Warnings: Spoilers for "Saviors"

A/N: Scott Williams is ON FIRE this season. Seriously this episode was incredible and everyone nailed their parts. Bravo, NCIS cast and crew :). It might be unpopular opinion, but I feel that Tony and Jeanne got closure, there is no need to bring Jeanne back. She seems happy and Tony himself said he was happy for her. He can now move forward himself. I feel like bringing her back is pushing too close to being a soap opera. And I'm sorry, I don't agree with this push by past shippers that they should get back together. Jeanne is married now. Tony would never do that, no matter how much he might love her still.

"Hated Himself Since"

Leah had fixated on something Tim had said about her husband two days ago—he's hated himself since. In the last two years she had thought she'd help Tony vanish all his demons when it came to past relationships, but apparently she was mistaken. They had talked at length about Wendy before they got married and his failed engagement. She had been under the impression that Wendy had been the one to break Tony—she had apparently been wrong. No one needed to tell her when she had stopped by with Tony's lunch that the woman standing in the squad room with the team was more than just any other woman.

Tim had been reluctant to tell her the entire story, believing that it should come from Tony, but both of them knew that Tony would close up immediately if the topic of Jeanne was brought up. He had told Ellie such. And, even though Tim had told her the complicated history between Tony and Jeanne, their heartbreaking story, Leah had tried to talk to him. She had been met with icy glares and the silent treatment.

Tony had left for the Sudan pretending that everything was fine between them, but Leah knew otherwise. She knew him better than himself at times. So, with Jack snuggled in his pack against her chest, Leah ventured back to NCIS after her husband had left and went to see Abby.

"I don't have any news on Gibbs or Tony or Tim," Abby said, sharply when she saw her visitor.

"Abby, that's okay," Leah replied, gently. "I just... I came to ask about Tony and Jeanne."

"Jeanne? Really... that's... that's a loaded gun, Leah," Abby quipped.

Leah frowned, slightly. "Then fire away, Abby, because I need to know. Tim tiptoed around the entire thing. I know it was more than just an operation gone bad, I know it was more than he got a little too close. Tony loved her."

Abby looked at Jack, sleeping so peacefully against his mother. "Yes. He was never the same around women after Jeanne. He barely dated after Jeanne. To be honest, Leah, I think... I think you were the first woman that he took out on a serious date after Jeanne. Every other woman after her was nothing but a fling for him. Someone... someone might say that Jeanne was the one that got away. Why are you asking all this? There is no way Tony is going to leave you for her!"

She gently ran her fingers over Jack's soft hair. Leah had suddenly realized it, that final wall between her and Tony was not the baby—it was Jeanne. "I think our problems since Jack was born are because of her... not intentionally of course... but I think he's been thinking a lot about her lately. What they could have had, perhaps. For her to turn up now, it just all... it all makes sense, Abby."

"He never told you about her."

"No. Tim says he closes up when you talk about her."

"Tony blames himself for what happened. It ended badly. Very, very, very badly."

Leah didn't need to hear more. Somehow this was all she needed to know in order to move forward.

The hum of the planes' engines drowned out any self-doubts. Tony leaned his head back and sighed, sadly. It had been surreal, just like he told Tim, but at the same time it had been liberating. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

In his pocket he fished out the photograph he kept of Leah on their wedding day taped back to back with a photograph of Jack. He had told himself over and over again that he had moved on, but he never actually felt this until today. Finally, after all these years, he'd vanquished his demons when it came to Jeanne. She forgave him. She saw him, truly, for the very first time.

Tony absent-mindedly turned the photograph over and over in his hand. He'd been pretty short with Leah before he left and then pretended that everything was okay. He was going to have to come clean with her when they got home.

"Is that your son?" Jeanne's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Yeah," Tony said, holding the photograph out to her. "He'll be eight weeks old next week."

"He looks just like you," she said with a smile. Jeanne turned the photograph over and looked at Leah in her wedding gown. "Your wife is beautiful."

"Inside and out," he affirmed. Tony let his eyes fall on the photograph. "You know, she reminds me of you at times, Jeanne."

Jeanne handed him the photograph back. "In what ways?"

