Daryl gives Rick unwelcome news and things go seriously south...

Warning: Character death paralleling the TWD Comic.

While I Was Away

While I was away a part of me remained
and it never had a say in the judgment that you made.
I hope I will learn, but if not too bad;
focus on myself for the time I have.
I hope we'll outgrow our dispute one day.
All my words are spent, nothing left to say.

We have failed, my brethren.
Can we be condoned?
Tell me all is lost and I will leave you alone.
-The Kyteman Orchestra

"I need you with us on this, Daryl!" Rick said adamantly. "You made a commitment to go on this run."

Their argument was starting to draw attention, which is not what Daryl had intended. After Carol was safely home and in bed he'd gone looking for Rick and found him on the street, returning from gathering supplies for tomorrow's run, about half way between Aaron and Eric's house and their own.

"That was before that crazy girl tried to kill Carol and my kid—I ain't leavin' her here alone now." Daryl said defensively. If Rick thought some mission was more important than his family he had another thing coming.

"You think I want to go out there and leave Carl and Judith?" Rick asked in a low forceful voice, "I go out when I'm needed because I know they're not alone. There are people in here that will protect them—people who would die to keep them safe. You're saying you don't trust the rest of us to do that for you?"

"Just like you didn't trust Carol alone with your kids?" Daryl shot back, "Ain't that why you told her she couldn't come back to the Prison? Why you kicked her out without waitin' on the rest of us?"

Rick looked stunned—he'd thought this was a dead issue—that they'd all gotten past it in the months since, with everything else that had happened. He couldn't believe that Daryl would bring it up now and use it to defend his insubordination...

"That's over and done, Daryl." Rick said tightly.

"Is it? Seems to me like it's always there in the back of your mind" Daryl said, gesturing to his head for emphasis,"Some rapin' murdering assholes bite it and she's the first person you go after." Daryl shot back.

"Back it the prison she told me she'd do anything to keep us safe...and she did. You know what she did." Rick said, "I was doing what I had to do to protect the group."

"And I'm doin' what I have to; protecting what's mine." Daryl said, turning on his heel and starting to leave.

"Don't walk away from me." Rick growled out harshly, lunging forward and grabbing at Daryl's arm to stop him.

"Get off me!" Daryl twisted away from him until they were facing each other again. The look of dark anger on his face would've made most people back off, but Rick persisted.

"If people break their word this place starts falling apart!" Rick argued, getting in his face.

"She almost died!" Daryl yelled. "If I hadn't been there today she could have—if somethin' happened to her while I was away—I ain't losin' her! Not again!" and then he shoved Rick back hard, with both hands against his chest.

Rick stumbled back but came up fast, barreling into Daryl and the two men grappled until Maggie and Glenn came running up, pushing their way through the crowd that had gathered.

"Daryl—Rick—you need to stop this." Glenn said, grabbing Daryl's arm, grasping his bicep firmly with both hands and hauling him back. Maggie jumped in front of Rick to keep him from going after Daryl again.

"Rick—enough!" Maggie said firmly.

"He's backing out on the run! He can't do that!" Rick said, his steely eyes furious.

"Rick, he almost lost Carol and the baby today—you can understand how that makes him feel." Maggie reasoned.

"We've all lost people—you can't just quit—"Rick replied, shaking his head.

"You mean like you did when you lost Lori?" Daryl snarked, "We picked up your slack then, brother," he gestured at Maggie, "or doesn't your memory go back that far?"

"It's what we do." Michonne said, appearing behind them and also moving to stand between Rick and Daryl. "That's what you said."

Rick stared at her, knowing she was right, remembering Daryl using those very words to acknowledge the thanks he'd tried to give him for saving Judith.

"We can't go on the run a man short." Rick said, still seeing red, but realizing his higher moral authority was crumbling.

"I'll go." Glenn said quickly.

"No—you've gone on more than your share of runs." Rick said.

Glenn had been doing them from the beginning, from the first time in the quarry when Rick had enlisted him to go on the rescue mission back to Atlanta for Merle.

"You don't gotta do that, man." Daryl said to Glenn, torn now, knowing Rick was right about one thing; his friend had done too many of the dangerous trips outside the walls.

"No—it's all good—you need to stay here with Carol." Glenn said, giving Daryl a crooked smile, "What's one more run?"

"You need to wake up." Daryl whispered, brushing back a few errant strands of her silvered hair and placing a kiss on Carol's forehead as he leaned over her.

