Thank you to the new reviewers, XxXTwilight-SinXxX and Dreamer's Samhain!

Sylph: I'm soo happy! People are reviewing, this story is on some people's alerts or in their favorites, I have more ideas for what to do! Today/yesterday (Saturday) I got over100 hits!

Letha: At least one of us is having a good time...

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Chapter 13: Not Really Coming Clean

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The sunset was spraying colors across the clouds, turning the horizon into an array of red, orange and pink over black and white water. It strongly reminded me of an oil pastel drawing. The weather had been windy all week, and it was particularly strong coming off the water. Caused by all sorts of interesting things that water does to temperature and fronts. I turned away from the water to look back at...

Nothing. There was only a void behind me.

Confusion. What was supposed to be there? I tried walking forward, and my foot caught on something. When I looked down, I found the ground was covered in dead animals.

No, not animals, monsters. And pieces of bones, broken and bloody.

I turned away, and found myself standing with a sword in a man's chest. He gasped, and his hands clutched at the sword where it entered his chest. His blood flowed down the blade, down my hands, and down my arms. I let go and covered my face with my bloodstained hands, screaming.

x x x

I woke and jerked upright. Shivering, I looked wildly around the room. For a second, the wooden planks that made up the walls and ceiling convinced me I was back in Ludwig's cottage. Then several other things began registering. The desk with drawers stuffed too full of maps and charts to close properly bolted to the floor, the way the room rocked that was not a result of my body's shaking, and the blond man wearing a green overcoat lying in the room's other bed.

Oh...I guess I'm still on Flynn's warship...and Ioder's still unconscious...

Sighing, I buried my face into the lumpy pillow. Thank God I don't talk in my sleep, or everyone would be pounding on the door asking why I was screaming bloody murder- I groaned and pushed my face deeper into the pillow.

For a long time, I tried to forget. Forget what I'd done, forget where I was, forget who I was.

I tried not to think of anything.

But the tears still soaked into my hair and pillow. My ragged breathing was muffled in the bedding, so Ioder didn't even stir in his sleep.

When I finally pulled myself up again, I blinked in surprise at how much darker everything was. I guess the sun went down. Knowing it was pointless to try and go back to sleep just yet, I swung my legs off the bed and bounced onto the floor. Then almost fell down at the swaying motion of the ship on open water. In a moment I found my balance again and pushed out into the salty air.

Since it was dark, no one who saw me would notice that I'd been crying. I moved to the back of the boat, where I found a barrel to sit on as I watched stars appear in the darkening sky and the wake the ship left behind in the water. It was beautiful, provoking deep thoughts. I would have really enjoyed it under normal circumstances.

I ended someone's life. A life, not just killed him, everything he was and could have become is destroyed now. I had every right to protect myself, but to kill is... I stared at Vesperia balefully. To kill is always a tragedy. At home I had studied Aikido precisely because the emphasis on preventing even injuries appealed to me. Somehow I feel like I'm no longer worthy to use those techniques...

"Hey, you're awake." I jumped a bit, nearly falling off my barrel.

"You're like a freakin' ninja, Yuri! Make more noise when you're sneaking up on someone."

"That wouldn't be any fun." I snorted as he leaned against the railing next to me. It seemed like he was waiting for me to say something.

"...Yuri," I hesitated, "You've...been fighting for a long time. And you were a knight before." For once I had trouble wrapping my mind around that.

"Yeah, so?"

"...You've killed people before?"

"...Yeah. When I had to." He was quiet for a while, but I wasn't looking at him. I just kept staring at the stars. "When you fight it's kill or be killed, there's rarely any other option. If you're not prepared for that, then you won't last long."

I nodded, "I know..."

"Then what's eating you? I saw what you did to help Rita, would you rather she was the one who got hurt?"

I shook my head. "No, I... I know I had to do it... I know someone in a guild would be fully aware that he could die in a fight... Could die fighting another person... I know lots of reasons why I should accept it and move on. My head knows it, but my heart still feels sick..." I was blinking furiously. On my own, it was one thing, but I hated to shed even a tear in front of someone else.

