Ten

"This was such a mistake." Dad whispers, brokenly.

Yep.

"I should have known better; I should have reminded Rose of all the points she made when I first brought up the proposition and convinced her to stay home."

Undoubtedly.

"Dammit, Edward, if you're gonna judge me, at least do it aloud, not in your thoughts and behind my back."

I look to my father, sitting hunched over the hotel bar, cradling his head in his hands and loathing himself.

I loath myself right now, too. I'm just as much to blame as Carlisle, with the two of us ganging up on her, I'm sure we could have gotten her to stay home . . . Or at least left her at the airport.

"I'm judging us both, can I do that silently?" I ask, ruefully.

After a few seconds, deep in thoughts I don't hear, Dad unwillingly tosses his head in acceptance and we continue our mutual guilt trips silently.

It tore Rose apart go to the lab, just not in the way she or any of us imagined.

Once the press conference dispersed, we dragged ourselves to the penthouse suite of our hotel room, housing three adjoining rooms, and began decomposing. For dad and me that was just splashing some water on our faces and sitting down to some tv, for Rose it was stuffing her face full of food then falling into a coma.

Dad and I spent the night playing chess, me cheating and him silently at war with himself if he should call me out on cheating, and Rose snoring into oblivion.

If it had just been us guys, we probably would have gone hunting or maybe even sight seeing, but seeing as we've been entrusted with Roses life by her mate, there's no way we would dare leave her alone for a second.

'Used to piss the girls of to no end — never really being able to go too far without protection from at least one of us, but as the years have gone by they've become begrudgingly used to it. Alice likes to think of it as extra hands to carry her shopping bags. Sounds insufferable, I know, but they're too precious to lose. Not just because if something were to happen to them, they're mate would follow them and we'd lose a brother or son or father, but also to lose a sister or daughter or mother? Born into the family or not, it makes no difference the pain would be equally excruciating.

And make no mistake about it, if one mate dies, the other follows. If the widowed is lucky, they'll die of their broken heart, painful, but quick. That's not always the case, though. No one really knows why, maybe there's different levels of love and devotion between mates, I have no idea, but sometimes they don't naturally follow their mates into death. Then they must take their own deaths into their hands, and believe me it's not a simple matter.

Sometimes it makes me glad I never found her. If I never have her, I can never lose her. Never go through that specific pain. In this case I do believe it's better to never have loved at all.

And when I do take my own life, it'll be because I'm simply done. I'll happily give it all up — of my own free will and not because I have no choice but to die, to escape the torture of my soul being obliterated.

I've only seen one vampire lose their mate and it was like witnessing hell made flesh.

No, my death will be much cleaner.

When day broke we all got ready for our appointment at the fertility labs working out of Columbia University. Turns out the program was created by the Dean, Chester Holt. About ten years ago he'd made history and hired the first Vampire Professor Columbia had ever seen, William Perry. They became friends and seven years ago, when Holt found out Perry and his mate had been trying to conceive for almost a century with no results, he began preparations for the experiment. It took two years to fund and when he did he named Perry the lead scientist.

The journey to the university was stiff and quiet and long, New York traffic is no joke. Dad and me were both treading very carefully around Rose; when she becomes agitated it's best to just leave her alone. And be quiet. That part is important as well.

Dr. Chester Holt is a short, thin human with a full head of brown hair and an equally as full beard. It's hard to tell his exact age, but I'd peg him around fifty if his posture is any indication. Pretty dismissible, even by something as boring as human standards. Literally nothing really bad or good, about the man by his looks. Just . . . There.

When we arrived, we were immediately met by the Dean, the plain man himself, and Rose and me watched as he gushed over Carlisle.

Without meaning to, dad has become quite the celebrity. Nothing too spectacular, but enough to inspire interest in many.

Although that might change what with the very polarizing press conference yesterday.

Much to the pleasure of the Volturi, I'm sure. Even out in the open as we are, too much attention still riled them up.

I have to hand it to Rose, she handled the long winded tour of the campus with grace, only the tightening of her lips showing her impatience. But then again every step closer to the fertility lab made her breath quicken, her back stiffen and her hands fidget.

On second thought maybe she didn't mind the tour too much.

We were finally on our way to the lab, all the way in the back of the campus when I had spotted him.

Sitting outside a cafe in the middle of the campus, sipping his coffee, was James Matius. His long legs were stretched out before him beside the small table but not under it and he was laughing with a woman. I recognized her as the Witch from the panel, Dr. Munich, the one that took offense to my father. Neither payed attention to us and I don't think Rose or Carlisle took note of them, but I did. How can I not when it feels like I'm the one they're laughing at?

I hate him. I don't know why, but I do; I really, really do.

It had been a relief to escape having to look at that bald headed fuck as we neared the lab.

I remember thinking that I better not see him on the way out, I'd kill him, kill him fucking dead.

Once we had entered the lab, a small building, crowded with all types of machinery, my fury, which thankfully no one noticed, completely dissipated, gone as if it had never existed.