Tony smiled, gently. "She indulges my love of movies—that was real. She's confident and smart, has a PH.D. Not medical, it's in archeology."

"How did you meet?" Jeanne repeated his question from earlier.

"Coffeehouse," Tony answered. "She happened to be in line in front of me. It was raining that day and she had this purple umbrella. I complimented her on it. We had this stand-in date every morning for two months before I asked her on a real date. Rest I suppose is history. She's spent... she's spent a lot of time trying to fix me... and I haven't been completely honest with her. Guess that's a problem with me, huh?"

Jeanne swallowed the lump in her throat. "You lied to me because... you had too. Why are you lying to her? Things with David didn't necessarily start off great since he was the first person I met after you, but once I was honest with him... everything came together. Be honest with her, Tony. That's all she wants."

Tony watched as she got back up and felt her way along the crash webbing to rejoin her sleeping husband. Her movements stirred Tim, who sat up and glanced at his partner, earnestly, asking Tony silently do you need to talk? Tony shook his head and allowed Tim to fall back to sleep. It was a white lie. He did need to talk but not to Tim. The person that he needed to talk too was still hours away in Washington.

After the end of a long, grueling flight, he was finally home.

Tony pushed the bedroom open and glanced inside. His wife was sprawled out in their king sized bed, hair wild, the street lamp coming through the blinds casting shadows over her face while she slept. He had been surprised to learn that Leah was a bed hog. It was still a mystery to him how that petite woman managed to nearly push him to the edge of the bed some nights.

Silently he placed his duffel bag by the door and slipped his shoes off. After the hellish few days he'd gone through in the Sudan, Tony just wanted to curl up into bed with her in his arms. Looking at her now, he felt the final wall blocking her back from his heart completely dissolve away. He had hated himself for what he'd done to Jeanne and had convinced himself that he was still in love with Jeanne... seeing Jeanne happy surprisingly had made him happy. And he was ready to embrace the love he felt for Leah completely. There had been moments where he had almost been ready, where he had forgotten about that place in his heart that was still in love with another woman, but now that space was open and willing to let Leah in.

Leah woke up when she felt the bed shift as Tony settled down with her. A tired smile spread across her face. "Hi," she said, sleepily. "Did you just get in?"

"About two hours ago," Tony replied, laying down and pulling her into his arms. "Paperwork and all that jazz."

"Did you find the doctors?" Leah asked, her eyes earnest.

Tony kissed her, tenderly. "Yes. Almost didn't make it out but Gibbs managed to pull off one of his far-away Gibbs' rescues that only Gibbs can do."

Leah blinked. "I'm very tired and I'm sure that will make more sense when you tell me again tomorrow."

"I love you, Leah."

"I know, Tony. I love you too."

Tony grasped her face between his hands and kissed her, desperately. "No, listen to me. This entire week I've had to face a lot of demons, ones that I should have shared with you a long time ago. I destroyed Jeanne and I could never get over her. She was the measuring stick for every woman I ever met. Even you, bella. I think I fell in love with you because you reminded me the most of her. So, I put this wall up, so you wouldn't get to that place in my heart that was still devoted to Jeanne. This mission, this quest to find those doctors... it was my redemption. I learned that it was finally okay to let go—to give you that place in my heart that was devoted to her. It's you, Leah, you I am one hundred percent, absolutely in love with and not because you remind me of Jeanne—because you are an incredible woman."

Leah felt tears run hotly down her cheeks. He kissed the tears away and then hugged her to him. "I've never doubted your love, Tony. Never. I hope you don't feel like you should be apologizing to me. It's okay that you had unresolved feelings for her considering that it did not end well. What matters now is that you've lowered that wall, you've made peace, and we're here—together—there's no where I'd rather be, Tony."

He grinned at her cheekily. "Okay, well, that's good, because you're not getting rid of me. I'm here to stay."

She laughed, breathlessly. "Good. I don't want to get rid of you."

"You should sleep. Jack will be up soon," Tony pointed out, stroking her hair.

"Okay, but you'll tell me all about what happened in the morning, right?" Leah questioned as she drifted off.

Tony softly laid a kiss on her forehead. "Yes," he whispered, "I will." And for the first time in years he fell asleep not hating himself.