EPISODE 3: GRILLED CHEESUS
"It all started a week ago…" Finn narrated.
FLASHBACK
"I was walking down the hall when suddenly I felt a hand dip into my shorts and grab both pairs of underwear I was wearing," Finn narrated.
"Told you I'd get you back GLEE BOY!" Azimio snarled as he yanked hard on his red and white striped hands boxers, still hiding Finn's Calvin Klein white briefs.
Finn grasped his behind in pain but let out a high pitched gasp when he felt the contents of a strawberry slushy trickle down his butt and down his legs.
"Until the next wedgie, loser," Azimio finished.
A few minutes later, Finn walked into his house still dripping wet. He went into his room and removed his wet clothes. His boxers weren't to bad, but his briefs were pretty soaked along the back.
"And that's when I saw something…. I saw the face of God. Literally. My tighty whities had a pink shape, eyes, mouth, and hair of Jesus," Finn continued his inner monologue.
"Now, I'm on not the most religious guy, but I thought I'd try praying."
Finn laid the pair of briefs on his bed and knelt besides it.
"Dear…. stained tighty whitie lord…. first of all you're super comfortable and stuff but I was actually wondering if you could do me a favor… please let us win our first football game and in return, I'll make sure we pay tribute to you in glee club this week… amen," Finn prayed.
The next day, McKinley won their first football game.
Finn knelt on the field and raised his arms in the air.
"Thank you tighty whitie lord!" Finn thought.
FLASHBACK ENDS
-GLEE-
Kurt smelled the awful smell of grease and iron as he sat in his father's car shop. "So, I was thinking of making Roast Beef for Friday Night Dinner." Burt said, rolling himself from underneath a car.
"Oh, I forgot to mention. I can't go."
"What? Why!" Burt exclaimed. "That's our thing."
"Their having a special showing of The Phantom of The Opera. Me and Tina are going." Kurt shrugged. He pulled out his phone, which was chiming throughout the building. "That's Mercedes. See you tonight dad!"
"Kurt!" Burt called. Except Kurt was already gone.
-GLEE-
"Mr. Schue," Finn said raising his hand. "I have something to say. Some thing happened to me. I can't really get into it, but it's shaken me to my core."
"Oh my gosh, he's coming out," Puck said abruptly.
"Why yes," Finn said quickly. "A man has come into my life recently, and that man is Jesus Christ."
Rachel's jaw dropped. Kurt rolled his eyes. Mercedes and Quinn smiled widely.
"That's even worse!" Puck stated boldly.
"I know there are others in here that dig him too so I thought this week we could pay tribute to him in music," Finn concluded.
Kurt rejected the idea, but Mercedes and Quinn quickly agreed with Finn.
Mr. Schue decided that their lesson was more over spirituality rather than Jesus.
-GLEE- you
Will sat in the teacher's lounge, eating lunch and chatting with Mrs. Kobey. That's when he felt the tap on his shoulder. "Will." Emma said, a hint of sadness and dread hiding within her voice.
"Emma what is it?" Will asked, terrified of her response. Millions of thoughts rushed through his head, but his heart dropped when he heard the response still. Out of all the thoughts, this one didn't even cross his mind.
The next thing he remembered was entering the Choir Room and pulling Kurt aside. He wasn't prepared to tell him that his father had just been hospitalized. Burt had a heart attack.
-GLEE- me
"What up tight whitie lord?" Finn asked as he laid the undies across his bed.
"I need to ask you something…. dating Rachel is great, but she's kind of a prude. And I'm kinda going crazy. Anyway, Rachel's boobs aren't that great but they're still girl boobs and I'd really like to touch them. Amen," Finn finished, folding the pair of briefs neatly and tucking them back into his drawer.
-GLEE-
"So, I had a great idea for a lesson this week." Finn announced. "Religious music. I was thinking we could all sing songs for Burt."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "No."
"What? I mean, don't you think God could help?" Mercedes asked.
"If he were real." Kurt said, obviously annoyed.
"He is real. Why would you say he isn't?" Mercedes asked again.
"He makes me a certain way and then makes his followers go around saying it's wrong? Even if he were real, I wouldn't like him." Kurt sassed.
"Kurt, How could you say that." Mercedes said.
