Sonny slowly walked through the party crowd in the living room, away from Will, repressing the urge to look back at him. He made his way out the front door in an attempt to avoid the karaoke and get some air to clear his head. The party had spilled out front, too, across the yard, into the street, and people were fetching various drinks out of car trunks. Sonny just sat on the front stoop, shaking his head to himself.

Will was not looking for a one night stand, Sonny mused, internally shrugging. Well, or, a one-night anything. He had totally mis-judged that, whoops. Here had been a guy looking for…what? Is Will the kind of guy who only does relationships? Only something meaningful? Really?

"Shoot, he was hot," muttered Sonny, aloud even, because just thinking of his beautiful face, made him want to burst. Talking to him had been easy, too. The flirting had been so fun and natural. His superstitious confessions had been adorable; his bread-guy impression made Sonny chuckle, even now, as he replayed it in his mind.

The whole thing had felt relaxed, like they had been friends for a long time. It felt like they could have been friends for a long time still to come.

Or like they could have (should have) been more.

Six months, Sonny reminded himself. A couple more months, boyfriend-free. Sonny reminded himself of his sound and wise plan to recuperate and make sure he never became that person again. That person who got his heart smashed to bits and pieces and became a giant puddle of a human being.

His Ex had really done a good job fucking him up, huh? Todd, thought Sonny. I can say his name. Can't I?

Sonny was glad to mostly be getting back to who he was before Todd.

Before, Sonny liked to think of himself as confident, self-assured. He was someone who looked for the bright side of things, someone who knew himself and what he wanted. And before, as an underclassman, Sonny once stopped dating a guy who was rude to a waitress; Sonny once called it quits because a guy implied in a joke he had been settling by being with Sonny. He didn't have time to put up with un-kind boyfriends. He could tell them why he was no longer interested and never second guess himself.

The one guy, before, who had broken up with him, heck, they were still friendly. He had met someone else that he felt he had to pursue, and Sonny, had got that. Those things happened. Sonny wished good things for him.

But then Todd. And that awful breakup.

"I don't understand," Sonny had said. "You can't want to break up. Why aren't you happy? I thought we were happy." Sonny had been…begging. There was no other word for it. "Let me….we can talk about it. Tell me what I can do? I can…" He hadn't finished that sentence. He wondered now, was he going to say, change? It hurt like hell to think of himself so pitiful.

Todd was confused about his own feelings; things that were going on in his life he said. "I'm just figuring things out, for the future." Todd said.

"Can I be part of your future?"

Then he had kissed Sonny, hard, possessive and Sonny melted in his arms. Yes, own me. I am yours, thought Sonny, clinging desperately to him, trying to keep up.

Did he want Sonny to get down on his hands and knees and beg to be loved? That certainly would have been a fair assessment of what he wanted, pushing Sonny down to the ground onto his knees, while he stood, unzipping his pants. He had pushed at Sonny, murmured the commands, held his head in place. Sonny knew what Todd wanted, complied, willingly. Desperately. Yes, let me love you. You want me. You need me. You'll keep me.

He broke up with Sonny, for real, twenty-five minutes later.

"I don't understand…we just…but I…" Sonny would never understand. He had questions he would never get the answer to. Had Todd just stopped loving him? Had Todd ever loved him? What parts had been real; what parts in the whole year had meant anything to Todd?

He can still remember heaving in Todd's yard as he left, cursing who he had become. This wasn't him, falling apart like this. This wasn't how he ever was, or wanted to be again. That night he had already been forming a plan to remain boyfriend-less for the coming months.

And meanwhile?

Meanwhile, he might find someone who wanted a strings-free good time. Someone like him, just looking for a distraction.

Let's be the most honest, thought Sonny, slamming the beer. He was going to be the one to take control and make a sex act have no meaning, this time on purpose instead of accidental. Sonny was sick of being the victim in that story, that's for sure. He was going to find a good time, with a person who wanted the same thing, and no one would need to get hurt.

Afterwards, well, maybe…maybe he could do a relationship again?

He looked up at some people, forcing a smile, and waving at some party-goers who he knew from Econ class. A petite curly haired girl jumped to attention, and her bright, surprised smile flashed at him.

Oh, it was Cathy. She instantly grabbed the hand of a slim, dark haired guy from the circle of people and the two began walking over.

"Sonny! You have to meet Tony. Tony, this is Sonny who I told you all about!"

###

"Just how drunk are you, Gabi?"

She was drinking straight from the Boone's Farm wine bottle and smiling pleasantly at him with half-closed eyes. She looked comfortable in what should have been an uncomfortable position on a bean bag chair in the living room. Will settled for sitting cross-legged on the floor next to her.

