Chapter Thirty-Eight
"I'm sorry," she offered.
"For dragging me into a bus and forcing me to the God damn station?"
Her eyes widened and she shook her head in disapproval.
"Don't curse God, please," she murmured.
"Go fuck your God, for all I care."
Her mouth dropped in shock and she watched him in disgust.
"Take that back!" she whisper-hissed back.
"What part?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
"Don't feign like you don't know!"
"And you shouldn't command people," he snapped back. "If I want to curse God, I will."
"Why?" she asked in a sudden much gentler voice.
"What has God ever done to me? Huh, Alice? Taken away my family. Taken away my friends. Taken away my fiancee. Taken away my home. I have nothing. Should I thank God for granting me with nothing?"
Her eyes watered and she quickly looked away from his hateful eyes.
"For you it's easy, of course, to thank God and never curse him. It's always easy when you already have it all."
"What makes you think I have it all?" she asked curiously.
He looked away and ignored her instead. Alice didn't push it and it was when they were almost at the bus station that he chose to speak.
"The look in your eyes. You still carry hope. Anyone who can hope is optimistic because they have it all. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get the fucking hell away from you and your little fantasy filled up head."
He got up and went to the exit of the bus. Alice followed him close behind and called to him before he'd disappear.
"Having it all and having hope are unrelated to one another. You once asked me why I joined the army and I refused to answer. But this is the answer."
She hated that she was speaking to his back.
"Mom and Dad died when I was still young. I don't remember them. I haven't even got a picture of them. My only family was Cynthia. She was my younger sister."
A pause caught Alice of guard, because speaking about this was much harder than she thought. In that moment, Jasper had turned around and stared at her with a hard scoff.
"Cynthia once stole a little food from the kitchen of the orphanage where we stayed. I told her to never do that, but I couldn't keep an eye on her at all times. When I was eight, they told me my seven year old sister had died from..."
She was doing her best to not choke in her breaths.
"From being wippt on her back so hard that she bled an awful lot...and shivered from cold, until death followed. I-I ran away, not accepting such treatment. I was born in Biloxi, Mississippi. The streets are very cold in the winter at night, but I made it. I survived one year on the streets. It happened that I was not the only child on the streets and together with a few others, we found another orphanage. A better one. I was very lucky. I stayed there until I was fifteen."
Alice's eyes were low but from the looks of Jasper's feet, he wasn't planning on going. Not yet, that is.
"I was very interested in the medicine field and all that I know is information that I've read out of books. I made a test for nursery school at fifteen and I got in despite my age. Because I knew most of the stuff already, I finished in one year instead of two and...I signed in for the Army Nurse Corpse. With a fake date of birth. But that you already knew."
When his feet moved, she quickly looked up.
"I met Jacob in the war. My only friends were in that war. And they're gone. When I came back to America, I was forced into an orphanage until December. Instantly when I turned eighteen, I found my own place to live. I work at a hospital, but the only people who treat me nicely are the patients. The word that I lied about my age spread like a fire and for some reason, nobody likes me because they now think I'm a liar in general. But I swear, I'm not. I only lied about certain things to get into the war. I needed an escape or some sign that there was something more than living a life with struggle. Alone."
He wasn't scowling at her anymore. He seemed to be truly listening to her.
"The last four years I spent alone on purpose," she said. "Not with friends or family, something I don't have. And I don't mind it, because I needed that alone time. The only thing I have left is my own place, my job and this."
She raised her right hand and showed him the watch.
"Which is directly connected to you. So, I think it's safe to say that I certainly do not have it all. I went into a world war and against all odds came back alive. That must have been for a reason. I do have hope, because hope gives me a good feeling. You know that, or else you would've stepped out of that bus after the first stop. Instead, you drove all the way to the station. Something inside you must still carry hope for you to do that. Think about it while saying loud and clear that you want to get the...hell...away from me. Okay?"
Yet, he didn't comment.
"There was a man, uhm...Jackson...Jerry..."
"Jason Jenks," Jasper interrupted with a raised eyebrow.
"I'm not good with names."
"I remember."
She looked away while she dug her hand in her pocket.
Then she handed him the medal.
"Well, take it."
He glanced at it once.
"I don't want that," he said.
"I wasn't asking you," she muttered with force.
And than she shoved it in his chest until his hand came up to take it.
That being said, she planned to leave.
She was not a quitter or a pessimist, but she did know when she was no longer welcome.