A/N: Glitter in the Air by Pink would be great to listen to while reading. Thanks to all of you who continually review, and everyone who reads this you guys are awesome, hope it doesn't disappoint!
Hermione burrowed herself beneath the warm covers of her tiny bed. She clung to the open book that Draco had so selflessly given her. She hid herself underneath the blankets feeling as helpless as a little child. She let her tears flow, the droplets made a small thud as they hit the worn pages of the fairytale. They served as a cold reminder of how her life had a very slim chance of ever ending up happily ever after.
How could she have let things get so complicated, as if she didn't have enough things to worry about in her life? She was completely exhausted, both mentally and physically. She wasn't this girl, crying over a guy. But here she was doing exactly what she thought she would never do.
She had now done a lot of things she thought she would never do. But she didn't regret them, she kicked herself mentally a thousand times, but she couldn't bring herself to regret them. She had felt alive, out of control, wanted, and that was all his doing. But everything between them was left completely up in the air. She had no idea what was going on in his head. She doubted he had any answers.
They were stuck in the same position just on opposite ends. It was quite odd really, she was being pulled from her feelings for him by her loyalties, and she was sure he felt the same way. She knew his situation would be worse than hers though, no one on her side would be happy of course, but he would most likely be killed if he was with her. Not to mention what might happen to was a pureblood son of a death eater, and she was a mud blood ally to Harry Potter.
If he was to get hurt over being with her, she could never forgive herself.
It was close to sunrise, and somehow she knew the light of day would cast a horrible shadow upon her already descending feelings. She tried to think about how things would be if there was no war. If she and Draco were just two teenagers caught up in emotions, but she always hit a wall.
Somewhere deep down she knew she shouldn't even bother trying to think things out. She knew she was fighting a losing battle with herself. But something in her clung desperately to the hope that something could fix this, fix them, something that would allow them to be with each other, without an endless amount of complications and obstacles.
Her eye lids were heavy with exhaustion and emotions. She knew it couldn't work, but she didn't know if she was strong enough to even see him again knowing she would never have him ever again.
Back in the room where they had made love Draco sat at the edge of the bed, head in his hands. His pain had now been eased to a slight stinging compared to before. He likened it to slitting one's skin open and pouring salt into the bleeding fresh wound, still it was an improvement. The pain he felt in the pit of his stomach was much worse.
He had gotten himself into a real mess, what was worse is that he had now drug Hermione into his shit hole of a life. There was no way she would just let things go, she certainly wasn't that type, and as much as he wanted to protect her, he didn't just want her to let it go, to let him go.
He rolled his sleeve up revealing the heinous thing he was branded with. He looked down upon it with pure disdain, if it hadn't caused him such pain he wouldn't have had to freak her like that. But he wished it was the only source of his problems. He had created this one all on his own.
He never should have went after her, he felt irrevocably guilty. He should've been stronger and stuck to his plan to protect her by keeping her as far away from him as possible. But seeing her standing in the rain, hearing her tell him to kiss her, he just couldn't stop himself. And there was part of him that was so grateful he wasn't strong enough to walk away and let her think he was just as much of a git as she'd always thought. He knew he wouldn't trade this night for anything in the world, even with the pain.
She broke through his iron clad walls, and it felt so refreshing to be able to talk to someone, really talk to them. When he was with her he felt so incredibly sturdy yet entirely exposed and breakable. It was exhilarating. He felt whole when she was in his arms, broken when he saw her leave, worry tarnishing her beautiful features. And he had put that worry there.
She was too good for him in his mind. He was a monster, a killer in the making. He had no choice; he couldn't go against such strong forces. He knew she knew this too, which is what was killing him the most. She had to be racking her brain for a solution to all of their many problems, and she would come up empty, because there was no solution. He was a broken man, unfixable in every way. She was too whole, and much too good for him.
Part of him knew it was probably for the best that they not attempt to work this out. He needed her to be safe, being with him was most definitely not safe. He was Draco Malfoy, death eater, soon to be murder. And she would never again look at him the way she did tonight.
He was a monster, a beast. She was pure, Gryffindor's princess just like he always teased her, and he was no prince.
