There were so little things in life that Rachel ever got confused about.

The first was when she was five, and she had just gotten home from her first day at school in Kindergarden. She baked cookies with her daddies that weekend and was so excited to share them with her brand new classmates, and this boy, Dave, had rejected her offer at a cookie because her daddies were fags. At that point, Rachel didn't understand what fag was, and when Rachel told her daddies, they got really sad and asked Rachel to go to her room. They told her what it meant and for the first time in her life, Rachel was confused. What did her daddies do? They were so nice, so loving and so good, why did people call them such bad names?

The second time she was confused was when she was in her second year, having just discovered that Shelby had just adopted Beth. She had run all the way to Finn's house and when he opened the door, completely confused, she launched himself into his arms and proceeded to cry her heart out. Finn had tried to coax the story out of her, but eventually gave up when she would just clutch his shirt and continue to cry. She was confused once more, as to why her own biological mother would rather choose an adopted baby, when she had her biological daughter, her own flesh and blood, here waiting for her.

The last time she was confused was now. All she was doing was walking to the hospital to get her Daddy's chest x-rays and assessment, and she sees Finn Hudson, her exboyfriend, tall, lanky, football playing Finn Hudson, rolling out of the hospital in a wheelchair, talking to his mother about the possibility of him walking again. This only implied that he couldn't walk now. Why couldn't he walk now? What the hell was going on?

Rachel just watched as Carole's car pulled out of the hospital parking lot and stood there deep in thought for the next ten minutes before hopping into her car and deciding to follow them back to their house, which Rachel assumes they went. And if they didn't she would sit there, waiting for them to come home and demanding an answer from one of them. Her mind raced as she made her way to Finn's neighborhood, turning into the familiar streets. She was hoping that this was all a misunderstanding, a bad joke, something that didn't tell her that Kurt, who probably knew what happened to Finn, withheld this information from her. Vital information about the boy she once loved or still loved until now.

Her heart started to pound as she pulled into Finn's street, the familiar house she hasn't seen in so long coming into view with every passing second. Before she knew it, she had pulled her car into park and got out of her car. The first thing she saw that confirmed her fears was the ramp. Right next to the stairs that lead up to the front door of the house was a ramp, clearly for those in wheelchairs so that they would access the house which would only mean that Finn was in a wheelchair and oh God what happened to him and why didn't anyone tell her and she was going to kill somebody...

Take a deep breath Rachel. You don't know anything yet. Rachel told herself, taking a deep breath before climbing up the stairs slowly, still eying the ramp as she rang the doorbell. The last person she expected opened the door.

It was Kurt.

"R-Rachel?" Kurt said, his eyes widening comically. Rachel would have laughed, but the first thing that her eyes landed on was the object in front of the den of their home.

A wheelchair.

"K-Kurt? What's going on? I go to Lima Medical and see Finn rolling out a doctor's office in a wheelchair. Is there something you're not telling me?" Rachel's voice got loud and high pitched as her frustration increased. Kurt moved towards her and closed the door behind him, shushing her.

"Rachel, please you need to be quiet, Finn's resting right now and he really needs to sle-"

"What. Is. Going. On." Rachel said in a deadly calm voice, her steely eyes scaring Kurt a little as he tried to stutter out an explanation. Rachel wanted to find out what happened to Finn and she wanted to find it out now. Suddenly, the door opened to reveal Carole, Finn's mother.

"Kurt, honey, what's going o-" Carole stopped short at the sight of Rachel, her eyes almost filled with tears and her fists clenched to the point that they were almost white.

"Rachel? What are you doing here?" Carole asked calmly as Rachel explained herself.

"I-I saw you guys at the hospital and Finn was in a wheelchair and I'm so sorry but I just need to know what happened to him. He was talking about walking again and God, I didn't know what to think. Is he okay, did something happen?" Rachel asked, her voice cracking and eyes slowly starting to overfill with tears. She was terrified to death at the answer Carole was about to give her. She wanted her to laugh and say that it was all a misunderstanding, that Finn tripped and sprained his ankle and was just being overdramatic about the whole walking thing, but Carole's sullen expression just made her heart drop into her stomach.

"Look Rachel, maybe you should come inside. We'll have a cup of tea and we can explain everything to you okay?" Rachel nodded imperceptibly as Carole opened the door wider, and immediately, Rachel noticed the changes in the apartment. There was a large space between the couch and Finn's Dad's recliner, she assumed it was where Finn placed his wheelchair. The door that led to the den was closed, which was odd because it was a common family room and was always left open for anybody who wanted to watch TV or read a book. Carole led them to the kitchen, where Rachel could see a small line of medication lining up on the counter. Rachel gulped at the sight as Carole urged her to sit down as Kurt sat beside her. They both looked sad and serious and Rachel knew that this was bad.

