Silence
Hesh knew that the other soldiers would look at Logan like he was a traitor but he hadn't imagined that it would be so hard. Logan hadn't meant to kill that soldier several weeks ago, he hadn't even known what he was doing. But the scene was the stuff of nightmares. Logan was covered in the man's blood, sitting on top of his corpse screaming and still trying to shoot him. He's managed to empty the entire clip into the poor man's head, killing him with the first one but still trying to keep firing the man's Beretta. It took all of Merrick's pull to keep Logan out of the brig and once the medical professionals had their say, Logan couldn't be charged with any crimes because it was obvious that he was out of his mind.
Their new morning routine consisted of getting all the medications that Logan needed to take. Sertraline 50 mg for depression which was a little oval, blue pill. Lamotrigine 25 mg to stabilize his mood and it was a pill that was small, white and round. Abilify 10 mg was an antipsychotic that was small, peach, oval pill with squared corners. Every morning, Hesh set up the pills for Logan to take before they went down to eat breakfast. Logan took them without complaint, knowing that if he refused at any time, he would be confined to a treatment facility far away from Hesh. They were the medications that he had to take during the day. There was only one that he to take at night and it was to help him sleep and that was zolpidem 5 mg, a small, red, oval pill. It made Logan sleep within ten minutes of taking it and Logan slept throughout the night. It made it difficult for Logan to wake up in the morning but at least he wasn't waking every night screaming.
After taking the pills, they went down to eat breakfast. Logan sat alone in a table in the corner as far away from the others in the room as possible. Not that the other soldiers stationed at the base would let Logan sit with them even if he asked. Logan was miserable and isolated except for Hesh. It wasn't easy, every time Logan walked into any room, there was a long moment of silence. No one dared to try to do anything to Logan, but Hesh knew that no one liked having Logan around. Keegan decided to join them for breakfast after a week of the Walker boys eating alone. Logan's 'babysitters' as he called them, watched from a corner to prevent violence from Logan or against him.
"You could eat with the others. I'm okay with that."
"I'm not leaving you alone, Logan."
"Care if I join you guys?"
"Keegan, you're welcome to join us. Logan, eat your veggies." Logan's nose wrinkled in disgust.
"You're really brave to join us, Keegan. No one wants to sit with us. I'm bad news."
"It's not your fault." Logan scoffed and stabbed the veggies on his plate.
"Is it?" Logan asked. "I killed a man, and he was innocent."
"Logan." Hesh warned.
"I should be in prison for it. I got out of trouble because I'm crazy."
"Logan, I doubt any of the guys here even know what you went through."
"He said he'd come for me, did I tell you that? He said it didn't matter how fast I ran, or where I went he was coming back to 'take' me 'home'. I'll die first. I don't want to become the monster he created but I can't escape it either."
"You're not going to be him Logan. This is what he wants, for you to be so afraid that you will make yourself crazy." Keegan said. "Don't let that bastard win."
Logan pushed the veggies around on his plate.
"He already has." Logan whispered. Hesh frowned and Keegan just shook his head. Since Logan killed the man, he'd been severely depressed. Keegan kept hoping, along with the rest of the Ghosts that Logan would recover from this. It was painful watching the child of one of his dearest friends suffer so much. If he ever saw Rorke again, he'd shoot the man in the head, and then chop it off for good measure. Logan showed so much promise when he joined the Ghosts, now he was so different from the bright eyed kid that he was.
Logan looked around the room. The guy's friends wanted him to pay for what he did, and he was tempted to let them take justice into their own hands. It was hard on him, but it was even worse for Hesh, who didn't deserve to be ostracized because of him.
"He hasn't won yet, Logan." Hesh said.
"Hasn't he? He took everything from me."
"No, he didn't. I know you better than that. You could never be like that monster. If I understood what dad said, he was always not right. Being a prisoner of war didn't make him evil, he already was."
"But-"
"No, Hesh is right. Rorke was always a bastard. He would've gone off the rails eventually and taken the rest of us with him. You feel bad about what happened, even though you aren't to blame for it. That's the difference. You feel badly about the things you do, if they were wrong. You've got more of a soul than most of the others."
"That didn't stop me from… He had a family, friends."
"Do you remember what happened?"
"No. I just remember being in the brig after, covered in blood."
"It's not your fault." Hesh said. "You aren't well and you never should have been left alone."
Logan noted that his friends were watching them. All he really wanted to do was to apologize to them but every time he tried, they walked away. Hesh noticed it.
