I don't love you but I always will/I don't love you but I always will
"I'm going out." Brick said, getting to his feet and grabbing his coat.
"Huh? But you just got in?" Butch asked, still sitting on the sofa; he'd just switched the TV on.
"And now I'm going out." The red ruff said, opening the front door.
"Bring some food home." Butch shouted after him as the door slammed shut.
As soon as his shoes touched the concrete pavement, Brick shot into the air. He thought he could remember where Blossom's apartment was; he'd only been there a handful of times. He'd not really had much reason to go bar wanting to see her.
He couldn't believe that she'd wanted some comfort and the person she'd gone to was Butch. Why did she need comforting in the first place? If someone was giving her trouble, if someone was hurting her he'd lose it, he'd - he'd do nothing, because he couldn't do anything. He was her ex, it wasn't his place anymore to go after guys who were giving her trouble - he technically was a guy who'd given her trouble.
Brick arrived at Blossom's apartment building, and managed to slip through the door as someone was leaving. When he got to her floor, he lifted his hand and knocked on the door, letting out a long breath as he waited for her to answer.
When she did, her eyes widened in surprise as she saw Brick standing there, and he smiled in a slightly awkward manner. "Hi. Glad I got the right apartment."
"Brick - is everything okay?" She asked, still slightly alarmed to see him at her apartment doorstep.
"Oh, yeah yeah - no emergency." He replied, and she couldn't help but notice his uncomfortable demeanor.
Once she was appeased that he wasn't there with bad news, she folded her arms over her chest, leaning against the doorframe. "What are you doing here?"
His smile vanished, a concerned look replacing it. "I just wanted to check you was okay. You seemed quite upset."
"Well, I'm fine." She said simply. Brick didn't think she looked fine. Her hair was in a bun that had fallen down the side of her head; a small strappy t shirt hung off her curvy figure.
She also had her baggy sweatpants on. She only ever wore them when she was - he looked through the gap in the door behind her and noticed what was on the TV.
"Watching 'Steel Magnolias?'" He asked, trying not to smirk.
She tidied her arms across her chest, turning her head towards the TV, the paused screen giving her away. "It makes me feel better." She mumbled.
"But I thought you were fine?" Brick added, and she furrowed her brow at him.
"Brick, seriously, why are you here?"
"Like I said, to check if you were okay. To, I dunno, talk I guess. Can I come in?"
She pulled a hesitant face, but sighed. "Sure."
Brick entered the apartment, looking around at it idly. It was decorated similar to how the apartment they'd shared together had been. Not identical in anyway, just very much to Blossom's taste. It gave him a homely vibe.
Blossom sat back down on her sofa, putting the bowl of popcorn she'd been feasting on onto the coffee table.
He sat down next to her awkwardly. There was an uneasy silence, then Blossom cleared her throat to speak. "What is it that you want to talk about? I mean, you must have something to say - we don't exactly talk anymore."
"Well, maybe we should talk more." He answered, shrugging his shoulders.
"Why should we talk? I mean, what is there to say?" She asked stiffly.
Brick frowned, looking at her closely. He examined the bags under her eyes, and the redness from the crying; her hair, without its life and vitality it normally had. He couldn't remember when he saw a genuine smile on her face.
"Bloss, it's been 3 years. I thought maybe after this long, we could be, I dunno - friends? We could talk. You know, I could be there for you, you could be there for me?" He suggested bravely.
She blinked at him a couple of times. "You thought I'd have forgotten about it by now?" She asked, her voice tired and a little annoyed.
"No I certainly didn't think that. It would just be nice to be able to be there for one another.. Look out for each other - or something." At his own words he suddenly felt like he was being hugely unreasonable.
There was a pause, and Blossom looked down into her lap. Her expression was hard to read.
"You know I'm still sorry?" He mumbled, his voice sincere. "So fucking sorry. You know I still think about you everyday? Think about what we could have had right now if I'd not made the worst mistake of my life? Marriage, more than likely. Maybe kids. I won't bother saying sorry again. I know it does no good. But if it did do good, I'd say it a thousand times, or more. I don't fucking know what to do with myself anymore. I can't live with myself."
Blossom listened to him intently, though she was still looking into her lap. She began to shake her head at his last sentence. "You can't live with yourself? I'm a 29 year old doctor, single, with no real life. I have nothing to be proud of, all I have is my career. And whilst I love my job - it's left me with nothing else but it. I have no family built. No relationships. No children, nothing. I have nothing. I'm ashamed of the way I am now."
