Draco had made his way over to the black owl at his window and slowly opened his window as if maybe time would somehow stop. He took the note from the owl and watched it as it flew away. He eyed his name scribbled out on the folded up parchment disdainfully. He unfolded the parchment and read out what was inside.
"My office immediately." He said aloud to himself in a mocking tone. "What the bloody hell does he want with me now?" He ran his hands through his blonde hair. He quickly threw on a jacket to match his black sweat pants. He walked over to his silver desk to grab his wand. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he seriously needed some sleep sooner or later. The exhaustion was becoming apparent in his features. His mind never shut off.
He walked out of his dorm and made his way through the portrait hole. He walked through the castle with confidence. He didn't care if he got caught out of bed after hours. He didn't care about much these days. There was no purpose in caring. His life wasn't cared about, not truly. He was a tool for others around him. He was a strong man; he would do what was necessary. He wouldn't die.
Only in her eyes. A quiet whisper from the deepest shut out corner of his mind escaped. Yet again everything else in his mind pushed the thought down and away.
He was scared to let his true thoughts of her loose. He constantly had an inner battle ragging inside of him. He was usually more in control of his feelings. Ever since he kissed her he found himself coming unhinged. He was doing things he knew wanted to, but he knew he shouldn't. In his mind the things he had to do always triumphed over the things he wanted to do.
He was forced out of his thoughts as he arrived at Professor Snape's office. He whispered the password and was granted access.
"Draco." He heard his godfather drawl.
"You know contrary to what you may think, I like to sleep at night. I know, I know I'm fucking crazy like that." Draco said sarcastically as he slumped into a chair and shut his eyes, as he propped his feet up on the professor's desk. "This really isn't as comfortable as my bed but somehow I feel like you don't care." He sneered.
"Must you act like a spoiled little child?" The dark haired looming man said as he walked over to Draco as he knocked his feet off his desk.
"Well despite what is being heaved upon me because of my dear, dear father's shortcomings I am sixteen. Notice the boyish charm." He said as he squeezed his cheeks before sneering in the man's face, and again shutting his eyes.
"Draco-" Snape was cut off by the sound of Draco's fake snoring as loudly as he could. He continued, "You're date to receive the mark has been moved up."
Draco went silent as his eyes snapped open being brought back into his harsh reality that was his life, after catching a brief moment of childish behavior. "What. The. Fuck. Why?" Draco asked in a low tone staring up at his godfather.
"Why?" Snape drawled out. "Because he said so that would be why. You're going to have to learn rather quickly that you don't get to ask questions. It doesn't matter why. Are you going to ask the dark lord why when he goes to mark you?"
"No." Draco swallowed hard. "I doubt that would go over to well, seeing your reaction." He sneered.
"You won't be alone Draco, I swore to help you." Snape's voice softened.
Draco ignored his statement. "I was supposed to have more time, just to be in school, just to do things. Things I won't be able to do…after" He said aloud in a monotone, not to Snape but more to himself. His last threads of hope at having Hermione in anyway slipping from his grasp teasingly slow, "When?" he asked eyeing Snape.
"No word yet, but soon, very soon." He said looking down at Draco.
"Wonderful." He said looking into Snape's eyes as he sneered. "May I go back to bed now?"
"Yes." He drawled.
Draco got up from the chair and turned his back to Snape as he headed out of his office.
"You're not alone Draco, you may think you are all of the time…but you are not." Snape spoke slowly to the back of Draco's head.
Draco slowly turned to face Snape. "I don't think I am. I know I am. Those who I have, I do not care to have. And as for those I want…I gave up on that hope a long time ago." He spat at his godfather. "Now I know my life has been planned without my input being necessary but listen to me clearly when I say this. I will not be hearing anymore about this until I have to leave and receive the mark. No more midnight owls, no more planning, no more stalking me on my way to classes, I have little time left to try and live. Leave. Me. Be." He spoke with conviction as he turned on his heel to walk out.
He walked through the castle with the same confidence he always did. He didn't want this. He wanted to be his own man, he always had. He wanted her. He knew it, he always knew it. His life was hurling toward him much too quickly and he could no longer push his feelings away. It was as if hearing he had little time left slapped him across the face. Now or never, if she saw him with that mark she would never like him at all. She'd hate him much more than she probably did now. He knew it would never work, not when his life was mapped out by death eaters. She would never accept him; he could barely accept himself anymore.
Stupid father had to screw up and get himself locked up in Azkaban. Now I get to clean up his mess.
He'd already made the first move, he would continue on his path he started. He had to. It was his last act as himself.
TBC