I had no idea what that was or why I felt that way — There's no logical reason I can think of, I've never met or spoken to the man, for God sake!

I shook myself of my little episode and once again brought my attention to the matter at hand. I'd get back to this James debacle later.

Well, I guess technically now would be later, but I can't bring myself to focus on him anymore.

Holt then began explaining that they are still in the research stage of experimentation, which by the quick intake of breath did not seem to please Rose. He lectured us about things we already knew — how Vampire saliva works — blah blah blah.

"—And . . . Uh . . ." He stuttered, and looked up at us with blushing cheeks, "and as I'm saying all this, I realize I'm just droning on about things you all are already aware of, undoubtedly more so than me, sorry about that folks." He laughs nervously, wiping his forehead with the cuff of his brown dress shirt.

Carlisle saved the little man anymore embarrassment, telling him with a kind smile it's of no consequence.

If he weren't a doctor, my dad would make the most excellent politician, I'd bet good money on it.

Although, Now that I think about it, it's not like he's shackled to his chosen career path. He'll live forever or almost as long, he could change profession at anytime.

Nah, he'd do well, but he'd hate every second, no doubt.

"Well," Holt says, getting back on track, "Once again, we are, unfortunately, still mainly in the research stage of our project," Rose ground her teeth at being reminded, "but we are just about ready to start testing again soon, as we have come across a very interesting avenue to explore."

We nodded along, wanting him to get on with it.

"Well the theory stems from the research done from varying levels of, shall we say, effect a Vampires venom has on his mates system. We've been gathering data from a large scale of mated pairs and we're beginning to notice patterns. Not all women are effected by venom in the same way. While one woman may have been effected in the normal, and for lack of a better word, correct, ways — for example strengthened, nearly impenetrable skin — We've surveyed skin that is in fact penetrable, much weaker than average for one mated to a vampire as well as truly impenetrable skin — just as strong as any vampire."

"We don't know exactly why this is, right now we're theorizing over feeding patterns having something to do with it, too little or too much venom being injected into the woman, maybe. We also plan on testing the Vampires venom itself, the potency of it could also be a factor."

"That," Carlisle paused, looking around the room, "actually makes a lot of sense, quite fascinating, really, I don't think I've ever come across these varying levels as you put it."

Holt smiled. "It's not terribly common and with the low numbers in population your species has, I'm not surprised it hasn't really been discovered yet, especially since no one has really researched this particular subject before. My team has been working on this for five years and we ourselves just stumbled upon the theory."

"Where's Dr. Perry? Isn't he the lead scientist?" Rose asked abruptly, speaking for the first time today, "I was under the impression we'd be meeting him to talk about his findings and . . . personal experience."

Dr. Holts face dropped.

"Oh, no ones told you?" He asked softly, is airy voice dwindling even more thin.

"Told us what?" Rose countered belligerently.

"Oh dear, I don't know how this was over looked . . . Dr. Perry, as well as his wife, Lucy, died last year, I'm afraid."

Roses proud stance faltered and I almost had to grab a hold of her before she fell.

"Died? What do you mean died? How?" She demanded, her throaty voice cracking.

"Ah, it was a tragedy, they were flying to Germany on vacation when the plane crashed right into the ocean. It was actually quite widely reported on the news, you might have heard of what happened."

"Yes," Carlisle said when Rose didn't reply, "actually we did hear about that terrible crash. Please, Dr. Holt, accept our deepest condolences, it's a terrible thing to lose a friend."

I could see Rose teetering dangerously on shaky legs so I wrap an arm around her shoulders, steadying her without being too obvious that's my intention.

"But . . ." She objected, "They didn't get to have their baby. They're were the strongest fucking thing on the planet and they died without ever having a family! That's not fair!"

She was yelling by the end and we knew it was time to leave.

Dr. Holt was obviously at a loss of what to say, so we said our goodbyes and trekked through the campus again and headed back to the taxi.

Until we were accosted by James, without his coffee partner.

"Carlisle, what a pleasure it is to see you again." He greeted, shaking Carlisles hand.

"You as well, James, are you here for the fertility lab as well?" Carlisle smiled widely, obviously not minding this intruders presences.

I wanted to kill him. Pluck his unnerving red eyes out of us head and toss 'em somewhere he'll never find them. Rip his fucking throat out with my teeth and set him on fire.

Yeah, that would have been good, should have done that!

"Edward? Edward!"

I was ripped out of my thoguhts by Carlisle raising his voice to get my attention.

"Where were you son?" Dad asked with a chuckle.

I just shook my head softly, not even bothering to act normal.

"I'd like you to meet Dr. James Matius, James, This is my eldest son, Edward."

Dad had obviously already introduced Rose and I'd missed and now James offered me his hand with a knowing smile, and I didn't take it. No fucking way was I going to touch him unless it's to kill him.

After an awkward few seconds he saw I wasn't going to reciprocate his gesture and let out a dark chuckle.

"Germaphobe?" He asked.

Glaring at him I shrugged. "Something like that."

