Bluestar padded towards the ginger apprentice. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"Well, there was m-my apprentice c-ceremony." Starpaw gulped, staring at his paws as if though they had suddenly turned into rainbow platypi. "B-but I guess that can wait."
"Pfft, that's just an apprentice ceremony. Wait until your warrior ceremony to celebrate— now that's something to look forwards to. Apprentice ceremonies are way too predictable. Jaykit? I can't imagine what his apprentice name could be; so many possibilities to choose from! Jaypaw, Jaypaw, or even Jaypaw! At least until someone tries to be special and has their apprentice name be Jaysnowflakeflowerpower. Kits these days have the most mouse-brained names…" Bluestar looked into Starpaw's hurt expression. "Not you, of course, Starpaw is a… erm, stupendous name indeed."
"Uh, thanks," Starpaw said. "I guess it's a nice name, just a little sacrilegious…" His voice trailed off. Then his eyes lit up in a curious combination of anger and confusion. "Who are you? How do you know my name? Are you going to punish me? I swear, I'm innocent! It was Crowpaw and Smokepaw who were being mean to the other Clans! I haven't done anything bad in my entire life!"
"…I'm sure you haven't, but that's not why I came here. My name is Bluestar. I ruled ThunderClan a long time ago. I came to tell you that you have a very important job."
"ARE YOU OKAY?" Nightclaw shrieked. "DID YOU HURT MY KIT, BIRCHSTAR? I'LL KILL YOU!"
"How is this my fault?" Birchstar asked, coming out of his den. "The rock is the one that tripped him!"
Crowpaw ran towards the center of the Clan, pushing aside the psychotic Nightclaw as she swiped wildly at their leader. "He's just faking it. He's just trying to get attention because he's compensating for his lack of awesomeness! Don't pay him any attention!" Oh foxdung, I should've thought of that, she cursed.
"Wake up, my beautiful spawn! I didn't give birth to you just so you could die on the day you became a fabulous apprentice while your cruel leader casts blame on the poor, innocent rock! Birchstar, I know you planned this. I know." Nightclaw glared at the brown tom with an expression she thought was pure, concentrated hate and a promise for vengeance. Instead it just looked like she had eaten too much.
Birchstar ignored the crazed queen's ramblings. "Redfeather, make sure that Starpaw's okay."
Sandpaw rushed into the scene. "Starpaw! You can't die on us, you selfish twerp! You need to save us from the Dark Forest first!"
"Look what you've done, Birchstar. We're all going to be killed by the Dark Forest just because you were jealous that Starpaw was more beautiful than you!" Nightclaw leapt at Birchstar, who quickly jumped out of the way.
"You know, I'm not quite sure what was in that mouse you ate, but I think everyone is just overreacting. There's no need to cast blame on your innocent leader," mewed Birchstar, looking around for an escape route as the black she-cat ran towards him.
"So, you see, those are the many reasons why WindClan is objectively inferior to ThunderClan."
Starpaw nodded. "Huh. I see. Very interesting. I never would've guessed that eating rabbits made your ears grow longer and floppier." He couldn't believe he had never figured that out before, as now it seemed self-explanatory to him. Not only was Bluestar a leader of ThunderClan, she was the most brilliant feline scientist of this millennium!
"But it does! Undeniable facts! I can't wait to see the look on Tallstar's face when I tell him! But anyway, that's not what I was here to tell you. I need to tell you… erm… it's on the tip of my tongue… let's see here…" There was an awkward silence as Bluestar tried desperately to remember what she needed to tell him.
"You know, my mother told me that if you can't remember it, it probably wasn't important in the first place," Starpaw chimed in helpfully.
"Oh yes. You need to save the world."
"…Well, I guess that's probably kinda important."
"I think you're probably kinda right. Yes, it was a dark and stormy night when I braved the torturous seas and endured trials of fire to receive a great prophecy from the deepest heart of StarClan. It said, A star will be born of night and defeat the woods of shadow— something along those lines. You'll have to forgive me, that was a long time ago and I had to fight the demon Tailtwitch immediately afterwards. But my point is, you have a great destiny ahead of you, and you need to train and prepare yourself for the great battle that lies ahead."