"I wasn't thinking about what I was doing." My voice shook, and I inwardly cursed that I couldn't cover that up. "My body moved on its own. That's what terrifies me the most. That I could kill someone so easily. And that there's a part of me that could do it so coldly." I glanced at him.

Yuri was looked away, up at the stars. Maybe he was looking at Brave Vesperia too. "I can't really tell you what to do. Your problems are for you to sort out. No one else can just give you the answers you need." I nodded. It was myself that I had to make my peace with.

Then Yuri laughed a bit, "Anyway, you didn't actually look like you were enjoying it, so at least you're not as bad as that Zagi guy." That made me giggle weakly.

"If you wake up one morning and I've dyed my hair three different colors, you should probably run the other way."

That got Yuri to laugh even more, "Right, I've already got enough crazy people chasing me." Funny how Zagi's indirectly responsible for helping me through this. I don't know what goes on in his head, but I know it's not the same as in mine.

"Hey guys, she's awake!" I looked back and saw Karol sprinting in our direction, Estelle and Rita following at a more normal pace.

"You wouldn't wake up, we were worried!"

"Aah, yeah, sorry... I just haven't slept well the past few nights..." I stammered.

"Idiot, that's what you get for getting stuck in Ragou's basement! You're lucky you weren't killed!" Rita crossed her arms as she gave me a verbal thrashing.

"Oh, right, thanks for that Rita," she looked confused by the sincerity in my voice, and faltered in her angry tirade. "You used a fireball back then, right? If you'd been a second later, I really would be dead." I looked around at the rest of them. "I'm really glad you all showed up."

"Don't change the subject!" She seemed embarrassed. "Next time don't go off on your own like an idiot again." I didn't think Rita knew that I'd killed someone to protect her. Somehow I was glad for that. I didn't want it to feel like I'd done that just to get even with her.

"We can't bail you out of the trouble you keep getting into if you don't tell us anything," Yuri sees me as a troublemaker? Well, I did fall down a hole in the Shaikos Ruins...had an attack on Ehmead Hill...and now we have the Mansion's Basement Incident to add to the list. That and this minor freak out about morals and all that.

"You were seriously injured when we found you! I was able to heal your wounds, but next time..." Oh, no, no, please don't tell me you're about to cry, Estelle! I hate to think about people crying over the dead!

"Yeah! If you'd died then even Estelle couldn't do anything!" I have never been scolded by someone younger than me before, but Karol looked serious enough that it wasn't at all funny.

"I got it, I got it! I'm sorry for being an idiot, and I'll let you guys know where I'm going from now on!" They didn't seem quite satisfied, "Jeez, don't tell me you're gonna send someone with me every time I leave on an errand?

"Well, that would be overdoing it. Just don't go somewhere dangerous all alone again." Umm, Yuri's being surprisingly...understanding about it? Is it because he knows my mental health is a bit 'fragile' right now?

"That reminds me, why were you in Ragou's mansion?" Karol piped in. I had hoped they would forget to ask about that.

"That's right, you said you'd found a clue about something." At Estelle's reminder I sat straighter as if I'd just gotten an electric shock.

"Agh! I forgot!" My hands flew to the small of my back, feeling for the case with Sophia's notes. "It's gone!"

"Do you mean this?" Karol pulled the white case out of his bag and held it up to me. I grabbed it and hugged it to my chest like it held the secret of the universe (and it was something other than forty-two).

"It was found in your, um, in your clothes when you were carried to the cabin to rest," the princess explained to me.

"Thank you guys for holding on to it," I belatedly remembered to say. "If I'd lost it after all that, I think I would just jump into the water and try to sink like a rock."

"Idiot!" I winced at how many times I'd been called that. "You were risking your life for that?"

I looked Rita in the eyes very somberly. "Just like you'd risk your life for blastia." Her mouth snapped shut, then opened again.

"That's not the same at all!" I didn't argue the point.

"It says 'Sophia V.'" So it belonged to your aunt?" I nodded at Estelle. "No wonder it's so important to you. But you still shouldn't risk yourself like that! Your aunt wouldn't be happy if you got hurt because of her." She never knew me, I wouldn't really have to worry about breaking her heart by dying...but...back home...

"Yeah! You could have asked us for help!" Karol puffed his chest out impressively.