I couldn't take it anymore so I strode off, leaving Rose and Carlisle to deal with the scum. With every step away from him I felt myself relax more and more.

All I could think in that moment was — What the fuck is going on. Why is that son of a bitch effecting me like this? And only me, Dad seemed fine around him, even enjoyed the giants company. He doesn't sense it, I guess. Or maybe I'm going crazy. My genetic makeup has been prepared and in need of a mate since I was 18 and yet it's gone without for almost 99 years.

Many unmated Vamps do go crazy . . .

"Edward!" Carlisle almost hissed once he'd caught up with me. "What the hell was that?"

"I'm sorry, dad, I — I . . . I don't even know."

That's all that was said and we stuffed ourselves back into the taxi, it's meter close to two hundred and fifty dollars.

We thought Rose had recovered, she was acting just as bothered as before we learned all we did, which in the moment seemed normal, but then when we came back to the hotel she ran to her suite, slammed the door and immediately began sobbing hysterically.

"Was it the news of Dr. Perry and his wife's demise really what affected her so?" Carlisle asked after a lengthy silence, bringing my thoughts back to the present.

I shrug from my spot on the couch, wincing when Rose let loose a particularly heartbroken wail.

"Probably." I sigh, wishing there was something I could do for her. Wishing Emmett was here for her.

"Probably?" Dad echoes, letting his frustrations flow. "You weren't listening?"

From the other room we hear Roses phone go off and unanswered until the call expired.

"Dad," I sigh, "I told you I'm not going to invade her —"

"No, no, son, I mean when we were in the lab, you didn't listen to us? Which would also mean Dr. Holt . . . Right? Why?"

That made me sit up, understanding what he's saying now.

When I listen in on a persons thoughts, or in this case a group of people, I can't listen to just one, I can't pick a single mind to tune in on exclusively. It's an all or nothing kinda deal. I can kinda ignore others thoughts and mainly focus on a single person, but not block out everyone else completely.

When around strangers, I always listen. Whether to protect my family or just because it takes too much energy to completely block out an unfamiliar mind, it doesn't matter. I always listen.

"Dad . . . No I didn't, and I don't know why! I always listen. It's like I . . . forgot, but no . . . I didn't hear anything, it's not like I have to remind myself to listen, it's just happens, I have to remind myself not to listen . . . what the hell happened back there?"

Dad turns his stool to face me and thinks seriously for a few long minutes.

"Hmm . . . This is odd, son, I must admit. Were you blocking Rose and I before? In the cab? And the driver as well?"

I nod. The drive was long and traffic was a nightmare, we could have ran, with Rose on one of our backs, and been there in three minutes flat, but appearances needed to be kept. So I worked hard at blocking the driver solely to spare dad and Rose.

"Well, then, maybe it just carried over? I'm sure it was hard work blocking the unfamiliar mind of the cab driver for so long, maybe your mind didn't let that work go to waste and just extended it to Dr. Holt."

Sounds . . . Plausible, I suppose.

"But I feel as if I literally forgot to listen, that wouldn't explain it." I counter.

"Doesn't it, though? It must have been nice, not being bombarded with others thoughts . . . Edward!" He exclaims, smiling brightly, "You've been working hard at this for a long time and maybe today you made the progress you've been hoping for!"

I smile at my father, his happiness becoming contagious.

That actually does sound like it could be feasible. Decades, I've spent trying to train my gift to work the way I want it to, only succeeding at blocking out my family up to this point, but maybe I made a breakthrough today!

It's too soon to truly tell, I mean I'll need to test it out, but overcome with excitement, dad and I embrace, crashing into one another.

"Congratulations, son!"

We're cut off by the ringing of my cell phone from the front pocket of my jeans. Not the best time to feel vibrations when hugging your dad.

Looking at the caller ID — my throat constricts.

"Shit." I breathe.

"Hey, Em." I greet lowly

"What is wrong with my Rosie?!"

AN: Thank you to all that read, I really hope you're loving the story, I know I've had a lot of fun writing it so far. (IMPORTANT) someone always reviews and says when you do flashbacks you should mark the beginning and end, but this IS NOT a true flashback, more of a simple remembrances because I also wanted current thoughts intergrated, and all current thoughts were italicized. Also A reviewer pointed out that they were confused by Bella's inner voice last chapter, what was being spoken out loud and what wasn't, and in case anyone else is also scratching their heads . . . to be honest I have no idea how it can be confusing, things in " " are usually spoken aloud and things not . . . Aren't — italicized or not. Umm, yeah, Pretty standered stuff, I'm not changing the formula or anything, but there you go for anyone unable to comprehend. Or if Bella's inner dialogue feels tiresome to read as the review also said . . . Sorry, can't help you with that, and don't care to. I'm writing it in, what I think, is a fun manor and while I hope my readers aren't getting tired or bored with the story/writing, as it progresses, if you are — you are, no biggie, maybe this story isn't for you, because I'm not changing the way I write. Hope that clears up any confusion.

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