Sweetheart, I'm so glad you could make it." Viki stepped inside pulling Joey in closer to her.
"It's good to be home, Mom." Joey walked into the living room, sitting his bag by the couch and looking around at the familiar sights and sounds that always made him feel at comfortable.
"Are you hungry? Of course we can't touch the Thanksgiving meal, but there's plenty of stuff for a good sandwich in the fridge."
"No, Mom. I'm fine...really. I ate on the plane."
"The plane? Come on...come with me in the kitchen...we'll get you a proper meal."
"Mom...no...I'm okay. I don't need anything to eat. I'm actually pretty wiped and I'd like to get some sleep."
Viki narrowed her eyes, staring at him. "Is that really what this is about, sweetheart?"
"What do you mean? I've worked all day, had a long flight, and I'm beat. What else would it be?"
"Oh I don't know," she said softly. "Maybe you are trying to avoid talking about something...or someone."
Joey sighed. "That's not what this is, Mom."
"Really?" Viki walked across the living room floor, taking a seat on the sofa and softly patting the cushion next to her. "Is that why you asked who was joining us for Thanksgiving dinner?"
"I was just wondering if Natalie and Jess were going to be here. You know, they have their own families now, I figured they might have other plans. Besides, she wouldn't have dinner with us. She'd be with Dorian."
"She has a name you know, darling. Not saying it doesn't make her any less real and it certainly won't make you miss her any less."
Joey nodded, letting his head drop into his hands. "I know, Mom. I just...I need to try to forget, but I can't. I can't get her out of my head. Everything I do..Everywhere I go...I think about Kelly. Why can't I just let her go?"
Viki put her hand on his shoulder. She too had known this pain. "Maybe it's because in your heart you don't want to."
"You're gonna hurt his feelings," Kevin muttered, leaning closer to Kelly as he cut his eyes at Neville.
"What?" she said softly, removing her spoon from the mashed potatoes and looking up. She looked over at Kevin who gestured to her still full plate.
"You gonna eat or make food art?" Kevin smiled, trying to lighten the mood. Zane had left the table a few moments ago, content to return to his video game and he wasn't sure Kelly had noticed.
"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I guess I'm just not all that hungry, but it was delicious." She looked over at Neville who was beginning to clear the table. "Really Neville, a real American classic."
"Yes maam," he nodded, quickly taking her plate from in front of her and rushing from the room.
Kelly stood, pushing the chair under the table and retreating into the living room. She closed her eyes as she heard Kevin's footsteps behind her. It was inevitable—this was the conversation she dreaded.
"Why don't you just call him?" he asked quietly as he walked up behind her, stopping as she stood in front of the mantle.
Kelly cleared her throat softly, feigning innocence. "Call who?"
He gently turned her around to face him. "Come on, Kel. You and I both know what this is about…or better still…who this is about."
She turned her back to him again, trying to fight the tears that had been threatening to fall all day. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said defiantly. "Holidays are just hard sometimes. You know…it makes you think about the people that aren't here with you. My mom, Dorian, Blair, Starr. I miss my family, Kevin." She stopped for a moment, realizing how her words sounded.
Turning around she corrected herself. "You and Zane are wonderful," she said quickly. "Don't get me wrong. I love being here and I love being with the two of you, but I just miss being with everyone. I never really had that, you know? I guess it's weird to miss something you never had, huh?"
"You really expect me to believe you were in there playing with your food and thinking about the Cramers?" Kevin eyed her suspiciously.
"What else would I be thinking about?"
"Really Kelly? We're going to go down this road? After all we've been through? After all the lies we've told to each other and about each other? You don't think I can tell when you're full of it? You and I both know you miss him so why don't you just admit it and do something about it while you still have the chance."
I can move to another town
Where nobody'd ask where you are now
LA or Mexico
No matter where I go, I can't outrun you
You're in my heart, you're in my mind
Everywhere ahead, everywhere behind
Every turn I take,
You're right around the bend
Viki slid the plate across the table as she watched her son pick at the bread. "Sweetheart," she said softly, "Talk to me. I've been told I'm a pretty good listener."
Joey smiled, reaching across the table and patting her hand. "You're great, Mom. I just…I guess I just don't even know what to say anymore."
"Maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe you're worrying too much about what to say and too little about what you feel. What did you think was going to happen when you left town? Did you really think getting away from Kelly was going to get her out of your heart?"
He thought about it for a moment. In truth, he wasn't sure what he thought. He just knew he couldn't stay here…not in this town. Not in this place where every building held a memory. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "I think I was just trying to start over…in a fresh place, with new people, new places. Somewhere that I didn't see her everywhere I turned."
"And that didn't work, did it?" Viki watched him with soft, caring eyes.
"No. I tried, Mom. I really did. I threw myself into work. I would take assignment after assignment. I was hardly ever home. I worked sixty hour weeks and somehow I still found time to think about here. One of the guys I work with set me up with this girl. I went out with her a few times, but every time I found myself comparing her to Kelly….thinking of all the ways Kelly would have acted…of what Kelly would have said…what Kelly would have done. It's crazy. It's like she's with me. She's in my head."
He sighed, running his fingers through is hair as he looked up at his mother. "I sound crazy don't I?"
"No," Viki smiled. "You sound like someone in love." She reached out for his hand, squeezing it gently and looking into his eyes. "I'm going to give you some advice…you don't have to take it, but I'm going to tell you something I wish someone had told me a long time ago."
"Thanks," Kelly whispered, taking the tissue from his hand as she wiped her eyes. She sat on the sofa, staring into the dancing flames of the fireplace. "So, was I that transparent?"
"Maybe not to everyone," he said softly, "But you know you can't lie to me…especially not about Joey."
