How many times do I have to tell you

Even when you're crying you're beautiful too

The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood

You're my downfall, you're my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

-John Legend All Of Me

Chapter 17: Sweet Sorrows

I had to hand it to Ron's brothers. They threw Ron a tremendous birthday party.

I had a wonderful time from the moment I got there to the moment I left. The only thing that had bothered me was Harry.

I had went over to him for a dance and to have some fun, but he didn't seem to want to do anything at all. He seemed as if he was in deep thought. So I left him to it.

Dean and I had a wonderful time until he got a bit too grabby for my taste. Just because my bum was sticking out more than usual, did not mean he could go and grope me. And I let him know that. Right in front of his friend that was pissed drunk and seemed as if he had it out for me for some reason.

After those fiascos I stuck with Daphne and Blaise for awhile and then Ginny for the rest of the night. Draco didn't realized that the punch was heavily spiked and he ended up getting sick and passing out. Blaise had to levitate him back to his dorm so he could sleep it off.

Ginny and I went back to my dorm (Hermione didn't come, too busy giving Ron another birthday present) and talked about all the things we had seen.

"I cannot believe that Draco drank as much as he did. Unbelievable." said Ginny as we sat and drank tea and ate biscuits, courteously of Dobby.

"I think that Ernie Macmillan was much worse off. He almost got my outfit. I would have hexed off his bullocks." I said thinking about the fact that the Hufflepuff prat couldn't hold his liquor and almost vomited all over my clothes.

"Thanks again for the muggle outfit, Pans. You certainly didn't have to purchase it." said Ginny shyly.

"Oh stop it. It was my idea to dress the same and I don't mind. Might as well spend my mum's filthy money on something fun. You and Hermione looked sinfully gorgeous."

"So did you. I'm happy that you and her get along now." said Ginny.

"She's not so bad once I got to know her past the brain and the books." I said laughing.

It was true. Hermione had become a friend to me. After we had a deep discussion one night about everything over the years, we came to understand each other more. She liked the fact that my true self was not the bitch I personified. And now, she was as close as Ginny was in my heart.

It had shocked me how friendly I had become with Gryffindors and vice versa. Nowadays the only Slytherins besides Draco and Blaise that I talked to was Daphne and occasionally Millicent. The rest didn't like this apparent "New Pansy", so they stopped associating with me. Which I didn't care. That just showed me who my real friends actually were.

"I wish Draco would have eased off. I'm feeling lonesome. Not that talking to you is a bore or anything. It's just I'd like my man's touch right about now." said Ginny staring out into space.

My jaw instantly dropped. "You little tart, have you and Draco had sex?!"

Ginny laughed and shook her head. "Oh noooooo! Well not yet anyways. I mean we have done some things, but neither one of us are ready. What about you and Dean?"

I blushed. "I know he wants to but I haven't let it get past snogging. And I really don't want to ."

"So you're still a virgin, Pans?"

"Of course. I hope you didn't think otherwise."

"Pansy, the whole school thought otherwise. They thought you and Draco used to shag all the time."

I laughed loudly at this revelation. I had figured this was a theory around Hogwarts. But I hadn't even seen Draco topless outside of swimming. And if I wasn't mistaken, Draco hadn't even seen a girl's knickers.

But I was going to let Draco tell that himself.

"The whole school is sadly misinformed. I haven't even seen a naked boy before. Outside of a chest, I know nothing of the male anatomy." I said giggling.

"You're full of surprises Pans." said Ginny throwing a biscuit at me.

"That I am darling."

"So if given the chance, would you shag Harry?" inquired Ginny.

"Ginny what are you playing at? I have a boyfriend." I said throwing the biscuit back at her.

"Yes but you're in love with Harry."

"I am not in love with him. What makes you say that?"

"On come on Pansy don't fool yourself." said Ginny pouring herself more tea. "You are totally in love with him. You have a perfectly great boyfriend that you don't see yourself shagging, you practically spend more time with Harry than you do Dean, and you have fancied him since your 5th year. I can tell the way you look at him and the way you find small ways to always touch him and the way you light up when he enters the room."

"I still do that?" I asked astonished.

"Yes, you really do."

I sighed. "Okay maybe I do have deep feelings for Harry still. I won't say love. I'll just say deep feelings."

"Glad that you're being truthful to yourself."

"But I'm with Dean so that doesn't matter. And if none of us can find a way to get around this marriage issue, it won't be for long."

