Chapter Thirty-Nine
Jasper stepped forward, causing her to look up more.
"I cannot get my hopes up," he said.
"You should always get your hopes up," she said.
"At what prize? I don't mean to exaggerate, but I've seen the darkest side of the war. I've been put in a dark place and then got out. I believed being tortured was the worst part of my life. The worst part is trying to find a way to live with all that I've seen, done and felt in that war."
He held up his hand and Alice carefully took it. She saw that his left hand missed the nails of his middle finger, his ring finger and pinkie. She was appalled to see that he'd gone through such pains.
"And this is not all," he said matter-of-factly, pulling his hand out of hers.
He pulled up his right sleeve to show her thick, horrid gashes of scars.
"There's more."
"Oh, God," she whispered. "I'm sorry for this."
"I have nothing left, except brutal memories, nightmares and a vague memory of a girl. She was too young and too little to be in that war. I took her friends, her team, her lover and left her with nothing. That is something I will need to learn to live with also."
She bit her lip which was trembling hard.
"I h-heard you did well on your mission and that with your help, the bombarding of Berlin stopped."
"At the cost of so many lives," he said with a nod.
"It was war," Alice said. "Anyone who chooses to step into it, accepts that a fall or two is very likely. I lost my friends, but I've taken great comfort that they didn't suffer and were not tortured by the real Nazi. Besides, you had a job and that's what you did. Successfully."
He rolled his eyes but that didn't hurt Alice. All the time, he'd shown very little emotion and a roll of the eyes was sarcasm. He felt something.
"Before I go, I'd like to say thank you so much for your service," she said sincerely.
"I did what I had to do."
She looked up at him carefully.
"Can I...hug you goodbye?" she asked, raising her arms just a tiniest bit.
He brought his eyes to his own eye level where Alice couldn't see them properly.
He sighed in exasperation, but did bend down a little to bring his own arms around her shoulders. She raised her arms up high, stood on her toes and brought both arms around his neck. It forced him to bend down some more.
"You saved my life, more than once," she whispered. "I'll always have hope because I was given a second chance. So were you."
She didn't want to retreat yet. Being in his arms felt like being home. A safe place to be.
"I'll keep praying for you. As I've done every night. The past years. I'm going to thank him for seeing you again. Even if it was only for a little while."
She tried to retreat, but his arms around her did not allow her to.
"Jasper?" she gasped.
He didn't respond, but squeezed her tighter. Alice inhaled through her nose at the tight grip he had on her. She hadn't had such physical contact in forever and so she hugged him back.
"Come with me," she said with eyes closed.
"Hmm?"
"Leave Texas. Stay with me."
He laughed softly, only muttering, "Silly girl."
"I'm serious. I don't want to lose you again. I feel...connected to you, somehow. I found you so easily today. It almost seems meant to be."
He watched her skeptically.
"You look like a fairy tale and the fake promise of happily ever after."
She nodded sadly. Of course her idea to take him with her had been impulsive and he knew it.
"Can I stay with you?" she asked shyly.
"No."
"Oh...uhm, okay."
He leaned down and watched her in the eye.
"Aber, wenn das ist was dir glücklich macht."
Alice shifted her eyes, being reminded that he spoke indeed another language.
If she heard him correctly, he said something like; but if that makes you happy.
"Ja, das...werde...mir...or mich, uhm...happy, I mean glücklich macht. I mean machen. No, it's macht."
And there she went, making another fool of herself for her half German sentence with all those grammar errors.
Instead of finding it amusing, his eyebrows shot up.
"You learned German?"
"Uhm...well, I just..."
He steered his head, a new light shining in his eyes.
"Don't you have work tomorrow?" he asked.
"I have the weekend off."
He was staring at her.
"Uhm...what is it?"
"Nichts," he said, shaking his head. "Du bist schöner dann ich mir kan errineren."
"I'm not fluent," she said uncomfortable.
"Well, let's try that again, shall we? Du bist..."
"I am," she translated.
"Schöner dann ich..."
"Prettier than I..."
"Mir kann errineren."
She stared at him with wide eyes.
"You're more beautiful than I can remember," he said very slowly, stepping closer to me. "That's what I said."
"I haven't changed," she muttered uncomfortably.
He shrugged, saying, "Perhaps my mind is a little rusty. Sorry."
She felt her eyes widen even more.
"You seem smaller," he said.
"Perhaps you've grown bigger."
Which wasn't true, because he was slimmer. He smiled, watching her with a steer of the head.
"So am I...staying...with you?"
He nodded.
"Okay. Would you like to head back to the shelter?"
"We're not staying there."
"Oh, but, where else?"
"An inn. I know one."
"Won't that be expensive?"
"No," he said. "Don't worry. Are you tired?"
"Uhm, no?"
"Would you like to walk around a little?"
"Yeah. Sure."
They sat in a quiet coffeeshop, both a cup of hot tea before us.
"Why a life on the streets?" she blurted out.
"It's not bad."
"That's not an answer. You could claim all your prizes, sell them for a reasonable prize, then live on that money for the rest of your life."
"Thought crossed my mind."
She gave him an angry look.
"Then why haven't you?" she asked.
He shrugged.
"You deserve it," she said quietly. "If anyone does, you do."
He seemed indifferent.
"Am I bothering you?" she asked insecurely. "Because I can go. I don't want to be taking away your time."
"No," he said quickly, his worried eyes on hers. "Stay."