"I didn't want to get in the way of your search for the blastia thief. And anyway, I didn't want anyone to know I was looking for this..." I looked down and stroked the smooth white wood with a thumb.

"...It has something to do with what you told me about before, doesn't it?" I flinched and glared at Yuri. I'm pretty sure he got my meaning; you promised not to tell! His answering look was clear enough, even I (with my pitiful amount of skill at reading unspoken messages) could understand. 'I didn't actually tell them anything, did I?'

"Yuri, you knew about this already?" Estelle sounded a bit hurt. I couldn't decide about what exactly; over me keeping secrets from everyone but Yuri, or with Yuri for knowing and not telling the others.

"Not much, she didn't tell me everything." I'd begun fidgeting under their collective stare. "Just that she's looking for something her aunt found before." Waah! Where's the sympathetic Yuri from a few minutes ago?

"You mean this box?" I shook my head.

"Well spit it out already! What are you looking for?" I kept staring at my clenched hands.

"Letha...don't you trust us?" I visibly flinched. Below the belt! I'd once had a teacher who told us that the worse thing you could say to a person was "I don't trust you." Somehow that was practically branded into my impressionable young mind.

"That's not it! It's-" my mouth snapped shut, so fast my teeth even clicked. I had no idea what to tell them, I hadn't expected the conversation to turn this way. Getting chewed out for doing something reckless on my own, that I'd been prepared for. And if I don't tell them, I'll be the one who can't be trusted. Ironic, I'd have to lie some more to keep up whatever trust they had in me. I'm such a terrible person.

"...When I was young, Aunt Sophia found something. She brought it home, and apparently it unexpectedly marked me." I pulled the glove off my left hand and showed them the butterfly-flower tattoo. "Before you ask, whatever I was marked by disappeared, and we couldn't find it again. Since she died, I've had no way of knowing anything else about this, and Uncle Ludwig can't tell me anything either." I glanced around, but couldn't decide if they still seemed angry at me or not. "So I'm trying to find the place she found that thing to learn more about it."

"So these notes," I held up the white case, "might have some information on that place." Not too far off from the real truth. If it was fairies being worshiped in that city, and if this wasn't a hoax Alastor had set up, then I might find out something about the weird heirloom I was looking for.

I hoped I hadn't mixed up my false facts, or else Yuri would probably notice. I was nervous enough about him hearing the story a second time. That made it twice as likely he'd notice something was off. Instead of facing us he was standing with his back turned again, the tilt of his head the only sign that he was even listening.

Rita was inspecting my hand while Estelle brought over a lantern and hovered nearby. "I don't remember seeing anything likes this in the books at the castle." Not surprising. "Could it be related to the Geraios Civilization?" If I remembered right, that was the civilization that had supposedly created and then buried the blastia (the ones responsible for the creation of blastia were the Krytians of the civilization).

Rita frowned at my hand as if it had insulted her and her blastia. "I don't think so. I haven't seen anything like it during my own research."

"Yeah...that's why I wanted my aunt's notes so bad. Otherwise I might never find it."

"Did you look at them yet?" Estelle seemed to be itching to read the notes herself.

"Can't get it open, I think the wood's warped. And I don't want to bust it open," I quickly added when I saw Rita looked ready to try and use her magic on it.

Karol took the case and examined the wood and lock. "Hey, this is a trick lid!" He handed it back to me. "Look really close and you can see it's just made to look like it opens, but it's actually just a line cut into it. It even has hinges and the lock to make it more convincing."

I held it closer to the lantern. "Wow, good eyes, Ace, I don't think I'd have noticed that... Ugh, so either that was a total waste or there's some other trick to getting this open."

"We'll help you try to figure it out!" promised Estelle brightly. I smiled.

"Thanks, but don't worry about it too much. I'm not in a real hurry." Lie, I want to get this open as soon as possible, but I'd really prefer they didn't get too involved in this. "When we get to the harbor, I'll see if any of the shops have any tools that could open it without damaging what's inside, and if not I'll figure out what to do then."

They were all glaring at me. I blinked and then realized, "I swear, I'm not going to go looking for trouble. I'll ask around the shops, and then I'll come back. I'll even let you guys know once I'm back safe and sound." A collective nod of satisfaction. What the heck? Did they rehearse that or what?