Ginny's smile quickly disappeared.

"Oh merlin, how could I be so insensitive? How are you taking all of this Gin?"

Ginny ran her finger on the rim of her teacup. "I don't know. I try not to think about it and I know it's not his fault but at the same time, I feel horrible because it doesn't look like things will change. I fancy the hell out of Draco. I really don't want to lose him."

I could see the tears forming in her eyes. I scooted over to her and embraced her, allowing her to shed her tears on my shoulder. I had been noticing in the days passing how stressed out Draco had been looking about the impending doom, but Ginny had put on such a brave face just like the Gryffindor she was and made it seem like it wasn't bothering her as much as it was. But deep down, it was destroying her.

"We are going to find a way out of this Gin. We are. And even if we don't, I would not care if you and Draco continued to see each other."

Ginny gasped and looked at me. "But that would have him being unfaithful."

"I don't care. We both don't want this and you two belong together. All of this isn't fair."

"Wanna know a secret?" began Ginny. "I have fancied Draco for probably as long as he fancied me. But since I knew about the marriage thing, I never said anything. I didn't want to feel the way I do now."

"So what changed?"

"I wanted to be happy. I wanted him to be happy too. And for these last couple of months, we have been deliriously happy. But now that has to change."

I was about to say something when Harry walked into the door. He looked as if he was worn out. As well he should have been. He was dancing a lot.

"Harry darling, come and join us!" I said waving him over.

Harry's eyes locked on me as if they were spotlights. Something wasn't right.

"I need to talk to you." he said promptly.

"Well talk. Ginny's okay, she will find out anyways." I said laughing. Harry didn't share my amusement.

"Fine." said Harry. "You need to break up with Dean."

My smile fell. "I'm sorry?"

"Break up with Dean. Now."

Ginny looked at Harry and back at me. She looked like she didn't want to be there, but wouldn't dare leave.

"And why should I do that Harry?" I asked.

"Because...look really Pansy you need to do it before something bad happens. Just trust me."

"Trust you?" I said standing up. "You come in here demanding me to break up with my boyfriend without giving me reason and you ask me to trust you?"

"He's playing you for a git Pansy!" yelled Harry.

I couldn't believe what was coming out of his mouth. "Are you mental? What the bloody hell are you talking about?!"

"Seamus told me everything. Your mum has been paying both Dean and Seamus all this time to spy on you."

"My mother hates muggles as well as half bloods so I really don't see that happening." I said stubbornly.

"She paid Dean to date you to give her a reason to bump up the wedding. And Seamus to feed her information. He said your little Slytherin friend Millicent helped set it up and they have been giving details for months. How do you think your mum found out about Malfoy and Ginny?"

"Are you serious?!" yelled Ginny.

Harry ignored her and sighed. "Pansy he told me everything. I'm sorry."

"You're... You're lying Harry. You've got to be. Why are you doing this?!" I yelled, hot tears streaming down my cheeks.

Harry grabbed my shoulders. "I really wish I was lying to you. But I'm not. Seamus told me Pansy, he told me. I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't let you know and as much as I wanted to kick both their sorry asses I wanted you to know first."

My heart fell into my stomach. My mind seemed to draw a blank. I wanted it all to be some dirty trick. A sick joke. But looking into Harry's eyes, I could see that he was telling the entire truth."

"It's really true?" I managed to say.

Harry kissed me on the forehead and hugged me tight to him. "I'm so sorry Pansy."

I felt like complete shit. I trusted Dean. I thought he was this kind, upstanding person who really cared for me. Instead I had allowed the man to play me for a fool. The first boyfriend I ever had, I got burned by.

Ginny was fuming. "Where are those worthless prats?! I'll give them both bat bogey hexes that will shatter their nasal cavities!"

They should be still at the party. Well Seamus probably isn't. Bloody wanker drank too much. But Dean might be." said Harry.

"No. I don't want to deal with them right now. Please." I whispered.

Ginny and Harry nodded. Ginny left after promising she wouldn't say a word to no one. I stood there and watched her leave, not knowing what to do with myself.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Harry.

"Can...can you just stay with me?" I asked him sitting on the sofa.

Harry nodded and sat down beside me. I leaned into his arms, instantly feeling comfort and warmth as he wrapped me up in him.

I did not know how the next day was going to go, but I did know that at that moment, I felt safe.