Brick looked at her incredulously. "You're ashamed? What the hell do you have to be ashamed of? You should be ashamed of me. I was your partner, your fiancé, we were together 10 fucking years, and I cheated on you with someone who meant absolutely nothing to me, after a stupid fight? You have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm a 29 year old accountant, single, with no real life. I have nothing to be proud of. No family built. No relationships. No children - I have nothing and I totally deserve it because I did this to myself. I'm ashamed of myself, Blossom."
Blossom looked up at him now, and their eyes met properly, for perhaps the first time in years.
"We're the same." Brick said. "Except, I'm about a million times worse."
He scooted along the chair a little, so they were almost touching legs, and took her hands in his. She froze at his touch as if it hurt her to be touched by him again.
She felt that sting in her eyes, the threat of tears once more, as she still looked down into her lap again, suddenly too afraid to look back up at him. Because she knew if she looked at him, she wouldn't want to let him go.
"Blossom, I -"
"Brick," She whispered, cutting him off before he could begin. "I can't do this. Not right now. I'm too fragile right now for this, I'm sorry." She said, trying to keep herself together but failing pretty miserably.
"I can see you're fragile. You don't seem like you anymore. I hate that. And I know it's probably all my fault. But." He paused, trying to decide if he should say what he wanted to say, or more ask what he wanted to ask or not. "But I dunno, I got this feeling that it could be something else. There's something... It's like something's eating away at you." He was still clutching her hands tightly; she hadn't pushed him away. In fact, he could feel her clutching them back now. He was close.
He could still read her like a book, it kind of scared Blossom. He knew. She was convinced he knew about her and Butch. Did he want her to say it or something?
"Is something going on Blossom? Something you're keeping secret, or, or something?" He asked quietly, struggling to word what he wanted to ask her correctly. "Or, am I way off?"
She met his eyes now. An immense sadness overcome her as she stared at this man she loved dearly still, even though he'd hurt her so deeply. She sat and looked at him, knowing she'd been doing something for the past year that would likely hurt him deeply. She didn't know what to say. "Brick, I think you should go."
His face fell. He'd lost her; she wasn't going to tell him anything. "Is it this guy? The one who was giving you problems? Cos I'll find him and -" He began to rant, frustration taking over, but she shook her head and interrupted him.
"No - Brick, please, you should just go. I want you to go." Her voice was quiet but she meant every word.
He sighed lightly, letting go of her hands. But before he got up to leave, he turned to face her again, and gently stroked the side of her face with his hand. "I fucking miss you."
Butch sat at the table resting his chin in his palm, and let out a long sigh. Blossom should be there to meet him any minute. Why she'd asked him to meet her at some fancy restaurant downtown he didn't know, and it made him feel funny.
Butch didn't do conventional dating. Not anymore. And not in a place like this, there was not a chance in Hell he'd take a woman to a restaurant like this. He didn't do this whole woo-ing thing. He didn't need to.
Especially not with Blossom. Which is why this situation made him feel uneasy.
He snapped out of his stupor as he heard the chair opposite him being pulled out; Blossom had sat down in front of him.
"Hey." She said quietly, fiddling with her purse by her feet.
"Hey. What's going on? Why aren't we meeting in our normal places?" Butch asked. "I don't like fancy places like this."
Blossom's head clicked up and she rolled her eyes, hearing the hint of concern in his voice.
"Don't worry Butch, you can relax. I'm not going to ask you to be my boyfriend or something. Lord knows I can't stand you enough to do something like that." She assured him, and he smirked, visibly relieved.
"Then why aren't we at mine, or yours? Or somewhere a little more to my taste... We can't do anything remotely naughty here." His eyebrows rose suggestively.
"Because," She said, ignoring the saucy look on his face. "I needed to meet up with you without any room for distractions." She said, smiling up at the waiter who'd come to order their drinks for them.
"Two glasses of the house red, please." She said, handing him the drinks menus.
"Wine?" He complained. "I don't even like wine."
"I really doubt they sell your favourite cheapo beer here." She answered promptly, and he huffed.
"So, what's up? Why am I here?" The green ruff questioned and Blossom's demeanor changed slightly to a more panicked one.
"Well, I think Brick knows."
"No he doesn't." Butch scoffed in reply.
"No, I think he really does. He came by my place yesterday." Blossom urged, but Butch was still unperturbed.
"So that's where he went. And what, he asked if you've been sleeping with me?" Butch asked, and she shook her head.