"We should al get some sleep. Flynn said we're landing in Torim harbor early tomorrow." Yuri was looking back at us over his shoulder. "Letha, we put you and Ioder in the same cabin since you both passed out," I didn't reaally pass out, I just fell asleep at the first opportunity... "Sorry to ask you to share, but you should spend the night there to make sure you've recovered."

I nodded. Sharing a room with a guy didn't bother me, largely because the idea of Ioder waking up in the night and trying to molest me or something was laughable. Everyone started off in different directions for their own beds, and I returned to mine feeling relieved that they'd stopped poking at my threadbare story. If I'd turned around, though, I may or may not have seen Yuri watching me with a slight frown.

x x x

One actual good thing about the previous night's interrogation, it took my mind off the blood on my hands (though the thought still lingered in the back of my head, like storm clouds in the distance) and then both took back seat when I realized how hungry I was. If I go long enough without eating, the hunger pangs go away and I forget about it. Eventually, though, they come back. It had been about a day since I had last eaten (food swiped from Ragou's kitchen before I was caught) so I was starving and only managed to beg an apple from a sympathetic knight.

Going to sleep on a nearly empty stomach gave me weird dreams. Waking me up after dreams like that leads to crazy talk.

"Miss. Miss, the knights say we've arrived in the port."

"Mrgh, nnf, cobblers..."

"Miss?"

"I wanted Italian with black olives..."

"Italian...?"

"Mmmf, wha? Yoda?" I blinked. A green blur my half functioning brain had labeled as "Yoda" was trying to tell me something...why was Yoda green in the wrong places?

"Miss, the knights say we've arrived in Torim harbor, and it's time to disembark." I blinked, and realized it was Ioder talking to me. I dropped my face in my pillow.

"Ughh, I'm awake, just give me a minute..." I wake up so slowly, and even once awake need to stay in bed for a few minutes to make sure I've actually got my thoughts straight again. He hovered nearby, as if unsure whether I was really awake or not, so I sighed and sat up.

"I'm up, I'm up."

Ioder was fussed over the minute he stepped out the door of our cabin (gyah, weird mental images from saying "our cabin") and I went unnoticed as I quietly slipped away to stand by the railing.

Torim was much brighter than Nor Harbor had been. It even seemed more colorful, though the houses were mostly all earthy tones of brown or off-white. A place full of life.

Umm, what happens here... I screwed my eyes shut and tried to visualize a list of events. Umm, Ioder and Flynn drop the bomb about Estelle being a princess, as if we hadn't already figured that out. Or is that a little later? They do tell us that Ioder is a prince... Urgh...do we see Alexei? No, not yet, not til Heliord... Huh, I forget what leads us there.

I shrugged to myself. If I was having trouble remembering then it wasn't anything terrible. As long as I tried to stay close to at least one of the others, I should be fine. Speaking of which, I saw Estelle standing further down the railing looking everywhere at once with wide eyes. I walked over to stand by her.

"Pretty different from Nor Harbor, huh?"

"Yes, the people here look much more spirited and cheerful." We stood in silence for awhile, just listening to the seagulls and the sounds of the busy harbor. "Letha..."

"Mmm? What is it Estelle?" It occurred to me that the princess and I hadn't had many conversations with each other. At least she seemed to have (mostly at least) forgiven me.

"Do you like Yuri?" I choked for a minute before I realized the "Y" was definitely capitalized. Definitely a proper name. Then I couldn't hold back my laughter. Estelle looked on in confusion.

"Oh, lord, what brought that on?" I had to wipe a tear from my eye.

"Well, you seem to get along well and I've noticed you watching him sometimes during battles." She leaned in closer and looked me straight in the eyes. "And sometimes the two of you go off and talk alone together. Like last night!" I couldn't help it, I started laughing again at the serious look on her face and had to sit down on the deck while clutching my sides. "Why are you laughing?"

"I can't help it!" I took deep breaths to calm down. "Oh, Go-gosh, I'm glad he wasn't here to hear all that." When I didn't think I'd burst out in laughter again, I looked back up at Estelle. "No, I don't like Yuri that way. I definitely think he's an attractive looking man," admitting that out loud was embarrassing, "but I'm not really interested in him that way.

