well. And the fact that he listened to me, comforted me, and wanted to help me with my problems warmed my heart.

I wouldn't have been able to open up to Dean the way I could Harry. Sure Dean knew some things, like how I really wasn't the bitchy Slytherin everyone thought I was, and that Mum and I didn't get along, but other than that I felt like I couldn't tell him. Like he really wouldn't understand. Sure he could sympathize, but he would never understand.

But then again if I showed him the letter, maybe he would.

I had sent him an owl to meet me in the Astronomy tower. That's where we would go sometimes if we wanted to be completely alone.

I stood up there where I had transfigured a box into a small fireplace so we could keep warm and waited. Dean could always make it bigger.

A couple minutes later Dean came through the trapdoor smiling at me. He walked over and kissed me, his adorable grin plastered on his face.

"Someone is awfully jolly.' I said.

"Well yeah. I have something I need to tell you." said Dean cheerfully.

p

"And I have something I need to show you. But you go first."

"No you. You asked me up here."

"Dean..." I said in playful annoyance

"Go first love, I insist."

"And I insist that you go first and I'm not taking no for an answer." I said crossing my arms playfully.

"Fine then."said Dean kissing me on the cheek. "Well, for starters, I have owled my mum about you many times."

I was surprised. "Really? You told her about me?"

"Of course I did. I had to tell her about the girl that was keeping her son happy now didn't I?"

I blushed and nodded. He was Honeydukes sweet.

"Anyways, I did and she owled me asking if she could meet you and invited you to spend Easter holiday with me. That is, if you want." said Dean looking like a hopeful kid at Christmas.

"Oh..." I said feeling even more terrible than I had originally.

"Something wrong?" asked Dean.

"Well what I have to show you has to do with Easter holiday. Actually, it has to do with a lot of things." I said as I took Mum's letter out of my pocket and gave it to him to read.

His face fell as he read over the letter. When he was done he looked mad and confused.

"So, you're marrying Malfoy?" questioned Dean in a low voice. "And you thought I didn't need to know that piece of information because..."

"Let me explain. Draco and I have been betrothed since birth by our parents but neither of us want it. He wants to be with Ginny and has for years. And I...I just want to be free. Free to be myself. I never have been and I tried this school year and have loved it and I'm hating that this is happening. We had until the day after my birthday, which is September 1st, but since my mum has some sneaks in this school going back and telling her everything that Draco and I do, this has happened."

Draco's expression softened slightly. "So I pop she wouldn't want a damn thing to do with me then."

I shook my head. I didn't know what to say.

"Can't anything be done?" asked Dean.

"Harry and I talked to Hermione and she is going to see if she can look up anything and everything she can to overturn this. It's only been a couple of days, so she hasn't found anything as of yet, but she is trying."

"And I bet that muggle laws won't hold up in a wizarding court, eh?" asked Dean.

"Nope. They never do."

"Well, I guess I'll write Mum and tell her never mind then." said Dean sadly.

"I'm sorry. And I'll understand if you don't want to continue this anymore." I said as I started to walk away.

Dean grabbed my arm and turned me around to face him. "Hey now. You can't get rid of me that easily. I'll help too."

I blushed. "You...you will?"

"Of course. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't?. I really like you, Pansy. And I don't wanna lose what we have to a stupid contract."

I almost knocked Dean over when I jumped into his arms, kissing his nice plump lips. I never had someone care about me like that before.

Oh wait...that was a lie.

After some more talking (and a little more snogging) we left the Astronomy tower and parted ways to our dorms. When I got back, I was met with the horrible sound of wrong notes being played.

"Harry! What on earth are you doing?" I said both cringing and laughing at the same time.

Harry laughed and got up from the piano. "I figured if I tried to play like you I could, but it didn't work out that way did it?"

"No it really didn't. That was absolutely horrid." I said as I sat on the sofa.

"Oh thank you. My ego wasn't bruised at all." he said coming over towards me and sitting down.

"So where have you been all night?"

"Well, father….."

"Okay that's gross"

"-I was talking to Dean. I showed him the letter."

Harry straightened up in his seat. "Oh? And what did he say?

"At first he was confused and a bit annoyed, but once I explained things to him he wanted to help."

"Well that's good. You can use all the help you can get."

"And he wants to stay together as well, which I didn't expect but yeah. He does."

"Oh.." said Harry trying to mask the disappointment. "Well, good man."

He got up and started to walk towards the portrait door.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I just need to...actually I don't know what I need to do." said Harry, sadly.

I got up and walked over to him. "You're acting if you wanted him to break up with me or something."

Harry looked at the ground not saying a word.

"I'm taking your silence as that I'm correct aren't I?"

"Well I'm not going to sit here and lie to you, Pansy. I shouldn't have thought like that but I did and really, I can't help it. Why would I be happy about the fact that I still can't have you Pansy? Why?!" said Harry growing upset.

But I was upset too.

"Are you kidding me? This was all your fault as you know! You're the one that when you finally did figure out your feelings didn't even bring it to my attention. And on top of that, because you were mad at me for things you didn't even ask to understand, you chose that bloody harpy Susan over me!" I said angrily.

"I'm not stupid Pansy! I know what I did and I'm sorry! But me admitting and knowing what I did was wrong doesn't make me change my mind about how I feel about you! And I know you still feel for me too! You just hide it to please Dean!"

Dammit. My face was probably telling on me as Harry looked into my eyes. I looked back at his and I could see the emeralds glow with passion and heartbreak over me and this whole situation.

"Why are we doing this Pansy? Why can it just be me and you?" he asked as he put his strong arms around me. I put my arms around him as well. I was drawn in by the warmth and strength of his body. The smell of him made my mind go fuzzy. At that moment I wanted nothing but to stay like this with him for the rest of the night.

"I can't do that to him Harry." I said laying my head on his shoulder. I could hear his heart beating as if it was a song.

"But you can do this to us?" asked Harry.

" I've ...I've wanted you since 5th year." I admitted.

Harry pulled back so he could see my face, his arms still around me. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Things were different then Harry. You wouldn't have liked me back then. The old me."

"But I would have found out that that wasn't you, wouldn't I?" grinned Harry as he put his forehead against mine.

I couldn't help but giggle. "Maybe. Possibly."

"Pansy, I'm sorry for all that has happened. And I sorry that I feel the way that I do. I can't just turn that off."

"I can't turn it off either."

"Then what do we do?"

"I don't know. I don't want to hurt anybody. But I end up doing that with whatever I were to choose to do."

"I know." said Harry as he let go of me. He kissed me softly on my cheek, his lips causing it to tingle with delight.

"I'm not mad at you Pansy. I just need to go and think okay?" he said as he walked away and out the door.

I walked over to the piano and started playing Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. It was dark, moody, complicated, and lovely. Just like how I was feeling