"Battle? Will I have to hurt other cats?"
"No, you're going to have a nice chat and frolic in the river! Yes, it's a battle, and you're going to have to fight to protect your Clan and all that is good from the terrors of the Dark Forest. Even if that means someone dies, it's better than the alternative."
"Uh, okay. I don't see why I was chosen to be the Chosen One, really. I mean, I guess I try hard and I'm really mature for my age— sometimes I really think I'm actually an old, wise leader who's trapped inside the body of a kit— but wouldn't StarClan want to pick someone who was stronger or smarter? I mean, this is a lot of responsibility to give to just one measly apprentice."
"Do not question the will of StarClan, young kit. Obviously you were chosen because you would turn into a fine, young leader to fight against the Dark Forest, not because you liked to doubt yourself. Now get out there and save us all!"
"Yeah!" Starpaw cried and raced away, galloping off into the sunset— at least until he realized he had no idea where he was going. "Er, how do I get out of here?"
"Oh yeah, that. I'll return you to your Clan now. I'm sure they've missed you."
"Surrender now, Birchstar! Your reign of terror is over!" Nightclaw cried. "You will never kill another innocent cat again!"
"I still don't see why you're accusing me of something I obviously didn't do. Do you have any evidence whatsoever that I tried to kill Starpaw?"
"Yes, Starpaw is dead because you were just jealous of his lustrous fur, you dirty mangy piece of foxd—"
"Look, Starpaw's breathing again. That means he's probably alive. Breathing is a sign of life," Redfeather helpfully informed the two squabbling cats while dutifully interrupting Nightclaw's cursing in order to protect little ones from learning of the terrible existence of feline cuss words.
"Liar! I don't believe you! Don't try to distract me from apprehending this vile criminal!" Nightclaw hissed.
"Is this real life?" Starpaw unsteadily got on his paws. "Are any of you real? Can you hear me?"
Immediately, Nightclaw rushed toward her darling kit. "Starpaw! You're alive! Thank StarClan you're okay! Now you can prove to the Clan that Birchstar is a treacherous murderer!"
"Er, is that what I was dreaming about? I can't remember. Everything just feels so… fuzzy. Like cats. I'm cat… or am I? How do I know? How much catness does a cat need to be considered a fully catty cat? I'm not a cat, I'm a tree with a face…"
"That's wonderful, dear, now tell Birchstar that he is evil!"
"Tell me, who tripped you, me or the rock?" Birchstar asked.
"Birchstar… I dreamt about you. Why aren't you blue anymore…? I'll take the other answer… Rock? I'm a rock? Yeah, I guess that makes sense? The rock, definitely. I rock…"
"See? I didn't do it," Birchstar mewed.
"…Well, mousedung. You may have won this battle, but one day I will reveal to the world what you really are! Do not underestimate me, the almighty Nightclaw! Remember this face, for it is the face that will bring you to justice!"
While all this commotion went on, Mudpool was still standing bewildered on the Highledge. "I…I think that may have been the strangest apprentice ceremony I've ever seen."
"Oh no," Birchstar said. "I've seen worse."
Oh hai guise. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous two chapters!
Dangit, I forgot to put an author's note on the end of the last chapter. Well, it's okay now, you can stop crying, for I have written one here! That's why this update took so long; I was working so very hard to make this author's note the very best it could be as to make up for the lack of one on the second chapter. I hope you all can forgive me.
Fun Fact: There have been three leaders in the books called "Birchstar", according to the Warriors Cats Wikia: one of RiverClan, mentioned in Firestar's Quest and Cloudstar's Journey; one of SkyClan, who started the tradition of Gatherings; and one of WindClan, who appears in Code of the Clans. So if you want your kit to be a leader one day, call him Birchkit!
And again, thank you to anyone who reviewed.