She was sleeping on her side, the most comfortable position, and he let his gaze wander over the rounded curves of her body, still somewhat awed even at six months to realize that she was carrying their child. A wave of protectiveness and love washed over him, warring with the guilt he'd felt at letting Glenn take his place on the run.

He watched her cheek curve into a smile, but her eyes stayed closed. Daryl's mouth moved to her temple for another light kiss.

"Brought you some soup." he whispered and kissed the corner of her mouth.

Carol turned her head and reached her hands out from under the covers to hold his chin in place above her, kissing him softly full on the lips; a kiss lush and full of need. She felt his hesitation at the unspoken request and started to pull back, but then his weight joined her on the bed, his body curving around hers.

Impatiently, he tugged at the blankets between them, pulling them over top of them both and snuggling in, holding her close and continuing to kiss her.

She'd scared him today. It was supposed to be safer, in here, inside the walls, but when had that ever really been true? Lori had died inside what they'd thought were safe walls, Andrea too. Beth had been surrounded by her family, already rescued, two feet away from him. His momma had been asleep in her bed... No matter how tightly he held on he couldn't keep them safe... Stay safe...

He loved Carol. The vulnerability that he had tried to avoid showing his whole life, the hard shell he'd created around him with his off putting glower and rough ways, it all just fell away with her. He could be who he really was with her.

After the prison, when he thought he'd lost everything, Beth had ripped that shell from him at the Still house with her ignorance of the horrors he'd faced at his father's hand. Daryl had felt exposed, lost, and needy—willing to do whatever it took to see the world as she did, with childlike innocence, something that had been stolen from him at a young age.

Rick had seen that need in him as well—to belong, to be called brother—and played on it to keep him close, his strong right hand. Aaron had understood better than Rick why Daryl was the way he was, their bond different but almost as strong after the ordeal they'd faced while held by the Wolves.

What had kept him alive during that captivity had not been the hard shell. They had smashed and pried that open by force and brutality, exposing every part of him, trying their best to destroy not just his body but his mind and his soul.

The essence of him, the little boy crying alone in the dark, was the man who loved the only person who could comfort him, who made him feel whole. It was the very thing that he'd always though made him vulnerable that had kept him alive, his love for the woman he held in his arms and hers in return.

Daryl was still fucked up about sex. He knew that. He couldn't just shove it all back in a box inside his head and ignore it again like he'd done most of his life. The night before, when she'd let him lead, let him have what he needed from her with no regard for her own release, helping him find his, that selflessness she showed him made him ache to make her happy...maybe... maybe if it was all about her... maybe that wouldn't trigger those memories.

He loved her body, all its sleek softness, the press of her belly against him when she held him in the night or the gentle curve of her ass pressed against him as he spooned her from behind. It was different, feminine, and delicate, nothing like the cruel grasping fisted force hard ones of the Wolves. He knew she would never hurt him; he didn't need to flinch from her any more.

Daryl continued to kiss her, knowing how much she liked it, running his hands up and down her back. He lifted her sleep shirt, her skin at the small of her back under the faded flannel warm and silky against his fingers. She startled a little, breaking the kiss, but he kept up the caressing touch, just above the elastic of her panties.

"Daryl?" she breathed.

"Shhh..." he soothed, rubbing his nose against her cheek. "Let me?"

"Whatever you need, you know that." she said softly.

"Need to touch you." he said, "That okay?"

Carol sighed, murmuring her assent.

Daryl kissed her again then, more ardently as his hands skimmed up to her sides, lifting the shirt higher. They traded long slow deep kisses, tongues slipping along each others, exploring with more passion than he'd shown her in what felt like forever.

Carol moaned and then ripped her mouth from his, breathing heavily.

"Can I touch you too?" she asked, looking up at him with wide eyes, pupils dark and large, and her voice shaky.

Daryl realized she'd kept her hands carefully stilled, resting lightly on his shoulders, ignoring her natural impulses to return the caresses he'd been starting to give her.

"Naw—just me." he said in a gravel laced whisper. He needed this to be all about her.

She stared at him and he saw her fight with her frustration, dampening it down to give him what he needed. She nodded, agreeing with his rules and shifted onto her back then, putting her hands above her head in a posture of total surrender.

Daryl leaned over her, finding the small carved horn buttons of the plaid shirt and undoing them, one at a time until he had the shirt open and pulled to the sides, showing the changes in her body that the child within had brought. Fuller at the breast, blue veins visible under the milky white skin, her nipples were a duskier rose, tightening as he watched. The swell of her abdomen was volleyball size now, appearing larger in comparison to her slenderness elsewhere. A triangle of white cotton covered her sex, the waist band curved under her belly.