"No, no no, nothing like that. He said he felt like I was hiding something, or had a secret - something like that. It was strange Butch, he still knows me inside out." Blossom muttered.
"I also know you inside out." He grinned wickedly, and she rolled her eyes again.
"Seriously Butch, this was why I wanted to talk about this in the relatively public eye. Can't you ever stop thinking with what's between your legs? It's like your brain is second in command. You seriously need an actual girlfriend." The pink puff groaned.
Butch shook his head. "Girlfriends normally entail some form of commitment, and I don't bode well with that thing." He said, looking at the glass of red wine and cringing at it as it was put down in front of him by the waiter.
"Which is why you and Buttercup didn't last 5 minutes." She said back flatly, to which he rolled his eyes.
"We were together like, 2 or 3 years, actually - not 5 minutes. But we don't need to talk about me and Buttercup. That's pretty much high school crap. She's happy with Mitch anyways, what does it even matter?" He always got on the defensive when his relationship with Buttercup was brought up.
"It doesn't, it just proves your incapability to settle down with anyone." Blossom responded.
"I'm not a one woman man." He answered with a shrug.
Blossom raised an eyebrow. "I know."
She had no idea whether he slept with other girls as well as her, or if he ever dated; she didn't ask. She wasn't particularly bothered. She didn't need to know, they weren't in a relationship.
All she knew was that he was always there when she wanted him, and she always made him put something on the end of it just in case…
"Anyways, I'd say I've improved a bit." Butch smirked, watching her evenly.
"You would?" She said, looking at the starters menu, wondering whether to order something or just go straight to the main; she was pretty hungry. Eating was always something she skipped, so going out to eat was quite the treat for her.
And Butch, he'd never stepped foot in a place like this, neither of them could really afford it either.
"Well, I haven't set foot near any other women but you, in what, 6 months?" He said, smiling at the surprised look on her face.
"And you were the one scared I was going to ask you out! You've not seen anyone else for 6 months? Why?" Blossom cried, shocked.
He shrugged. "Haven't needed to. Don't worry, I'm not getting attached. I know you're Brick's property really."
She furrowed her brow. "I am not his property, and I never was. I can't believe this, I mean, even I've seen a couple of people here and there."
"Have you slept with any of them though?" He queried, and she shook her head.
"Well, you know I haven't." The pink puff answered.
"Because?" He asked, an arrogant look gracing his features.
"Because, I haven't. It doesn't feel right when I'm still seeing you. Well, not seeing you, but - well you know. Messing around with you." She babbled a bit.
"Because you don't need to either. Because I'm more than enough for you." Butch said smugly, and she frowned at him.
"Stop stroking your ego so much. It's because I'm not like that. I don't sleep with more than one person at a time. It's just not something I'm morally comfortable with." She said, sipping at her wine.
"Not that we can talk about morals right? Precious little Blossom, sleeping around with her almost brother-in-law. Her sister's punkass ex." Butch purred.
She nearly choked on her wine, placing it down on the table as delicately as she could. "What is up with you tonight? You're acting like a jerk."
"You haven't slept with anyone else because you couldn't handle more than me. You need and want me and you can't stand that." The green ruff grinned.
"Right now, I can't stand you." She said, not looking him in the eye.
He laughed. She was fun to mess with. Butch knew it was because she was completely screwed up, thanks to his dear brother. But he also knew how he could have her when and where he wanted her. She was completely floored by him at times and he knew it.
"Sleeping with someone else would mean you'd have to stop visiting me, and you don't want that. You don't know how to function without our little hookups anymore. Am I right?" He said, sipping the wine and pulling a face.
Blossom glared at him. He could be just as arrogant and cock sure as his redheaded brother, and Blossom hated it when he thought he had power over her. She was convinced that he didn't and she could stop seeing him whenever she wanted; but a small part of her mind doubted that too. She had no idea what it was between them, but right now she couldn't get enough of it.
"You don't hold any power over me Butch. I can make this stop whenever I want." She told him, and he all but scoffed.
"Sure, sure." He said, raising an eyebrow.
"I'll prove it to you." She said fiercely and he chuckled.
"When?" He asked, grinning.
"When I'm ready." Blossom said, picking up the menu and burying her head in it, if only to hide the smile that was threatening to spread across her face.
Butch laughed, picking his menu up too. "So we're actually eating here?"
Blossom shrugged. "I could eat."
Butch examined the main meals on the menu grudgingly. "Can't we hit a burger joint or something? This aint real food. And I'm broke."
