Chapter Three - Going to town
Calista and Louise were up early that morning thanks to Siesta's cheerful wake up call. Though the Sith was awake and alert, Louise was dead on her feet, prompting Calista to sneak up on her and poke her between the ribs.
"Ow! What was that for?!" cried Louise.
"You're still half asleep. I'm sure you and Siesta were both up late reading, so why is she so chipper while you're like the walking dead?"
Louise groaned in irritation, "I don't sleep so well. Could we not discuss it?"
Calista eyed Louise suspiciously for a long moment before dropping the matter, but she filed it away to be revisited later as they walked their horses out.
Siesta met the pair at the gate of the academy, it was the first time Calista had seen the young maid dressed in anything but her work uniform. A rustic outfit consisting of a dark green high collared shirt with a light brown skirt going just below her knees and dark brown boots reaching just under her knees. Calista couldn't help but smile.
"What's with you Calista? You're staring a little hard," the maid asked while blushing slightly.
"Oh nothing. It's just that I think this look fits better with my mental image of you. The 'country girl' ensemble seems like the real you."
Louise chuckled playfully, "That's because it is the real her. She grew up on a farm, that's why she's always up at the break of dawn and is such a hard worker."
Louise smiled proudly at Siesta who blushed in response.
"Sounds like she sets a good example for you Louise. You'll need to mind her example when we begin training you or else you'll be in for a lot of pain."
With that Calista started walking her horse out of the academy. Siesta took a moment to observe Calista as she rode. She didn't even use the reigns on the Horse. But not that she thought about it, Louise only ever held the reigns too, she never actually saw her use them.
Louise meanwhile held out her hand to Siesta. "Are you coming with us?"
"Oh, no. I think you two should spend the day together and get properly acquainted. I'd be a fifth wheel."
Louise frowned at her friend. "Don't talk like that Siesta. Come on, I insist you join us," she said with an inviting gesture of her hand.
"I shouldn't Louise. Really. You and Calista should get to know each other better and see how you fit together without me around."
Louise sighed, dismounted, and walked up to her friend and pulled her into a hug. "You're a good friend. I'll get you something nice from the town. Anything specific you want?"
Siesta giggled and hugged her back tightly, "I just want you to have a good time and start making your dreams come true. That's all I need."
Louise pulled back and started counting on her fingers, "So you need whatever new books are out, lots of chocolates, and maybe a cute hat?"
Siesta laughed, "Don't spoil me! Just get going before Calista has a tantrum, we don't want the ominously evil lady getting angry at you on your first day with her."
Louise nodded and quickly mounted her horse.
"I'll see you when I get back. Take care," said Louise as she waved and got the horse running to catch up to Calista.
As Louise and Calista rode off down the road, they were passed by a noble's carriage and escorts but paid it no mind. Whomever the occupant was, they were beneath Calista's notice, and Louise found it normal for nobles to come to and from the academy on a regular basis. When the carriage arrived at the academy the occupant emerged and regarded Siesta who was standing around in idle curiosity at who was coming to the school, only to feel a sudden sense of fear wash over her as she realized who it was. Count Mott was the royal palace messenger, known far and wide for his infamous lusts for rare treasures, and women.
Siesta turned around started walking away, hopefully before he noticed her, but it was too late, he already had. "You there, girl!"
Siesta sighed and turned around to give the noble a polite curtsey.
"Good morning my Lord. How may I help you?"
"Are you a student here?"
"No my Lord. I'm part of the staff."
He nodded to her, "And your name is?"
She gulped, "My name is Siesta. Is there anything I can assist you with?"
He gave her a smile which he may have intended to be a polite one, but it only filled her with an ominous sense of dread. "Not at the moment. But perhaps later," he said before walking off to the central tower flanked by two of his escorts.
Siesta didn't like the sound of that at all and quickly made herself scarce.
Later at breakfast, Montmorency overheard Kirche making arrangements with her friend Tabitha to go into the town on a shopping trip. She hesitantly interrupted them, "Kirche? Sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but, would you mind letting me come with you into town? I need to pick up some supplies."
Kirche looked at her, then to her friend Tabitha who nodded in approval. "Sure Montmorency. Oh, that reminds me…" Kirche stood up and went over to the blonde girl and leaned over to speak to her discreetly, "I don't suppose you have anymore of my special? My supply is getting low."
