A/N: Thank you soooo much to all the lovely folks who are following my story and especially to those of you who have posted comments. H8erade, your comment about Chopin in a zombie apocalypse gave me the idea for how to start this chapter, so thanks! Dixonrocks, crystal2817, and melniewn, thanks for continuing to post comments, and thanks to everyone! I love love love getting reviews, and it makes me want to find the time to continue writing. I know we're not too happy with Daryl's decision in the last chapter, but don't worry – without conflict there would be no story, right? Things have to be a bit difficult between our two beloved but damaged heroes.
Chopin. Who cares about Chopin when the dead are rising all around you? Carol knew it was an excuse, just a way to get out of what was happening between them. She was angry with Daryl for using an excuse, but she also knew it went deeper than that. He knew she wasn't "too good" for him. Neither of them had ever had anything in their lives, had ever amounted to much before the world turned crazy. Just because Carol knew how to tap out a tune on the piano, that didn't make her better than anyone, and Daryl knew it. What he probably meant was that she's too soft for him, too vulnerable, and he didn't trust himself to protect her and love her at the same time. Carol knew he might be right about that, but it was a risk she was willing to take. She was too far gone now. If she couldn't be with him, what was worth protecting? When she lost her little girl, at first she thought she'd lost everything that mattered. But it didn't take long for her to realize that he mattered too, that she could survive as long as she had him.
Everyone was anxious to make a decision about where to settle the group. Rick still believed the mall was a better setup, and T-Dog, Hershel, and Beth agreed with him. They thought the mall would be safer, even with Daryl's instincts raising a red flag. Everyone else wanted to settle in the new houses with running water and stay in the neighborhood as long as they could. Carol loved the idea of feeling like she lived in an actual home. She didn't want to stay in tents anymore, certainly, and though she wasn't opposed to camping out in a mall as long as it was safe, she didn't want to go anywhere Daryl didn't believe was safe.
The decision was delayed for a few days when Lori got sick. She was in her second trimester now, and so was past the early morning sickness, but now she had severe headaches and she was constantly tired. Hershel worried about pre-eclampsia. He used a blood pressure cuff they'd found on one of their runs to a pharmacy, and discovered that her blood pressure was a little high but not too alarming. Rick asked everyone to stay put for a few days before making any decisions about moving. When she was feeling better, they would all make a trip to the mall together and scout out the area so they could make a clear decision.
Daryl stayed gone all day, every day. He often returned with meat for the group, sometimes a deer but usually squirrels or owls. Some days he returned empty-handed. Every day he returned without a word to Carol or anyone else. He took his turns on watch and then slept on the couch or the living room floor, and then early the next morning he was gone again. Carol knew there was no use in talking to him. He had made his decision for now. She wondered if maybe she had rushed things too much and instead should have given him some time to mourn his brother. No one seemed to know what had happened with Merle, and everyone was afraid to ask him.
"Carol, is Daryl ok?" Rick asked one day.
Carol shrugged. "I guess," she said. "How would I know?"
"You're closer to him than anyone else," Rick said. "Has he told you what happened while he was gone?"
She shook her head, biting her lip. She felt tears threatening to fall and didn't trust her voice. She was thankful when Rick simply nodded and left her alone. She wasn't ready for anyone else to know what was going on between her and Daryl, or how hurt she was by his decision to stop it. She'd nearly told Maggie because the two had grown closer in the past month, sharing a bed every night. Maggie had even caught her staring at Daryl while he slept.
She'd knelt beside him while he slept on the floor one night. His face looked almost peaceful but his eyebrows were drawn in slightly. Carol wondered if he ever dreamed about her. She certainly dreamed about him, about his touch. She looked at his hands while he slept, longing to take one in hers. She felt a thrill when she looked at his fingers and remembered them inside her. She felt herself growing wet and silently cursed herself for thinking about that, knowing it would only make things more difficult for her to remember that afternoon. But she couldn't help it. She thought about it all the time. She looked at his lips and remembered how they had claimed hers, how he had kissed her so long she didn't know where her mouth ended and his began. She couldn't bear the thought of never kissing him or never feeling his hands on her again. She knew it was dangerous to sit next to him and stare like this. He could easily wake up and catch her doing it. But instead Maggie entered the room and caught her.