With no preamble he bent to her, his whiskered chin across her collar bone and then kissed her neck. Her skin tasted fruity—mango maybe? Whatever shower gel they'd scavenged most recently; she liked the fruit ones. Coconut-lime, strawberry, peach—he'd liked the peach a lot. She always came to bed clean and sweet smelling here in Alexandria, one of the luxuries of the place. Since he'd started spending his nights in her bed he'd made it his habit to wash up too—only seemed fair. Her threat to hose him down in his sleep when they'd first arrived was now a joke between them.

Carol arched her back a little, loving the feel of his mouth on her, encouraging him to continue with her soft whimpers. In response he cupped her breasts with his hands, brushing the stiff peaks with his thumbs even as he trailed wet kisses back across her collarbone to the other side of her neck.

She was different; this was different than anything that had been done to him while a captive. He was in control; he was doing what he wanted to do, giving and taking what he wanted.

"You tender here?" Daryl asked, and then placed a barely there kiss on the top of her right breast. He knew sometimes when she'd been at certain points in her cycle it was painful for her to have too much nipple play, but at others it was something she really got off on. He wasn't sure how the pregnancy would affect them.

"What you want to do to them? Tell me." Carol countered, pushing him to verbalize his desire.

"Kiss 'em...lick 'em...squeeze 'em...'n suck 'em hard till you come." Daryl said hoarsely, resting the side of his face against her chest, rubbing his whiskers over the sensitive tips and pale taut fullness of them. He'd made her come just that way before and they both knew it.

"Not too tender." Carol said quietly and then he could hear the smile in her voice as she added, "Not too tender anywhere you might feel like doing all of that..."

"Keep that in mind." Daryl said, grinning, and then he turned his face so he could use his strong velvet tongue on the skin, both pale and then pebbled rose, and sucked the tight tip into his mouth. He tightened down on it, swirling his tongue around it, his throat working as he suckled. She bucked against him a bit, the pleasure sharp, and he moved his left hand to her hip to hold her steady. As he continued his onslaught at her tits, he felt her hips begin to stir, moving in a rhythm as old as time.

Feeling emboldened by her response, Daryl slowly slid his fingers around the waist of her panties, from her hip to the cotton triangle in front and over it. He felt the heat and dampness underneath when he traced the centerline down between her legs with his middle finger over the cloth.

"Please..." Carol moaned and whimpered in frustration, afraid to push him beyond his comfort zone.

Daryl pushed her panties to the side and slid his finger in to find her wetness, closing his teeth in a light nip over her left nipple and pinching the right, while he slowly circled her swollen clit.

"Oh God!" Carol cried out, edging close to orgasm, forgetting herself, her hands flying down to hold his head to her breast, her fingers tangling in his hair as he licked and sucked there, driving her crazy.

"Wanna go down on you now—okay?" Daryl asked, still peppering her breasts with wet whiskered scratchy kisses.

"Kay..." Carol panted, gripping his hair more tightly.

"But you gotta put your hands back up." Daryl told her, shuddering and against his will flashing unbidden on the memories of rough hands shoving his head down, holding it there, others wrapping around his neck, choking him until he opened his mouth for a dick to be shoved in, jaws throbbing in pain, gagging on the sour bitter...

He froze, the room spinning, confused and suddenly afraid—where was he? What was he doing? He sat up, dazed and embarrassed that he was hard. He felt the slickness on his fingers and raised his hand to his face, smelling and tasting—sweet not bitter—and there was no pain, not in his face or anywhere in his body. There was no familiar stench of sweat and blood and spunk. He looked down and saw that he was clean, on a bed with sheets and blankets and-

"Daryl?" Carol said gently, sitting up next to him but not touching him. His eyes were out of focus and he looked like a rabbit about to bolt from a hawk.

Daryl turned to the voice. Carol? Was he dreaming again? He did that, when they strung him up and made him fuck someone. He tried not to think of her while he did it, didn't want to sully her memory, but it was better than what they did to him to get him hard and to stay that way...

"Are you real?" Daryl asked, sounding scared and lost.

"I'm real. You're home Daryl, you're home and you're safe now." Carol said, trying not to cry. He had been doing so much better. She'd fooled herself into thinking this was all behind them.

"You're real?"Daryl asked her again and she nodded yes. "Am I?" he asked her plaintively.

"Yes, sweetheart, you're real." Carol smiled brokenly at him.