Blossom put her menu down, sighing, but smiled. "Sure."
Butch's lips crashed down onto Blossom's, his body pressed against hers, fingers crawling through her hair.
She pushed him back gently as she heard the phone ringing. "I gotta get that." She said breathlessly.
"Uh huh." Butch said, pulling at her top hungrily. Blossom shoved him back.
"I need to get it." She said firmly. They'd ended up at her place after getting some food, much to Blossom's apprehension.
"Hello?" Blossom asked, leaning across the sofa and clutching the phone to her ear.
"Hey, it's me." Buttercup said through the line. "You okay?"
"Yeah yeah, I'm fine. What's up?" Blossom replied as casually as she could, trying to catch her breath, and holding Butch back with her other hand.
"I'm fine. You sure you're okay? You sound all weird and out of breath or something?" Buttercup asked, and this elicited a snigger from Butch. Blossom lightly whacked him over the head irritably. "Are you alone? Or have you got company?"
"No! No I haven't." Blossom cried a little too hastily. "I've just been working out - yes, working out to a DVD, that's all."
Butch beamed at her as he sat up and Blossom glared at him hard.
"Oh right, okay… Well, I was wondering if you wanted to pop over for a catch up? I got a free evening; Jay is at a friend's house. We could shove some old movies on or something." Buttercup asked.
"Oh, that would have been lovely, but I can't tonight, I've got work later - but I can tomorrow if you're free?" Blossom replied, cursing Butch for being there, and herself for choosing his company over her sisters.
"I have a class to teach tomorrow. No worries, maybe me, you and Bubbles can meet altogether once she's back from her honeymoon."
"Yes, that sounds like a plan." Blossom exhaled. She'd forgotten about the honeymoon, that would mean Jeremy hadn't had a chance to tell Bubbles about her slip up.
"Okay well, see you around, don't be a stranger." Buttercup told her, and Blossom nodded.
"I won't, bye Buttercup." She said, placing the receiver down with a sigh.
Butch pulled her closer, kissing her neck, but Blossom pulled away.
"What?" Butch asked, annoyed.
"She knows." Blossom said slowly. "She completely knew I wasn't alone. She heard you."
Butch sighed raggedly. "Blossom, you're paranoid."
"I'm not. I'm not - she knows. Buttercup's always been intuitive, right? She knows, oh god she knows! What will she say?!" Blossom yelped.
Butch threw his head back and groaned. "You're impossible."
Buttercup slumped down on her sofa with a soft sigh. She looked at the trashy TV show Mitch was watching, but didn't take any of it in.
"What's up babe? Is Blossom coming over?" He asked, noticing the confused look on his partner's face.
"Nothing, nothing. No, she has work soon. Must be a late shift or something." Buttercup answered absentmindedly.
"Ahh. Pissed that she's not coming over?" Mitch questioned, confused himself now - he could see she looked off.
"No, it's fine. If she's gotta work she's gotta work. It was just that she sounded a bit strange." Buttercup said, turning away from the TV screen and facing Mitch.
"Strange? Strange like how?" He asked and she furrowed her brow.
"Strange like, she wasn't alone if you get my drift…" The green puff muttered.
Mitch raised an eyebrow. "I don't follow you."
"You know, like I'd caught her in the act or something…" Buttercup said awkwardly, trying not to picture her sister with someone like that.
"The act? What act?" Mitch asked, eyebrows now furrowing.
"I think she was having sex with someone when I called, Mitch!" Buttercup practically shouted. "God, I was trying to be subtle."
"Ohh. Ohh. Who with?" Mitch asked, more interested now he was following what she was saying.
"Well that's just it. She hasn't said that she's seeing anyone. The only person I could think of is that Jeremy guy, but she really wasn't into him." She pondered; Mitch looked unperturbed.
"Maybe she got desperate. I mean, she's always busy with work, she doesn't give herself time to be happy with someone. Maybe she got a booty call." Mitch shrugged, returning to the chat show he'd been watching; glad his TV wasn't going to be taken over by Buttercup's rubbish choice in movies.
Buttercup wasn't convinced. "A booty call? Think about what you're saying. Blossom? No way. She can be a bit of a prude, there's no way she could throw sex about like that."
"Well we all thought there was no way Blossom and Brick would break up, despite their constant arguing. But Brick cheated on her. People can surprise you right?" Mitch replied casually.
Buttercup looked at him, thinking. He was right. People could surprise you.
r&r (: