This is a request for Cartmanbrah. They requested a Candy one-shot and gave me some song choices so thank you! I hope you like it.

Told in Cartman's POV

Pairing: Candy

Song: "A Touch of Evil" by Judas Priest

"God damn it." I grumbled. "If I knew being the mayor would be so hard, then I would have gotten a different job." I continued sifting around through the papers on my desk. Fucking paperwork sucks.

After what felt like hours (probably was) seven o'clock rolled around and that meant I could leave. Thank fuck. I just wanna go home and see my fiancee.

I packed up my shit and left the office, walking quickly to avoid wasting time. My secretary was leaving at the same time I was, so I bid him a small smile and a wave.

"See ya Butters. Tell your husband and little girl I said hi." I told him.

"Thanks Eric!" He chirped. "Tell Wendy I said hi too!"

We were twenty-five now, and I'd say my life is pretty fucking good. I could say that about everyone's life to be honest.

Stan and Wendy split for good in high school. Wendy is now a professional boxer, and Stan is a football player. Stan went on to come out as bisexual and has been dating Kenny for six years.

Kenny's life got better. He isn't poor anymore and Stan helped him kick his drug habit after they started dating. He now owns his own successful restaurant. I hear those two are planning on adopting.

Kyle and Bebe got married a year after graduation and got pregnant on their honeymoon. They had their first child, a boy, when they were twenty, and have another on the way. Kyle is a lawyer and Bebe is a news anchor.

Butters came out as gay in our freshman year of high school. Not that very many people were surprised. He ended up getting married to Scott Malkinson of all people when they were twenty-two. They adopted a girl a year later and she's now two years old. Butters is my secretary and my closest friend, and Scott is a semi-famous scientist.

Wendy and I are engaged now. I used to hate her and thought she was just a ho. Now she's my ho.

You mesmerise slowly

Till I can't believe my eyes

Ecstasy controls me

What you give just serves me right

As I reached my car, I heard a familiar voice call me. Standing on the sidewalk was none other than Kyle the Jew.

"Hey Cartman!" He greeted me, walking over to me.

"Oh hey Kahl." I greeted my sort-of redheaded friend. "Sup?"

"Nothing. Just taking a walk and saw you over here. Hard day?"

"Yeah. I just wanna go the fuck home. Wendy was running errands today and should be home when I get back."

"Um, does having lunch with Stan count as running errands?"

I paused. "What?" I said.

"She was having lunch with Stan today." Kyle told me. "I saw them earlier on my walk. They were in Kenny's restauraunt. Stan pulled out a box, and there was a ring inside of it. Wendy pulled out some pictures... they looked like ultrasound pictures. I even saw them hold hands at some point."

Without warning you're here

Like magic you appear

I taste the fear

A ring? Ultrasound pictures? Does that mean...?

"Fucking bitch." I snarled. "She's cheating on me! With Stan!"

"Cartman, calm down, it doesn't mean she's-"

"No Kahl! She's cheating! I bet she's pregnant and it's not even mine!" I pushed past him.

"Cartman wait!" I heard the Jew call after me, but I ignored him. I continued to walk to my car, and quickly got in. Continuing to ignore the daywalker's protests, I drove away.

That fucking ho... I can't believe she's cheating on me with Stan. I can't wait to tear her and Stan a new one.

But what about Kenny? Shit, not-so-poor boy is gonna be crushed. I know how much he loves that stupid hippie. He really doesn't deserve any of this.

I'm so afraid

But I still feed the flame

I pulled into the driveway. Wendy's car was there too. Good. The sooner I do this, the better. I stomped up to the front door, and threw open the front door.

"Hey Eric." Wendy greeted me from the couch.

"Is that all you can say to me?" I snapped. "Just 'Hey Eric'?"

Wendy shot me a confused glance. "What do you mean?"

"Well our little Jew friend told me about you and Stan." I informed her. "And what you two did!"

In the night

Come to me

You know I want your Touch of Evil

In the night

Please set me free

I can't resist a Touch of Evil

"We didn't do anything." Wendy told me.

"Bullshit ho! Kyle told me about you and Stan at the restaurant! I can't believe you and Stan would stoop so low as to pull shit in Kenny's restaurant of all places! Is this what it's come to?!"

Aroused with desire

You put me in a trance

A vision of fire

I never had a chance

"Eric, what the fuck is the matter with you?!" Wendy yelled.

"After all these years together, you're messing around with that stupid drunken hippie asshole! I thought you were finished with him!"

"Stan and I did nothing!" Wendy screamed. "Yes, we met up for lunch because Stan wanted my advice on making a big decision, and I wanted to share a big secret with him and ask for his advice as well on how to tell you! You can even ask Kenny. He saw us there and overheard part of our conversation."

A dark angel of sin

Preying deep from within

Come take me in

"So is he pissed at you too?" I questioned.

"No, but he congratulated me." Wendy walked over to her purse, and tossed a picture at me. "There. It's a sonogram picture you ass. I'm pregnant. Eight weeks along. And believe it or not, it's yours."

I'm so afraid

But I still feed the flame

I looked at the picture.

"So you're not cheating on me with Stan?" I asked.

"No! I'd never do that to you or to Kenny. I love you and Kenny's my friend. I went to the doctor today and told you I was running errands because I wanted the baby to be a surprise."

In the night

Come to me

You know I want your Touch of Evil

In the night

Please set me free

I can't resist a Touch of Evil

"So what did Stan need to discuss with you? And what was that ring for?"

"He wants to propose to Kenny. Luckily Kenny didn't see the ring so the surprise wasn't ruined for him." Wendy sighed. "I'm sorry Eric for upsetting you."

"No it's my fault." I said. "And that stupid daywalker's. I should have heard him out. Now I just feel like an asshole."

Wendy smiled. "It's okay, Eric. I shouldn't have kept secrets from you." She walked back over to me, and kissed me passionately.

Arousing me now with a sense of desire

Possessing my soul till my body's on fire

"I love you, you big asshole." She laughed.

"Love you too, you ho." I told her.

I embraced my fiancee, and she put her head on my shoulder. After a minute, she leaned her head up, and whispered in my ear.

"It's a girl."

I'm so afraid

But I still feed the flame

You're possessing me