"Are they bothering you, Logan?"
"I just want to apologize to them." Logan said in a small voice.
"They threatened to kill you." Hesh said. "If they hurt you-"
"They won't, and if they do… then I want you to let it go."
"Logan…"
"There's been enough violence. If something bad happens to me, I want you to forgive the people responsible. Unless it's Rorke, then you can stab him in the nuts." Keegan choked on his coffee.
"You can't say funny stuff like that when I'm drinking coffee. And the fact we find that funny says something bad about us, I'm sure."
Logan was cornered by the man's friends a week later, alone; his guards suspiciously absent.
"You killed my friend."
"I'm sorry." Logan said, backing away from the group. "I would take it back, if I could."
"You murdered a good man, and you walk away 'cause they say you're crazy." Logan hit the wall nearest him, stopping his retreat. There were five guys, all in their prime. Logan was physically recovered but he hadn't been allowed to train.
"I didn't mean to do, please. I'm sorry." Logan worried that they would do worse than just kill him. A quick death was fine, but to get beaten to death was going to be ugly.
"Listen to the little bitch! 'I'm sorry'. Like that changes anything." The apparent leader of the group stalked forward and used his considerable bulk to pin Logan to the wall. Logan let out a terrified wail and tried to escape. He managed to get a few steps by ducking under the man's arms and running for the door. One of the others grabbed him before he could get far, and Logan flailed. When they only laughed and tossed him between them like a toy, Logan understood what they were going to do with him. He saw the flash of a knife out of the corner of his eye. Before he could be shoved onto it, the door flew open to reveal Merrick.
"What the fuck is going on here?!" He demanded, catching Logan as he stumbled forward. Logan broke down, clinging to Merrick like a small child. "Are you hurt, Logan?"
Logan tried to answer, he really did but Merrick couldn't understand him through his sobs.
"I should have known the little bitch was doing you."
"Listen very carefully, you little bastard." Merrick bit out, "If I ever see you even look at Logan wrong, you'll find out who the Ghosts are the bad way." The big man paled at Merrick's words. "Logan is a ghost and if you fuck with him, you fuck with all of us. Get out before I kick your ass."
Logan shrank into Merrick's side when the group passed. "You're safe now, Logan. Let's get you to Hesh." Logan was still sniffling when they got to the training field. The candidates stopped what they were doing when they arrived.
"Logan!"
"He isn't hurt, but I wouldn't say he's unharmed."
"What happened?" Hesh asked, examining
"It's nothing." Logan said after a moment.
"I wouldn't call pulling a knife on you nothing, Logan." Merrick pointed out. Hesh's face darkened.
"I'm gonna kill them." He growled. Logan's eyes went wide.
"No! This has to stop! Let it go!" Logan begged. Hesh hesitated then relented.
"If they try it again…" Hesh said.
"They won't. Merrick made it very clear what would happen to them if they tried. They were shaking in their boots. The man is scary you know."
"What happened to your guards?" Merrick wondered.
"I don't know." Logan said, "I'm just glad Merrick was close by. I don't want to think about all the things they could have done to me if you hadn't been there. Thank you. But I need to make sure that it doesn't happen again. I think I'm gonna go to the treatment center. It's better for me and for you."
Hesh shook his head. "I'm not helping by being here, Hesh. I can't do anything to change what happened or what I've done. But I can make sure it never happens again. I want to stay, I don't want to go, but it's what's best." Hesh opened his mouth to speak but before he could say anything an alarm went off. Logan flinched and tried to disappear into Hesh's side.
"It's okay."
"I'll check out what's happening."
"He's here!" Logan said, his voice pitched high in distress.
"Sh..." Hesh tried to soothe. Logan was on some powerful drugs, but he wasn't going to get over the terror of Rorke coming for him. Logan was a mess, even though he was getting help. Hesh held Logan, not caring who saw this. It was his job to protect Logan and he'd be damned if he let Rorke hurt him again.
The alarm continued for an hour, in which they learned that the Federation forces did try to infiltrate the base but failed horribly. There was a note on one of them from Rorke that Hesh crumbled before Logan could see it. Rorke was mocking them and was closing in. He didn't tell Logan about the note. Logan had to be given a heavy sedative in order to sleep. As the drug began to take hold, Logan begged Hesh not to let Rorke take him away again. He begged Hesh to kill him if it came to that. Hesh was saved from having to answer that by Logan falling asleep. Hesh promised that this time, Rorke would die before he laid a hand on Logan.