Montmorency looked down and mentally kicked herself for forgetting. She looked at the redhead in her one visible eye as she spoke, "Errrm, not at the moment. Hence my need to make a supply run. If you don't mind bringing me along, I'll make the next batch for free, you just need to pay for the ingredients."
"Then you're especially welcome to join us," she whispered before walking back to her friend.
Count Mott the Royal Messenger was exiting the office of the Headmaster, before closing the door behind him he spoke back into the room, "I trust you'll make all the usual arrangements for my request? Very good," he said as he shut the door and turned around to leave when he bumped into his secretary, a young woman with shoulder length green hair and eyeglasses. "Ahh, Miss Longueville, such a pleasure to see you again. Perhaps you would do me the honor of having dinner with me when you're available?"
The secretary smiled pleasantly at him, "Count Mott, you honor me with your request, but I don't think Mr. Longueville would appreciate it."
The Count smirked at her knowingly, "We both know you're not married. So what's the problem?"
She walked around him and opened the door to enter the Headmaster's office, "I'm married to my work, and we love each other very much," she said before shutting the door loudly in his face behind her. "Pompous ass son of a..." she muttered to herself before going to her desk.
The Headmaster ran his fingers through his long beard in contemplation while she arranged her paper work. "So what did the Count want from us this time," she asked the old headmaster.
"He came to inform us of a thief in the area that's been stealing from the noble houses. Someone called Fouquet the Sculptor, or Fouquet the Crumbing Dirt, something or other."
"I see. So what's that have to do with us," she asked while returning books to their places on the shelves.
"We have a large number of valuable artifacts in our possession here at the academy, such as the Staff of Destruction. Speaking of which. I'd very much like you to inspect the security measures on our vault, see that they are satisfactory."
She peered at the old man curiously, "Why me? Surely one of the Professors is more quali-"
The Headmaster turned to stare her down, "Because Fouquet uses Earth magic to perform his break ins and I know for a fact that you're the most powerful Earth mage in these walls, I wouldn't have hired you if I didn't know all your qualifications." She blinked at him in confusion, while he elaborated. "Miss Longueville I don't care about your past troubles, I only care about how you perform your duties here. Make sure this Sculptor can not breach the magical defenses on our vault. I'm confident you're a better mage than he is."
The secretary smiled at the compliment, then stomped her boot down hard and almost killed the Headmaster's familiar, a little white mouse. "Thank you for the compliment. But if I ever catch your familiar peeking up my skirt again I'll give you a first hand demonstration of my powers!"
The headmaster glared at her intensely, "If you can't stand a little mouse peeking, you'll be a spinster for the rest of your life!"
A few students out in the gardens looked up at the central tower of the academy as it was suddenly rocked by loud stomping and crashing noises, followed by the terrified cries for help from the Headmaster and his angry secretary's vicious scolding which echoed for all to hear. The students that stopped to listen simply shrugged it off once and went on with their business.
Later in town, Louise and Calista wandered about browsing the wares of the various vendors, Calista was particularly fascinated by the crafts done with magic, "Some of these pieces rival the greatest artisans in the galaxy," she said while inspecting jewelry. "Flawless cuts, precision setting. Done without the aid of any advanced technologies. I'm well and truly impressed."
Louise smiled smugly at Calista, "Tristain is home to the best artists in the world. It's only natural that you should be impressed. And this is only a small town, one day I'll bring you to the capital, if this impresses you, I'll show you jewelry that'll make your jaw drop and your eyeballs pop out of their sockets!"
Calista snickered softly, "I'll look forward to it. Apprentice."
Louise eyed Calista curiously, "Apprentice?"
Calista started off down the street and motioned for Louise to follow. "Indeed. When a Sith takes on a student, we call them an Apprentice. You in turn, should refer to me as 'Master' from now on."
Louise cringed, "Hold on a second. You're my familiar! I can't call you that, you should be calling me Master!"
Calista chuckled and her petulance. "Then tell me, Master. What is the core of Sith philosophy?"
Louise stared blankly at Calista.
"How do you channel the destructive power of the Force? Which of the Sith Lords originated the methods of combat I employ? And most of all, are you actually strong enough to enforce your will upon me?" Calista gave her a very cold open eyed stare at the last bit that made the younger girls feel an inch tall.