Really, really, bad.

"Rachel, sweetie, there's no easy way to say this..."

"F-From the beginning would be good." Rachel murmured softly, wringing her hands nervously together. Carole looked at Kurt, urging him to be the one to tell Rachel.

"Well, remember six months ago when I had to fly back to Lima for a family problem? Um... It wasn't a family problem. It was an emergency about Finn. I got a call from my Dad that Finn was in the hospital." Rachel let out a small choked sob, the words finally hitting her. It was true. Finn was hurt, Finn was in the hospital, and no one told her? Carole put a hand over Rachel's and squeezed her hand softly before she started speaking.

"Finn was involved in a car accident on as he was driving home one night. A drunk driver tried to beat a red light and instead, slammed into Finn's truck from behind and pinned him to a tree. He was unconscious for almost a week and he got a lot of injuries. He broke his arm, a couple of ribs, and his spine took a lot of damage..." Rachel's breath hitched in her throat, daring to speak her next words.

"S-So he's paralyzed?" Rachel let out in a horrified whisper. She was terrified to hear the answer, but the sad look in both Carole and Kurt's faces told her all that she needed to know.

"And you didn't tell me? God Kurt that was six months ago, that's half a year, Kurt! And no one wanted to say, 'hey Rachel, remember the guy that you got engaged to? Oh yeah, he was in a car accident, almost died and now he can't walk'?!"

"Rachel, Finn didn't want us to tell you. He didn't want you to worry. You were going out with Brody and you were happy and he knew you'd just come rushing back here." Rachel stood up from the table and started pacing back and forth. Finn was the one who didn't want to tell her about what happened? Because she woud worry? Of course she would worry! The boy she loved since she was 15 years old was in a major car accident and lost the ability to walk. Who wouldn't worry in a situation like that?

"Didn't want to worry me? Of course, since this situation is so much better!" Rachel almost shrieked in a sarcastic tone as Carole told her to calm down. Six long months. People kept this from her for six months.

"Rachel, I know you're upset right now, but Finn's sleeping and he needs is rest. We'll tell you everything you need to know, okay?" Carole said soothingly, urging her to sit down once more as silent tears streaked down her face. Carole looked to Kurt in pure helplessness as the girl beside them cried like the first time Carole had found out about Finn's accident through the phone. Maybe it was a little unfair to withhold this information from Rachel, considering the girl was still extremely in love with her son. They stayed silent as Rachel continued to cry, Kurt and Carole trying to comfort her as best as they could.

"Look Rachel, Finn is alive okay? Most of his injuries are healed, the only thing left is his spine. It took a lot of damage, but he's going through rigorous physical therapy and medication to help him recover. He's a partial paraplegic right now, which means he still has some feeling below his waist. T-The doctor says that maybe in a few years, he'll get the feeling back, but they're not sure. He's coping well and doesn't mind it too much anymore." Kurt explained softly to Rachel, trying to get her to see the positive side of things. "Maybe it was for the best that we kept this from you. Finn wasn't in the right state of mind to deal with anything besides recovery from that car accident. I don't think he could have dealt with his feelings for you too."

Rachel took a moment to soak up what Kurt had just told her, and maybe he was right. Whatever happened between Finn and her was a delicate issue to the both of them. Maybe it wasn't in his best interest to get involved with him at that point in time, but Rachel had to at least know what happened. Not just find out six months later just because she happened to run into them at the hospital.

"If Blaine had gone through this, wouldn't you have rushed to his side without even thinking once?" Rachel whispered softly, looking at Kurt pleadingly. He sighed and nodded.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way Rachel. But Finn's here, he's alive, and that's all that matters right now." Carole said as Rachel nodded. Finn was here. He was breathing, sleeping, he was okay. She couldn't imagine a world where he'd be just... taken from her. Without a goodbye, without the closure? Rachel wouldn't have been able to sleep at night if that had happened, so right now she was just glad that he was alive.

"Can I see him?"

"He's sleeping right now..." Carole tried to explain.