"Can we please just move onto Rachel's solo?" Kurt exclaimed.
"Thank you, Kurt. The best part of our day is finally here." She squealed.
-GLEE-
"How did you even find out about the lesson?" Will wondered as he sat in Figgins' office with Sue.
"I have cameras EVERYWHERE," Sue declared.
"I'm giving a lesson about spirituality. I don't know what the big deal is," Will complained.
"The big deal is that this is a public school, William and there's a little thing called separation of church and state," Sue explained.
"I'm sorry, Schue, but Sue is correct," Figgins announced.
-GLEE-
"So the other day the weirdest thing happened." Finn wrote in his journal. Rachel told him to keep one, she said it would help him be more emotional. She said that way his ballads would be better. "I was making out with Rachel and guess what happened?! I touched her boob! Grilled Cheesus thank you, for everything you've done! But I did pray for one other thing. Mr. Schue wedgied Kurt, I only know so because Kurt told me. I prayed for Mr. Schue to get a wedgie in return. Since he promised no more wedgies and all."
-GLEE-
"I'm sorry guys, but we can no longer do the lesson," Will stated.
A list of complaints came pouring out of their mouths.
"I hope you're happy Kurt," Santana said rudely.
"I'm having the week of my life actually," Kurt said sadly.
"Guys, back off Kurt. He had every right to speak his mind," Will told.
"That's right," Kurt agreed. "And now I don't have to listen to all you mental patients talk about a God when I know their isn't one," Kurt said, storming out.
-GLEE-
"So, Mr. Schue, Why'd you call me in here?" Kurt questioned, looking at Mr. Schue behind his desk. He hated the way Mr. Schue's office smelled, he was always burning weird candles. It all smelled like apricots and ginger.
"I felt bad about the other day. The whole wedgie thing, It was completely inappropriate." Mr. Schuester apologized.
"Thanks, Mr. Schue. Is that all?" Kurt smiled, holding his messenger bag against his side.
"I was thinking, It's only fair you return the favor." Mr. Schuster replied. "So, C'mon. I'm wearing my stretchiest pair."
"Umm... Ok..." Kurt started. "Could you sag your pants a little. I don't wanna reach down there..."
"Sure." replied awkwardly. He lowered his jeans to reveal a pair of low rise Hanes briefs.
Kurt jumped for joy almost instantly, well he would've, but he didn't want anyone knowing about his fetish. When Mr. Schue lowered his pants Kurt grew happy. Hleap ants were sagged about halfway down his butt. Just from this he could tell his ass was firm yet round. Kurt gripped his waistband, he liked the material. He gave the material three sharp tugs upwards. His butt was completely out, and it occurred to Kurt that he would look great in a thong. After the material scraped his neck he let go, stopping Mr. Schue's painful moans. "Thanks for that Mr. Schue. I feel better now." Kurt smiled, before trotting out of the office.
"God, he pulls harder than I anticipated." Mr. Schue thought to himself. "Still, I'd rather get one from him than Puck or Finn." Mr. Schue shrugged a he made his way from the office to make a few copies of music sheets.
-GLEE-
Sam was smiling as he walked down the hallway, thinking about his rising popularity and football stardom. It wasn't until he felt the feeling of revenge hit him. His green Boxerbriefs became shown to all, since his jeans had dropped to the floor, well were pulled to the floor. He looked behind him to see a chuckling Finn. "Payback's a bitch!" He giggled. As he did, he walked away leaving the embarrassed blonde laughed at to pull his pants up.
-GLEE-
Dressed in his football uniform, Finn knew he was taking a risk but he didn't care. He pulled out the stained pair of white briefs and laid them on the bench.
"Okay, tighty whitie lord… I don't think I have to tell you how much you rule. You've done everything for me, but I have one more favor to ask. I want to be the quarterback again. Sam's a nice guy, but he's gaining popularity fast, and I want it back," Finn explained.
"What're you doing?" A voice said.
Finn stood up immediately. He became relieved when he saw it was Puck.
"Nothing… just about to change," Finn answered.
Puck looked at him doubtfully.
"So, I pray before I change now. What's the big deal?" Finn asked.
"Are you praying that no one finds out about your tighty whities? Puck asked, pointing to his briefs.