"I see you got a hook up, as well," she smiled, yawning wide. She took the bottle and raised it in a "cheers" motion to him. Will made a similar gesture with his beer. If the words, "hook-up" caused him to flinch, Gabi wouldn't notice.

"Party is dying down some, that's good," she said. "It was too crowded before."

"I know, I couldn't even move at one point."

"Dan's sister brought us a bunch of wine coolers and Boone's Farm, so that was sweet."

"Who is Dan?"

"Sierra's boyfriend. Geez, Will. They're coming back, they went to go get some more from Dan's car. Where'd you get your beer from?" She took another big swig of the Strawberry Hill.

"This guy," Will said with a shrug.

Gabi smiled at him. She's pretty drunk thought, Will. Gabi decided that she wanted to tell him about their Calculus teacher's twitter posts from last week and how hilarious they were, but Gabi was too drunk to remember what they had said. Somehow the new menu items at the Brady Pub came up and Gabi went on a bit about some of their regular customers. It stopped making sense, but she seemed to like to hear herself talk.

Will couldn't concentrate on a word of it. If he went back to the laundry room, would Sonny be there? Well, then Will would say, "You were waiting here for me?" And Sonny would say, "How could I not?" and Will knew he always wanted someone who could wait for him. Then? Then, thought Will.

"Hey, Will."

"Hey, Gabi."

"You look sad. Are you sad?"

"I'm okay, Gabs. I'm fine. Are you good?"

"I'm great!"

Will laughed, and nodded. He clearly needed to catch up, then. He drank from his beer, but nearly choked when Gabi asked pointedly. "Hey, Will, how come you and I never dated?"

Slowly, he tried to answer her. "Gabi. Gabi. You and I are good friends. We're buds. Okay?"

"That's right," she smiled. "We are. But Will." And now she leaned at him, though she couldn't get too far , as she was pretty stuck in the beanbag chair. "You know I would love you no matter what, right? You know, no matter what you tell me or who you are or whatever, that's okay, right?"

"Of course," Will said in a small voice. "I…uh, you, Gabi. I feel the same about you."

"But it's not like I'm gay, Will. I'm just saying. If you are, I mean, I think, if you want to tell me, then I think I would just say, I know. You know? And it's all good. Because I already know, and we're good. I'm good. I know."

And, Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Gabi when she is drunk. For crying out loud. Will couldn't respond. He chugged his beer, trying to process. He drank the bottle dry and stared at her helplessly.

How much would she remember in the morning?

"Gabi. Um, if I was gay, I'm glad you'd be okay with it. Because…because I would need someone to be. But-"

"Everyone would be okay with it Willsie, we love you. And we know. I know. I already know." Gabi whispered one more time, "I know."

"Yes, thank you, I caught the part where you think you already know."

"But happiness, Will, we all deserve it. No one not wants you not to not be happy."

"What? Forget it, I know what you meant."

"No one wants you to not be happy," she said again, slowly, concentrating on getting the words right.

"No just me, I'm my own worst enemy," said Will. Maybe he was getting drunker, too? The beer was empty, so he reached over and took the bottle of Boone's Farm from Gabi. He put the bottle to his lips and gulped some down. Gross.

He said, "What if I had a chance at something, but I didn't take it? Because I was stupidly afraid? I don't even know of what! I wanted to, I really did. But I blew it. I completely blew it. And now, all I'm going to be thinking is of what I should have done. The chance I should have taken, but didn't."

"Then you know," she said. "You know what you want to do and you should do it while there is still time so that you can do that and that you did it. And Will. I know."

Sierra and some guy she was holding hands and kissing, were in the living room now, carrying a couple bottles of wine coolers and coming over by him and Gabi.

Holding hands and kissing, thought Will. He wanted it for himself, he admitted. A lot, actually. Why wait? He desperately wanted to try it. With Sonny.

Will startled. "I should, shouldn't I? He almost leaped to his feet. "Hey, Sierra, make sure you keep an eye on Gabi, she's pretty drunk, now okay?"

"That's my Boone's Farm, sweetie, I need that back," said Gabi.

Will smiled at Gabi and handed her back the bottle, while Sierra and her boyfriend agreed to stay with her.

"Piñata time!" yelled a voice from just outside the front door, urging people to move outside for the festivities. He could see T emerging from the kitchen, his arm slung over the blonde's shoulder.

T caught Will's eye and smiled. "Coming?" called T. He grinned at Will and the others expectantly.

"Pass," said Will, going the opposite direction. He wanted—needed-to find Sonny.