Louise sighed and looked away, she got the point. "Very well. Master. Would you please enlighten me?"
Calista smiled happily, "All in good time my apprentice."
As they continued down the street, Louise stopped to window shop. "Oh, I see a hat that Siesta would just love! Mind if I go in and get it?"
Calsita turned to look at the shop and shrugged. "I'll wait out here."
While Calista was waiting a slightly older man bumped into her and tried to steal her Lightsaber, however, due to the lock holding it to her belt, he was unable to get it off her. She slipped a hand out of her robe and grabbed a hold of his arm and in a single motion twisted his arm behind his back and kicked his feet out from under him sending him to the floor face first. Louise came rushing back out of the store when she saw what happened and immediately started trying to calm the situation.
"Calista, please! Don't kill him! If we get in trouble with the law here, my family won't come to my aid, I'll be left to rot!"
Calista looked up at Louise curiously, "This filth tried to steal from me, he deserves to die."
She started twisting his arm some more until the bones started breaking, his screams filled Louise's ears and she rushed to try and pull Calista off him.
"Calis… Master! Please! Don't kill him!"
Calista released him from her grip and then shrugged Louise off her and started pacing back and forth furiously. "When someone crosses you, you kill them. Mercy is a weakness!"
Calista was absolutely livid, every fiber of her being was screaming at her to draw her Lightsaber and disembowel the would be thief before the masses as an example, but Louise's pleas on his behalf compelled her inexorably to comply, forcing her into conflict with her very nature.
Louise didn't even notice the streets clearing, she didn't pick up on the sense of panic among the local populace, she didn't realize why Calista seemed to suddenly stop being angry or why she started walking out into the street. But she realized something was wrong when her eyes followed her and watched her pull her hood back and then pull off her robe and drop it behind her. Calista then drew her Lightsaber, ignited both ends of the weapon and gave it an intimidating flourish for the thugs who were gathering around her.
"Louise, this is why you do not show mercy. If you suffer any slights against you, you're perceived as weak, and then carrion feeders begin to gather."
Louise reassessed the situation and went for her wand, for all the good it might do her. The street was filling up with men and women who were all well armed, she saw muskets, pistols, swords, and even two mages, then she looked down at the man whose arm Calista had broken so badly, specifically the marking on his hand, "Calista! Maybe we can buy our way out of this, they're all from the Thieves' Guild!"
Calista sighed deeply. "No Louise. They're not here to negotiate."
A large man stepped forward to meet Calista halfway.
"Your friend is right little girl. She hurt one of ours, that demands satisfaction."
Calista closed her eyes and assessed her situation. Multiple shooters with projectile weaponry, her Lightsaber was useless here, she could intercept any shots aimed at Louise, but could she dodge what came at her? Possibly. The melee fighters wouldn't be an issue, she'd cut them down effortlessly. The Mages were the wildcards in play, Calista had no idea what their capabilities were. So far all she'd seen was Guiche's magic, and she was reasonably confident that he wasn't exactly one of this world's magical juggernauts. Louise was less than useless, she saw her attempts at magic first hand in the fight with Guiche, she was literally unable to cast a spell if her life depended on it. Calista was on her own here. She assessed their stances, most of these people were veterans of war and no mere street thugs, trying to expose them to her aura wouldn't work. She could feel the thousand yard stares upon her, for these people fear was a constant companion. They had no idea what she was, but she reasoned that even if they did, they still wouldn't back down. She also sensed that she wasn't being underestimated either, these people knew that anyone willing to face off with them as she was now, wasn't someone to take lightly.
The first shots were fired at Calista, with her Force assisted speed she managed to dodge the lead balls fired from the muskets. As she was rushing towards the man who spoke, help came from the most unexpected source, sharp icicles rained down from the sky on the mages, taking them out of the equation. Fire erupted around the shooters before they could reload, their black powder containers exploded on them and their bodies erupted sending burning flesh, bones, and organs flying in all directions.
The Sith Lord sensed that whomever was attacking her enemies had no intention of harming her or Louise and she could question it later. For now, she focused on her attack, she reached her objective, he held a sword out to parry the incoming attack expertly, but he couldn't have predicted or even comprehended what happened when their blades met, the Lightsaber went through his sword like a red hot knife through butter. His eyes widened and he dropped down to his knees, the Lightsaber passing mere inches from the top of his head, the molten steel of his blade dripped down onto his hand and the pain was unbearable even for a hardened warrior.