"Uh," Finn was at a loss for words. "You're not gonna tell anyone about this, are you?"
"Whatever dude," Puck said dropping his shorts revealing Yu-Gi-Oh! briefs. "You'll feel a lot better when people actually find out about your secret."
Puck put on his pants.
"Oh and by the way, your briefs are stained," Puck pointed.
"Thanks," Finn nodded.
-GLEE-
There were five minutes left in the game, The other teams quarterback threw the ball. As it wizzed through the air, the pigskin landed straight in Sam's hands, interception! When he turned to run, he dodged a tackle from a large muscular player. Well, almost. The man missed the ball, and instead grabbed his pants. As they flew down his whole face shot towards the ground and turned red like a tomato. Due to his jockstrap, his entire ass was shown the crowd. Everyone giggled as Sam reached to pull up his pants. But he fell, and landed straight onto his left arm successfully snapping it. He thought things could have been worse, he could have shown his bikini briefs. Then he thought, atleast then his butt wouldn't be shown to everyone.
-GLEE-
Finn walked into Sam's room, to find the boy sitting at a desk, in only a pair of red bikini briefs. "Hey, I let myself in, is that okay?" Finn asked.
Sam looked over startled, and then he saw Finn. His mood changed from startled to annoyed. "it's not. Leave."
"Just hear me out." Finn started. He then eyed something, it was the flash drive.
"Fine, Just let me go to the bathroom first." Sam said standing up, and walking towards the bathroom. The second Sam closed the door, Finn grabbed the Flash drive.
"I should probably grab some clothes firs-" Sam started. "Oh my god! Give me that back!" Sam lunged at Finn who ran down the steps and outside as quick as possible. Sam hit his casted-arm and ran down the steps. He reached the doorway, and stopped. Finn stood 10 feet away staring. "I own you now. So you're joining Glee Club or this video gets edited to just you, and goes online. And I will post it."
Finn turned and walked away, slipping himself into his car. "Shit, now I have to join Glee Club!"
-GLEE-
"I've been going through a lot this week," Kurt said as he stood in front of the glee club.
"I have to express myself," Kurt continued.
He began to sing 'I Want to Hold Your Hand.'
Throughout his performance, he remembered how his dad grabbed his hand at his mother's funeral and how it helped him be strong. He remembered growing up with his dad. Teaching him how to ride a bike. He even remembered the pretend tea parties his father would attend.
After he finished, Kurt left the room sobbing.
-GLEE-
"I have to confess something," Finn stared into Emma's big brown eyes. "I'm the reason Sam got hurt."
"I asked for a few things this of Emma looked confused.
"No!" Finn rejected. "I have this pair of white br- boxer briefs and they sort of have the face of God on them. Jesus appeared to me on a pair of my underwear and it has special powers! But I didn't want anyone to get hurt!" Finn shouted.
"It's okay, it's okay," Emma comforted. "It isn't your fault."
"No, but I pra-"
"There was a 22 year old on the other team on steroids. He's the one who hurt Sam. And the rest of your 'wishes' were probably just coincidence," Emma concluded.
"Wait, so your saying my underwear isn't magical?" Finn asked.
Emma shook her head. Finn pouted.
"You look disappointed," Emma spoke.
"I am… it felt cool to have like a direct line to God," Finn replied.
"Everyone goes through this, Finn," Emma explained.
"Yeah," Finn tried smiling. "I just don't know what to think anymore," Finn said leaving.
-GLEE-
As Kurt sat with his dad he held his hand, feeling his rough skin. "Dad. We've been singing to you in Glee Club. We all want you to wake up. So Dad, Wake up. Or we'll miss Friday Night Dinner. I know I wanted to before, but I miss you. And now I realize I could lose you." Kurt said, fighting the tears. "Dad?" He had felt something. There it was again! He felt his dad squeeze his hand once and then again. He ran out of the hospital room and into the dimmly lit hallway. "Nurse! My dad, I think he just woke up!"
-GLEE-
During the weekend, Finn was home alone. He was just finishing up his chores when he remembered something. He went back into his room and retrieved the stained pair of briefs. He looked at the face of God one last time before he threw them in the washing machine along with the rest of his whites. Finn pressed the start button and the machine began to whirl.