Hermione slowly got herself out of bed and dressed herself. The light from the sun barley peeked from the horizon as she looked out of her window. She pulled her unruly curls into a low messy bun; a few curls fell to frame her face. She could still smell his cologne on her skin; she took a moment to breathe it in trying to feel him on her again. She knew she would never smell so good ever again. She grabbed the book and made her way to see him.
Draco knew what he had to do. It would be the hardest thing he's ever had to do…well second hardest. It was what was best for her. He just kept repeating that line over and over again to himself. He buttoned up his shirt, and smoothed blonde hair down. He heard footsteps coming towards the room. He mentally built up his walls, his steel eyes growing colder with each mental brick, hoping that at least some wouldn't crumble into dust upon seeing her.
Her knuckles turned white around the spine of the book. She felt like she was walking in the ocean against the current as she made her way towards where she knew he would still be; she couldn't explain it. It wasn't logical she just knew where he'd be. She walked on towards the room where she had been happier than she ever was. The door appeared and she walked through, her heart beat rivaling that of a humming bird.
Deep brown met steal blue.
He stood there for a moment looking her over, she obviously hadn't slept either, and exhaustion couldn't touch her beauty though. Her pretty eyes however were puffy; he knew she would have been thinking things over.
She looked him up and down; he stood in front of her in boxers and his white button up sleeved shirt. He hadn't slept either but he was still the most handsome man she'd ever seen. She walked over to him her grip on the book becoming harder with each timid step.
"You're arm?" She questioned motioning toward it with one hand.
"I'm fine love. Don't worry yourself over me." He said his heart not completely behind his words. He feared that was evident.
"Good." She said plainly.
"Questions?" He asked her.
Her eyes fluttered away from his.
"I don't think I should." She said under a false calmness. She held the book out in front of her with both hands as she moved close to him. "Here." She said as she poked him in the chest with it.
"I gave that to you." He said pretending as if he didn't understand this gesture.
"I can't have this…and I can't have you." She said looking him in the eyes, her own welling up, but she wouldn't let herself cry.
There it was. She was strong enough to do something he was trying to work up his strength to do. He took the book from her hands and tossed it aside. It landed with a great thud that didn't seem to faze either one of them.
She turned on her heel to walk away from him, afraid she couldn't keep her composure. He grabbed her by the wrist and turned her into him. Her face hitting his strong chest as she weakly put her arms around his waist. He bowed his head and breathed in her scent of white roses. He kissed her hair.
"I am so sorry." He whispered.
"You didn't do anything." She said simply.
"I shouldn't have let last night happened." He said.
"I'm glad you did." She said her words muffled by his shirt. "I wouldn't want to hate you, because I don't. Quite the opposite I-" She was cut off by him.
"No, no please don't say it. If I hear that then I will make some very bad decisions, ok decisions that will only end up getting you hurt and I can't live with myself if that happens. I can't. Look at me ok, I'm not good enough for you ok, I'm a bad guy, and you don't want me. Just trust me, don't ask questions just trust me. It is dangerous for you to be anywhere near me right now." He took her face in his hands and held her head up, as he finished he brushed a stray curl from her eyes.
She stepped back holding onto his wrists.
"I'll trust you. But I mean maybe I can help you I mean whatever is going on I'm sure I've dealt with worse I mean have you seen who my best friend is?" She had her mind made up until she saw him, and then everything went fuzzy.
"No Hermione you can't help me." He said sternly, he had to be strong; it was for her safety even if it was killing him. He stepped back and broke free from her hands. "You need to stay away from me, go back to insulting me in the halls, go back to the way it was before I started all of this, it's what is best for you." He saw the tears slowly begin to roll from her eyes, as she quickly whipped them away. He felt as if his insides were slowly being tarred out.
She hated the idea of them going back to the way they were. She could see in his eyes that he was desperately trying to keep her out, keep something away from her.
"That's what you want?" She asked shakily.
He knew what he wanted to say would only end up hurting her. He wanted to say no you crazy woman it's the complete opposite of what I want. What I want is you, every part of you forever. He wanted a life with her. But he knew that if he said anything else other than what he was about to say she might be put in harm's way.
"Yes. That's what I want." He said coldly.
Goodbye love. He thought silently.
She couldn't stand it any longer. "Fine." She said as she ran out of the room.
TBC review please!