"You're pregnant." he said, marveling as he looked down at her, the shirt gaping open to show her belly. "Can I touch it?"

"Of course—it's your baby too." Carol reminded him.

"I did that—it's real—we made a baby." Daryl held out his hand, curving it to the shape of her bare abdomen and laid it on her there.

"Yes Pookie" Carol said as lightly as she could manage, knowing she needed to send someone for Claire. He'd never had such a bad dissociative episode before, at least not when she'd been with him.

Daryl leaned close, smiling, and kissed her belly. Then he curled up on the bed, his head on her lap, facing in so he could put his arms around her and the baby.

"If I'm dreamin' I don't wanna wake up." Daryl said sleepily, nestling in tight.

Carol let him hold her while he fell asleep, wondering if things would ever return to something close to normal.

"He called himself Negan." Morgan said, the desperate sadness underlying his tone painful to hear. "Said we were trespassing on his territory so we owed him a tariff. Said he needed to make sure we understood what the consequences would be if we didn't take him seriously."

The sounds of Maggie's grief cut through them all. When they'd returned a day ahead of schedule without having called in first everyone knew that something wasn't right. The shrouded body encased in a white sheet darkened over the head to brown with dried blood that they'd lifted from the back of the truck told the tale.

A quick head count showed those at the gate that the casualty had been Glenn. Michonne, dry-eyed and grim, had gone to get Maggie. If her reaction to Daryl bringing Beth's body to her after Grady had been heart breaking, this one tore everyone apart; it gutted them. Glenn was the best of them.

Tara was with her now, in the Infirmary behind them, as were Erin and Claire.

"What the fuck happened?" Abraham demanded.

"It was horrible—they ran us off the road—boxed us in." the clerk, Jessica, who had been from Bethesda, told them.

"Forced us out of the truck—we were surrounded by over twenty men with heavy weapons...they took ours and our comms away and bound us, made us get down on our knees and wait for the leader." Morgan continued the thread of the story.

"He was like Blake only worse." Michonne said flatly. "Sounded jovial, friendly as he walked up and down the line deciding which of us he was going to kill."

"He'd named the fucking thing...called it Lucille." Aaron said quietly, "Baseball bat wrapped with barbed wire."

"That's what he used? On Glenn?" Eugene said, aghast. He recalled that Glenn had used a bat as a weapon in their escape from Terminus.

"Oh my God." Rosita said, sickened, holding her hand over her mouth.

"The sound...that sick hollow sound it made..."Jessica blurted, losing it, crying and then bending over and dry heaving before falling to the ground.

Aaron crouched to help her, supporting her as she wept.

"Where's Rick?" Michonne asked. There was more to this than just Glenn's death, horrible as that was. They needed to figure out their next moves in relation to the new threat posed by this man Negan.

"He's down at the gardens with Carl and the kids—starting the early spring planting." Abe said, "Someone should head over there."

"Me." Michonne said, giving him a quick nod and setting off at a jog.

"And Daryl? Carol?" Aaron asked, imagining the grief they would feel with having known Glenn since the Turn. They were his family.

"Erin put her on bed rest and Daryl's... not feeling very well either. They're at home."Rosita said, unable to share the confidential information she knew about the Archer's PTSD episode last night. Carol had brought him into the Clinic this morning to have both Erin and Claire check him over.

"I'll go." Aaron said, rising, bringing Jessica up with him. "Can you get Jessica home?"

"Of course." Rosita said, taking his place and putting her arm around the other woman and leading her away in the opposite direction.

"Sounds like we are close to drownin' in another ocean of deep shit..." Abraham intoned, spitting onto the street. "Why can't these crazy mother fuckers just leave us the hell alone?"

"We have shit. The motherfuckers want said shit. We kill them or they kill us over said shit." Eugene said flatly. "That's the way it's always been." He rubbed at his tear reddened eyes in his hound dog sad face. "Glenn was my friend. I need to go see Tara." and then he turned and headed inside the Infirmary.

"I say we kill them." Abraham growled, glaring at Morgan who just shook his head in sorrow.

I know, it took a dark turn, sorry! Sometimes I just have to follow where my Muse is leading & she can be a real bitch. The Daryl/Rick conflict is one I think is building on the show as well. Whether or not it will have anything to do with Carol remains to be seen.

I adore Glenn & hope that in the show he avoids his comics' fate. When I got that issue I hadn't been spoiled & I just sat there in shock & then cried my eyes out. Kirktroll is the devil.

Thanks for sticking with this one. We have a ways to go yet. Lots of ripples fan out from this chapter.