Calista spun around using her momentum to bring her foot to his face and kicked him down onto his back before hurling her Lightsaber at two oncoming enemies who were aiming crossbows at her, the saber staff spun through the air towards them, their arrows fired straight and passed through the blades and were vaporized, what little metal in the heads that survived dripped to the ground as slag before the staff weapon decapitated the two of them. The weapon adjusted itself and started to spin vertically before it returned to her hand like a boomerang she then deactivated it and stowed it away while the survivors fled for their lives.
Louise approached Calista with trepidation after she took a moment to compose herself and gather her wits. "That started so quickly, and it was over even faster… I couldn't even figure out what was happening."
Calista regarded Louise solemnly, "Stories always embellish fights like this for dramatic effect. In truth, nine out of every ten life or death battles I get into end up lasting under a minute. One way or the other," she said while a small groan came from the ground beneath her, it was the first man she beat down. He was helpless on the ground, his face broken and bloody from the impact of her boot, he was struggling to speak.
"Louise. I want you to turn around, and walk away. Now."
Louise gave Calista a questioning look but the stern gaze she got back let her know this wasn't up for debate. Louise turned around and was met by the sight of Tabitha's familiar, the blue dragon Sylphid, making a landing in the street, Tabitha, Kirche, and Montmorency dismounted from the dragon's neck. She realized it was them who helped Calista win the fight, as she walked towards them she heard the most horrible cracking sound she'd ever heard and cringed harder than she'd ever had in her life, but didn't turn around as instructed, she figured Calista was sparing her the sight of what she had to do.
The three other girls watched Calista hold out her hand to the man at her feet with her fingers slightly open, she twisted her hand and at the same time the man's head twisted until his neck snapped and killed him instantly.
Montmorency looked around solemnly, "Was is necessary to kill all those people?"
Tabitha picked up her book and started reading while her dragon took off. "No choice," she said in her signature monotone.
To Montmorency it sounded so bored and disinterested that she was appalled "How can you be so cold about killing people," she yelled while looking to Kirche for some back up but found none in her one visible eye.
"It was them or our friends Montmorency," was Kirche's response.
Louise then glared at the buxom redhead angrily, "We're not friends Zerbst! Don't talk like we are!"
Kirche just sighed, "No, I suppose we aren't Louise. But my dislike of you and your family is no excuse for me to stand idle while you get killed by a bunch of thugs. It'd be dishonorable."
Louise stomped her foot and raised her voice again, "What do you know about honor Kirche?! All you ever is do is spread your legs for every-"
Louise's mouth was covered by Calista's hand before she could finish her sentence and her eyes widened in shock. "Anger is a useful emotion. But don't ever let me hear you speak from ignorance again my Apprentice," the Sith scolded before addressing the newcomers, "On behalf of both of us, I thank you all for your timely intervention. We're in your debt," said Calista in the most dead serious tone anyone had yet heard from her.
"Apprentice? You're going to teach Louise," asked Kirche with a blank expression. However she was still alert to any possible danger. Her visible eye constantly shifting about the rooftops with her wand held loosely at the ready, she didn't seem to be phased at all by Louise's outburst.
Calista nodded before removing her hand from Louise's mouth. "I'm sorry. I guess all this has taken a-" Louise tried to say but Calista put a hand in front of her face to silence her again.
"Louise. Look at Kirche's face, look at her friend's." Louise's eyes shifted, she saw Montmorency looking uncomfortable, Tabitha looking bored, and Kirche looking ready for more action. Calista continued with her no nonsense tone; "Do you think they honestly look like they want your apology or even your gratitude? They just killed for you without hesitation, and asked for nothing in return. Now we should all move on from here, before people come asking questions." Everyone's agreement was silently given as they all turned to walk up the street.
"So uh, where are we going?" asked Montmorency.
"I want to buy a weapon for Louise. Where can I do that?"
Louise widened her eyes at Calista. "You want me to get a sword?"
Calista nodded, a serious look on her face.
"There's a shop around the corner at the end this road. But I have to wonder Cali, how will you pay for it," asked Montmorency.
Calista shrugged, "I have a few things I can barter with."