Kelly nodded. "I'm sorry. I just…I didn't want to make this any more complicated that it already is…"
Kevin laughed softly. "I think that ship sailed a long time ago, Kel." He touched her cheek softly, wiping away a stray tear with his fingertip. "Look, I know you and Joey have something. I've always known that. You and I…we…we never had that some kind of connection."
His eyes were kind and caring as she looked into them. "I've always cared about you and I don't want you to think that what we have doesn't mean anything to me…or that you and Zane aren't enough…it's just that…" She stopped, shaking her head as she tried to sort through her jumbled thoughts. How did she explain something to him that she wasn't sure she understood herself.
"It's okay. I get it. I do. You love him. You always have…and he's always loved you. No matter what you do, no matter where you go…that will never change."
She felt more tears welling up in her eyes. His words resonated within her. It was true. She did love Joey and as much as she'd tried to get away from him, to run from the memories and the feelings and the places, the love was still there.
It's like your ghost is chasing me
When I'm awake, when I'm asleep
There's a part of you in every part of me
And I can't outrun you
I can't outrun you
I had a chance with a boy or two
But all I ever saw was you
You're holding my hand, kissing my face
I guess some memories never fade
You're in my heart, you're in my mind
Everywhere ahead, everywhere behind
Every turn I take,
You're right around the bend
It's like your ghost is chasing me
When I'm awake, when I'm asleep
There's a part of you in every part of me
And I can't outrun you
I can't outrun you
"Hey." Kevin's eyes widened as he saw Kelly walk into the dining room. His eyes darted back towards the kitchen. "Kelly," he said loudly, "I didn't expect you up so early this morning."
Kelly looked at him, confused. "Why?"
"I just…I heard you walking the floors last night. I figured you must have been awake most of the night."
"Oh yeah,Sorry," she sighed, taking a seat across from him at the table and reaching for the coffee carafe. "Yeah, it was kind of a rough night. I just couldn't get my brain to turn off, you know?"
Kevin glanced behind him, shuffling nervously. "Yeah, tell me about it. Uh, you want something to eat. I can go in the kitchen and get some breakfast."
"You?" she laughed. "You're gonna cook breakfast? Where's Neville?"
"Uh, he's…he's out…getting groceries, but I can make something. Just tell me what you want..eggs, toast, waffles…anything you want." Kevin stepped backwards towards the French doors.
"Kev," a voice called out, "Don't tell me you've actually switched to tea. Where's the coffee in this place?"
Joey stepped out in the dining room, his voice trailing off as he saw Kelly sitting at the table. His eyes shot over to Kevin. "You said she was still asleep," he hissed.
"I thought she was," Kevin muttered. "She just came down. What was I supposed to do?"
"You could have let me know before I came busting in here," Joey continued.
"Joey." Her voice was shaky and frankly she was surprised she got the word out at all. She stood and took a few steps across the floor until she was standing in front of him, her hands shaking as she stared into his eyes.
"I'm gonna give you two a minute," Kevin said quickly, slipping out of the room.
"Hey, Kel," he said quietly. "I uh…I didn't mean to surprise you like this. I was gonna call, but then I didn't know what to say and I was talking to Kevin and he said you would probably sleep in today and.."
She raised her hand to stop him. "It's okay," she said softly. "It's…It's good to see you." She closed her eyes, cursing herself for saying something so…impersonal. This wasn't an old college roommate—this was the man that held her heart in his hands.
"I mean," she took a deep breath before trying again. "I mean, I've missed seeing you. It's really good to see you again."
Joey smiled. In the time he'd been away from her, he'd thought of a million different things that he missed about her, but now, as she stood in front of him, he could think of a million more that he hadn't even considered. It was the way she said his name, the way her lips curled up on the side when she smiled, the way her hair tangled into eyelashes as they fluttered close.
"It's good to see you too," he said softly. "It's been too long. I…I've missed you. I've really missed you."
She stood still for a moment, considering the next response. Was he going to say more? Did he want her to? What if she said something more and he didn't respond? Could she handle that? And if she said nothing, and he walked away again…what about that? Could she live with losing him again?
He watched her eyes as she stood in front of him. He could always tell when she was thinking. The green orbs seemed to dance in front of him, as if they were being pulled in a million different directions. In his own mind, he could hear his mother's voice as she gently whispered to him, 'Life is to be lived, Joey and if you find someone you love to live it with, don't lose them…no matter what."
"I love you." The words came out simultaneously, and the both stared at each other in amazement.
"What did you say?" Kelly asked, her eyes already shiny with tears.
Joey smiled at her. "I'm pretty sure, I said exactly what you said," he whispered, reaching out for her hand and stepping closer to her. "I love you Kelly Cramer. I always have. I've tried moving away, I've tried moving on, I've tried a million different things, but you're a part of me…and I can't lose you without losing a part of myself."
She felt his hand on her face as his soft fingertips softly brushed away the tears. "I…I don't know what to say," she managed, a smile spreading across her lips. "I never imagined you would be here…saying this to me. Just last night I was sitting at this table thinking about you and about how empty my life felt without you and now…now you're here."
"This is where I belong," he said quietly, his hands wrapping around hers.
"But what about your job? What about New York? I can't expect you just to give up everything and come here." She blinked quickly, trying to be rational. As much as she wanted to throw herself into this life…this fairy tale existence, she couldn't be completely selfish. Joey had a life too and she had to respect that.
He smiled, those blue eyes she'd loved for years instantly warming her heart. "Don't you get it," he said softly. "You're my life. And you're home. As long as we're together, we can be anywhere and I'll be happy. We can live here in London. We can move back to Llanview. We can build a hut in Zimbabwe. We can buy and RV and live on the road. It doesn't matter. I just need you."
Kelly smiled softly as his arms pulled her in towards his chest. "This," she whispered, "This feels like home."