"Please. I just need to see him." Rachel begged as Carole took a moment to decide before nodding. She got up and lead Rachel to the den, where Rachel wondered why the door was closed. This was Finn's room now, and she couldn't believe that she walked right past him. Carole folded up the wheelchair, placing it against the wall and opening the door to reveal that the entire room had been redone, and right there, in the middle of everything, was Finn. He was strewn on the bed in the fashion that he normally slept, except his legs were rigid as his arms spread out on the mattress. Rachel's eyes wondered, taking in the modifications that they had done to the den. His bed was lined with a rail to help him climb up while a desk lay to the side with no desk chair, assuming that his wheelchair was his replacement. His laptop was closed on the desk along with a couple of books, pencils and sheets of yellow paper with random notes on glee club as well as a few education lessons. His drum set lay in the corner of the room, seemingly untouched by it's owner. There were pictures on his nightstand along with a few bottles of medication, but her eyes landed on one particular framed picture of herself with Finn, who was dressed in his football uniform. She realized that this was during one of his games, where she had watched from the stands as he scored the winning touchdowns. Finn always did tell her that it was his favorite picture.

As she scanned his body, he tried to see if anything had changed, if the accident left him with some scars on his body. She eyed him carefully, spotting a few scars from stitches and other

Rachel was snapped out of her thoughts by a soft groan coming from the figure on the bed. She carefully sat down next to his head, running her fingers through his soft hair. If she didn't know about his.. condition, she would perceive him as completely fine. He was snoring and she giggled a bit, because despite everything, that never changed. He shifted a little, his head turning towards her, resting his forehead against her leg.

This is all that matters Rachel. He is here. He's alive. He's fine.

If only she'd let herself believe that she was fine as well, when in reality, her heart was breaking as she watched him move around on his bed, but his legs stayed still.

Finn woke up, blinking blearily around him as he took in the surroundings of his room. It had turned into night while he was sleeping, which was unusual since he never slept this long. He sat up and looked around the room, his eyes attempting to adjust to the darkness before reaching over to turn on the lamp. He pushed his blanket off of his body and saw that his Mom placed his wheelchair back in his room. His nap got his headache to go away and now he was really hungry. He registered the smell of roast chicken and potatoes in the air as his stomach grumbled, pulling himself into his wheelchair and rolled out of his room.

"Mom? What's cooking?" Finn called out, his voice echoing throughout the house.

"I'm in the kitchen, honey!" Finn pushed himself into the kitchen and he stopped dead in the middle of the doorway, seeing the one person he hasn't seen in six months, and conveniently, the person who didn't know he was paralyzed, sitting in the middle of their dinner table.

"Hi Finn." Rachel said, smiling softly at him. Finn braced himself for the screaming and tantrum throwing that came with a Rachel Berry storm out but instead, all stayed still and quiet and watched the two of them carefully. His Mom was cooking something and Kurt was just sitting on the table, eyeing the two. That's when it all clicked.

"You told her?" Finn asked as everyone turned to look at him.

"She saw us at the hospital after your check up today. She came to the house and started asking what was wrong, and I think it was time to tell her." Carole said, trying to explain the situation to Finn, who simply nodded. He didn't want her to find out this way, but was there any other way that she could find out?

"Can we talk Finn?" Rachel asked to Finn's surprise. He thought for a moment before nodding, waiting for Rachel to move out of the kitchen before him as she went into his room. She sat on his bed in silence as he closed the door behind them and wheeled himself towards his bed, hoisting himself up unto the bed to sit right next to Rachel. He wrung his hands nervously, taking a look at Rachel. She hasn't changed, she was still that beautiful girl who he loved with everything he had. Her hair was free of extensions and back to its original brown color. Her makeup was toned down, but she looked like she had been crying.

"Rachel..." Rachel's fingers pressed against his lips, quieting him down.

"No words."

"But what's..."

"No words." Rachel repeated, before wrapping her arms tightly around him. Finn was confused, but wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. Finn felt her start to shake softly against him, his t-shirt starting to get drenched in her tears. Finn was surprised, and pulled away for a moment to see Rachel crying.

"Rachel please..."

"No words." She murmured, her voice cracking as tears continued to pour down her face.

Right now, she didn't want explanations or excuses as to how this happened or why they didn't tell her. Right now, all she wanted was to hold Finn and to feel him hold her back. She wanted to know, to be sure, that he was here, alive and well, wrapped around his arms and did not want to think of another possibility that he wouldn't be with her right now.

She just wanted him, in anyway she could have him.

Hey guys!

Here's another update to the story, I'm sorry it took so long, but I'm in college now and I've been busy with school. I am trying to work on the other stories as well and will not be starting anymore stories until I finish one or two.

Thanks for the wait, and as always, please keep reviewing! They really keep me happy and going.

lostinthelights