Louise sighed, "I have money. I can afford to buy myself a weapon. If you insist I have one. But I don't see the point, I'm a Mage, not a Warrior!"
Calista just kept looking and walking straight. "I do insist. If you're going to be Sith, I'll have to teach you how to live by the sword so we don't have any repeats of what happened today."
Louise looked at Calista with a curious expression, "What about your staff? Don't you have another one like it I could use?"
Calista laughed at that for a moment before she silenced herself, "Ahh, sorry, I forgot you wouldn't know about these sorts of things. Building a Lightsaber is no easy feat even with all the parts readily available. Crafting one from scratch with the materials available on this planet will be difficult, if not impossible."
Louise piped up another question, "So you had to build yours then?"
Calista chuckled and then looked at Montmorency, who in turn couldn't meet her gaze and looked forward again, it wasn't lost on Louise but she didn't bring it up.
"While I've built a few Lightsabers in my time, my personal Lightsaber was given to me by a special friend. Let's leave it at that."
The five girls found themselves in front of an impressive looking store, everything about it seemed brand new. Calista looked up at the sign curiously, "Can anyone read me the sign?"
"It says Unlimited Blade Works. Can't you read," asked a surprised Louise.
"I can read in over a dozen languages, but yours isn't one of them."
Louise then had to ask, "Wait, how can you speak our language, but not read it? Where did you learn it then?"
Calista gave a soft laugh, "I could answer you, but I think I'll be more entertained by watching you try to figure it out."
Kirche put a hand on the door handle, then she suddenly stopped and looked over the door carefully. It was, for all intents and purposes, a fairly ordinary door, nothing particularly stood out about it, except the ominous feeling which inexplicably began to grip the five girls.
"Is this what people feel like when I stop masking my aura," asked Calista.
The four other girls shook their heads. "No, this feels, well, not evil, but, powerful," said Montmorency.
Calista sighed, "This is absurd, it's just a shop. I'm going in," she declared while pushing ahead to open the door.
The others tried to protest but she was already walking in, they all took deep breaths and followed her.
The girls found Calista standing in the middle of the shop awestruck. "Forget the jewelry, this is craftsmanship that could make your world famous throughout the universe!"
Louise, Kirche, Tabitha, and Montmorency all looked about the shop, on all the walls, and in all the racks, were some of the finest bladed weapons any of them had ever seen.
"I guess we found the secret shop where all the greatest storybook heroes and villains come to gear up," observed Louise.
A beautiful young blonde woman with bright green eyes came out from the back of the shop and offered a warm welcoming smile to the prospective customers.
"Actually, stories like the ones you're probably thinking of are what inspire our work here. Many of these weapons are the real thing, others are reproductions, but most are original creations we forge and enchant ourselves. So how can I help you today?"
The group all suddenly pointed fingers at Louise.
"We need to get her armed," said Calista.
The shopkeeper eyed Louise skeptically while the girl in question fidgeted nervously, "I see. I'll have a look in the back and see if I can find something... Appropriate."
While they waited, they all peered about the shop, each in turn seemed to spot something that inexplicably called to them, all except Calista that is, "I'm not sure how to describe this, but, I feel like the only girl at the dance without a partner," she said.
A moment later a tall man wearing a red coat with white hair like Calista's and dark skin similar to Kirche's came out from the back of the shop and eyed everyone intensely. "Look but don't touch ladies. Some of these weapons have killed greater beings than you."
Louise looked at the man, he made her feel very uncomfortable all of a sudden.
"Could you tell us about these weapons," Louise asked him.
He walked over to her and inspected the sword she was looking at it was a beautifully crafted Nodachi "That sword was crafted by a famous blacksmith who later died and became the sword itself. They say his spirit would manifest wielding the sword to slay his enemies and that he traveled the world until he could find someone worthy to possess it. If you're unworthy and try to wield it, its maker will kill you too. The last person to wield it was said to have had a very short fuse, and that she used to beat her lover with it regularly."
She nodded and gulped very audibly, then stepped away from the sword very cautiously.
He then walked over to Tabitha who was standing a respectful distance from a sword that was bigger than her, it's most notable features was that it had two blades coming out of a very long handle, and a ball of lightning was contained between the two where the blades split. "If you want to try holding it, you can. You seem like the right sort of person to wield it," he said to her respectfully, making Louise feel even more inadequate than she already was.