"Carol?" she whispered. "Is everything ok?"
Carol shot up. "Oh, yes, he's fine," she said, recovering quickly. "Daryl was making noises in his sleep, so I just wanted to make sure he was ok."
Maggie nodded sleepily and made her way back to bed, and Carol followed. She stepped over Glenn, who was sleeping on the floor at the foot of her bed. "Maggie, why don't you let Glenn take the bed with you for the rest of the night? I'll sleep on the couch."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course," Carol answered. "You guys should be together as much as you can. I certainly don't want to be the one keeping you apart." Maggie smiled with gratitude and shook Glenn to wake him up for the move.
Carol lay on the couch and watched Daryl sleep for a long time before drifting into sleep herself. The next day they were planning their group trip to the mall, so she knew she needed enough rest, but it was hard to tear her eyes away from Daryl. When he was awake, it was too awkward to look at him. In her dreams that night, however, he did look at her. He stared into her eyes, held her close, whispered in her ear, kissed her, and did all the things she knew would probably never happen now. As she was waking she thought she felt a hand against her face, but when she opened her eyes she saw the back of him as he walked out the door. She'd imagined it, surely.
She rode on the back of his motorcycle to the mall, simply because that was what everyone expected. When she'd approached the cars, he'd looked at her long enough to give her a slight nod, and she'd climbed on hesitantly. She'd used the excuse to wrap her arms around his waist and press her face against his back as they rode. She wanted to slide her hands up to his chest, to touch him, stroke him, but she managed to resist. She could feel his heartbeat pounding through his back, however, and she smiled a little, hoping maybe that had something to do with her proximity.
When they arrived at the mall, they split into small groups to check things out. Carol went with Andrea and Michonne, and they headed to one of the large department stores to see how many mattresses they could find. They were hoping to find enough for everyone to sleep comfortably and no one to end up in a sleeping bag on the floor. Carol noticed that Daryl stayed close by, standing guard in the food court that was located next to the department store. She relaxed a little and allowed herself to enjoy looking through the store. When she was married to Ed, she never had any money of her own to buy things. Everything she had for the house was a hand-me-down from either her mother or Ed's. Carol had always wanted to be able to choose her own curtains and bedding and make her home look nice instead of just using whatever was available. Now none of that mattered, of course, but she still enjoyed looking at the pretty things that were still on display here.
Carol was making a stack of warm blankets that would come in handy in the cold winter months when she heard the first walker. At first there was just a shuffling noise, like someone walking around near her, and she assumed it was Andrea or Michonne, but then she heard their voices from farther away and knew it couldn't be them. She hoped it was Daryl or another member of the group, but her heart started pounding and she knew she was in danger. She crouched down behind a shelf and pulled out her knife. She knew she needed to alert Andrea and Michonne, who were still talking and would probably draw the walker's attention their way, but she wasn't sure what to do.
Suddenly the walker turned the corner and was facing Carol, snarling and quickly shuffling toward her. He looked like a teenage boy, not too much older than Carl, still wearing a baseball cap. Carol raised her knife, thrusting it hard into the walker's left eye and he dropped. She put her foot on his chest to pull the knife out, and when she raised it again and turned around she saw two more walkers heading toward her. Michonne came up behind one and sliced his head off with her sword, while Andrea took out the other one with a knife. "Come on," Andrea whispered, taking Carol's hand. The three women headed quietly through the store, knowing there were probably more of them and wanting to make it to the others to warn them. Carol's heart jumped and she held back a sob. She had to find Daryl.