"I've been watching him only because he uses a sword, and I was hoping I could learn something. I've been watching you fight too, you just apparently didn't notice. I'm not so crazy about a style that uses a shield though." I stood up again. "As for talking alone together, like he said last night, that was about my...family issues."

"Oh! I'm so sorry for jumping to conclusions like that! So that's all it was..." To me it seemed like Estelle couldn't decide whether she should be happy or disappointed. She might have developed a small crush on the swordsman by now, but she also liked playing matchmaker if her interest in Karol's situation with Nan was anything to go by.

"Hmm? Are you jeaalouus?" I said slyly.

Her cheeks blushed nearly as pink as her hair, "Wh-what? No! No, not at all!" She waved her hands in denial. Or innocent embarrassment. Since she was a princess and all, she probably wasn't used to people teasing her about such personal matters.

"Oh, well, that's boring," I pouted, inwardly laughing at how much I probably sounded like Judith. Then I smiled and laughed out loud again, just because it felt good.

The younger girl pouted at me, "You're teasing me again, aren't you?"

"Yup. Fair's fair. You ask about my love life, I tease you about yours." The color in her face deepened again. "Here, to make it up to you, if I ever meet anyone I do have a crush on, I'll tell you first." She held her pouting expression a bit longer, then laughed with me.

"Hey guys! It's time to leave the ship!"

"Coming Ace!"

x x x

Once on shore, Ioder politely thanked the group as a whole for rescuing him. He wasn't giving me any odd looks, so I hoped he hadn't been too weirded out by my half asleep mumbling. I'd been remembering a weird conversation I'd once had with my room mate...who'd been craving Subway.

Rita tried again to get Estelle to tell us who Ioder is, but Flynn smoothly cut in. "I've made arrangements at the inn. We can discuss things further there." He looked at Yuri expectantly. "You'll come, won't you?" Yuri gave a fraction of a nod, a trifle annoyed at the order disguised as a request. Probably only Flynn could get away with that. The two blonds nodded politely to us as they went their way.

We wandered slowly through the streets, the whole group making small talk and joking with each other while Karol and Estelle stopped frequently to look in shop windows. Estelle saw a dress in one shop that she insisted would "look so cute!" on me, and I had to fight another battle in the name of wearing pants.

Thankfully everyone else was hungry too, so I didn't have to feel embarrassed about asking to stop somewhere for a bite. We bought breakfast from a port side cafe (Estelle paid for mine since I had lost all my stuff, so nice of her!) and ate quickly since we figured it would be bad to keep Flynn waiting much longer. Although Yuri scoffed a bit and said that since we'd spent so much time chasing after him, it was about time he was the one waiting for us.

I was actually kind of glad we'd been forced to go swimming the day before, because the salt water had managed to wash a lot of the blood out of my clothes. Still wouldn't be as good as a proper shower (or even better, a long bath), but at least I didn't look like a mass murderer. I winced at my own choice of analogy...

Once at the inn, I was chafing to get over the whole "Guess what guys, royalty!" bit so I could clean up and go looking for someone to open Sophia's case. All those thoughts flew out of my head once we opened the door to the room where Flynn and Ioder were waiting for us.

We all tensed and Rita hissed out a venomous, "You...!"

"Yes? Have we met somewhere?" That horribly superior, patronizing voice!

Goddammit Ragou's here too!

x x x

Letha: ...You've been forgetting Repede lately.

Sylph: ...Ninja dog keeps going under my radar...must be because he still doesn't like you much.

Hint of Yustelle there so I should probably mention this now. Personally I don't see very strong evidence that Yuri has fallen in love with her by the end of the game. Definitely has a strong sense of affection, but so do people who care for someone in a brother-sister kind of way. Given time, maybe he'd love her romantically, but that would probably be a ways off.

As for Estelle, I think that she may be infatuated with him, but that doesn't mean they're automatic soul mates. She's rather new to even crushes since she's been so sheltered, in my opinion. So her reaction to Letha's teasing was as much, if not more, a reaction to a subject that she's only read about in books than confirmation of a Yustelle pairing.