Tabitha shook her head, "Disrespectful."
The man nodded to her, "You just want to see it up close I guess. Very well."
Calista then asked, "What is so special about that sword?"
The man chuckled at her, "That sword was crafted and wielded in battle by the Prince of the Air Elementals. It's called-"
Tabitha shook her head while saying "Disrespectful" in a stern tone.
The shopkeeper nodded to her, "Yes. It is disrespectful to speak of it through the air. They don't like to be reminded of what happened."
Calista briefly wondered who 'they' are but decided she was probably better off not knowing.
Montmorency picked up what appeared to be a practice sword, it seemed fairly mundane, but it had a little tiger dangling from the end of a string tied up under the hand guard. She held up the sword in one hand and gained a big smile as she looked upon the weapon. Louise and Kirche both turned to see what she was so interested in and were stunned by the look on her face.
"Kirche," said Louise in a flat tone.
"Yes Louise," asked Kirche in the same tone.
"I think a demon just possessed Montmorency."
"I think so too. Her face is scary," said Kirche with a small nod.
Calista walked up to her and poked her in the shoulder, "Monmon? Are you alright?"
Montmorency nodded happily. "I want this. I don't know why, but I want it."
The shopkeeper went up to her and took the sword out of her hands. "That's not for sale. The world isn't ready for this yet," he said while putting the shinai under his counter and out of sight.
"What's so special about a practice sword," asked Calista.
The man looked at the Sith with a grave expression, "That sword's strike has the power to turn boys into men. That's all I'm willing to say about it."
Kirche leaned over to address Montmorency, "His wife beats him half to death with it fairly often I think."
The girls all nodded and the man raised his voice, "I'm standing right here you know!"
The group spent the next thirty minutes in the store going through various types of swords with Louise, the ones she liked, Calista deemed inappropriate for her training. The ones Calista recommended, Louise didn't like.
"Louise, you are impossible! Just pick something," yelled Calista as she gestured to the pile of swords that landed in the 'maybe' category.
The shopkeepers were getting impatient, Kirche was starting to get bored, Montmorency was still begging the male shopkeeper to let her buy the practice sword, and Tabitha was reading again.
"I don't know. I just think that, if this sword is going to be with me for the rest of my life, I just, I sort of want something that speaks to me, something with some personality, you know?"
The two shopkeepers simultaneously facepalmed when a voice echoed through the shop...
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Me! Me! Me! Pick me! I can speak to ya! I got tons of personality!"
The girls heads all turned to the same corner of the shop, a barrel full of rusty swords. Louise and Calista approached cautiously.
"Down here," the voice called out again.
Louise reached in and pick up a rusty old sword. She held it very cautiously for fear of tetanus and the fact that it seemed to be speaking.
"Hi! You're a real looker aren't ya pinkie? I'm Derflinger, nice to meet ya! Will ya please buy me?"
Calista blinked at the sword and then to the petite pink mage, "Louise, what have you done? This sword is talking."
Louise blinked in confusion, "Well… I guess I got my wish. Err, I'm Louise," she said timidly to the sword.
Calista narrowed her eyes at Louise and the sword, "You need to learn to be careful what you wish for. Besides, it's almost as long as you are tall, it'll be far too heavy for you."
Louise looked up at Calista with puppy eyes while the sword spoke up, "You bitch! Are ya calling me fat?"
Calista stared down at the weapon menacingly, "You're also ugly, rusty, crude, and useless," she spat.
"Oh Yeah? Please, tell me more about how good you'll look in a hundred years! Or ya know what? Scratch that! You're already an ugly old bat!"
Everyone in the room except Calista snickered.
Louise proudly gripped the sword, with no fear of the rust or dirt and pulled it into a hug, or at least, the best one she could manage without cutting herself. "He's perfect! I'm buying him and that's the end of it! This is my sword and I won't take no for an answer!"
The sword cheered her on, "Wooo! That's the spirit!"
Louise took the sword to the shopkeepers and set him down on the counter. "How much?" she asked.
The shopkeepers looked at each other and then back to Louise. The man then answered her, "Miss, you can have him for three gold coins, I'll even give you a free scabbard for him. Just get that foul mouthed lunatic out of here!"
The woman then spoke, "And please be aware that we have a no returns policy."
A/N: 6/6/15
Corrected mechanical errors.